Frederica and her Guardians Part 18

Soon after this Mr Jerome came to see Frederica, but he brought none of the strong arguments, none of the words of wisdom, that Miss Agnace had promised. He made himself very agreeable to the young girl, told her amusing tales of the lands in which he had travelled, and made an attempt at teaching her the interesting game of "Tric trac," before he went away. Frederica acknowledged that he was agreeable, and that his face was not so bad when he was speaking and smiling, as when it was quite at rest. He came often after that; but Frederica was soon able to leave her room and become one of the family again, so that she only shared his visits with the rest. He made himself very agreeable to them all. He was a fine musician, and proposed to teach Selina to play, as he had seen the blind taught in Europe; and of course this gave pleasure to them all. He laid himself out especially to please the boys, Charles and Hubert, and succeeded. Even Tessie who was inclined to be critical and even rude to him at first, yielded to his determined attempts to please.

Frederica would have liked him too, if it had not come into her mind that he was taking all this pains for some other reason than the mere wish to be agreeable. And the same thought came into the mind of her mother. Mrs Vane had some unpleasant remembrances of him, in the days when she had known him better than she did now, and his visits did not give her unmingled satisfaction. But they did not speak to one another about him for a long time. They enjoyed Selina's pleasure, and the pleasure of the little boys, who shared his attention, and went with him on expeditions of various kinds. They had a very quiet time till Tessie came home for the holidays. Frederica was not long in throwing off all invalid habits, and growing well and strong again, but she was quieter and graver than she used to be before her illness, and the summer did not, even after Tessie's returning, promise to be so merry or so idle as the last had been.

CHAPTER TWELVE.

Mr Vane's first letter brought an account of the wedding, and of the gaieties attending it, and his next told them that he had made up his mind to pa.s.s the summer on the Continent, returning to spend a month in England in the autumn, before he went home. They heard afterwards from Paris, and then from Rome, but for a time nothing more was said about Frederica's going to England.

As for Frederica, she said less than she used to do about being "grown up" and "sensible," but she was more thoughtful and quiet than she had ever been before; and, with the advice and a.s.sistance of Miss Robina, laid out for herself a regular course of reading, which she pursued with praiseworthy diligence, considering all things. The reading of the Bible with her mother and Selina was commenced again, and nothing was permitted to interfere with it. She began also to take her little brothers regularly to church, and to listen and try to understand all that she heard there. She did not get discouraged, though there was not much to interest or to instruct in the sermons she often heard.

There was little hope of a happy summer to them, as the days went on.

The heat which last year seemed to bring healing to Mrs Vane, brought this year weakness and nervous prostration painful to see. And something even worse than these came with them, to make the days and nights terrible to her--the fear of death,--death, which she knew to be drawing near. It had come to her in former illnesses, but never as it came now.

Mr Jerome. St. Cyr never spoke many words to her in private, but they had been strong words that she could not forget, about her G.o.dless marriage and her G.o.dless life, which had brought on her, he said, the double curse of ill-health and neglect, and which must end in still deeper misery. She could not forget them, and they woke terrible fears for the future. She told her fears to her children, hoping that they might chase them away as they had chased so many troubles of hers in past years, with playful or loving words, but they knew not what to say, for they too were afraid.

"G.o.d is good, and Christ died for us," repeated Selina many times.

"Surely that is enough, mama."

They read the Testament daily to her still, and Frederica searched it carefully for her sake, bringing to her such sweet words as these:

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

"For the Son of man came to seek and to save that which was lost.

"G.o.d so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

"Death is swallowed up in victory. O death! where is thy sting? O grave! where is thy victory? The sting of Death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to G.o.d, who giveth us the victory, through our Lord Jesus Christ."

The clergyman of the church they attended came to see her, and read prayers solemnly and tenderly, and answered the appeal of her anxious eyes with vague words about G.o.d's goodness and compa.s.sion, and how He would save all who came to Him. But his words did not comfort her.

"How can I come to Him? I do not know the way."

"Mama, Jesus is the way--He says it," said Selina, who never seemed to forget the words she heard.

"But I do not know Him; I have not thought about Him all my life; I have done nothing good, and it is too late now."

"But the thief on the cross had done nothing good, even to the very last, and yet Jesus says to him, 'To-day shalt thou be with me in paradise,'" said Selina.

"Yes; let me read it for you," said Frederica eagerly.

"But he could do nothing, and Mr Jerome says I could give money to clothe the naked and feed the hungry, and that I could give my children to the Church, and then I should be safe. But I never trusted Mr Jerome; I am afraid of him; and yet he may be right."

"Miss Agnace says something like that too," said Tessie, "and I think we ought to ask Mr St. Cyr to give some money, if it would set mama's mind at rest."

"But it does not say that is the way in the Bible," said Frederica gravely.

"Yes, it says something like that. Some one was told to sell all his goods to give to the poor. Don't you remember?"

"But it says, 'Thanks be to G.o.d, who _giveth_ us the victory!'" said Selina. "And there must be some people so poor that they have nothing to give Him back."

"Yes, and in another place He says, 'I _give_ unto my sheep eternal life,'" said Frederica. "It cannot be that one can buy it."

"And in another place it says, 'He that believeth shall be saved,'" said Selina.

The mother's eyes turned eagerly from one to another. They knew little, but they knew far more than she did about that which she was so anxious to learn.

"Miss Agnace always says I must send for a priest, and confess to him, but my father hated all that, and your father would be very angry."

"But mama, if it would make you happy, he need not be told," said Tessie; "and we might send for some one else than Mr St. Cyr's brother."

