The Works of Lord Byron: Letters and Journals Volume I Part 15

BYRON.

44.--To the Hon. Augusta Byron.

[[Cas]tle Howard, [ne]ar Malton, Yorks.h.i.+re.]

16, Piccadilly, [Thursday], Decr. 26th, 1805.

My dearest Augusta,--By the Date of my Letter you will perceive that I have taken up my Residence in the metropolis, where I presume we shall behold you in the latter end of January. I sincerely hope you will make your appearance at that Time, as I have some subjects to discuss with you, which I do not wish to communicate in my Epistle.

The Dowager has thought proper to solicit a reconciliation which in some measure I have agreed to; still there is a coolness which I do not feel inclined to _thaw_, as terms of Civility are the only resource against her impertinent and unjust proceedings with which you are already acquainted.

Town is not very full and the weather has been so unpropitious that I have not been able to make use of my Horses above twice since my arrival. I hope your everlasting negotiation with the Father of your _Intended_ is near a conclusion in _some_ manner; if you do not hurry a little, you will be verging into the "_Vale of Years_," and, though you may be blest with Sons and daughters, you will never live to see your _Grandchildren_.

When convenient, favour me with an Answer and believe me,

[Signature cut out.]

45.--To the Hon. Augusta Byron.

[Castle Howar[d], neat Malto[n], Yorks.h.i.+re.] 16, Piccadilly, [Friday], Decr. 27th, 1805.

My Dear Augusta,--You will doubtless be surprised to see a second epistle so close upon the arrival of the first, (especially as it is not my custom) but the Business I mentioned rather mysteriously in my last compels me again to proceed. But before I disclose it, I must require the most inviolable Secrecy, for if ever I find that it has transpired, all confidence, all Friends.h.i.+p between us has concluded. I do not mean this exordium as a threat to induce you to comply with my request but merely (whether you accede or not) to keep it a Secret.

And although your compliance would essentially oblige me, yet, believe me, my esteem will not be diminished by your Refusal; nor shall I suffer a complaint to escape. The Affair is briefly thus; like all other young men just let loose, and especially one as I am, freed from the worse than bondage of my maternal home, I have been extravagant, and consequently am in want of Money. You will probably now imagine that I am going to apply to you for some. No, if you would offer me thousands, I declare solemnly that I would without hesitation refuse, nor would I accept them were I in danger of Starvation. All I expect or wish is, that you will be joint Security with me for a few Hundreds a person (one of the money lending tribe) has offered to advance in case I can bring forward any collateral guarantee that he will not be a loser, the reason of this requisition is my being a Minor, and might refuse to discharge a debt contracted in my non-age. If I live till the period of my minority expires, you cannot doubt my paying, as I have property to the amount of 100 times the sum I am about to raise; if, as I think rather probable, a pistol or a Fever cuts short the thread of my existence, you will receive half the _Dross_ saved since I was ten years old, and can be no great loser by discharging a debt of 7 or 800 from as many thousands. It is far from my Breast to exact any promise from you that would be detrimental, or tend to lower me in your opinion. If you suppose this leads to either of those consequences, forgive my impertinence and bury it in oblivion. I have many Friends, most of them in the same predicament with myself; to those who are not, I am too proud to apply, for I hate obligation; my Relations you know I _detest_; who then is there that I can address on the subject but yourself? to you therefore I appeal, and if I am disappointed, at least let me not be tormented by the advice of Guardians, and let silence rule your Resolution. I know you will think me foolish, if not criminal; but tell me so yourself, and do not rehea.r.s.e my failings to others, no, not even to that proud Grandee the Earl, who, whatever his qualities may be, is certainly not amiable, and that Chattering puppy Hanson would make still less allowance for the foibles of a Boy. I am now trying the experiment, whether a woman can retain a secret; let me not be deceived. If you have the least doubt of my integrity, or that you run too great a Risk, do not hesitate in your refusal. Adieu. I expect an answer with impatience, believe me, whether you accede or not,

[Signature cut out.]

P.S.--I apologize for the numerous errors probably enveloped in this cover; the temper of my mind at present, and the hurry I have written in, must plead for pardon. Adieu.

46.--To the Hon. Augusta Byron.

[Castle Howard, near Malton, Yorks.h.i.+re.]

16, Piccadilly, [Tuesday], January 7th, 1805.

[In another hand]--6.

