The Man of the World (1792) Part 2

_Sid_. Well, but, dear Charles, you are not to wed my lord,--but his daughter.

_Eger_. Who is as disagreeable to me for a companion, as her father for a friend, or an ally.

_Sid_. What--her Scotch accent, I suppose, offends you?

_Eger_. No, upon my honour--not in the least,--I think it entertaining in her;--but were it otherwise--in decency--and indeed in national affection (being a Scotchman myself), I can have no objection to her on that account,--besides, she is my near relation.

_Sid_. So I understand. But pray, Charles, how came Lady Rodolpha, who, I find, was born in England, to be bred in Scotland?

_Eger_. From the dotage of an old, formal, obstinate, stiff, rich, Scotch grandmother, who, upon a promise of leaving this grandchild all her fortune, would have the girl sent to her to Scotland, when she was but a year old, and there has she been ever since, bred up with this old lady in all the vanity and unlimited indulgence that fondness and admiration could bestow on a spoiled child--a fancied beauty and a pretended wit.

_Sid_. O! you are too severe upon her.

_Eger_. I do not think so, Sidney; for she seems a being expressly fas.h.i.+oned by nature to figure in these days of levity and dissipation:-- her spirits are inexhaustible: her parts strong and lively; with a sagacity that discerns, and a talent not unhappy in painting out the weak side of whatever comes before her:--but what raises her merit to the highest pitch in the laughing world is her boundless vanity and spirits in the exertion of those talents, which often render her much more ridiculous than the most whimsical of the characters she exposes--[_in a tone of friendly affection._] and is _this_ a woman fit to make _my_ happiness?-- _this_ the partner that Sidney would recommend to me for life?--to _you_, who best know me, I appeal.

_Sid_. Why, Charles, it is a delicate point,--unfit for _me_ to determine--besides, your father has set his heart upon the match.

_Eger_. [_Impatiently._] All that I know:--but still I ask and insist upon your candid judgment,--is she the kind of woman that you think could possibly contribute to my happiness? I beg you will give me an explicit answer.

_Sid_. The subject is disagreeable;--but, since I must speak,--I do not think she is.

_Eger_. [_a start of friendly rapture._] I know you do not; and I am sure you never will advise the match.

_Sid_. I never did. I never will.

_Eger_. [_With a start of joy._] You make me happy,--which I a.s.sure you I never could be with your judgment against me in this point.

_Sid_. And yet, Charles, give me leave to observe, that Lady Rodolpha, with all her ridiculous and laughing vanity, has a goodness of heart, and a kind of vivacity that not only entertains,--but upon seeing her two or three times, she improves upon you; and when her torrent of spirits abates, and she condescends to converse gravely--you really like her.

_Eger_. Why ay! she is sprightly, good humoured, and, though whimsical, and often too high in her colouring of characters, and in the trifling business of the idle world,--yet I think she has principles, and a good heart,--[_with a glow of conjugal tenderness._] but in a partner for life, Sidney, (you know your own precept, and your own judgment)--affection, capricious in its nature, must have something even in the external manners,--nay in the very mode, not only of beauty, but of virtue itself-- which both heart and judgment must approve, or our happiness in that delicate point cannot be lasting.

_Sid_. I grant it.

_Eger_. And that mode,--that amiable essential I never can meet--but in Constantia. You sigh.

_Sid_. No. I only wish that Constantia had a fortune equal to yours. But pray, Charles, suppose I had been so indiscreet as to have agreed to marry you to Constantia--would _she_ have consented, think you?

_Eger_. That I cannot say positively,--but I suppose so.

_Sid_. Did you never speak to her upon that subject then?

_Eger_. In general terms only;--never directly requested her consent in form,--[_he starts into a warmth of amorous resolution._] but I will this very moment--for I have no asylum from my father's arbitrary design, but my Constantia's arms.--Pray do not stir from hence:--I will return instantly. I know she will submit to your advice--and I am sure you will persuade her to my wish, as my life, my peace, my earthly happiness, depend on my Constantia. [_Exit._

_Sid_. Poor Charles! he little dreams that I love Constantia too,--but to what degree I knew not myself, till he importuned me to join their hands.--Yes--I love--but must not be a rival; for he is dear to me as fraternal affinity:--my benefactor--my friend--and that name is sacred:-- it is our better self; and ever ought to be preferred;--for the man who gratifies his pa.s.sions at the expence of his friend's happiness, wants but a head to contrive--for he has a heart capable of the blackest vice.

_Enter_ BETTY, _running up to_ Sidney.

_Bet_. I beg pardon for my intrusion, sir. I hope, sir, I do not disturb your reverence!

_Sid_. Not in the least, Mrs. Betty.

_Bet_. I humbly beg you will excuse me, sir:--but I wanted to break my mind to your honour--about a scruple that lies upon my conscience:--and indeed I should not have presumed to trouble you, sir, but that I know you are my young master's friend,--and my old master's friend,--and indeed--a friend to the whole family: [_runs up to him and curtsies very low._] for to give you your due, sir, you are as good a preacher as ever went into a pulpit.

