Tomorrow, I Will Die. You Will Revive Vol 1 Chapter 5

[BOKUs.h.i.+NU V1] CUT 5 – TODAY, I HAD AN ENCOUNTER WITH YOU. YOU SWEAR REVENGE.

Hikari Yumesaki seemed weird recently.

And on a certain morning in June, my doubts became belief.

It was a gloomy, rainy season.

And after reading the words written on the notebook, I felt something was amiss.

“She got a cold?”

And I immediately realized that was impossible.

The diary entry written in the notebook was unusually lethargic, or if I have to be specific, the contents written on it are rather businesslike, I guess. The contents she wrote had been lacking in information before this, but right now, the contents of the entries felt somewhat plain.

Her specialty, the ill.u.s.trations, has recently disappeared, and it seems she’s more obedient whenever she goes to school. It got to a point where even our cla.s.smates were troubled at how to encourage her “Pull yourself together.”

Even the white puzzle she always dabbled in was left buried in a corner of the room, and she never continued with working on it.

“I do feel embarra.s.sed if it’s panties, but not if it’s swimsuits! In other words, what this means is that it’s not an issue of the surface area covering, I think.”

Having completed the puzzle to this point, it seems she doesn’t have any interest in continuing on any further.

Leaving that aside, I was being worried, “You feeling alright? Are you troubled?” so I wrote these words two days ago,

“It’s nothing in particular, you know?”

And that was her reply.

“Nothing in particular, huh?”

Whenever this girl uses the term ‘nothing in particular’, unfortunately for me, it’s always a lie. That was what she would answer regarding the splurging of money and making a pa.s.s at my little sister. Both of us are in the same body after all. I can tell immediately that she’s lying.

“As much as I wanna say it’s a relief…I don’t think it’s possible.”

I don’t know if it’s fortunate or not, but my sensitive personality meant that I am never going to leave my other half like this.

And also, this might involve me in some way. She is me after all.

Using this vague excuse to convince myself, and decide to ask the second closest girl to me for a.s.sistance.

 

“…Erm, what did you just say?”

“As I say, can you tell me if I’ve been acting very weird recently?”

That’s my little sister, Yukiko Sakamoto.

I don’t know if she’s looking more s.e.xually attractive since she became a middle schooler, or Hikari Yumesaki gave her some style tips. Anyway, I find that her hairstyle and clothing looks more mature than before. However, I don’t think it matters much for a middle schooler.

“About that, well…I think you’re cuter than before…and…together, we…but, siblings doing that is…nuuu…”

“Huh?”

This girl, whose haircut has changed from the original bobcut to straight short hair, is looking extremely fidgety, stammering as she spoke.

It feels a little vague here, but this isn’t what I’m asking.

“Is there some obvious change or something? Like anything I did that’s different from what I usually do?”

“…Your question is really strange here, but I really can’t think of anything specific.”

“Is that so…?”

If it happens that she wants to hide something from me, that girl will obviously have things in place to deal with me. Tch, looks like I’m at a dead end here, huh?

But when we’re cohabiting in this strange situation, I don’t think she can hide much.

Looks like I got no choice. Better look into this myself.

“Thanks, Yukiko. Sorry for the weird question. Forget about what I said, ‘kay?”

“Huh?”

I turn away from my skeptical little sister, and is about to head for my room.

However, unexpected words can be heard from behind me.

“Speaking of which, who’s that man anyway? You two look rather close there.”

“Hm?”

I just heard something that made me shudder.

Wait, that was…

“Eh, erm, when was it? Who did I meet exactly?”

I try to speak using the basic vocabulary to as I turn over to her, trying my best not to look unnaturally. I’m already used to this action, but her startling words really caused me to jolt.

“When was it? I saw you chatting with a student from another school at a cafe. I remember that’s the uniform of Taki High, right?”

Taki High. As in Takiou High School?

It’s a private High School I have no business with, but I remember that is–

“I think it’s rare for you to be with friends, brother. Is that eloquent, handsome guy someone you know since Middle School?”

Piish, pussh, paash, poosh.

This young boy’s heart is being stabbed at by invisible needles, spears and lances.

And thanks to all those, my heart’s now letting out the shrill cry of a machine gun.

“…Ahh, speaking of which, I think I met that guy last week. Lemme think. Which cafe was it again?”

I fumble around with some smokes and mirrors, trying to listen in as I try to fish for more words.

“You even forgot about the shop you went? How stupid can you be? It’s the ‘South Polar Star’. The critically acclaimed shop couples go to.”

Cou…

“……Are you kidding me…”

“Brother?”

“…Yukiko, you’ve grown, haven’t you?”

“Huh?”

 

“This brother here is very happy to be able to live to see you grow so big here.”

“Wh-what’s with you? Y-You wanna die? You idiot…”

“Yeah…I feel like dying…”

Leaving these words behind, I return back to my room without looking back.

Feeling confused and betrayed, my mind’s in a complete warzone, thinking,

 

What’s with this bitter feeling…

 

“Speaking of which, how did Yukiko know about me?”

I buried my head in the bed, quietly shedding tears for several minutes.

Having calmed down quite a bit, I start to have such questions

But I guess it doesn’t matter now. There are more pressing matters,

Right now, I’m staring at the ‘South Polar Star’ homepage with teary eyes.

According to what I see on the official page, it’s a cafe with a stylish atmosphere. In the meantime, I checked on the ‘user blog for this shop’, and found comments like ‘I checked out this shop after watching a movie with my girlfriend, and it’s really a great shop!’, and ‘it’s relaxing hearing the soothing BGM. My boyfriend’s happy too’. I read all these comments with a parched voice. What’s this, spiteful remarks?

“A Takiou High uniform…”

I recalled the report on that news bulletin.

“A female student of Takiou High School died in an accident.”

That was the obituary news column of Hikari Yumesaki.

And that Hikari Yumseaki met the boy dressed in Takiou High School student.

Takiou High, boy, cafe filled with couples, suave, handsome, handsome.

“You’re ranked second to me in regards to those who cause hearts to flutter, Sakamoto!”

A certain line from before appeared in my mind again.

Ranked second, second, backup, 2nd candidate, number 2, guaahhh.

