Jokes Book Collection Part Ii Part 77

Q: What's the difference between Ess.e.x girl and a packet of Persil?

A: Persil contains no bleach.

Q: What word isn't in an Ess.e.x girl's vocabulary?

A: No.

Q: How do you drown an Ess.e.x girl?

A: Put a mirror at the bottom of a swimming pool.

Q: What does an Ess.e.x girl keep in her handbag?

A: Her knickers.

Ess.e.x Man: If I'd known you were a virgin I'd've taken more time.

Ess.e.x girl: If I'd known you 'ad more time I'd've taken me tights off.

Q: Why does an Ess.e.x girl ask her boyfriend to shut his eyes during oral s.e.x?

A: So he can't see her roots.

Q: Why is an Ess.e.x girl like a long-distance hitch-hiker?

A: They both go all the way.

Q: Why does Ess.e.x girl shave her pubic hair?

A: She thinks designer stubble looks good on a man's face.

Q: What's an Ess.e.x Girl's mating cry?

A: G.o.d I'm p.i.s.sed!

Q: Why aren't there human sacrifices in Ess.e.x any more?

A: Have you ever tried finding a virgin in Ess.e.x?

Q: What's the difference between Ess.e.x girl and a Kit Kat?

A: You only get 4 fingers in a Kit Kat.

Q: What have Ess.e.x girl and Oliver Twist got in common?

A: Both asked a man for more.

Q: Why don't Ess.e.x girls wear knickers when speeding round the M25?

A: They like to be picked up by the fuzz.

Warren: Cor, I couldn't arf giver 'er one!

Tracey (overhearing): What d'you mean, ONE?

Q: How does an Ess.e.x Girl relieve stress?

A: Changes hands.

Q: What's the difference between an Ess.e.x Girl and a computer?

A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: Why is an Ess.e.x Girl like a party political broadcast?

A: Both are just clap-trap.

Q: What does an Ess.e.x Girl have st.i.tched on the front of her knickers?

A: Please replace when you've finished.

Music Shop Customer: Excuse me, have you got 'Air on the G String?'

Ess.e.x Girl a.s.sistant: Nah, I always shave me p.u.b.es.

Q: What's the similarity between Ess.e.x girl and an envelope?

A: Both need a good licking before they shut up.

Q: Why did Ess.e.x girl take all her clothes off while on the phone?

A: Cos her boyfriend said he'd visit her if had nothing on.

Q: What's the difference between Ess.e.x girl and a bus?

A: You have to wait for a bus to come before you jump on it.

Q: How does an Ess.e.x girl know if a bloke fancies her?

A: He sticks one hand up her skirt to see if she's wearing knickers.

Q: What's the difference between Santa and Ess.e.x Girl?

A: Santa only comes once a year.

Tracey: Would you take an advantage of a girl who'd 'ad too much to drink?

Wayne : No, luv.

Tracey: That's it, I'm off.

Q: What is the difference between Ess.e.x Girl's c.l.i.toris and a pub?

A: Ess.e.x Boy can find the pub.

Sharon: Wayne, if I told you this was my first time, wot would you say?

Wayne: April Fools Day was last month Sharon.

Q: What's the difference between Ess.e.x girl and Rubiks Cube?

A: You need both hands and more than 5 minutes to do a Rubik's Cube.

Ess.e.x Man: 'Allo, luv it's me.

Sharon: Who's that?

Ess.e.x Man: The guy that had you behind the pub last night.

Sharon: Was that the Rose & Crown, Red Lion or the Rising Sun?

Q: What's the difference between an Ess.e.x Girl and a Christmas Present?

A: You always get what you want from an Ess.e.x Girl.

Q: What do you call an Ess.e.x Girl who screws ten men a day?

A: An underachiever.

Q: What's the difference between the Old Kent Road and an Ess.e.x Girl?

A: Not everyone has been up the Old Kent Road.