_Sid_. Ha, ha, ha! do you think so, Mrs. Betty?

_Bet_. Ay, in truth do I; and as good a gentleman too as ever came into a family, and one that never gives a servant a bad word, nor that does any one an ill turn neither behind their back, nor before their face.

_Sid_. Ha, ha, ha! why you are a mighty well spoken woman, Mrs. Betty, and I am mightily beholden to you for your good character of me.

_Bet_. Indeed, sir, it is no more than you deserve, and what all the world and all the servants say of you.

_Sid_. I am much obliged to them, Mrs. Betty.--But pray what are your commands with me?

_Bet_. Why, I'll tell you, sir:--to be sure I am but a servant, as a body may say--and every tub should stand upon its own bottom;--but--[_she takes hold of him familiarly, looks first about cautiously, and speaks in a low familiar tone of great secrecy._] my young master is now in the china room in close conference with Miss Constantia;--I know what they are about--but that is no business of mine--and therefore I made bold to listen a little--because you know, sir, one would be sure--before one took away any body's reputation.

_Sid_. Very true, Mrs. Betty,--very true indeed.

_Bet_. O! heavens forbid that I should take away any young woman's good name--unless I had a good reason for it; but, sir, [_with great solemnity._] if I am in this place alive, as I listened, with my ear close to the door,--I heard my young master ask Miss Constantia the plain marriage question--upon which I started--and trembled--nay my very conscience stirred within me so,--that I could not help peeping through the key-hole.

_Sid_. Ha, ha, ha! and so your conscience made you peep through the key-hole, Mrs. Betty?

_Bet_. It did indeed, sir:--and there I saw my young master upon his knees--lord bless us--and what do you think he was doing?--kissing her hand as if he would eat it--and protesting--and a.s.suring her--he knew that you, sir, would consent to the match--and then the tears ran down her cheeks as fast--

_Sid._ Ay!

_Bet._ They did indeed. I would not tell your reverence a lie for the world.

_Sid_. I believe it, Mrs. Betty--and what did Constantia say to all this?

_Bet_. O!--O! she is sly enough; she looks as if b.u.t.ter would not melt in her mouth; but all is not gold that glitters; smooth water, you know, sir, runs deepest:--I am sorry my young master makes such a fool of himself-- but--um!--take my word for it, he is not the man,--for though she looks as modest as a maid at a christening--[_hesitating._] yet--ah!--when sweethearts meet--in the dusk of the evening--and stay together a whole hour--in the dark grove--and embrace--and kiss--and weep at parting,--why then you know, sir, it is easy to guess all the rest.

_Sid._ Why did Constantia meet any body in this manner?

_Bet._ [_Starting with surprise_.] O! heavens!--I beg, sir, you will not misapprehend me; for I a.s.sure you I do not believe they did any harm--that is, not in the grove--at least, not when I was there;--and she may be honestly married for aught I know.--O! lud! sir,--I would not say an ill thing of Miss Constantia for the world,--for to be sure she is a good creature:--'tis true, my lady took her in for charity, and indeed has bred her up to the music and figures;--ay, and reading all the books about Homer--and Paradise--and G.o.ds and Devils,--and every thing in the world,-- as if she had been a dutchess: but some people are born with luck in their mouths, and then--as the saying is--you may throw them into the sea-- [_deports herself most affedtedly._] but--if I had had dancing masters-- and music masters--and French Mounseers to teach me--I believe I might have read the globes, and the maps,--and have danced,--and have been as clever as other folks.

_Sid._ Ha, ha, ha! no doubt on it, Mrs. Betty;--but you mentioned something of a dark walk,--kissing,--a sweetheart and Constantia.

_Bet._ [_Starts into a cautious hypocrisy_.] O! lud! sir--I don't know any thing of the matter: she may be very honest for aught I know: I only say, that they did meet in the dark walk,--and all the servants observe that Miss Constantia wears her stays very loose--looks very pale--is sick in a morning, and after dinner: and, as sure as my name is Betty Hint, something has happened that I won't name,--but--nine months hence--a certain person in this family may ask me to stand G.o.dmother, for I think I know what's what, when I see it as well as another.

_Sid_. No doubt you do, Mrs. Betty.

_Bet_. [_Cries, turns up her eyes, and acts a most friendly hypocrisy_.] I do, indeed, sir. I am very sorry for Miss Constantia. I never thought she would have taken such courses--for in truth I love her as if she was my own sister; and though all the servants say that she is breeding--yet, for my part, I don't believe it; but--one must speak according to one's conscience, you know, sir.

_Sid_. O! I see you do.

_Bet_. [_Going and returning_.] I do indeed, sir: and so your servant, sir--but--I hope your wors.h.i.+p won't mention my name in this business;--or that you had any _item_ from me.

_Sid_. I shall not, Mrs. Betty.