“Now I get it. I finally got it…”

She’s a high school girl at that age.

Such things may actually be quite normal.

Ah d.a.m.n it…are you kidding me…?

I don’t think it’s a good thing for me to be a third wheel here, right?

But couldn’t you have talked about this to me in the first place? I guess I’m getting too obsessed here.

I really can’t help but let my thoughts run wild.

I really want to investigate on that guy, but I can’t possibly be able to check on who this guy is just because I know he’s suave and handsome. It’ll also seem unnatural for me to ask my little sister.

Argh, I don’t have a way out of this?

But though I say so, I continue to tough it out and read the user blog, rage biding within me. And so, I arrive at a very weird blog

“Hm? What is this?”

It’s a blog with cute fonts, couple-like icons, and a fairy-tale atmosphere

These alone would still be ordinary.

“Yukirin’s big brother observation diary☆”

But this is the t.i.tle of the blog.

Why do I have a bad feeling about this? How perverted is the person opening this blog?

Though I wonder this, I casually pick a certain diary entry, and continue to read through some parts I’m interested in.

The stuff written are,

“Yukirin’s big brother’s acting very strangely! Is it because he likes Yukirin so much that he’s like that?”

“Yukirin’s big brother asks me what Yukirin thinks about him! What’s going on here!?”

“Yukirin’s big brother’s embracing Yukirin tightly! M-my big brother’s smell”

“Yukirin’s having a swimsuit bath with Yukirin’s big brother!!! And he also scrubbed Yukirin’s back–kyaa.”

I find these siblings to be too disgusting…isn’t this just a brocon and a siscon together? Goodness, how in the world are their parents educating them?

Feeling curious, I browse through the other pa.s.sages, and found there to be worse,

“Yukirin’s big brother stole Yukirin’s bra here. Yukirin was actually hoping that he would use the bra to do that, but he actually put it on himself. What’s going on here…?”

“Yukirin found big brother sleeping next to her with just a piece of underwear! Yukirin hurriedly shooed him off, but it seemed Yukirin did too much here…is Yukirin’s really alright here?”

“Yukirin got kissed by big brother…Yukirin wants to die…”

Goodness me. Such terrible siblings.

Seriously, what’s with their parents…

“Are there any questions for Yukirin, who’s about to be NTRed over her big brother??”

“(Wall breaking scoop!), Yukirin’s big brother ended a room with that braided girl, and there were lewd sounds coming from inside.”

“(Cheapskate big brother) Brother, with, girl, 4 hours, lewd sounds, sister going crazy ‘send mail’.”

……

“Big brother got confessed to. It’s okay, big brother won’t leave Yukirin alone. Definitely not.”

“He messed up!!! Big brother got dumped How embarra.s.sing!! Wahey!! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!”

“Big brother sent a ‘comfort request’ mail! Ah, Yukirin quickly rejected it, but this is the chance to be an adult author here…ahhh…Yukirin you idiot!!!”

“……………………..Phew.”

Upon reading till this point, I inadvertently let out a sigh.

And then, I yell,

“YUKIIIKKKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!??????”

Wa-wai-wait…ehhhh!?

“No…nonononono!!”

Wait wait wait! You’re kidding, right!?”

No, I’ll be troubled if it’s not a joke! But, the next entry…

“You can’t, big brother…Yukirin and you are siblings…”

…WHAT DID SHE DO!!?

“W-what did that idiot do…?”

I’m left completely speechless. How in the world is Yukiko writing such a blog?

However, if we’re looking at the characters and the events that happened, it’s definitely

“No-no, don’t think about it…don’t think about it already…”

I barely manage to drag back my consciousness that’s drifting to Mars, and continue to read on panting,

None of these happenings matter here.

If this is my little sister’s blog, there’s definitely a hint here–

“B-big brother’s having coffee with an unfamiliar handsome guy! It’s here! Something inexplicable’s awakening! I guess there’s benefits to being a stalker!”

Got it! There’s a hint! And sis, you have such habits after all!? Well, whatever!

And, the continuation?

“Yukirin never thought big brother would have such fine tastes!. He called the handsome guy ”Kazes.h.i.+ro’. What do everyone think here!? Is it?”

And below this pa.s.sage is a two-shot photo with mosaic over the eyes.

I can’t really tell as it’s a little far, but the person sitting closer to this side is definitely me. The body figure and hairstyle’s the same as me, and sitting opposite me, drinking coffee is,

“This guy’s ‘Kazes.h.i.+ro’?”

The eyes have mosaic over them, so I can’t see his overall appearance, but I can still vaguely tell that the guy’s really handsome.

……This guy.

“d.a.m.n it.”

I suddenly lose all my drive, and immediately switch off my computer, sitting at my desk with my head slumped.

Do I write on the notebook ‘who’s Kazes.h.i.+ro?’

But if I’m to ask, she’ll ask me how do I know.

“So I can’t go beyond that…?”

And in the end, I did not write anything about this, just a normal, boring entry.

I think I should give up. If that girl never told me anything about this, it means she doesn’t want me involved. No matter how close I am to her, our hearts can’t really be one.

Because that girl chose to hide this.

 

“This definitely isn’t a good thing.”

It’s Friday, and the time’s 3.30pm.

And I, muttering this, am standing in front of Takiou High.

Yes, I came here after all.

The first thing I wonder is, why is the weather so bad?

It’s just a world of grey everywhere, like clouds of grey smoke blocking my eyes or something.

The air’s as moist as the rain, just like what I feel.

I’m not the only one annoyed here; the students dressed in high school uniforms are the same too, looking very lethargic. The moment they exit the school gates and see me, they immediately move aside–ahh, it’s nostalgic to be treated like this by others. I still have memories of students shunning me, their backs arched as they returned home.

“I guess I’ll make her angry. However.”

I’m trying my best to come up with an excuse, but I can’t think of anything. It’s just jealousy after all.

I tried many times to convince myself to give up ever since that day, but I’m still unable to do so. All I realize now is that this isn’t a good thing to do.

And in the end, I really want to see that guy’s face. Well whatever, I thought. I’m being really uncool here. I’m not joking.

“He’s Kazes.h.i.+ro, right?’