My dearest Augusta,--Your efforts to reanimate my sinking spirits will, I am afraid, fail in their effect, for my melancholy proceeds from a very different cause to that which you a.s.sign, as, my nerves were always of the strongest texture.--I will not however pretend to say I possess that _Gaiete de Coeur_ which formerly distinguished me, but as the diminution of it arises from what you could not alleviate, and might possibly be painful, you will excuse the Disclosure. Suffice it to know, that it cannot spring from Indisposition, as my Health was never more firmly established than now, nor from the subject on which I lately wrote, as that is in a promising Train, and even were it otherwise, the Failure would not lead to Despair. You know me too well to think it is _Love_; & I have had no quarrel or dissention with Friend or enemy, you may therefore be easy, since no unpleasant consequence will be produced from the present Sombre cast of my Temper. I fear the Business will not be concluded before your arrival in Town, when we will settle it together, as by the 20th these _sordid Bloodsuckers_ who have agreed to furnish the Sum, will have drawn up the Bond. Believe me, my dearest Sister, it never entered in to my head, that you either could or would propose to antic[ipate] my application to others, by a P[resent from?] yourself; I and I only will be [injured] by my own extravagance, nor would I have wished you to take the least concern, had any other means been open for extrication. As it is, I hope you will excuse my Impertinence, or if you feel an inclination to retreat, do not let affection for me counterbalance prudence.

[Signature cut out.]

[Footnote 1: Words in square brackets accidentally torn off the edge of the paper, and conjecturally supplied.]

47.--To his Mother.

16, Piccadilly, Febry. 26, 1806.

Dear Mother,--Notwithstanding your sage and economical advice I have paid my _Harrow_ Debts, as I can better afford to wait for the Money than the poor Devils who were my creditors. I have also discharged my college Bills amounting to 231,--75 of which I shall trouble Hanson to repay, being for Furniture, and as my allowance is 500 per annum, I do not chuse to lose the overplus as it makes only 125 per Quarter.

I happen to have a few hundreds in ready Cash by me, [1] so I have paid the accounts; but I find it inconvenient to remain at College, not for the expence, as I could live on my allowance (only I am naturally extravagant); however the mode of going on does not suit my const.i.tution. Improvement at an English University to a Man of Rank is, you know, impossible, and the very Idea _ridiculous_. Now I sincerely desire to finish my Education and, having been sometime at Cambridge, the Credit of the University is as much attached to my Name, as if I had pursued my Studies _there_ for a Century; but, believe me, it is nothing more than a Name, which is already acquired.

I can now leave it with Honour, as I have paid everything, & wish to pa.s.s a couple of years abroad, where I am certain of employing my time to far more advantage and at much less expence, than at our English Seminaries. 'Tis true I cannot enter France; but Germany and the Courts of Berlin, Vienna & Petersburg are still open, I shall lay the Plan before Hanson & Lord C. I presume you will all agree, and if you do not, I will, if possible, get away without your Consent, though I should admire it more in the regular manner & with a Tutor of your furnis.h.i.+ng. This is my project, at present I wish _you_ to be silent to Hanson about it. Let me have your Answer. I intend remaining in Town a Month longer, when perhaps I shall bring my Horses and myself down to your residence in that _execrable_ Kennel. I hope you have engaged a Man Servant, else it will be impossible for me to visit you, since my Servant must attend chiefly to his horses; at the same Time you must cut an indifferent Figure with only maids in your habitation.

I remain, your's,

BYRON.

[Footnote 1:

"The Bills," writes Mrs. Byron to Hanson (January 11, 1806), "are coming in thick upon me to double the amount I expected; he went and ordered just what he pleased here, at Nottingham, and in London.

However, it is of no use to say anything about it, and I beg you will take no notice. I am determined to have everything clear within the year, if possible."

Again she writes (March 1, 1806):

"I beg you will not mention to my son, having heard from me, but try to get out of him his reason for wis.h.i.+ng to leave England, and where he got the money. I much fear he has fallen into bad hands, not only in regard to Money Matters, but in other respects. My idea is that he has inveigled himself with some woman that he wishes to get rid of and finds it difficult. But whatever it is, he must be got out of it."

Again (March 4, 1806):

"That Boy will be the death of me, and drive me mad! I never will consent to his going Abroad. Where can he get Hundreds? Has he got into the hands of Moneylenders? He has no feeling, no Heart. This I have long known; he has behaved as ill as possible to me for years back. This bitter Truth I can no longer conceal: it is wrung from me by _heart-rending agony_. I am well rewarded. I came to Nottinghams.h.i.+re to please him, and now he hates it. He knows that I am doing everything in my power to pay his Debts, and he writes to me about hiring servants!"

Once more (April 24, 1806):

"Lord Byron has given 31 10s. to Pitt's statue. He has also bought a Carriage, which he says was intended for me, which I _refused_ to accept of, being in hopes it would stop his having one."]