Jokes Book Collection Part Viii Part 7

What will a mallu reply when asked "Are there any mosquitoes in your house?

- Plendy Why did the Malayalee crossed the road?

- Simbly.

How does a malayalee spell the word 'MOON' ?

- M - O yet another O N.

Why do they require 5 people for a Malayalee funeral?

- Four to carry the coffin, one to carry the two-in-one.

How does a Malayalee travel in Chembur?

- BY ODO Where did the malayalee study?

- In the kollage.

What did the Malayalee do when the plane caught fire?

- He JEMBED out of the VINDOW...

Why did the Malayalee cross the road?

- To join the union on the other side.

What does a Malayalee do when he has to stand for election in Delhi?

- He changes his name. Madhavan to M A DHAWAN.

What does a Malayalee do to stand for elections in New York?

- He changes his name. Karunakaran to KEVIN CURREN What would you call a Mallu martial arts expert?

- A MalayaLEE Why does a Malayalee go to a temple?

- Zimply to Bray.

How does a baby mallu cry?

- "visa visa visa visa ..."

Why did the Malayalee buy an air ticket?

- To go to DUBAIH ..simbly to meet his UNGLE and AUNDY in GELF.

who was Bruce Lee's best friend in Malayasia?

- Malaya LEE

What did the Mallu scientist do on reaching the moon?

He tested the soil if it was fit to plant tapioca.

The plane in which two mallus who were traveling crashed over an ocean. Once in the water other pa.s.sengers swam for floats to keep themselves afloat but the Mallus swam towards the cargo portion collecting lemons to make lemon juice.

Why do Mallus wear Mundu? Because in the Monsoon flood the mundu can be tucked upwards as the water rises.

Who served Tensing & Hillary hot tea on reaching the mount Everest? A Thalla.s.sery Mallu.

What can be done to put a Mallu to dilemma ? Offer him fish curry and kaLLu (toddy) and ask him to choose only one of them.

Why did the mallu go to Vatican? To listen 'Pop' music.

What do you call?

A smart Malayalee? - Debo-nair A dynamic Malayalee? - Pheno-Menon A Malayalee drunkard? - Kutty Sark A very rich Malayalee? - MillionIyer The cla.s.sic one - How many bulbs?

How many Malayalees do you need to change a lightbulb?

Infinite number.. One to change the bulb, 20 to form the light bulb workers' union (Marxist), 30 to form the counter union (CPI), 1 to be the Light bulb minister, 1 to head the Light bulb corporation, 45 to be nominated to the light bulb corporation, 60 to go to US,Germany, Switzerland and Hawaii to do import product survey on light bulb, 3 to form the Judicial Enquiry commission on light bulb scandal.... so on.... (BTW, Kerala Marxists anyway believe that you don't have to change light bulbs.. A light bulb has seeds of its own revolution....).

G.o.d created the donkey and said to him. "You will >be >a donkey. You > will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset >carrying burdens on your > back.You will eat gra.s.s, you will have no >intelligence and you will > live 50 years."

> > The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to >live 50 years is too > much.Give me only 20 years." G.o.d granted his >wish.

> > G.o.d created the dog and said to him: "You will >guard >the house of > man.You will be his best Friend. You will eat the >sc.r.a.ps that he gives > you and you will live 30 years.You will be a >dog."

> > The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too >much,give me only 15 > years." G.o.d granted his wish.

> > G.o.d created the monkey and said to him: "You will >be >a monkey. You > will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.

>You >will be amusing and > you will live 20 years." The monkey answered: "To >live 20 years is too > much, give me only 10 years." G.o.d granted his >wish.

> > Finally G.o.d created man and said to him: "You >will >be man, the only > rational creature on the face of the earth. You >will >use your > intelligence to become master over all the >animals.

>You will dominate > the world and you will live 20 years."

> > Man responded: "Sir, I will be a man but to live >only 20 years is very > little, give me the 30 > years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that >the >dog did not want > and the 10 years the monkey refused."

> > > G.o.d granted man's wish And since then, man lives >20 >years as a man, > marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, >working >and carrying all > the burdens on his back. Then when his children >are >grown, he lives > 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and >eating whatever is > given to him,so that when he is old, he can >retire >and live 10 years > like a monkey, going from house to house and from >one son or daughter > to another doing tricks to amuse his >grandchildren.

> > That's Life.

LOOK BELOW FOR WHAT MEN FEEL ABOUT WOMEN AND WHAT WOMEN FEEL ABOUT MEN.

MEN ABOUT WOMEN My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

George Burns I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."

I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake."

Henny Youngman Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Phyllis Diller The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Henny Youngman After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when married you."

The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.

You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?

Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

A man placed an ad in the cla.s.sifieds: "Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same : "You can have mine."

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.

"A billionaire." she replied, The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman just like mother"

His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.