I stare at the photo on the cellphone, which I copied from my little sister’s blog, muttering,

What am I supposed to do after I do see him?

–What’s your relations.h.i.+p with Hikari Yumesaki?

I might ask this question, but, if, at this moment,

–We’re in love~☆

If he’s going to answer that, how am I suppose to respond? I guess I’ll feel better if I beat him up good, but do I have the fort.i.tude to do such an embarra.s.sing thing? I can conclude that no, I don’t have such courage. I probably will end up trying my best to give a silly smile, saying “I-is that so?” and run back to my house, venting my frustration on the pillow.

“No, I can’t do this.”

I came all the way here already, and I’m still being so timid. Uwah, this is bad. This is too pitiful of me. What am I doing here?

Do I go back? Shall I go back after all?

It’s not too late to back out now, right?

Yes, right, I guess I shall go back–

“–Sakamoto?”

“HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!??”

 

My shoulders suddenly got whacked, I thought I was going to die.

Feeling extremely fearful, I turn back to look…ah, the handsome guy?

“What are you doing here? Everyone’s scared of you here.”

“Eh, ah, oh, oh.”

Shut up, you idiot. Don’t suddenly greet me here! Are you being so rude because you’re a handsome guy? All handsome guys have bad personalities after all, I guess?

“Y-yo, quite a coincidence.”

I respond back at the guy who greeted me with such familiarity, and observe him.

He’s a skinny guy, but does seem seem a little st.u.r.dy, and he’s probably a little shorter than me. He has nice neat hair that felt pure, and the handsome face gave a refres.h.i.+ng aura. The hand slinging the bag over his beck was very white, like a girl’s. However, there were blue veins on them, making him look rather unhealthy.

I guess that’s him, just as I saw him on the photo.

So this guy’s Kazes.h.i.+ro.

“Are you actually waiting for me?”

“Hm, well yeah.”

Now then, what kind of relations.h.i.+p do I have with this guy? It’s really awkward to come all the way here without any prior knowledge. Do I say “I really want to meet you, *blows kiss*”? If he’s going to answer “Me too, *blows kiss*.” I think I can die in all kinds of ways here.

“Since you’re here, Sakamoto, let’s find a place to chat. That cafe’s not bad, right?”

“Ah, hm, yeah.”

I answer with as few words as possible, and at least managed to make contact without raising any suspicion.

Now it’s time for the main issue.

 

The sky’s completely cloudy. Kazes.h.i.+ro brought me to the ‘South Pole Star’ cafe. I did some research on this shop, and had some understanding of it, but I do find it to be really a stylish cafe after witnessing it personally. It really isn’t a place a single male will visit. In other words, it’s like that, right? That? What’s that anyway?

It’s a weekday afternoon, but the place is still packed. A few minutes after the guy wrote the name ‘Kazes.h.i.+ro’ on the waiting list, the shop attendant called us to sit in. I’m really not used to such an environment, so I can only pretend to calmly sit down.

I can vaguely see the antiquated coffee mill and the s.e.xy looking wine bar far inside the counter. There’s all kinds of constellations symbol marks stuck all over the shop, and on a closer look, one could find a large celestial globe dangling from the ceiling.

I stare at the old telescope resembling the one Mr Galileo liked to use, located at the entrance. “Anyway, let’s just order something first.” at this moment, I heard Kazes.h.i.+ro say some sensible words. There’s a menu sent to me here, but the terms on it are all so dangerous to comprehend. Oh well, I guess I’ll just order whatever I want.

The lonely music box continue to echo throughout the shop, and when the waiter quietly walked over to me, I point at the topmost item on the menu. In constrast to me, Kazes.h.i.+ro simply read the horizontal words that sounded erotic. d.a.m.n if this guy’s cool. I can’t do that.

Such a notion vanish along with the waiter, and there’s a slight s.p.a.ce. Now then, time for the real show.

Did this guy date Hikari Yumesaki before? If they did, so what about it now? I don’t think she did reveal her real ident.i.ty, and I don’t think she was trying to make contact with others using my body. But there’s the possibility that this guy’s gay–

“Kazes.h.i.+ro.”

And so,

“What?”

I asked.

“Are you going out with anyone?”

“That’s quite an abrupt question. Not at the moment, anyway. What about that?”

At the moment?

What’s with the emphasis on that? Don’t give me this kind of vague answer here!

“I-is that so? Not at the moment?”

“Yeah. I don’t have any interest in that.”

d.a.m.n it. So what’s the answer? Can’t you just be specific?

I’m trying to find a chance, trying to see if I can ask something out of this, but it seems Kazes.h.i.+ro a.s.sumed that the topic has ended as he fiddled with the questionnaire form placed on the table, and I can’t ask any clarification about those vague answers. s.h.i.+t.

But well, it looks like any doubts about him going out with me are gone now, I guess.

And the moment I mutter this,

“–Hm?”

Kazes.h.i.+ro opened his moment absentmindedly as he lifted his head. Hm? What now?

“…Wait a moment. Why are you being so relieved now?”

“Hm? Ahh, I’m just a little curious. Nothing much to that.”

“No, you’re curious? Are you kidding me, hey?”

“Eh? Wh-why are you being so anxious here?”

“No, because boys–…….w-well, it’s nothing.”

Kazes.h.i.+ro muttered slightly, and brought the coffee to his lips with a bitter look. What’s with him? He’s looking really bad here.

“Hey, what now? Did I just say something bad, Kazes.h.i.+ro?”

“No, don’t mind about that. I just thought of some things in the past. There were people who frequently say this about me, Kazes.h.i.+ro has a face for that type of thing.”

Hm?

“What do you mean, that type of thing?”

“You know, that. That, well, between men…there was an acquiantance I knew of who once said this, that my face is popular amongst boys. We were talking about what kind of face that was.”

The deep eyes could be vaguely seen under the straight black hair as Kazes.h.i.+ro muttered this hesitantly. Ahh, well…I understand why you’re always said to be like that. I too had the same suspicions just now.

“Dammit. n.o.body would say this if only I look like my dad. Do you look like your dad, Sakamoto?”

“No well. My dad’s a plain, short, salaryman, but I’m uselessly huge.”

