The So-called Human Race Part 8

A box-office man has won the politeness prize. Topsy-turvy world, did you say?

We lamp by the rural correspondence that Mrs. Alfred Snow of Chili, Wis., is on her way to Bismarck, N. D. It is suggested that she detour to Hot Springs and warm up a bit.

_BLAKE COMES BACK._

_Little Ford, who made thee?

Dost thou know who made thee, Gave thee gas and bade thee speed By the stream and o'er the mead; Gave thee cus.h.i.+ons hard and tight, b.u.mpy tires small and white; Gave thee such a raucous voice, Making all the deaf rejoice?

Little Ford, who made thee?

Dost thou know who made thee?_

_Little Ford, I'll tell thee, Little Ford, I'll tell thee.

He is called by thy name, Henry Ford, the very same.

He is meek and he is mild, Is pacific as a child.

He a child and thou a Ford, You are called the same word.

Little Ford, G.o.d bless thee!

Little Ford, G.o.d bless thee!_

_B. L._

EVERYBODY CAME IN A FORD.

[From the Milwaukee Sentinel.]

Miss Evelyn Shallow, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Peter Shallow, and Raymond Bridger, both of Little River, were married recently at Oconto.

Considering the pictorial advertis.e.m.e.nts, A. B. Walkley finds that that triumphant figure of the active, bustling world, the business man, divides his day somewhat as follows: He begins with his toilet, which seems to center in or near his chin, which is prominent, square, firm, and smooth; even the rich, velvety lather cannot disguise it. The business man collects safety razors; he collects collars, too. He seems to be in the habit of calling in his friends to see how perfectly his s.h.i.+rt fits at the neck. Once dressed, he goes to his office and is to be found at an enormous desk bristling with patent devices, pleasantly gossiping with another business man. You next find him in evening dress at the dinner table, beaming at the waiter who has brought him his favorite sauce. Lastly you have a glimpse of him in pajamas, discoursing with several other business men in pajamas, all sitting cross-legged and smoking enormous cigars. This is the end of a perfect business day.

Mr. Kipling has obtained an injunction and damages because a medicine company used a stanza of his "If" to boost its pills. While we do not think much of the verses, we are glad the public is reminded that the little things which a poet dashes off are as much private property as a bottle of pills or a was.h.i.+ng machine.

Animals in a new Noah's Ark are made correctly to the scale designed by a London artist who studies the beasts in the Zoo. Would you buy such an ark for a child? Neither would we.

Social nuances are indicated by a farmer not far from Chicago in his use of table coverings, as follows: For the family, oil cloth; for the school teacher, turkey red; for the piano tuner, white damask.

SHE SAT APART.

Sir: We were talking across the aisle. Presently the girl who sat alone leaned over and said: "You and the lady take this seat. I'm not together."

A. H. H. A.

THE G. P. P.

Sir: What is the gadder's pet peeve? Mine is to be aroused by the hotel maid who jiggles the doork.n.o.b at 8 a.m., when the little indicator shows the room is still locked from the inside. It happened to me to-day at the Blackhawk in Davenport.

W. S.

BEG YOUR PARDON.

W. S. writes, after a long session with his boss, that the recent announcement he was disturbed at 8 o'clock by the rattling of his hotel door was a typographical error committed in this office (sic), the hour as stated by him really having been 6.30 a.m.

The manager of the Hotel Pomeroy, Barbados, W. I., warns: "No cigarettes or c.o.c.ktails served to married ladies without husband's consent."

It is years since we read "John Halifax, Gentleman," but we must dust off the volume. The j.a.panese translation has a row of asterisks and the editor's explanation: "At this point he asked her to marry him."

Gadders have many grievances, and one of them is the small-town grapefruit. One traveler offers the stopper of a silver flask for an authentic instance of a grapefruit served without half of the tough interior thrown in for good measure.

If Jedge Landis has time to attend to another job, a great many people would like to see him take hold of the Senate and establish in it the confidence of the public. It would be a tougher job than baseball reorganization, but it is thought he could swing it.

YES?

You may fancy it is easy, When the world is fighting drunk, To compile a colyum wheezy With a lot of airy junk-- To maintain a mental quiet And a philosophic ca'm, And to give, amid the riot, Not a dam.

You may think it is no trick to Can the topic militaire, And determinedly stick to j.a.pe and jingle light as air-- To be pertly paragraphic And to jollity inclined, In an evenly seraphic State of mind.

When our anger justified is, And the nation's on the brink; When Herr Dernburg--durn his hide!--is To be chased across the drink; When the cabinet is meeting, And the ultimatums fly, And the tom-toms are a-beating A defy;

When it's raining gall and bitters-- You may think it is a pipe To erect a Tower of t.i.tters With a lot of lines o' type, To be whimsical and wheezy, Full of {quip and quirk and quiz.