Advice to a Mother on the Management of Her Children Part 31

351. _Have you any observations to make on the selection, of a female boarding-school_?

Home education, where it be practicable, is far preferable to sending a girl to school; as _at_ home, her health, her morals, and her household duties, can be attended to much more effectually than _from_ home. Moreover, it is a serious injury to a girl, in more ways than one, to separate her from her own brothers: they very much lose their affection for each other, and mutual companions.h.i.+p (so delightful and beneficial between brothers and sisters) is severed.

If home education be not practicable, great care must be taken in making choice of a school. Boarding school education requires great reformation. Accomplishments, superficial acquirements, and brain-work, are the order of the day; health is very little studied. You ought, in the education of your daughters, to remember that they, in a few years, will be the wives and the mothers of England; and, if they have not health and strength, and a proper knowledge of household duties to sustain their characters, what useless, listless wives and mothers they will make!

Remember, then, the body, and not the mind, ought, in early life, to be princ.i.p.ally cultivated and strengthened, and that the growing brain will not bear, with impunity, much book learning. The brain of a school-girl is frequently injured by getting up voluminous questions by rote, that are not of the slightest use or benefit to her, or to any one else. Instead of this ridiculous system, educate a girl to be useful and self-reliant. "From babyhood they are given to understand that helplessness is feminine and beautiful; helpfulness, except in certain received forms of manifestation, unwomanly and ugly. The boys may do a thousand things which are 'not proper for little girls.'"--_A Woman's Thoughts about Women_.

From her twelfth to her seventeenth year, is the most important epoch of a girl's existence, as regards her future health, and consequently, in a great measure, her future happiness; and one, in which, more than at any other period of her life, she requires a plentiful supply of fresh air, exercise, recreation, a variety of innocent amus.e.m.e.nts, and an abundance of good nourishment--more especially of fresh meat; if therefore you have determined on sending your girl to school, you must ascertain that the pupils have as much plain wholesome nouris.h.i.+ng food as they can eat, [Footnote: If a girl have an _abundance_ of good nourishment, the schoolmistress must, of coa.r.s.e, be remunerated for the necessary and costly expense; and how can this be done on the paltry sum charged at _cheap_ boarding schools? It is utterly impossible! And what are we to expect from poor and insufficient nourishment to a fast-growing girl, and at the time of life, remember, when she requires an _extra_ quant.i.ty of good sustaining, supporting food? A poor girl, from such treatment, becomes either consumptive or broken down in const.i.tution, and from which she never recovers, but drags on a miserable existence.] that the school be situated in a healthy spot, that it be well-drained, that there be a large play-ground attached to it, that the young people are allowed plenty of exercise in the open air--indeed, that at least one-third of the day is spent there in croquet, skipping, archery, battle-dore and shuttlec.o.c.k, gardening, walking, running, &c.

Take care that the school-rooms are well-ventilated, that they are not over-crowded, and that the pupils are allowed chairs to sit upon, and not those abominations--forms and stools. If you wish to try the effect of them upon yourselves, sit for a couple of hours without stirring upon a form or upon a stool, and, take my word for it, you will insist that forms and stools be banished for ever from the schoolroom.

a.s.sure yourself that the pupils are compelled to rise early in the morning, and that they retire early to rest; that each young lady has a separate bed [Footnote: A horse-hair mattress should always be preferred to a feather-bed. It is not only better for the health, but it improves the figure] and that many are not allowed to sleep in the same room, and that the apartments are large and well-ventilated. In fine, their health and their morals ought to be preferred far above all their accomplishments.

352. _They use, in some schools, straight-backed chairs to make a girl sit upright, and to give strength to her back: do you approve of them_?

Certainly not: the natural and the graceful curve of the back is not the curve of a straight-backed chair. Straight-backed chairs are instruments of torture, and are more likely to make a girl crooked than to make her straight. Sir Astley Cooper ridiculed straight-backed chairs, and well he might. It is always well for a mother to try, for some considerable time, such ridiculous inventions upon herself before she experiments upon her unfortunate daughter. The position is most unnatural. I do not approve of a girl lounging and lolling on a sofa; but, if she be tired and wants to rest herself, let her, like any other reasonable being, sit upon a comfortable ordinary chair.