I answered as I add the sugar into the coffee, and Kazes.h.i.+ro showed a bewildered look

“Eh? Didn’t you say that your dad’s a muscular rugby player the other day?”

For goodness sake! That idiot! Cut it out!

“Ah, no, that’s the other dad..”

“The other? …Ah.”

Not good, this desperate excuse makes it sound like a paradise. “…Sorry, I think I shouldn’t have asked about that. My apologies.” You don’t have to worry about that, Kazes.h.i.+ro.

“Hahaha…haha…”

I barely manage to round things up with a laugh, but I’m feeling more gloomy than ever. Speaking of which, I still have no idea who this guy is, I don’t know his relations.h.i.+p with Hikari Yumesaki, and I don’t know his relations.h.i.+p with me, which makes this impossibly hard to handle. How am I suppose to continue attacking?

Feeling completely jittery, I’m just chit-chatting with him about things like test, TV. I’m scared of revealing my hand here.

“…Now then.”

Just when I’m quietly pointing the middle finger at myself in my heart.

Kazes.h.i.+ro fondled with the acrylic docket, and let out a noticeably deep voice,

“You expressedly came all the way to my school. Do you really want to know, Sakamoto?”

….Oh dear, aren’t you saying quite the strange thing there, Kazes.h.i.+ro?

This is really an unexpected big chance. What I shall reply is–

“–Ah, of course.”

Anyway, let’s hear what he has to say.

Of course, I don’t have a plan. From here on, I’ll let the topic continue on inevitably.

“Normally, I won’t care about such a harra.s.sment. You’re the guy who saved me from a drunkard though, Sakamoto, so I’m torn.”

It looks like I saved him once.

“Are you still doing that thing? That s.e.xy Dream.”

……I guess I’m still doing it.

“No, well, that’s when I’m free, I guess.”

“I’m really envious of you, able to be so nonchalant about protecting someone.”

Kazes.h.i.+ro’s grumbling face is so miserable and transisent.

d.a.m.n it, did she fall of this face?

“But why are you so curious about that? I–…I don’t understand the reason why you’re interested about my revenge.”

“–Huh?”

In spite of my carelessness, those distinct words entered right into my ears.

Revenge? Did he just say that?

Wait, wait, why do I feel that this is continuing in a strange direction–

“Ah, no, about that…I’m wondering why you want to take revenge…”

I meet him right in the eyes, speaking up so as to try and pursue the topic.

Hey wait, the topic’s continuing in a more problematic manner than I thought it would be.

What’s going on here…?

“I guess it’s really bad not to watch my mouth. It’s because I carelessly let a slip that you were harra.s.sing me like this. Ever since that day, you’ve been making contact with me all this time. Are you that concerned?”

Kazes.h.i.+ro continued to stare at the black, glossy coffe ask he checked with me a perturbed voice.

Tell him I won’t continue harra.s.sing him?

But I can’t say that.

That girl’s the one harra.s.sing him here, so in other words, it has something to do with her.

“I haven’t known you for long, but I know that you’re not a bad person. However, I have to be gutsy and say this to you. Sorry, but give up already.”

Revenge. Bad guy. Gutsy. I’m left speechless at these unfamiliar terms.

“…”

Kazes.h.i.+ro stares at this speechless me with a face of varied emotions, and continued drinking his coffee.

In the end, I’m unable to hear any more than that. After that moment, we started talking about other topics clumsily, trying to abandon this burdensome conversation behind as this irregular time pa.s.sed on.

I’m able to talk with this guy better than I expected. He’s adept at listening, and is moderately intellectual. He also has a great sense of humor, and anyway, I realize the tragic fact that I completely lose to him as a man. d.a.m.n it, it’s no wonder that Hikari Yumesaki would like him. Haa…

It seems there’s something irregular with what I said, for he would comment, “Sakamoto, you have a lot of strange things going on.”

Such a magnanimous att.i.tude is also a factor in being well liked, huh?

d.a.m.n it.

 

“When I was being s.e.xy Dream, I coincidentally met my high school friend. Well, that was about a month ago. I was wondering if he was feeling alright, so I went out to play with him a few times. Sorry for hiding this from you. Kazes.h.i.+ro may have said some weird things, but please don’t worry about it. He’s a little p.r.o.ne to misunderstanding things.”

“But even if you say so, there’s no way I can’t be concerned about that, right?”

I met Kazes.h.i.+ro two days ago.

I know this is a pathetic feeling born out of jealousy, so I was hesitant as to whether I should write this event on the notebook. However, I guess she would know inevitably, so I simply wrote it all down honestly.

And Hikari Yumesaki’s reply is as what was described above.

However, I’m still unable to accept her explanation as it is.

That girl coincidentally saved her friend Kazes.h.i.+ro when she was going out being s.e.xy Dream. She was then concerned about him, and met him a few times while keeping this a secret from me. However, Kazes.h.i.+ro carelessly mentioned the word ‘revenge’ that day, and Hikari Yumesaki, who probably had some idea on what it is, was curious about that…that’s probably all that is.

No matter how I look at it, this diary’s basically telling me ‘don’t get involved in this’. Even her conclusion was basically,

“Anyway, don’t worry about Kazes.h.i.+ro. I’m fine here.”

“You’re fine, huh…?”

If this were a line in a young boys manga, I can at least make a cool reply like ‘gotcha, I trust you…’. However, reality is a palette filled with multiple impurities, and this wimpy me has no guts to say those words with all my might.

“Looks like things are becoming worse than what I imagined, huh?”

Kazes.h.i.+ro was probably Hikari Yumesaki’s ex-boyfriend, I guess. Though I do have such a worry, I do think that things aren’t that simple here. No, of course I’m curious as to the truth behind all of these too.

The issue here is about that term.

Without knowing about the ‘revenge’ Hikari Yumesaki has been probing on with all her might, there’s no way we can talk about solving this.

And I have no idea what this has to do with Hikari Yumesaki. Maybe there’s a possibility there’s no relation to that.

However, he would not say it out anyway.

No matter how much Kazes.h.i.+ro would express himself, I’ll just end up a little overwhelmed as far as I’m concerned. However, I’ll be really troubled if she’s being serious about this. She and I are the same ent.i.ty. Even leaving this aside, I want to avoid having her going through a bad time as far as possible. I can’t leave her like this even if my love isn’t posible.

