The Art of Amusing Part 22

A CHARADE IN THREE ACTS.

ACT I.

CAR ----.

_Dramatis Personae_, CAR-DRIVER.

CONDUCTOR.

Pa.s.sENGERS.

SCENE--_Sixth Avenue, New York._

Scene opens and discovers street-car driving furiously along, drawn by two chestnut acquaintances. Conductor and driver represented by two small boys. Car composed of lounge, clothes-horse, and two chairs, judiciously arranged and draped; wheels of band box-lids or circular tea-trays. Noise of car simulated by confederates outside shaking sleigh-bells or hand-bells, and drumming on door with fingers and hand; also rattling on floor with feet.

Enter some pa.s.sengers, running and hailing car. Bell rings, by knocking goblet with spoon. Car stops.

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Pa.s.sengers rush towards car. Gentleman is in the act of stepping on car when bell rings, and car suddenly starts off, throwing gentleman violently to the ground. Great screaming and wailing; friends gather round and try to raise him; find he is insensible; all immediately begin shaking their fists at conductor; then simultaneously they bethink themselves of the propriety of taking the number of the car. All draw out their memorandum-books and commence writing. Conductor and driver make gestures of defiance.

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Grand tableau.

ACT II.

---- PET.

_Dramatis Personae_, HUSBAND AND WIFE.

Enter lady poutingly, followed by her husband, who tries to coax her into a good humor, but without avail. She persists in being in a _pet_.

Husband

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by his gestures promises to buy her shawls,

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dresses,

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a piano,

and even

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a riding-horse.[8]

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Finding all these promises are of no use, he begins to get excited; declares she shall have nothing; lady remains sulky; gentleman seizes his hat, rams it on his head, and exits. Lady walks off in the opposite direction, clenching her fists.

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[8] To convey this idea, the gentleman must neigh while he prances.

ACT III.

CARPET.

_Dramatis Personae_, IRISHMAN.

COLORED MAN.

SERVANT GIRL.

SCENE--_Street-door of fas.h.i.+onable house--door-plate of white paper on door bearing the name of Swab._

Enter colored man,[9] with his face well spotted with whitewash, who rings at door of fas.h.i.+onable house.

[9] The usual way of making a colored man is by blacking the face with burnt cork; but as gentlemen at evening parties sometimes object to undergoing this ordeal, a good n.i.g.g.e.r may be manufactured by stretching a piece of dark silk across the face and cutting out holes for the eyes and mouth. Hair can be made of cotton wadding.

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Irish servant appears with her sleeves rolled up and her dress pinned in the form of a dress-coat behind. She turns up her nose at darkey, who humbly intimates that he has called for the _carpet_. Girl slams the door in his face. Colored man considers this outrageous conduct, as he has been specially requested to call for orders, and produces the following note from Mr. Swab:

"MR. CUFFY: "Please call at No. 13 Fifth Avenue, for carpet.

"JOHN SWAB."

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He points to note and name on door to show he has come to the right house.

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Enter Irishman, who approaches Mr. Swab's door and rings bell; reappear girl, who smiles as she produces a roll of carpet. Cuffy steps forward and expostulates, showing Mr. Swab's letter. Irishman pitches into Cuffy, and a furious fight ensues, in which the girl joins with a broom.

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THE END OF CARPET.