"But that would be giving up what the Bible says; for it does not tell us to confess to priests, or that they can pardon us," said Frederica.

"It says something, I think," said Selina, "'Whosesoever sins ye remit, they shall be remitted.' Oh, if we only had some one to tell us what we ought to do?"

And was there no one among a whole cityful to tell these children and their mother how they might be saved? Doubtless there were many who would gladly have pointed them to Jesus as the only hope of the sinner, if they had made known their need to such. But it was quite true of those with whom they came in contact, the way was not clear to them.

"I spoke to Caroline about it," said Frederica, "and she said we must be good, and say our prayers, and go to church, and do our duty always.

But there must be some other way; for mama can do nothing now. She cannot even give money, unless Mr St. Cyr is willing; and it would do no good, if she could."

"Miss Agnace says that she knows a sister who Is very good and wise, and who would gladly teach us. Mama, shall we send for Sister Magdalen?"

asked Selina.

But Mrs Vane was less able to say what should or what should not be done, than the youngest child among them. No one sent for Sister Magdalen, unless Miss Agnace did, which was very likely; for she seemed always to know what they wished for, whether they told her or not; but she came. A very different woman she was from Miss Agnace. A thin, dark, thoughtful woman, with a face which was calm now, but which suggested thoughts of troubles pa.s.sed through, and struggles encountered in past days.

She came to see Miss Agnace at first, or she said so; but she had some beautiful specimens of needlework which she wished the young ladies to see, and while they were admiring it she was speaking gentle and sympathising words to their mother.

She came a good many times after that, and by-and-by she had much to say to them all about the peace and rest that were to be found in the bosom of the true Church, and of the safety and happiness that were to be purchased by the performance of such good works as the Church commanded.

She told them how, by penance, and prayer, and the confession of sin, pardon might be obtained, and how, through the intercession of Mary and the saints, they might hope to get safe to heaven.

She was a wiser woman than Miss Agnace, and knew how to put all these things in the fairest light, so as not to startle them. But she was as grieved and indignant as Miss Agnace had been at the pride and self-will of children who ventured to read, and who strove to understand, the Bible for themselves. It was just Miss Agnace's teaching over again, except that all was more clearly and firmly announced, and more decidedly pressed home, by Sister Magdalen.

If Mrs Vane had been left a little while to her instructions and influence, she might have led her where she would, and induced her, in the hope of finding peace, to give herself altogether into the guidance of those who believe that they have the keys of heaven in their keeping.

But her children never left her side when Sister Magdalen was there, and there was no a.s.sent in Frederica's anxious watchful eyes, and Selina was always ready with some word from the Book, which even Sister Magdalen could not but acknowledge was the very word of G.o.d. Nor did it avail for her to say that G.o.d had other words than were written there, and other ways of teaching those who wished to know His will. If Frederica had learned little else from the Scriptural lessons of Mrs Glencairn and Miss Pardie, she had learned this, that the Bible is the only source of our knowledge of G.o.d as the Saviour of sinners, and to distrust all other teaching.

"What you say may be true, I cannot tell, but it is not here in the Gospels. And surely there is all here that is necessary, if we could only understand," said Frederica gently. And Selina added,--

"_I_ know we are very ignorant; but I do not think it is wrong in us to read and to try to understand G.o.d's Word for ourselves, and I believe G.o.d will teach us, and mama too. We will not fear."

In the meantime Mr Jerome had still been making frequent visits to Mrs Vane's house, where he made himself very agreeable to the children.

Selina's music progressed rapidly, and she had increasing pleasure in it. The boys and even Tessie welcomed him with the indiscriminating liking which children bestow on those who take pains to please and win them. Frederica said to herself, that this liking and Selina's progress ought to be sufficient reason for her liking him too. And it might have been so if the priest had been content to treat her as a child.

But she was not a child, and he touched with her on graver matters than a child could comprehend. He was aware of her reading the Bible with her mother and the rest, and of her anxious questionings of Sister Agnace, and her wish to be religious and do right, and he was more than willing to give counsel and direction with regard to these matters. But on these things Frederica would never enter with him. At first she could give no better reason for this, than that "he had not a nice face," which she acknowledged was a very foolish reason. But afterwards she had a reason which was all-powerful with her: he made her mother unhappy. He spoke softly and soothingly to her, as far as words and manners went: but he never came but he said some words that left her anxious and troubled either for herself or her children. He intimated his belief that she had forsaken the true Church--the Church of her fathers--when she married Mr Vane, and that all her ill-health and unhappiness had come upon her as a punishment for this wrong step. He never said all this to her in words at one time; but he uttered a word now and then, breathed a sigh, spoke a soft regret, or as soft a warning, that left the poor soul never quite at ease. He never spoke thus to her in the presence of her children. Without them there is little doubt that he could easily have bent the poor broken-spirited woman to his will--brought her to repentance and a better mind, he would have called it. But Selina's gentleness, and Frederica's sense of her mother's helplessness and dependence, were a strong defence to their mother. At this time Frederica saw that she was unhappy a good while before she knew that the priest had anything to do with it. When she did know it, she resented it angrily, and told him with more than sufficient warmth, that it was neither kind nor wise of him to come with his hard words and harder judgments, to unsettle and perplex the mind of one so tender and delicate.

"Perhaps you mean it kindly, but it is not real kindness to make poor mama unhappy and afraid. You have your religion, and we have ours. We will not interfere with each other," said Frederica, with trembling dignity.

"Have you then any religion?" asked the priest. "Because it has been intimated to me that you are in search of one, and know not where it is to be found. Is your mother then happier than you?"

Frederica looked at him in amazement and anger, yet other feelings also were in her heart.