The Tatler Volume Iii Part 13

N.B. No tavern near the 'Change shall deliver wine to such as drink at the bar standing, except the same shall be three parts of the best cider; and the master of the house shall produce a certificate of the same from Mr. Tintoret,[121] or other credible wine-painter.

Whereas the model of the intended Bedlam[122] is now finished, and that the edifice itself will be very suddenly begun; it is desired, that all such as have relations, whom they would recommend to our care, would bring in their proofs with all speed, none being to be admitted of course but lovers, who are put into an immediate regimen. Young politicians also are received without fees or examination.

[Footnote 114: See No. 99.]

[Footnote 115: "Republic," ii. 359.]

[Footnote 116: "De Officiis," iii. 9.]

[Footnote 117: "Bell. Cat." ad fin.]

[Footnote 118: "The Paul's scholar's copy-book, containing the round and round-text hands, with alphabets at large of the Greek and Hebrew, and joining-pieces of each. Embellished with proper ornaments of command of hand. By John Rayner, at the Hand and Pen, in St. Paul's Churchyard, London. Published for the use of schools. Sold by the author, and Jonathan Robinson, at the Golden Lion, in St. Paul's Churchyard. Price 1_s._" (No. 135, Advertis.e.m.e.nt). Rayner's book was dedicated to the Master and Wardens of the Mercers' Company, and was reissued in 1716 (W.

Ma.s.sey's "Origin and Progress of Letters," 1763, part ii. p. 120).]

[Footnote 119: See No. 141.]

[Footnote 120: Bedlam.]

[Footnote 121: See No. 131.]

[Footnote 122: See No. 125.]

No. 139. [STEELE.

From _Sat.u.r.day, Feb. 25_, to _Tuesday, Feb. 28, 1709-10_.

----Nihil est, quod credere de se Non possit, c.u.m laudatur Dis aequa potestas.

JUV., Sat. iv. 70.

_Sheer Lane, February 27._

When I reflect upon the many nights I have sat up for some months last past in the greatest anxiety for the good of my neighbours and contemporaries, it is no small discouragement to me, to see how slow a progress I make in the reformation of the world. But indeed I must do my female readers the justice to own, that their tender hearts are much more susceptible of good impressions, than the minds of the other s.e.x.

Business and ambition take up men's thoughts too much to leave room for philosophy: but if you speak to women in a style and manner proper to approach them, they never fail to improve by your counsel. I shall therefore for the future turn my thoughts more particularly to their service, and study the best methods to adorn their persons, and inform their minds in the justest methods to make them what Nature designed them, the most beauteous objects of our eyes, and the most agreeable companions of our lives. But when I say this, I must not omit at the same time to look into their errors and mistakes, that being the readiest way to the intended end of adorning and instructing them. It must be acknowledged, that the very inadvertencies of this s.e.x are owing to the other; for if men were not flatterers, women could not fall into that general cause of all their follies, and our misfortunes, their love of flattery. Were the commendation of these agreeable creatures built upon its proper foundation, the higher we raised their opinion of themselves, the greater would be the advantage to our s.e.x; but all the topic of praise is drawn from very senseless and extravagant ideas we pretend we have of their beauty and perfection. Thus when a young man falls in love with a young woman, from that moment she is no more Mrs.

Alice such-a-one, born of such a father, and educated by such a mother; but from the first minute that he casts his eye upon her with desire, he conceives a doubt in his mind, what heavenly power gave so unexpected a blow to a heart that was ever before untouched. But who can resist Fate and Destiny, which are lodged in Mrs. Alice's eyes? After which he desires orders accordingly, whether he is to live or breathe; the smile or frown of his G.o.ddess is the only thing that can now either save or destroy him. By this means, the well-humoured girl, that would have romped with him before she received this declaration, a.s.sumes a state suitable to the majesty he has given her, and treats him as the va.s.sal he calls himself. The girl's head is immediately turned by having the power of life and death, and takes care to suit every motion and air to her new sovereignty. After he has placed himself at this distance, he must never hope to recover his former familiarity, till she has had the addresses of another, and found them less sincere.

If the application to women were justly turned, the address of flattery, though it implied at the same time an admonition, would be much more likely to succeed. Should a captivated lover, in a billet, let his mistress know, that her piety to her parents, her gentleness of behaviour, her prudent economy with respect to her own little affairs in a virgin condition, had improved the pa.s.sion which her beauty had inspired him with, into so settled an esteem for her, that of all women breathing he wished her his wife; though his commending her for qualities she knew she had as a virgin, would make her believe he expected from her an answerable conduct in the character of a matron, I will answer for it, his suit would be carried on with less perplexity.

Instead of this, the generality of our young women, taking all their notions of life from gay writings, or letters of love, consider themselves as G.o.ddesses, nymphs, and shepherdesses.

By this romantic sense of things, all the natural relations and duties of life are forgotten, and our female part of mankind are bred and treated, as if they were designed to inhabit the happy fields of Arcadia, rather than be wives and mothers in old England. It is indeed long since I had the happiness to converse familiarly with this s.e.x, and therefore have been fearful of falling into the error which recluse men are very subject to, that of giving false representations of the world from which they have retired, by imaginary schemes drawn from their own reflections. An old man cannot easily gain admittance into the dressing-room of ladies; I therefore thought it time well spent, to turn over Agrippa, and use all my occult art, to give my old cornelian ring the same force with that of Gyges, which I have lately spoken of.[123]

By the help of this, I went un.o.bserved to a friend's house of mine, and followed the chamber-maid invisibly about twelve of the clock into the bed-chamber of the beauteous Flavia, his fine daughter, just before she got up.

