The 'Mind the Paint' Girl Part 21

[_Surveying the tables._] Splendid! [_Going from one table to another._] Seating 'em, hey?

COOLING.

Mr. Palk-- Mr. Palk-- Mr. Palk? [_Placing another card._] Albert.

ROPER.

Which d'ye make your princ.i.p.al table?

COOLING.

There it is; you're at it.

ROPER.

Ah, yes. [_Examining the cards._] "Miss Lily Parradell--"! [_His jaw falling._] Why, you've gone and put the Baron on her right!

COOLING.

[_Unconsciously._] Well, what's the objection?

ROPER.

Where's Farncombe? Where's Lord Farncombe?

COOLING.

On the other side, with Dolly Stidulph and Enid.

ROPER.

Rats!

COOLING.

What do you mean by Rats? [_Advancing to the princ.i.p.al table-- nettled._] Look heah, Lal----!

ROPER.

My dear fellow, Miss Parradell is the heroine o' the party; the seat next to her is the seat of honour.

COOLING.

That's why I've put the Baron there. With things as they are between England and Germany----

ROPER.

If Germany doesn't like it, she must lump it. Lord Farncombe's the eldest son of an Earl; you can't get over that.

COOLING.

[_Picking up FARNCOMBE'S card._] Oh, have it your own way.

ROPER.

[_Picking up VON RETTENMAYER'S card._] Besides, the Baron's sweet on Enid just now; I'm sure he'd prefer-- [_They exchange the cards and rearrange them._] thanks, ol' man. Sorry I was s.h.i.+rty.

COOLING.

[_Laying down his plan and cards and producing a letter from his breast-pocket._] By-the-bye, the fair Lily-- the heroine of the party, as you call her-- is in a pretty tantrum over the whole business.

ROPER.

Tantrum?

COOLING.

[_Unfolding the letter._] Had this from her ten minutes ago. Listen to _this_. [_Reading._] "My Dressing-room. 11-15. 80 degrees, with the windows open." [_In an injured tone._] Haw, so I should think!

ROPER.

[_Concerned._] What's amiss?

COOLING.

[_Reading._] "Morrie, you pig." [_ROPER whistles._] "Morrie, you pig.

I should feel deeply indebted to you if you would kindly inform me why the devil you went out of your way to deceive me last night. You led me to suppose-- and so did that lying worm Lal Roper----" [_looking at ROPER_] _You._

ROPER.

Oh, lord!

COOLING.

[_Resuming._] "--that lying worm Lal Roper----"

ROPER.

[_Testily._] All right, all right.

COOLING.

"--you both led me to suppose that this rotten banquet was to be a family gathering of the ladies and gentlemen of the Pandora Theatre, and no outsiders asked. Now I find that only three or four of the men of the Company are invited, and I hear from Nita Trevenna, who has got it from young Kennedy, that several of the Boys are to be laid on for the occasion. The result is you have made me tell a regular whopper to a particular friend of mine with regard to this affair----"

ROPER.

[_Pa.s.sing his hand over his brow._] Nicko Jeyes.