If you want her to be straight, let her be made strong; and if she is to be strong, she must use plenty of exercise and exertion, such as drilling, dancing, skipping, archery, croquet, hand-swinging, horse-exercise, swimming, bowls, etc. This is the plan to make her back straight and her muscles strong. Why should we bring up a girl differently from a boy? Muscular exercises, gymnastic performances, and health-giving exertion, are unladylike, forsooth!

HOUSEHOLD WORK FOR GIRLS.

353. _Do you recommend household work as a means of health for my daughter_?

Decidedly: whatever you do, do not make a fine lady of her, or she will become puny and delicate, listless, and miserable. A girl, let her station be what it might, ought, as soon as she be old enough, to make her own bed. There is no better exercise to expand the figure and to beautify the shape than is bed-making. Let her make tidy her own room. Let her use her hands and her arms. Let her, to a great extent, be self-reliant, and let her wait upon herself. There is nothing vulgar in her being useful. Let me ask, of what use are many girls of the present day? They are utterly useless. Are they happy? No, for the want of employment, they are miserable--I mean bodily employment, household work. Many girls, now-a-days, unfortunately, are made to look upon a pretty face, dress, and accomplishments, as the only things needed! And, when they do become women and wives--if ever they do become women and wives--what miserable lackadaisical wives, and what senseless, useless mothers they will make!

CHOICE OF PROFESSION OR TRADE.

354. _What profession or trade would you recommend a boy of a delicate or of a consumptive habit to follow_?

If a youth be delicate, it is a common practice among parents either to put him to some light in-door trade, or, if they can afford it, to one of the learned professions. Such a practice is absurd, and fraught with danger. The close confinement of an in-door trade is highly prejudicial to health. The hard reading requisite to fit a man to fill, for instance, the sacred office, only increases delicacy of const.i.tution. The stooping at a desk, in an attorney's office, is most trying to the chest. The hara.s.s, the anxiety, the disturbed nights, the interrupted meals, and the intense study necessary to fit a man for the medical profession, is still more dangerous to health than either law, divinity, or any in-door trade. "Sir Walter Scott says of the country surgeon, that he is worse fed and harder wrought than any one else in the parish, except it be his fiorse."--_Brown's Horoe Subsecivoe._

A modern writer, speaking of the life of a medical man, observes, "There is no career which so rapidly wears away the powers of life, because there is no other which requires a greater activity of mind and body. He has to bear the changes of weather, continued fatigue, irregularity in his meals, and broken rest; to live in the midst of miasma and contagion. If in the country, he has to traverse considerable distances on horseback, exposed to wind and storm; to brave all dangers to go to the relief of suffering humanity. A fearful truth for medical men has been established by the table of mortality of Dr. Caspar, published in the _British Review_. Of 1000 members of the medical profession, 600 died before their sixty-second year; whilst of persons leading a quiet life--such as agriculturists or theologians--the mortality is only 347. If we take 100 individuals of each of these cla.s.ses, 43 theologians, 40 agriculturists, 35 clerks, 32 soldiers, will reach their seventieth year; of 100 professors of the healing art, 24 only will reach that age. They are the sign-posts to health; they can show the road to old age, but rarely tread it themselves."

If a boy, therefore, be of a delicate or of a consumptive habit, an out-door calling should be advised, such as that of a farmer, of a tanner, or a land-surveyor; but, if he be of an inferior station of society, the trade of a butcher may be recommended. Tanners and butchers are seldom known to die of consumption.