I drew the curtains, and being wrapped up in the safety of my old age, could with much pleasure, without pa.s.sion, behold her sleeping with Waller's poems, and a letter fixed in that part of him, where every woman thinks herself described. The light flas.h.i.+ng upon her face, awakened her: she opened her eyes, and her lips too, repeating that piece of false wit in that admired poet:

_Such Helen was, and who can blame the boy, That in so bright a flame consumed his Troy?_[124]

This she p.r.o.nounced with a most bewitching sweetness; but after it fetched a sigh, that methought had more desire than languishment, then took out her letter, and read aloud, for the pleasure, I suppose, of hearing soft words in praise of herself, the following epistle:

"MADAM,

"I sat near you at the Opera last night; but knew no entertainment from the vain show and noise about me, while I waited wholly intent upon the motion of your bright eyes, in hopes of a glance, that might restore me to the pleasures of sight and hearing in the midst of beauty and harmony. It is said, the h.e.l.l of the accursed in the next life arises from an incapacity to partake the joys of the blessed, though they were to be admitted to them. Such I am sure was my condition all this evening; and if you, my deity, cannot have so much mercy as to make me by your influence capable of tasting the satisfactions of life, my being is ended, which consisted only in your favour."

The letter was hardly read over, when she rushed out of bed in her wrapping-gown, and consulted her gla.s.s for the truth of his pa.s.sion. She raised her head, and turned it to a profile, repeating the last lines, "my being is ended, which consisted only in your favour." The G.o.ddess immediately called her maid, and fell to dressing that mischievous face of hers, without any manner of consideration for the mortal who had offered up his pet.i.tion. Nay, it was so far otherwise, that the whole time of her woman's combing her hair was spent in discourse of the impertinence of his pa.s.sion, and ended, in declaring a resolution, if she ever had him, to make him wait. She also frankly told the favourite gipsy that was prating to her, that her pa.s.sionate lover had put it out of her power to be civil to him, if she were inclined to it; "for," said she, "if I am thus celestial to my lover, he will certainly so far think himself disappointed, as I grow into the familiarity and form of a mortal woman."

I came away as I went in, without staying for other remarks than what confirmed me in the opinion, that it is from the notions the men inspire them with, that the women are so fantastical in the value of themselves.

This imaginary pre-eminence which is given to the fair s.e.x, is not only formed from the addresses of people of condition; but it is the fas.h.i.+on and humour of all orders to go regularly out of their wits, as soon as they begin to make love. I know at this time three G.o.ddesses in the New Exchange;[125] and there are two shepherdesses who sell gloves in Westminster Hall.[126]

[Footnote 123: See No. 138.]

[Footnote 124: "Under a Lady's Picture" (Waller's Poems: "Epigrams, Epitaphs," &c.).]

[Footnote 125: See No. 26.]

[Footnote 126: See No. 145. Part of Westminster Hall was devoted to shopkeepers' stalls, where toys, books, &c., could be brought. Tom Brown ("Amus.e.m.e.nts," &c. 1700) says: "On your left hand you hear a nimble-tongued painted sempstress with her charming treble invite you to buy some of her knick-knacks, and on your right a deep-mouthed crier, commanding impossibilities, viz., silence to be kept among women and lawyers."]

No. 140. [STEELE.

From _Tuesday, Feb. 28_, to _Thursday, March 2, 1709-10_.

----Aliena negotia centum Per caput, et circa saliunt latus-- HOR., 2 Sat. vi. 33.

_Sheer Lane, March 1._

Having the honour to be by my great-grandmother a Welshman, I have been among some choice spirits of that part of Great Britain, where we solaced ourselves in celebration of the day of St. David. I am, I confess, elevated above that state of mind which is proper for lucubration: but I am the less concerned at this, because I have for this day or two last past observed, that we novelists have been condemned wholly to the pastry-cooks, the eyes of the nation being turned upon greater matters.[127] This therefore being a time when none but my immediate correspondents will read me, I shall speak to them chiefly at this present writing. It is the fate of us who pretend to joke, to be frequently understood to be only upon the droll when we are speaking the most seriously, as appears by the following letter to Charles Lillie:

"MR. LILLIE, "London, _February 28, 1709/10_.

"It being professed by 'Squire Bickerstaff, that his intention is to expose the vices and follies of the age, and to promote virtue and goodwill amongst mankind; it must be a comfort, to a person labouring under great straits and difficulties, to read anything that has the appearance of succour. I should be glad to know therefore, whether the intelligence given in his _Tatler_ of Sat.u.r.day last,[128] of the intended charity of a certain citizen of London, to maintain the education of ten boys in writing and accounts till they be fit for trade, be given only to encourage and recommend persons to the practice of such n.o.ble and charitable designs, or whether there be a person who really intends to do so.

If the latter, I humbly beg Squire Bickerstaff's pardon for making a doubt, and impute it to my ignorance; and most humbly crave, that he would be pleased to give notice in his _Tatler_, when he thinks fit, whether his nomination of ten boys be disposed of, or whether there be room for two boys to be recommended to him; and that he will permit the writer of this to present him with two boys, who, it is humbly presumed, will be judged to be very remarkable objects of such charity.

"Sir, "Your most humble Servant."

I am to tell this gentleman in sober sadness, and without jest, that there really is so good and charitable a man as the benefactor inquired for in his letter, and that there are but two boys yet named. The father of one of them was killed at Blenheim, the father of the other at Almanza. I do not here give the names of the children, because I should take it to be an insolence in me to publish them, in a charity which I have only the direction of as a servant, to that worthy and generous spirit who bestows upon them this bounty, without laying the bondage of an obligation. What I have to do is to tell them, they are beholden only to their Maker, to kill in them as they grow up the false shame of poverty, and let them know, that their present fortune, which is come upon them by the loss of their poor fathers on so glorious occasions, is much more honourable, than the inheritance of the most ample ill-gotten wealth.