The 'Mind the Paint' Girl Part 59

Isn't going to--? I d-d-don't follow you.

MRS. UPJOHN.

Be plain, Jimmie.

JIMMIE.

[_Endeavouring to relieve the situation._] Ha, ha! Nature's taken precious good care of that, in my case.

ROPER.

[_Angrily._] Now, look here, Jimmie! A jest is a capital thing in its way. No man has a keener sense of humour than Lal Roper. But there _are_ occasions when it's out o' place, and this is one of 'em, my dear; and if it's not putting you to serious inconvenience----

JIMMIE.

[_Also losing her temper._] Oh, well, then, have it in the neck! Lil's declined young Farncombe. There! And when _you_ crack a joke next, Mr.

Roper, I beg you'll contrive to favour us with a little variety; [_flouncing away_] because you bore me pallid with your rotten wheezes, and always have done.

ROPER.

[_Going to MRS. UPJOHN, aghast at the tidings._] Ma----!

MRS. UPJOHN.

[_To ROPER, under her breath._] Won't draw 'im into 'er net, Uncle.

ROPER.

Won't draw him into her----?

JIMMIE.

[_At the back._] K-n-e-double t-- net!

MRS. UPJOHN.

[_Pacifically._] Jimmie----!

JIMMIE.

[_Mimicking ROPER derisively._] Hullo, hullo, hullo, hul-lo! Fresh fish from the sea! Buy 'em on the beach; buy 'em on the beach; buy 'em on the beach!

ROPER.

[_To JIMMIE, indignantly._] Jimmie Birch----!

JIMMIE.

[_Sitting upon the fauteuil-stool._] Ha, ha!

ROPER.

[_To MRS. UPJOHN, wiping his brow._] Of course, there is _this_ to be said, Ma. [_Rallying at the idea._] It may be wise of dear Lil to decline Farncombe _at first_. It-- it-- it-- it doesn't do for a girl, does it, to appear to throw herself at _any_ man, let alone a young fellow of the position-- the-- the-- the social status----!

LILY.

[_Suddenly sitting up and putting her feet to the floor again._] Oh, for mercy's sake, cease discussing my affairs in my presence! [_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Mother, why do you keep Uncle Lal in the dark? [_To JIMMIE._] Jimmie, why don't _you_----?

ROPER.

In the dark!

MRS. UPJOHN.

Yes, Lal; your flyin' out at Jimmie over 'er 'armless joke stopped 'er finis.h.i.+n'.

ROPER.

Finis.h.i.+ng----?

MRS. UPJOHN.

Lil's not on'y refused young Farncombe but she's gone an' plighted 'erself to another individual.

ROPER.

Plighted herself----?

LILY.

[_Pa.s.sionately._] To one of the best! To one of the best!

ROPER.

[_Stupefied._] Do I-- do I know him?

JIMMIE.

Ha!

LILY.

Know him! You know him sufficiently to have plotted and schemed to prevent his being asked to the party last night.

JIMMIE.

[_To LILY._] Did Lal do that?