“Revenge, huh?”

I pull out the Middle School uniform that was thrown into a corner of my closet.

It’s my ex-partner which I somehow left behind.

I take out the student handbook hidden inside that pocket, and open it. The rippling sounds of papers echo loudly within me.

It’s Hikari Yumesaki’s student handbook.

This is the proof that she was once alive, the proof that she died.

The girl died in an accident.

Based on the information given by the driver and eyewitness account, the police attributed this to an accidental death due to carelessness. And she walked on the pedestrian crossing without paying attention, resulting in an unfortunate accident.

“Kazes.h.i.+ro…what in the world are you thinking?”

 

Because of what happened, it was grey all over two days later.

Solemnly, opening the diary, I felt devastated here.

“I found some ero photos you’ll be happy with! Open up the second drawer from the bottom of the desk! Write down your reflection! (42 words by 34 lines composition paper, write 15 ~ 30 papers of them)

“Am I supposed to write a short story here?”

My hopes dashed, I open the drawer dejected, and found just an ill.u.s.tration on it with the words written, ‘you really thought they were ero photos? too bad! that’s Hikari-chan (ver: you wanna have a go?)’. There’s a strange ill.u.s.tration of a pretty black-haired girl sitting on the bench, with the hook of her jumpsuit undone, jumpsuit revealing the cleavage. However, this ill.u.s.tration does look rather familiar. I guess that’s it, she did draw manga about men bonding. She really does like those things, huh?

And also, it’s a waste that the work is of such good quality.

“Goodness, she’s always doing that sort of stupid thing.”

At the same time however, I feel a little relieved.

It’s a great thing that she’s not unhappy and brooding over this.

She has been looking very weird recently, so I was worried; however, she would have days when she feel awful, and if she’s like this, I guess she’s fine.

“Don’t make me worry too much. You’re the one who always does stupid things from time to time.”

I mutter to no one in particular, and prepare to go to school.

However, I’m naive.

No, I guess I already realized this, that she’s just bluffing after all. She’s just doing this because she’s concerned about me.

But I want to avert my eyes and run away from the matter, even though I knew this is something I will regret over.

On this night, I realize how foolish I was to think of that. She really likes this kind of thing.

 

“Hm?”

It’s night. The middle of a usual, ordinary night.

I’m sleeping in the room with my indirect lighting switched on (sleeping in a pitch dark room is something Hikari Yumesaki hates and selfishly insisted against.) At that moment, a certain person sneaked into my room without warning, waking me up.

“Hm…who’s that?”

“Ha, waah!”

Once I flip my futon over, I found a figure squirming in the dim room.

And the ident.i.ty of that person is considerably surprising to me.

“Yukiko…?”

“…Ah, about that…”

What the? the one invading my room was my little sister, Yukiko.

“What are you doing? Hm? That’s–”

“Ah! No! Th-this is, that…”

I stare at the thing Yukiko’s holding so preciously with both hands.

In her panic, she tries to hide it behind her. Ehh seriously, just let me see already. Why are you hiding it?

I tug at her hands, and the thing she’s holding with both hands is–

“What? ‘A luxury tour complimentary ticket, enjoy the j.a.panese summer with your all! Bring the person you like!’…this is?”

“Th-that’s why, I say…about that…”

That’s a complimentary tour ticket .

And on a closer look, beside the words ‘Bring the person you like!’ I saw the words written, ‘Bit’s good to bring your little sister along too!’. Erm…

“Are you planning to give this to me?”

“Uu…I wanted to slip it to you quietly…an-anyway, just accept this happily! Thank me right now!”

Yukiko’s face is blus.h.i.+ng a little as lifted her head proudly. No, while I’m grateful for this, why a tour ticket? Isn’t it expensive?

I-I’m a little concerned here

“Are you giving this to me?”

“Uu…I wanted to sneak in and hand this to you quietly…anyway, just accept this graciously! Hurry up and thank me already!”

With her face blus.h.i.+ng, Yukiko puffs her chest as she says to this me. Well, I’m grateful for this, but why a tour ticket? It’s expensive, right?

“Do-don’t worry about it. This isn’t anything much as long as you’re feeling better, brother! That’s why, that’s why–stop being so downhearted!”

“Downhearted?”

Just when I’m about to ask, when was I being downhearted? I suddenly realize.

I understood what those words meant.

“G-goodness. Recently, you have been looking very nervous, brother, always loitering around at home alone. You don’t have any appet.i.te when you eat, and you end up sleeping very late at night. sometimes even hugging your knees, giving that thinking look. I can’t watch this any longer! I don’t know what you’re thinking, but cheer up immediately! If you go on a tour, you’ll definitely be able to relieve your stress.”

“…”

Yukiko, looking furious, folded her arms as she said those words.

And I realized how naive I was.

I thought I understood Hikari Yumesaki more than anyone else.

But I was unable to see that she was forcing herself here.

Before my little sister told me about this, I didn’t know she held all her thoughts within herself alone.

I see. There’s no way she can be alright after all.

She’s trying to act tough. Just trying to look tough here.

“…Yukiko.”

I mutter to my little sister, who’s being quiet in the darkness,

“You’re right. I did have some frustrations yesterday, and the me tomorrow will be suffering as well.”

My little sister continues to stare at me intently.

“The me tomorrow will definitely wake up feeling all broody. I have a very huge problem right now. However, I’ll continue to suffer. It’s too much suffering to keep it all to myself after all.”

“Then just say it all out tomorrow. You’ll feel a little better.”

“Sorry, I won’t do that. The me tomorrow has decided to fight on alone.”

“……But that’s.”

An anguished voice was eked out. Don’t give such a face. It’ll ruin your cute face.

“However, I guess it’s too much suffering fighting alone. It’s too much suffering waking up with a gloomy feeling. That’s why, Yukiko–”

I stare at my little sister’s eyes, and say with conviction,

“Tomorrow, when I wake up, do you mind saying ‘good morning, I love you’?”

“–Woah!?”

…….

…

The silence of the night is echoing.

All emotions have vanished from my sister’s face like a haniwa, and I continue on.

