Puppets at Large Part 2

MR. STIP. We must try to obtain more--ah--animation than that.

[_He hands the_ ELDERLY LADY _a jingling toy_.

The E. L. (_shaking it vigorously_). Fluffy, see what Missis has got!

FLUFF _(by a yawn of much eloquence_). At _her_ age, too! Wonderful how she can _do_ it!

[_He closes his eyes wearily._

MR. STIP. Perhaps you may produce a better effect with this. [_He hands her a stuffed stoat._

FLUFF (_to himself_). What's she got hold of _now_? Hul-lo! (_He rises, and inspects the stoat with interest._) I'd no idea the old girl was so "varmint"!

MR. STIP. Capital! Now, if he'll stay like that another----(FLUFF _jumps down, and wags his tail with conscious merit._) Oh, _dear_ me. I never saw such a dog!

The E. L. He's tired out, poor doggie, and no wonder. But he'll be all the _quieter_ for it, _won't_ he? (_After restoring_ FLUFF _to the chair._) Now, couldn't you take him panting, like that?

MR. STIP. I must wait till he's got a little less tongue out, Madam.

The E. L. Must you? Why? _I_ should have thought it was a capital opportunity.

MR. STIP. For a physician, Madam, _not_ a photographer. If I were to take him now the result would be an--ah--enormous tongue, with a dog in the remote distance.

The E. L. And he's putting out more and more of it! Perhaps he's thirsty again. Here, Fluffy, water--water! [_She produces the developing dish._

FLUFF (_in barks of unmistakable significance_). Look here, I've had about enough of this tomfoolery. Let's go. _Come_ on!

MR. STIP. (_seconding the motion with relief_). I'm _afraid_ we're not likely to do better with him to-day. Perhaps if you could look in some othah afternoon?

The E. L. Why, we've only been an hour and twenty minutes as yet! But what would be the best time to bring him?

MR. STIP. I should say the light and the temperatuah would probably be more favourable by the week aftah next--(_to himself_) when I shall be taking my holiday!

The E. L. Very well, I'll come then. Oh, Fluffy, Fluffy, what a silly little dog you are to give all this trouble!

FLUFF (_to himself, as he makes a triumphant exit_). Not half so silly as some people think! I _must_ tell the cat about this; she'll go into fits! I will say she has a considerable sense of humour--for a cat.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

IN THE CAUSE OF CHARITY.

_Mona House, the Town Mansion of the Marquis of Manx, which has been lent for a Sale of Work in aid of the "Fund for Super-annuated Skirt-dancers," under the patronage of Royalty and other distinguished personages_.

_In the Entrance Hall._

MRS. WYLIE DEDHEAD (_attempting to insinuate herself between the barriers_). Excuse me; I only wanted to pop in for a moment, just to see if a lady friend of mine is in there, that's _all_!

The LADY MONEY-TAKER (_blandly_). If you will let me know your friend's name--?

MRS. W. D. (_splendide mendax_). She's a.s.sisting the dear d.u.c.h.ess.

_Now_, perhaps, you will allow me to pa.s.s!

The L. M. Afraid I can't, really. But if you mean Lady Honor Hyndlegges--_she_ is the only lady at the d.u.c.h.ess's stall--I could send _in_ for her. Or of course, if you like to pay half-a-crown----

MRS. W. D. (_hastily_). Thank you, I--I won't disturb her ladys.h.i.+p. I had no _idea_ there was any charge for admission, and--(_bristling_)--allow me to say I consider such regulations _most_ absurd.

The L. M. (_sweetly, with a half glance at the bowl of coins on the table_). Quite _too_ ridiculous, ain't they? _Good_ afternoon!

MRS. W. D. (_audibly, as she flounces out_). If they suppose _I'm_ going to pay half-a-crown for the privilege of being _fleeced_----!

FOOTMAN (_on steps, sotto voce, to confrere_). "Fleeced"! that's a good 'un, eh? _She_ ain't brought much wool in with _her_!

His CONFReRE. On'y what's stuffed inside of her ear. [_They resume their former impa.s.sive dignity._

_In the Venetian Gallery--where the Bazaar is being held._

A LOYAL OLD LADY (_at the top of her voice--to_ STALL-KEEPER). Which of 'em's the Princess, my dear, eh? It's her I paid _my_ money to see.

The STALL-KEEPER (_in a dismayed whisper_). Ss.h.!.+ Not _quite_ so loud!

There--just opposite--petunia bow in her bonnet--selling kittens.

The L. O. L. (_planting herself on a chair_). So _that's_ her! Well, she _is_ dressed plain--for a Royalty--but looks _pleasant_ enough. I wouldn't mind taking one o' them kittens off her Royal 'Ighness myself, if they was going at all reasonable. But there, I expect, the cats _'ere_ is meat for my masters, so to speak; and you see, my dear, 'aving the promise of a tortoise-sh.e.l.l Tom from the lady as keeps the Dairy next door, whenever----

[_She finds, with surprise, that her confidences are not encouraged_.

MISS ST. LEGER DE MAYNE (_persuasively to_ MRS. NIBBLER). Do let me show you some of this exquisite work, all embroidered entirely by hand, you see!

MRS. NIBBLER (_edging away_). Lovely--_quite_ lovely; but I think--a--I'll just take a look round before I----

MISS DE M. If there is any _particular_ thing you were looking for, perhaps _I_ could----

MRS. N. (_becoming confidential_). Well, I _did_ think if I could come across a nice _sideboard-cloth_----

MISS DE M. (_to herself_). What on earth's a sideboard-cloth? (_Aloud._) Why, I've the very _thing_! See--all worked in Russian st.i.tch!

MRS. N. (_dubiously_). I thought they were always quite plain. And what's that queer sort of flap-thing for?

MISS DE M. Oh, _that_? That's--a--to cover up the spoons, and forks, and things; quite the latest fas.h.i.+on, _now_, you know.

MRS. N. (_with self-a.s.sertion_). I _have_ noticed it at several dinner parties I've been to in society lately, certainly. Still I am not sure that----

MISS DE M. I always have them on my _own_ sideboard now--my husband won't _hear_ of any others.... Then, I _may_ put this one in paper for you? fifteen-and-sixpence--thanks _so_ much! (_To her colleague, as_ Mrs. N. _departs_). Connie, I've got rid of that awful nightgown case at _last_!

MRS. MAYCUP. A--you _don't_ happen to have a small bag to hold a powder-puff, and so on, you know?