Jokes Book Collection Part Ii Part 90

A Man who eats metal paper fastenings has a staple diet.

In time of recession a manufacturer's of percussion instruments should try to drum up some business.

Ore is always a load off someone's mine.

A lawyer for a church does plenty of cross-examining?

Saying goodbye to the neighbours can be a moving scene.

Q: What happens when a bloke takes v.i.a.g.r.a and Prozac at the same time?

A: He's ready to go, but doesn't care where.

Q: Why hasn't Barbie ever got pregnant?

A: Because Ken always comes in a different box!

Q: What do Arabs do on Sat.u.r.day nights?

A: They sit under palm trees and eat their dates.

What did the Indian say when the white man tied a knot in his d.i.c.k?

"How come?"

Did you hear about the guy that took v.i.a.g.r.a and a Laxative at the same time?

He didn't know if he was coming or going.

Did you hear about the nymphomaniac that died crossing the Atlantic?

She went down on the t.i.tanic.

Did you hear about the man admitted to hospital suffering from premature e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n?

The doctors said his condition was touch and go.

Apparently tampons are on sale at a supermarket, but the offer is only for a limited period. However the supermarket say there are no strings attached.

A woman walks into the pharmacy and asks for a vibrator. The pharmacist gestures with his index finger and says, "Come this way."

"If I could come that way," the woman replies, "I wouldn't need a vibrator!"

Q: What did the judge say when a skunk walked into his court?

A: Odour in the court!

Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?

A: Because 789!

Q: What's the best season to practice on a trampoline?

A: Springtime.

Q: Why was the guy looking for the food on his friend?

A: Because he said lunch is on me.

Q: Why do you need a pencil when you go to bed?

A: To draw the curtains!

Q: Why did the picture go to jail?

A: Because it was framed.

Q: How did the fisherman communicate with fish?

A: He dropped them a line.

Q: What kind of star is dangerous?

A: A shooting star!

Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head?

A: Jack

Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?

A: Unique up on it!

Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?

A: Tame way, unique up on it!

Q: What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop clop?

A: An Amish drive-by shooting

Did you hear about the bloke that wanted to be a plumber?

After months of study he released it was just a pipe dream!

Did you hear about the bloke that became a lumberjack?

He just couldn't hack it, so they axe him.

Did you hear about the bloke that became a tailor?

He quit because he wasn't suited for it.

Did you hear about the bloke that became a barber?

He had to leave because he just couldn't cut it.

Did you hear about the bloke that became a musician?

He left because he thought it wasn't noteworthy profession.

Did you hear about the woman that worked in shoe factory?

She left because she didn't fit in.

Did you hear about the bloke that became a fisherman?

He quit because he couldn't live on the net income.

Did you hear about the woman a witch?

She only tried it for a spell.

Did you hear about the woman that stayed up all night wondering where the sun comes from?

Finally, the answer dawned on her.

To cocaine addicts are having a marathon s.e.x session when the guys says, "Hey come up here baby and sit on my face!"

Ten minutes latter things are going well. But, after 15 minutes the guy stops moving and when his girl climbs off him he's dead!

Moral: Too much crack can be a killer!