Jokes Book Collection Part Ii Part 45

Q. What do you call a girl who has a horn collection with two saxophones?

A. A h.o.r.n.y bisaxual.

The News.

News Flash: A chain of s.e.x shops have recently introduced a line of inflatable dolls modelled on Palestinian women. They're not cheap, but when you get them home they blow themselves up.

News Flash: The blonde s.p.a.ce program had a set back today.

One of the astronauts fell out of the kite.

News Flash: A group of blonde prost.i.tutes have been picking a well-known 'Do It Yourself' chain.

They says it their job to give people a hand.

New Flash: A blonde ventriloquist's dummy has left her. The dummy says she's too thick to work with.

News Flash: Today Police found a Scotsman at kings Cross station who was deeply distressed. Apparently his luggage had disappeared. On further investigation police found that the cork had fallen out.

News Flash: After visiting a duck petting zoo, some of the kids have been very upset.

A spokesman for the zoo said, "While touching the ducks some of the kids started feeling down."

News Flash: A new study out today revealed how women feel about the size of their a.r.s.e.

85% of women think their a.r.s.e is too big.

10% of women think their a.r.s.e is too small.

And 5% said they don't care, they married him and will love him whatever the size.

Q and A Jokes.

Q: How can you recognise a blonde in a car wash?

A: She's the one in the open top sports car, with the roof down!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that bought a was.h.i.+ng machine on hire purchase?

A: It was 100% down with zero to pay every week for 10 weeks.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that was spotted by police carrying two bags of phones?

A: When questioned she said she's got a new job at a jazz club and that they'd asked her to bring a couple of sacks of phones.

Q: Did you hear about the naught chicks?

A: Its mother said if your father could see you now he's be turning in his gravy.

Q: Did you hear about the guy that picked up a hick-hiking witch?

A: When she started stroking his leg he turned into a lay by.

Q: How can you spot a blondes pencil?

A: It's got an eraser at both ends.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that went to see a mind reader?

A: She got her money back.

Q: Why did the blonde cut a hole in her umbrella?

A: She wanted to know when it stopped raining.

Q: Did you hear about the new divorced Barbie doll?

A: It come complete with all Ken's stuff.

Q: How do you know if you are talking to a modern woman?

A: If you ask about cooking and f.u.c.king, she says, "Are they towns in China?"

Q: When a woman makes a fool of a man what's happened?

A: She's improved him!

Q: When a j.a.panese man has an Erection what does he do?

A: Goes to the polling booth to vote.

Q: What do you give to the blonde who has everything?

A: Some Penicillin.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde's definition of copulate?

A: It's an Italian policeman that's late for work.

Q: What do you get if you cross an apple with a nun?

A: A computer that never goes down.

Q: How does a woman know if her skirt is a micro-mini?

A: If it were any shorter I'd be called a belt.

A journalist is interviewing a 100-year-old man.

"Sir, What's contributed to your longevity?" asks the journalist.

"Well," says the old timer, "I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't eat meat and I don't fool around with women."

"OK" says the hack, "And with such a boring life, why do you want to live so long?"

A guy goes to see a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, do you think it's normal for a bloke to want to marry a elephant?"

"Absolutely not," says the psychiatrist.

"Right then just one more question. Would you be interested in buying a very large engagement ring?"

A blonde guy is sat in a pub wearing one red sock and one blue one sock.

"That an unusual combination of socks," says his mate.

"Not really," replies the blonde guy, "I've got another pair just like it at home."

A blonde girl is sat in the top of an oak tree. A policeman sees her and asks, "How did you get up there?"

"I'm not sure," says the blonde, "I think I might have fallen asleep on a acorn."

A guy walks into his house to check how the blonde painter is getting on. When he finds her she is dripping with sweat.