Jokes Book Collection Part Viii Part 27

And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

bye, sundar.

Your Mama Is So Fat: The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.

I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.

When she hauls a.s.s she has to make two trips.

They had to grease a door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side to get her through.

When she dances she makes the band skip.

Instead of Levi's 501 jeans she wears Levi's 1002s.

When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.

When I yell "Hey, Kool-Aid!" she comes cras.h.i.+ng through the wall.

She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

Her a.s.s has its own congressman.

Her belt size is "Equator"

Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

When G.o.d said "Let there be light" he told her to move her fat a.s.s out of the way.

When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw HER peanuts.

Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

Her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."

She can't even jump to a conclusion.

Her nickname is "d.a.m.n!"

She has to iron her pants on the driveway.

The shadow of her a.s.s weighs 100 pounds.

When her beeper goes off people think it's cause she's backin up.

THESE ARE HILARIOUS.

When I was born, I got a choice- A big d.i.c.k or a good memory. I am not

able

to remember, what did I choose?

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

My wife is a s.e.x object. Every time I ask for s.e.x, she objects.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't

and

stop, unless they are used together.

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.

There are three stages to s.e.x in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try

Weekly,

and Try Weakly.

Virginity can be cured.

Having s.e.x is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,

you'd

better have a good hand.

I tried phone s.e.x once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? .

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

Q: What's an Australian kiss?

A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under

A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.

He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing.

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?

A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't!

Teacher: Use "hara.s.sment" in a sentence.

Johnny: Her mouth said 'no', but her a.s.s meant 'yes'.

Q: What's the difference between a b.i.t.c.h and a wh.o.r.e?

A: A wh.o.r.e sleeps with everyone at the party and a b.i.t.c.h sleeps with

everyone except you

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: b.r.e.a.s.t.s don't have eyes...lol

Of course you've heard about the v.i.a.g.r.a computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.