The Man of the World (1792) Part 14

_John._ Letter,sir!

_Sir Per._ Give it me, sir.

_John._ An't please you, sir, it is not mine.

_Sir Per._ Deliver it this instant, sirrah, or I'll break your head.

_John._ [_Giving the letter._] There, there your honour.

_Sir Per._ Begone, rascal.--This, I suppose, will let us intill the whole business.

_John._ [_Aside._.] You have got the letter, old surly, but the packet is safe in my pocket. I'll go and deliver that, however, for I will be true to poor Mrs. Constantia in spite of you. [_Exit._

_Sir Per._ [_Reading the letter._] Um--um 'and bless my eyes with the sight of you.'--Um--um 'throw myself into your dear arms.' Zoons! 'this letter is invaluable.---Aha! madam--yes--this will do--this will do, I think.--Let me see, how is it directed--'To Mr. Melville.' Vary weel.

[_Enter_ Betty.]

O! Betty, you are an excellent wench,--this letter is worth a million.

_Bet._ Is it as I suspected?--to her gallant?

_Sir Per._ It is--it is.--Bid Constantia pack out of the house this instant--and let them get a chaise ready to carry her wherever she pleases.--But first send my wife and son hither.

_Bet._ I shall, sir.

_Sir Per._ Do so--begone. [_Exit_ Betty.] Aha! Maister Charles,--I believe I shall cure you of your pa.s.sion for a beggar now.--I think he cannot be so infatuated as to be a dupe till a strumpet.--Let me see--how am I to act now?--Why, like a true politician, I must pretend most sincerity where I intend most deceit.

_Enter_ EGERTON, _and Lady_ MACSYCOPHANT.

Weel, Charles, notwithstanding the misery you have brought upon me,--I have sent for you and your mother in order to convince you both of my affection and my readiness to forgive,--nay, and even to indulge your perverse pa.s.sion:--for, since I find this Constantia has got hold of your heart, and that your mother and you think that you can never be happy without her, why, I'll nai longer oppose your inclinations.

_Eger._ Dear sir, you s.n.a.t.c.h me from sharpest misery;--on my knees let my heart thank you for this goodness.

_Lady Mac._ Let me express my thanks too,--and my joy;--for had you not consented to his marrying her, we all should have been miserable.

_Sir Per._ Weel; I am glad I have found a way to please you both at last.--But, my dear Charles, suppose now that this spotless vestal,--this wonder of virtue,--this idol of your heart--shou'd be a concealed wanton after aw,--or shou'd have an engagement of marriage or an intrigue with another man,--and is only making a dupe of you aw this time:--I say, only suppose it, Charles--what wou'd you think of her?

_Eger._ I should think her the most deceitful, and the most subtle of her s.e.x, and, if possible, would never think of her again.

_Sir Per._ Will you give me your honour of that?

_Eger._ Most solemnly, sir.

_Sir Per._ Enough.--I am satisfied,--You make me young again.--Your prudence has brought tears of joy fra my very vitals.--I was afraid you were fascinated with the charms of a crack.--Do you ken this hand?

_Eger._ Mighty well, sir.

_Sir Per._ And you, madam.

_Lady Mac._ As well as I do my own, sir.--It is Constantia's.

_Sir Per._ It is so; and a better evidence it is than any that can be given by the human tongue. Here is a warm, rapturous, lascivious letter under the hypocritical syren's ain hand--her ain hand, sir.

_Eger._ Pray, sir, let us hear it.

_Sir Per._ Ay, ay;--here--take and read it yourself.--Eloisa never writ a warmer nor a ranker to her Abelard--but judge yourselves.

_Eger._ [_Reads._] 'I have only time to tell you, that the family came down sooner than I expected, and that I cannot bless my eyes with the sight of you till the evening.--The notes, and jewels, which the bearer of this will deliver to you, were presented to me, since I saw you, by the son of my benefactor'--

_Sir Per._ [_Interrupts him by his remarks._] Now mark.

_Eger._ [_Reads._] 'All which I beg you will convert to your immediate use'--

_Sir Per._ Mark, I say.

_Eger._ [_Reads._] 'For my heart has no room for any wish or fortune, but what contributes to your relief and happiness'--

_Sir Per._ Oh! Charles, Charles, do you see, sir, what a dupe she makes of you? But mark what follows.

_Eger._ [_Reads._] 'O! how I long to throw myself into your dear, dear arms; to sooth your fears, your apprehensions, and your sorrows'--

_Sir Per._ I suppose the spark has heard of your offering to marry her, and is jealous of you.

_Eger._ Sir, I can only say I am astonished.

_Lady Mac._ It is incredible.

_Sir Per._ Stay, stay, read it out--read it out, pray: ah! she is a subtle devil.

_Eger._ [_Reads._] 'I have something to tell you of the utmost moment, but will reserve it till we meet this evening in the dark walk'--

_Sir Per._ In the dark walk--in the dark walk--ah! an evil-eyed curse upon her! yes, yes! she has been often in the dark walk, I believe:--But, read on.

_Eger._ [_Reads._] 'In the mean time banish all fears, and hope the best from fortune, and your ever dutiful CONSTANTIA HARRINGTON.'

_Sir Per._ There--there's a warm epistle for you! in short, the hussy, you must know, is married till the fellow.

_Eger._ Not unlikely, sir.

_Lady Mac._ Indeed, by her letter, I believe she is.

_Sir Per._ Nay, I know she is: but look at the hand--peruse it--convince yourselves.

_Eger._ Yes, yes, it is her hand; I know it well, sir.

_Sir Per._ Madam, will you look at it? perhaps it may be forged.

_Lady Mac._ No, sir, it is no forgery.--Well! after this, I think I shall never trust human nature.

_Sir Per._ Now, madam, what amends can you make me for countenancing your son's pa.s.sion for sic a strumpet? And you, sir, what have you to say for your disobedience and your frenzy? O! Charles, Charles--