“Please. The me tomorrow really loves you. If you can wake up the me tomorrow, the me tomorrow will definitely be happy about it.”

“B-but–”

“And if possible, can you please be together with the me tomorrow? When eating together, bathing together…anyway, just don’t let me be alone.”

“A–”

“And also, sleep with the me tomorrow. You might get teased by me here, but I really hope to rely on you at that moment. Using your b.r.e.a.s.t.s.”

“–”

“That’s why, for the me tomorrow……Yukiko?”

Huh? What now?

The kaniwa face is becoming redder. Eh, what? Is she evolving?

“It-it…it finally came…”

“Eh?”

“This moment finally arrive…showing my courage here finally paid off…my hand can reach the moon! Apollo!”

A-Apollo?

“E-erm, can I leave this to you?”

“Of course! I’ll definitely wake up earlier than you and say good morning to you, brother! I might not sleep at all!”

And Yukiko handed me the tour ticket with delight, wiping the drool off her lips as she exited the room. She’s angry at one moment and smiling at the next. Well whatever, this isn’t the only problem here.

“I have also a.s.sume the worse case scenario here…”

I don’t know what that girl’s so angsty about, but I can’t just leave her alone like this.

She’s currently suffering at the moment, and there’s no doubt about that. I can’t just leave her alone like this. I have to know about Hikari Yumesaki.

But what do I do here? How do I go about understanding her?

I know nothing about Hikari Yumesaki. I don’t know how she looked, her voice, her skin color, her hair color. I don’t know her family, and I don’t know about her friends. All I know here is Kazes.h.i.+ro, and the fact that they attended the same school together…

“Ah–”

Thinking about this, I can’t help but exclaim,

“Maybe–”

The memories of early April awoke in my mind.

Yeah, this is it.

I finally realize this, and at this moment, I will myself.

I never tried searching into Hikari Yumesaki’s secret, and right now, I have to step into it.

I don’t want to do this, but I’m left with no other choice.

“Wait for me here, Hikari Yumesaki…Kazes.h.i.+ro.”

Determination filling my heart, I lift my head at the warm night sky.

 

Two days later, after school.

Some light shone through the cloudy sky, and below it, I arrive at the watermelon fields.

When our strange cohabitation life began, before we were exchanging diary entries.

I ended up waking up here twice in a row, and I thought it was really strange.

That person definitely came here for a reason. This is her place of refuge.

And thus, this is why she wouldn’t leave this place even in the middle of the night.

“Sorry for being later.”

I open the crumpled student handbook to check the address. It’s a piece of land located at a footpath between the rice fields, near Takiou High School.

There’s no doubt about it. Amongst the vinyl houses, I can see a little house.

This is the place where Hikari Yumesaki was born and lived in.

Using my body, which she was unfamiliar with, she tried asking her family for help.

She’s probably terrified, trembling, crying, fighting alone in this lonely world.

That girl’s not mentally strong in any way, just continuing to endure it all.

“If there’s a chance, a chance for me to know anything about that girl…”

Come on, let’s step in–

Though I thought of this before, there is a following issue at hand.

I already woke up twice here.

In other words, during the short time after her death, that girl came here twice using my body.

“Did she mess up…?”

Looks like she did.

At that time, I had yet to comprehend the situation probably. That was also the time when I was suspected to have split personalities, causing me to end up wailing.

Do I really want to meet with her family?

If I do end up meeting them, how am I supposed to face them? I don’t think it’s a good thing either way though.

Not good, what do I do now? I can’t think of anything.

Speaking of which, I don’t know anything about how that girl’s family is like. What do I do…?

“Ah.”

“Hm?”

 

A voice rang amidst the silence, and I carelessly turn over to look.

Over there is one heck of a beauty.

Her hair and eyes are black, and it’s probably because of this that her skin looked extremely white. Her pet.i.te body looks a little slender, or maybe it’s just me.

She has the look of a housewife, pus.h.i.+ng a trolley filled with shopping bags leisurely. She she…

“Ah, erm, are you Miss Yumesaki’s–”

The moment I was about to continue.

“Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”

She yelled.

Ah dratz….I messed up after all, didn’t I?

“W-wa, that’s a misunderstanding! Erm, I.”

“Somebody save me! It’s the kiddy transvest.i.te from before–! Somebody save me–!”

Kiddy transvest.i.te? What in the world is that?

Fl.u.s.tered, I’m unable to do anything, at my wits end.

And then, the pa.s.sers-by uncles and the uncles nearby all gathered around, ostensibly gathering around this shocked aunty. They’re all uncles.

And then, they grabbed my shoulder firmly–

“Ah, wait, please let go of me! I’m not a weird–”

“Are you that kiddy transvest.i.te?”

“And you dare attack Mdm Hinako while she’s hurting!”

 

“And you even yelled ‘save me, mama!’. We never settled the debt with you!”

“Yeah yeah. You’re so presumptuous when you’re talking!”

I’m being questioned by all sorts of people for reasons I don’t understand. That madam’s covering her face with both hands, looking extremely terrified. Argh, enough already.

“Listen to me already! I got some things I have to say no matter what! Leave aside what happened in the past and just listen to me already!”

I tried my best to yell, but the uncles continued to interrogate me.

And the uncles yell back in displeasure, saying things like ‘You’re kidding here!’, ‘we’re protecting Mdm Hinako!’

d.a.m.n it, in that case…

“I want to talk about ‘Miss Hikari’! Please!”

I inadvertently call out her name.

And then, I regretted.

The surrounding atmosphere changed at that instance.

n.o.body was growling at me this time, just coldness.

And the proof of that was the sudden punch sent flying at me from a blind spot.

It’s a firm fist. If not for my ma.s.sive body, I would surely collapse at that instant.

Behind the utterly infuriated uncles was the madam, who’s obviously looking extremely pale, collapsing onto the ground weakly. This is bad.

“Enough already, you s.h.i.+tty brat…”

“Do you know how much Mdm Hinako’s suffering here?”

Their rage continued to fault me.

I know that. Of course I know about that. However, she’s the only one I can rely on here.

I don’t know anything about Hikari Yumesaki.