I cannot refrain from reprobating the too common practice among parents of bringing up their boys to the professions. The anxieties and the heartaches which they undergo if they do not succeed (and how can many of them succeed when there is such a superabundance of candidates?) materially injure their health. "I very much wonder,"

says Addison, "at the humour of parents, who will not rather choose to place their sons in a way of life where an honest industry cannot but thrive, than in stations where the greatest probity, learning, and good sense, may miscarry. How many men are country curates, that might have made themselves aldermen of London by a right improvement of a smaller sum of money than what is usually laid out upon a learned education? A sober, frugal person, of slender parts and a slow apprehension, might have thrived in trade, though he starves upon physic; as a man would be well enough pleased to buy silks of one whom he could not venture to feel his pulse. Vagellius is careful, studious, and obliging, but withal a little thick-skulled; he has not a single client, but might have had abundance of customers. The misfortune is that parents take a liking to a particular profession, and therefore desire their sons may be of it; whereas, in so great an affair of life, they should consider the genius and abilities of their children more than their own inclinations. It is the great advantage of a trading nation, that there are very few in it so dull and heavy who may not be placed in stations of life which may give them an opportunity of making their fortunes. A well-regulated commerce is not, like law, physic, or divinity, to be overstocked with hands; but, on the contrary, flourishes by mult.i.tudes, and gives employment to all its professors. Fleets of merchantmen are so many squadrons of floating shops, that vend our wares and manufactures in all the markets of the world, and find out chapmen under both the tropics."

355. _Then, do you recommend a delicate youth to be brought up either to a profession or to a trade_?

Decidedly; there is nothing so injurious for a delicate boy, or for anyone else, as idleness. Work, in moderation, enlivens the spirits, braces the nerves, and gives tone to the muscles, and thus strengthens the const.i.tution. Of all miserable people, the idle boy, or the idle man, is the most miserable! If you be poor, of course you will bring him up to some calling; but if you be rich, and your boy be delicate (if he be not actually in a consumption), you will, if you are wise, still bring him up to some trade or profession. You will, otherwise, be making a rod for your own as well as for your son's back. Oh, what a blessed thing is work!

356. _Have you any remarks to make on the sleep of boys and girls_?

Sleeping-rooms, are, generally, the smallest in the house, whereas, for health's sake, they ought to be the largest If it be impossible to have a _large_ bedroom, I should advise a parent to have a dozen or twenty holes (each about the size of a florin) bored with a centre-bit in the upper part of the chamber door, and the same number of holes in the lower part of the door, so as constantly to admit a free current of air from the pa.s.sages. If this cannot readily be done, then let the bedroom door be left ajar all night, a door chain being on the door to prevent intrusion; and, in the summer time, during the night, let the window-sash, to the extent of about two or three inches, be left open.

If there be a dressing-room next to the bedroom, it will be well to have the dressing-room window, instead of the bedroom window, open at night. The dressing-room door will regulate the quant.i.ty of air to be admitted into the bedroom, opening it either little or much, as the weather might be cold or otherwise.

_Fresh air during deep is indispensable to health._--If a bedroom be close, the sleep, instead of being calm and refres.h.i.+ng, is broken and disturbed; and the boy, when he awakes in the morning, feels more fatigued than when he retired to rest.

If sleep is to be refres.h.i.+ng, the air, then, must be pure, and free from carbonic acid gas, which, is constantly being evolved from the lungs. If sleep is to be health-giving, the lungs ought to have their proper food--oxygen, and not to be cheated by giving them instead a poison--carbonic acid gas.

It would be well for each boy to have a separate room to himself, and each girl a separate room to herself. If two boys are obliged, from the smallness of the house, to sleep in one room, and if two girls, from the same cause, are compelled to occupy the same chamber, by all means let each one have a _separate_ bed to himself and to herself, as it is so much more healthy and expedient for both boy and girl to sleep alone.

The roof of the bed should be left open--that is to say, the top of the bedstead ought not to be covered with bed furniture, but should be open to the ceiling, in order to encourage a free ventilation of air. A bed-curtain may be allowed on the side of the bed where there are windy currents of air; otherwise bed-curtains and valances ought on no account to be allowed. They prevent a free circulation of the air. A youth should sleep on a horse-hair mattress. Such mattresses greatly improve the figure and strengthen the frame. During the day time, provided it does not rain, the windows must be thrown wide open, and, directly after he has risen from bed, the clothes ought to be thrown entirely back, in order that they may become, before the bed be made, well ventilated and purified by the air--

"Do yon wish to be healthy?-- Then keep the home sweet, As soon as you're up Shake each blanket and sheet.

