Jokes Book Collection Part Ii Part 2

Q: Did you here about the girl that started dating a postman?

A: Apparently she likes to call him her mail friend.

Q: What part of a fish weighs the most?

A: The scales

Q: Why wouldn't they let the b.u.t.terfly into the dance?

A: Because it was a mothball.

Q: If you drop a white hat into the red sea what does it become?

A: Wet

Q: Why did the crab get arrested?

A: Because he was always pinching things!

Q: What musical instrument do farmer like to play?

A: The tubers.

Q: What's an.

e k a c

is an upside down.

c a k e.

"Hey bar tender why are you scrubbing and polis.h.i.+ng the bar surface so hard?"

"Well sir", replied the bar tender, "most people here like their whiskey severed neat."

Did you hear about the hooker that got caught sleeping on the job?

Apparently she was laid off.

Q: What's the difference between hard and light?

A: I've never had any trouble sleeping with the light on!

Q: Did you hear about the stupid plastic surgeon?

A: He stood in front of a fire and melted!

Patent: Hey Doc! Everyone thinks I'm a liar!

Doctor: Sorry but, I don't believe you!

Q: How can you get your name in lights the world over?

A: Change your name to Emergency Exit!

Q: How do you start a polar-bear race?

A: Say 'Ready! Teddy! Go!'

Q: What did the police do when the hares escaped from the zoo?

A: They combed the area!

Q: What do you do if your dog has ticks?

A: Don't wind him up!

Q: What do you get if you cross a cowboy with an octopus?

A: Billy the squid!

Q: What do you get if you cross a gnome with a vampire?

A: A monster that sucks the blood out of your kneecaps!

Q: What do you get if you cross a hen with a bedside clock?

A: An alarm cluck!

Q: What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an octopus, a sheep and a zebra?

A: A striped, woolly jumper with eight sleeves!

Q: What do you get if you cross a whale with a bird that quacks?

A: Moby Duck!

Q: What drink do frogs like best?

A: Croaker-cola!

Q: What flower can you eat?

A: A cauli-flower!

Q: What song did Cinderella sing as she waited four months for her photos to come back from the chemist?

A: Some day my prints will come!

Q: What time is it when you see an elephant sitting on your television?

A: Time to get a new television!

Q: What would you do if a rhino charged you?

A: Pay him!

Q: What's the best way to catch a rabbit?

A: Hide behind a bush and make a sound like a carrot!

Q: Which animal should you not play cards with?

A: A cheetah!

Q: Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

A: Santa Jaws.

Q: Who wrote the book, "The knickers around my ankles?"

A: Lucy Lastick!

Q: Why can't a bike stand up by itself?

A: Because it's two-tyred!

Q: Why couldn't the sailors play cards?