I can’t understand her at all. With regards to this, I’m completely different from her mother. All I can do now basically amounts to groveling around on the dirt.

I gulp down the rustic saliva and grit, and p.r.o.ne myself onto the floor.

I guess this is what it means by getting on my knees to beg. And so, with all my might, I yell,

“One of the Yumesaki’s teachings! ③ can only done after 18 years old!”

My words caused everyone around me to be stumped.

What are you saying here? That seemed to be what they were wondering.

However, Mdm Hinako’s reaction is different from theirs, and the proof is that she’s staring at me with a strange look.

“Please! Just listen to me once! I beg of you!”

 

“Pardon my intrusion…”

Released from the surrounding uncles, I pa.s.sed through the watermelon fields, and was called to the Yumesakis house.

The uncles were still rather wary of me, but Mdm Hinako suddenly shouted,

“Sorry, it’s a misunderstanding! Isn’t this Hikari’s friend, Mr Frightening? Ah, that expression’s as scary as usual~”

And it’s takes to this questionable reply that I was released. Anyway, according to what was said, I can truly say “Ah, this is really Hikari Yumesaki’s mother”. I guess the naming sense really pa.s.sed on well to her daughter.

“Oh.”

We pa.s.sed the hard-packed dirt, and while walking on the creaking corridor that had aged, I found a cat. It’s a black cat. The grey eyes are staring right at me. Speaking of which, I do remember that girl saying that she did rear a cat before.

“Please come in. I shall brew some tea.”

I bow politely to Mdm Hinako, who hurried off, and duck in through the short lintel.

While the weak sunlight s.h.i.+nes in through the room, I proceed to sit in a seiza. I can hear my heart thumping in this quiet room. Ahh, I’m feeling tense.

After a well, Mdm Hinako came over with a tray in hand.

She brewed green tea, and it’s very fragrant.

“You really shocked me there. I never thought anyone would know about the Yumesakis’ teachings. Did you hear this from Hikari?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

I meekly lower my head as I accept the tea. “Don’t be nervous”, she told me, and so I relaxed my feet. Calm down now.

She, after taking a little sip of tea, smiled at me with a gentle face.

Feeling a little embarra.s.sed, I lower my head, and then, I hear her giggle.

“Hey, can you tell me your name?”

“Ah, it’s Akitsuki Sakamoto. Well, I used to get on well with Hikari, back then.”

She nod away delightedly in response to my voice. I hope it’s just me when I see her happy looking face being a little worn out.

“Well, I’m really sorry about before. I came over uninvited, and caused confusion…”

I guess I better apologize first.

I can somewhat guess that she used my body and caused quite a ma.s.sive commotion. Anyway, Mdm Hinako’s confused over Hikari Yumesaki’s death, I think. Things got complicated because of that.

“Ohoho, don’t mind about that. I should be the one apologizing for stomping on that important place of yours back then. I’m really sorry about that. Are you alright now? Can you still use it?”

“Huh? Eh, what?”

Wh-what now?

“Is it still swollen? Shall I have a look at it?”

“N-no, I’m fine here! It’s okay even if it’s a little swollen.”

I don’t know what she’s infering, but it looks like it’s something really shocking. Anyway, let’s not talk about this now.

“Is that so? So you’re Hikari’s friend…”

“Yes…”

“Hmmmm.”

“…?”

Wh-what now?

“That kid’s really quite capable herself.”

“Huh?”

“Oh hoh. Friends? So, in other words…”

Mdm Hinako mutters this softly as she hugged her own body. And then, she pointed the index finger–

“It’s that kind of relations.h.i.+p you mustn’t do, right?”

“Whhaattt!!?”

I choked hard here. Wait, wh-what the!

“It-it’s a misunderstanding!”

“You’re lying. That kid’s cute, right? She’s adorable, isn’t she?”

“No, that’s–!”

“But that kid has some strange interests. You sure she didn’t do anything weird to you?”

“No, wait, that’s–”

“Really? That kid’s been reading some strange novels. I thought she was reading a novel about love between girls, but when I read it, I found that it was a novel about 5 little girls playing basketball. Also, there’s the recent trend of novels with those handsome guys appearing on it. I was intending to bury them along with her too~”

“Argh, don’t say it already!”

What’s with this person!? Sh-she actually read those things! And said it with such calmness to boot.

Pressured by her as she pointed her index finger, I could only smile back wryly. I guess this is to be expected of Yumesaki’s mother; her interests really differ from the norm.

“Ahem.”

I clear my throat and return back to my usual pace. No, this isn’t it, I’m not here to hear you talk about these things.

“I’m here to return this.”

Trying my best not to look at her in the eyes, I hand over the student handbook.

The student handbook’s all tattered, but it’s still something that girl left behind, and it’s not something I should have.

However, I was unable to return this before this moment.

Because I didn’t have the courage to accept what was written inside that student notebook.

“…Oh. Thank you, Akitsuki.”

Mdm Hinako slowly received the student handbook, and flipped through the pages tenderly, ostensibly stroking it, seemingly scared of hurting herself.

“It probably took you lots of courage to bring this over, I guess?”

“Th-that’s not the case…”

“If that kid told you about our teachings, I suppose she really likes you, Akitsuki.”

The gloomy voice enters my ears comfortably.

It’s a gentle, mellow voice, ostensibly not knowing if it could hurt others. Surely, that girl’s voice is the same too.

“Hey, Akitsuki, what do you think about that girl?”

“Eh? Ah, well…”

I’m suddenly faced with an unexpected question. E-erm, how do I answer this…

“She’s cheerful, energetic… and I got into all sorts of troubles because of her… anyway, it’s never boring whenever I’m with her, and…”

Though I’ve some words I want to say, I find myself unable to say them due to embarra.s.sment.

I also realize this is the only chance to talk about some things. This is the only thing I can say however.

“That kid’s actually quite fragile.”

“Huh?”

“She’s just putting on a front. She is quite the mischievous kid, but she really cried a lot when she was younger. She was p.r.o.ne to being dejected, timid.”

“…”

“She always said that she wanted to change herself because of who she was. It’s like a mantra, whether it was the beginning of Middle School, or the next day after something bad happened to her, she says that she’ll become a hero who can save others. However, people simply can’t change that easily. Whenever things don’t go her way, or she fails, she ends up crying. Whenever she says she’ll get stronger, she’ll end up crying the next day. She’s really a useless kid.”