Leave the beds to get fresh On the close crowded floor Let the wind sweep right through-- Open window and door

The bad air will rush out As the good air comes in, Just as goodness is stronger And better than sin.

Do this, it's soon done, In the fresh morning air, It will lighten your labour And lessen your care

You are weary--no wonder, There's weight and there's gloom Hanging heavily round In each over full room.

Be sure all the trouble Is profit and gain For there's head ache and heart-ache, And fever and pain

Hovering round, settling down In the closeness and heat Let the wind sweep right through Till the air's fresh and sweet,

And more cheerful you'll feel Through the toil of the day, More refreshed you'll awake When the night's paved away" [Footnote: _Household Verses on Health and Happiness_ London. Jarrold and Sons. Every mother should read these _Verses_.]

Plants and flowers ought not to be allowed to remain in a chamber at night. Experiments have proved that plants and flowers take up, in the day-time, carbonic acid gas (the refuse of respiration), and give off oxygen (a gas so necessary and beneficial to health), but give out, in the night season, a poisonous exhalation.

Early rising cannot be too strongly insisted upon; nothing is more conducive to health and thus to long life. A youth is frequently allowed to spend the early part of the morning in bed, breathing the impure atmosphere of a bedroom, when he should be up and about, inhaling the balmy and health-giving breezes of the morning:--

"Rise with the lark, and with the lark to bed: The breath of night's destructive to the hue Of ev'ry flower that blows. Go to the field, And ask the humble daisy why it sleeps Soon as the sun departs? Why close the eyes Of blossoms infinite long ere the moon Her oriental veil puts off? Think why, Nor let the sweetest blossom Nature boasts Be thus exposed to night's unkindly damp. Well may it droop, and all its freshness lose, Compell'd to taste the rank and pois'nous steam Of midnight theatre and morning ball Gire to repose the solemn hour she claims; And from the forehead of the morning steal The sweet occasion. Oh! there is a charm Which morning has, that gives the brow of age, a smack of youth, and makes the lip of youth Shed perfume exquisite. Expect it not Ye who till noon upon a down-bed lie, Indulging feverish sleep."--_Hurdis_.

If early rising be commenced in childhood it becomes a habit, and will then probably be continued through life. A boy ought on no account to be roused from his sleep; but, as soon as he be awake in the morning, he should be encouraged to rise. Dozing--that state between sleeping and waking--is injurious; it enervates both body and mind, and is as detrimental to health as dram drinking! But if he rise early he must go to bed betimes; it is a bad practice to keep him up until the family retire to rest. He ought, winter and summer, to seek his pillow by nine o'clock, and should rise as soon as he awake in the morning.

Let me urge upon a parent the great importance of _not_ allowing the chimney of any bedroom, or of any room in the house, to be stopped, as many are in the habit of doing to prevent, as _they_ call it, a draught, but to prevent, as _I_ should call it, health.

357. _How many hours of deep ought a boy to have_?

This, of course, will depend upon the exercise he takes: but, on an average, he should have every night at least eight hours. It is a mistaken notion that a boy does _better_ with _little_ sleep. Infants, children, and youths require more than those who are further advanced in years; hence old people can frequently do with little sleep. This may in a measure be accounted for from the quant.i.ty of exercise the young take. Another reason may be, the young have neither racking pain, nor hidden sorrow, nor carking care, to keep them awake; while, on the contrary, the old have frequently, the one, the other, or all:--

"Care keeps his watch on every old man's eye, And where care lodges, sleep will never lie."--_Shakspeare_.

ON THE TEETH AND THE GUMS.

358. _What are the beet means of keeping the teeth and the gums in a healthy state_?

I would recommend the teeth and the gums to be well brushed with warm salt and water, in the proportion of one large tea-spoonful of, salt to a tumbler of water. I was induced to try the above plan by the recommendation of an American writer--_Todd_. The salt and water should be used _every night_.

The following is an excellent tooth-powder:--