Good Morning, Miss Undercover Chapter 1.2

It´s very late at night – 11:35. Location is A city´s most luxurious nightclub. My ident.i.ty is no longer a fearless and formidable agent Fang, but a newly arrived drinking lady[1]. I am also not wearing a well ironed police uniform, but a miniskirt that is put together by few pieces of rags. The lacking material makes me feel  empty and lonely.

Wearing a brown wig and a make up, which is so heavy  that my facial features couldn´t be distinguished, I was a spitting image of a tabby cat, that came out from some alley. I wanted to bite to death that d.a.m.ned h.o.m.os.e.xual Deng Long.

At this very moment I can only pose as a valiant woman. In my head hovered a very profound question: If I was able ,like mister Zhu Yingtai[2], to learn to wrap my full bosom three times with a cloth, would I  get close to that authentic gay brother Deng Long.

I hesitated. Since ancient times, brother Liang Shanbo[3]´s IQ was, indeed, not  very high, surpa.s.sing all others of its kind before and since. Even to this day it´s hard for someone to outmatch him. Brother Deng is, I am afraid, a little harder to handle than brother Liang.

He is not so easily fooled.

However, this also cannot be considered as an excellent plan. I, who is surrounded by barren hills and treacherous rapids with no strategy left to try, am having second thoughts. I reckon, that perhaps I should give it a try. If I got the information I would immediately run. If I didn´t get it, at worst I would have simply changed into a mother lioness and forced yourself on him. As a victim of a rape, he would likely say or do something to satisfy me.

Just when I was zealously thinking, Lilisha stretched out her head from box 313, waving her hand and calling me: „Ma Li, hurry up, boss Shen is waiting for us.“

When I heard the two words „boss Shen“, my two legs began violently swaying right away.

He is a strange person. No, a moody old freak – just a moment ago a weather was favorable and in the next moment it would be furious. One has no idea what has ruin him during his youth to turn him into such rainstorm personality and what´s more frightening is that I six days a week and he has been continuously choosing me for three days straight.

Thinking of that wrinkled old face with it´s dull expression, the me, who was in the past considered brave, peerless and misfortune-turning-to-blessing agent Fang, turned out to be also powerless when facing a five millenium old legacy that was pa.s.sed down by ancestors – respect the old and cherish the young. I could only very boldly curse outside the door „You d.a.m.ned old fool“ , but after entering ending up affectionately calling, „Xiao Shen, you came?“ like a spineless coward.

Ever since „Xiao Shenyang[4]“ got famous, old fool suavely expressed, that since everyone wants to respect the old and cherish the young, then everyone musn´t be so formal and can call him „Xiao Shen“. Furthermore, he doesn´t want stinge adjectives and there is also no harm adding „old but vigorous“ in front of „Xiao Shen“. The more displaying wisdom the better.

Old but vigorous  Xia Shen was staring at me with an expression of an old wolf. I, just as in the past, skillfuly smiled prettily, sat down and  slightly  maintained a distance from the old fool. Using a voice that made even me disgusted, I sold my smile „Xia Shen, we have agreed we won´t drink today. Let´s play a rock-paper-scissors game.“

„Good, good, my little Ma Li, anything you say is good.“ old fool in amiable manner patted my slim shoulder . In a split second my whole body got goose b.u.mps. I tensed up, remaining only with my eyeb.a.l.l.s that could move with  difficultly.

The hand of perverted old fellow was little by little moving up. I tensed up even more. My fists were unconsciously very tightly clenched. I mockingly smiled holding a breath.

I endured being eaten tofu[5] by him for a week. Anyway, the possibility of accomplis.h.i.+ng this mission was small. I have decided to do a kidnapping before leaving.  I honestly felt depressed.

„What? What´s this? It´s actually a wig!“ old fellow raised his voice, with one grasp pulled askew the wig on my head. His face changed from fine weather to rainstorm.  He glared at me and angrily rebuked, „You actually let me spend money to touch your wig.“

Regarding dramatic change of situation, my mind instinctively blanked. Subsequently, he teared down my wig. My ears short messy hair was revealed before people around. Old fellow flew even more into a rage.  His old face wrinkled like an old tree bark – so malevolent that it scared people. He roared, „Call mama-san to come here. You were playing with me, Shen Xiao Liu, like with a monkey, weren´t you? Androgynous thing actually dared to come out to accompany me.“

I was unable to restrain my anger. You are androgynous, your whole family is androgynous. However, in my mind, I sighed. There is nothing to be done. This old fool, when coming out, didn´t take medicine. He is, again, having an epilepsy.