Mdm Hinako open a certain page of the student handbook, her eyes staring at it as she continues on,

“She looked like she did change a little when she entered High School. Oh ho ho, ever since she became a High School student, she was sneaking around, doing some things. And then, when I had a look, I found a bunch of weird light novels and mangas. She really is an extremely curious girl after all, I suppose; she was collecting those anime shows with many girls appearing and novels with only boys in them, and she looked really happy, like she finally found something she liked. She played together with her friends who had similar interests, and started smiling more. When she was young, she was very reactive to others, so she had a mischievous personality, always looking to tease others and enjoy herself. She’s still the crybaby from before, but she’ll revert back to being an energetic kid with a smile the next day. It’s just a little bit, but she was certainly becoming stronger by the moment, and it really made me relieved. As long as she’s being all energetic, I would feel really happy. That’s why I always wanted to take care of her, to support her quietly; even if she ended up suffering, she had to continue working hard, and not feel defeated. I really, really love that kid, but on that day–”

Mdm Hinako opened that page.

I don’t know whether it was out of coincidence, or whether it was deliberate.

Thanks to the plastic cover protecting the book, the last page of the student handbook wasn’t drenched, and managed to survive. That’s the reason why I couldn’t hand this student handbook back. Written on it is her last message.

 

“I can’t live on alone in this world anymore. The ones connecting my life to this world are the cold, yet gentle eyes.”

 

This was the final message to the world that was without her.

Yes, this was her will.

She definitely did not die of an accident.

She–committed suicide.

Those were the last words written on the student handbook. I saw Hikari Yumesaki in her final moments.

That girl has always been trying to hide her secret.

And it’s a fact that I can’t accept.

However, I can’t just allow myself to watch by the sidelines.

If I want to continue on, I will have no choice but to accept everythig here.

“…Did you already know. That…Miss Hikari, her life…”

Mdm Hinako accepted this fact more readily than what I could expect. That smiling face looked ever so painful to me.

“I’m not sure, I guess. Maybe I did have a feeling after all. That girl wasn’t doing too well at school.”

“…”

“I’m an idiot, am I not? I know about it, but I didn’t do anything about it. I fail as a mother.”

“But that’s…”

Not. I stopped myself from saying those words.

I know nothing about Hikari Yumesaki, and of course, I don’t know anything about her mother.

Being like that, what can I say at this point? Do I have the right to talk about others? I’m ultimately just an outsider, just someone that appears on the staff roll at the epilogue after the customers have after left, a person who only appeared after there is no one left to watch. What do I know here?

However, it’s still a fact that she needed you. It’s because she couldn’t rely on you for help that she ended up shut in me like a coffin. She’s only able to cry.

“Sorry, but I’m fine here. I’ve always accepted the fact that she’s no longer here.”

“…Is that so?”

 

“Seriously. There was this friend of hers from Middle School who once came over here. He’s really a handsome boy, and was doing his best to encourage this dejected me. At that moment, I decided that for that girl’s sake, I will continue to live on. I will definitely continue to live on.”

She continued to repeat herself, either for me, or for herself to hear.

Don’t say it. Stop saying such things already.

Because I’m not that strong either.

“…”

In the midst of the silence, I recalled the words Mdm Hinako said.

–That kid’s actually quite fragile.

I was completely wrong all along.

I thought she was always always an idiot before she appeared in my life, always doing stupid things. I thought she was that kind of wilful person, that she was Hikari Yumesaki.

But this wasn’t the case.

She would have times when she’s depressed over her own death.

She would have times when she regretted over what happened with Kasumi.

And she’s having her own worries about the vengeance Kazes.h.i.+ro had.

And she wished to meet her mother, but is unable to continue on, and end up spending the night alone.

She’s harboring all the tears within herself, unable to like a spoilt child, and could only act tough so clumsily.

“…”

–I finally obtained a delinquent’s body I always wanted! I now fear nothing!

I recall her words.

I guess she wasn’t joking back then.

She wanted to be stronger. That’s why she felt incompetent when she’s reborn in my body, and wanted to try living on again, not as Hikari Yumesaki, but as Akituki Sakamoto, as my other half.

That girl never said anything about herself when she was alive. Perhaps she was trying to abandon her past, and it’s because of this that she remained at the watermelon fields, unwilling to continue on. She doesn’t want this most important person, the one she’s living with, to get involved, but because of fate, she met Kazes.h.i.+ro, who wanted revenge.

“I’ll hand this to you.””

A solemn sound slid across the top of the student handbook placed on the tale.

“That girl’s really fragile, always wanting to be stronger, and cried several times due to numerous setbacks. But she’s kinder than anyone else.”

Yeah, I know that.

“When there’s a kid crying, she’ll cry with him, and she’ll protect those weaker than her. She’s really a kind girl who’s kinder than anyone else, the kindest person in the world.”

I know that. I know that very well.

“So I hope that you won’t forget about that kid’s kindness. When you look at that student handbook, I hope that you’ll think about her, even if it’s just a little.

“…”

A kind girl.

A girl who’s kinder than anyone else.

And that’s why she got hurt as a result.

Suffering alone, being lonely in a place I don’t know of.

“…Can I come back again?”

My trembling voice is corroded by tears.

“I’ve a friend who’s always suffering, going through hards.h.i.+ps. That girl’s really kind, but also very fragile. However, I can’t even comfort her. I guess it’s because I’m too weak–. Thus, until I become stronger, until I become strong enough to support that girl, please allow me to come back, to this place where Hikari Yumesaki slept so peacefully–”

My eyes were staring at the world with the sun’s eye sifting through the thick clouds.

The tears blurred my vision, and her beautiful face is faltering.

“Akitsuki.”

That clear voice permeated through my heart.

“Please come back. I shall always be waiting for you.”

Definitely.

No matter whether I’m crying or sad, I’ll always make sure this girl’s by her mother’s side.

I’ll let her mother wipe her tears in my place, because I can’t do that.

And I whimpered in this dim, dazzling world.

 

“Please enter.”

I stepped inside.