This is truly a terrible day. Even a one good thing didn´t happen.

I coldly watched him having an outbreak, my fists clenching.

Lilisha was a little afraid.  She anxiously swept her eyes back and forth over us two.  She thought that I was silent because I was frightened.  Little did she know that I was about to grab a pole to start a revolt. She hurried to appease old fool with sweet words, „Xiao Shen, ignore Ma Li. Come, come, touch my hair. Everyone says that it´s smooth like a silk.“

Old fool´s complexion eased a little, but he was still scowling.  He suddenly threw my wig onto my body, commanding Lilisha, „Go to call your mama here. I came here to be a G.o.d, not spent money to touch a wig.“

To be able to touch my wig and not my fists is already because of good deeds done by your ancestors. I raised my chin and berated in my mind. I took a deep breath, but because I was too angry, no matter what, I couldn´t get myself to calm down.

Lilisha was probably afraid. She hurriedly left to call Mama Sang. Following that, Mama Sang, finally, gracefuly arrived.

Mama-san, accustomed to this type of situations, naturally,  easily and skillfully handled it. One playful pout, one flirtatious banter plus very skillfully making up for a scolding that avoided me just a moment ago – on the old bark like face of old fool´s swiftly opened a brilliant chrysanthemum.

Of course, he didn´t let me off so easily. Besides bowing the head and apologizing, he also made me gulp down a big bottle of red wine as mental compesation, before chasing me out.

So lets drink. I am not a kid anymore. If one´s able to drink then one doesn´t have to fight.  Fight is no problem but these pieces of thin rags on my body wouldn´t withstand my body´s big movements. I was afraid of fighting till stark naked, so lets drink.

Old fool was satisfyingly watching me drinking till my liver and guts were cut to pieces. With a wave of hand, he allowed me to leave.

I, too, have had enough. Drunken, I went out. Direction – wwashroom. I, agent Fang, am going to grandly throw up.

When drinking this somewhat intense red wine, it let my liver and guts be cut to pieces for a time being. Once I left, it again let my liver and guts be cut to pieces for a time being. After I threw up till sky and the earth turned upside down, while  holding a toilet bowl, it was already so bad it couldn´t be even worse.

My body and mind suffered a huge blow. I limped on the edge of toilet, embracing a snow white toilet bowl. I was caught in a deep dilemma, that had no boundary.

Lao (Lao means old) Tan already explained. If I don´t accomplish the mission, I would fail to live up the oath „Striving throughout one’s life for people to live in peace and work happily“ I made at the time when I was graduating, and I didn´t have to go back to see him anymore.

I burped. Lao Tan, Lao Tan, thick and solid thighs of Deng Long belong to  you, vast men. I have a will but not the strength.

I drank too much. I learnt like lizard to stick on wall, weakly coming out from washroom  – mind dizzy, body wobbling, my feet stepping on floating clouds. I have decided, for the time being, to firstly put troublesome things to the future. I have to find a warm place to shelter myself.

Heaven had a mercy on me. Something warm appeared, didn´t it.

A thick suit.

Yi[6], why can suit move?

O, inside the suit was actually wrapped a man, man of flesh and blood.

I blinked several times, narrowing a drunken shortsighted eyes only to noticea few meters from me was a tall and straight man. I wasn´t able to see clearly his appearance. Beneath a faint and ambiguous light, he appeared to share an exclusive qualities of dressed up animal[7].

Even though, at the moment, I had an alcohol in my blood surging forward and hooting and I couldn´t distinguish G.o.d from ghost, but after my whole body s.h.i.+vered for a while I felt a blessing arrived into my heart. Heaven, this man before my eyes, could he be little beast Deng Long?

Similar height and figure and also that feeling of distance and cold arrogance – it made my little undercover agent´s soul ignite.

[1] I dont know how to  translate it in english but it is either a hostess or something similar (sorry, my chinese is limited)

[2] Main character from b.u.t.terfly lovers –a woman that disguised herself as a man

[3] Main character from b.u.t.terfly lovers –a man that has fallen in love with Zhu Yingtai without knowing that she was a woman (uh, how much did she resembled a man that he didn´t even know that she was a woman?)

[4] Chinese actor that got famous after 2009 CCTV New Year’s Gala

[5] Being taken advantage of

[6] Chinese expression of surprise, something like english oh

[7] fig. immoral and despicable person