Memoirs of the Life of the Rt. Hon. Richard Brinsley Sheridan Volume I Part 15

"Mr. Worthy is very good to the girl;--for my part, I dare swear he has no ill intention.

"What! Major Wesley's Miss Montague?

"Lud, ma'am, the match is certainly broke--no creature knows the cause; some say a flaw in the lady's character, and others, in the gentleman's fortune.

"To be sure they do say--

"I hate to repeat what I hear.

"She was inclined to be a little too plump before she went.

"The most intrepid blush;--I've known her complexion stand fire for an hour together.

"'She had twins,'--How ill-natured! as I hope to be saved, ma'am, she had but one; and that a little starved brat not worth mentioning."

The following is the opening scene of his first sketch, from which it will be perceived that the original plot was wholly different from what it is at present,--Sir Peter and Lady Teazle being at that time not in existence.

"LADY SNEERWELL and SPATTER.

"_Lady S._ The paragraphs, you say, were all inserted.

"_Spat._ They were, madam.

"_Lady S._ Did you circulate the report of Lady Brittle's intrigue with Captain Boastall?

"_Spat._ Madam, by this Lady Brittle is the talk of half the town; and in a week will be treated as a demirep.

"_Lady S._ What have you done as to the innuendo of Miss Niceley's fondness for her own footman?

"_Spat._ 'Tis in a fair train, ma'am. I told it to my hair- dresser,--he courts a milliner's girl in Pall Mall, whose mistress has a first cousin who is waiting-woman to Lady Clackit. I think in about fourteen hours it must reach Lady Clackit, and then you know the business is done.

"_Lady S._ But is that sufficient, do you think?

"_Spat._ O Lud, ma'am, I'll undertake to ruin the character of the primmest prude in London with half as much. Ha! ha! Did your ladys.h.i.+p never hear how poor Miss Shepherd lost her lover and her character last summer at Scarborough? this was the whole of it. One evening at Lady ----'s, the conversation happened to turn on the difficulty of breeding Nova Scotia sheep in England. 'I have known instances,' says Miss ---, 'for last spring, a friend of mine, Miss Shepherd of Ramsgate, had a Nova Scotia sheep that produced her twins.'--'What!' cries the old deaf dowager Lady Bowlwell, 'has Miss Shepherd of Ramsgate been brought to bed of twins?' This mistake, as you may suppose, set the company laughing. However, the next day, Miss Verjuice Amarilla Lonely, who had been of the party, talking of Lady Bowlwell's deafness, began to tell what had happened; but unluckily, forgetting to say a word of sheep, it was understood by the company, and, in every circle, many believed, that Miss Shepherd of Ramsgate had actually been brought to bed of a fine boy and a girl; and, in less than a fortnight, there were people who could name the father, and the farm-house where the babies were put out to nurse.

"_Lady S._ Ha! ha! well, for a stroke of luck, it was a very good one. I suppose you find no difficulty in spreading the report on the censorious Miss ----.

"_Spat._ None in the world,--she has always been so prudent and reserved, that every body was sure there was some reason for it at bottom.

"_Lady S._ Yes, a tale of scandal is as fatal to the credit of a prude as a fever to those of the strongest const.i.tutions; but there is a sort of sickly reputation that outlives hundreds of the robuster character of a prude.

"_Spat._ True, ma'am, there are valetudinarians in reputation as in const.i.tutions; and both are cautious from their appreciation and consciousness of their weak side, and avoid the least breath of air.

[Footnote: This is one of the many instances, where the improving effect of revision may be traced. The pa.s.sage at present stands thus:--"There are valetudinarians in reputation as well as const.i.tution; who, being conscious of their weak part, avoid the least breath of air, and supply the want of stamina by care and circ.u.mspection."]

"_Lady S._ But, Spatter, I have something of greater confidence now to entrust you with. I think I have some claim to your grat.i.tude.

"_Spat._ Have I ever shown myself one moment unconscious of what I owe you?

"_Lady S._ I do not charge you with it, but this is an affair of importance. You are acquainted with my situation, but not all my weaknesses. I was hurt, in the early part of my life, by the envenom'd tongue of scandal, and ever since, I own, have no joy but in sullying the fame of others. In this I have found you an apt tool: you have often been the instrument of my revenge, but you must now a.s.sist me in a softer pa.s.sion. A young widow with a little beauty and easy fortune is seldom driven to sue,--yet is that my case. Of the many you have seen here, have you ever observed me, secretly, to favor one?

"_Spat._ Egad! I never was more posed: I'm sure you cannot mean that ridiculous old knight, Sir Christopher Crab?

"_Lady S._ A wretch! his a.s.siduities are my torment.

"_Spat._ Perhaps his nephew, the baronet, Sir Benjamin Backbite, is the happy man?

"_Lady S._ No, though he has ill-nature, and a good person on his side, he is not to my taste. What think you of Clerimont? [Footnote: Afterwards called Florival.]

"_Spat._ How! the professed lover of your ward, Maria; between whom, too, there is a mutual affection.

"_Lady S._ Yes, that insensible, that doater on an idiot, is the man.

"_Spat._ But how can you hope to succeed?

"_Lady S._ By poisoning both with jealousy of the other, till the credulous fool, in a pique, shall be entangled in my snare.

"_Spat._ Have you taken any measure for it?

"_Lady S._ I have. Maria has made me the confidante of Clerimont's love for her: in return, I pretended to entrust her with my affection for Sir Benjamin, who is her warm admirer. By strong representation of my pa.s.sion, I prevailed on her not to refuse to see Sir Benjamin, which she once promised Clerimont to do. I entreated her to plead my cause, and even drew her in to answer Sir Benjamin's letters with the same intent. Of this I have made Clerimont suspicious; but 'tis you must inflame him to the pitch I want.

"_Spat._ But will not Maria, on the least unkindness of Clerimont, instantly come to an explanation?

"_Lady S._ This is what we must prevent by blinding...."

The scene that follows, between Lady Sneerwell and Maria, gives some insight into the use that was to be made of this intricate ground-work, [Footnote: The following is his own arrangement of the Scenes of the Second Act. "Act II. Scene 1st. All.--2d. Lady S. and Mrs. C.--3d. Lady S. and ... Em. and Mrs. C. listening.--4th. L. S. and Flor. shows him into the room,--bids him return the other way.--L. S. and Emma.--Emma and Florival;--fits,--maid.--Emma fainting and sobbing:--'Death, don't expose me!'--enter maid,--will call out--all come on with cards and smelling bottles."] and it was, no doubt, the difficulty of managing such an involvement of his personages dramatically, that drove him, luckily for the world, to the construction of a simpler, and, at the same time, more comprehensive plan. He might also, possibly, have been influenced by the consideration, that the chief movement of this plot must depend upon the jealousy of the lover,--a spring of interest which he had already brought sufficiently into play in the Rivals.

"_Lady Sneerwell._ Well, my love, have you seen Clerimont to-day?

"_Maria._ I have not, nor does he come as often as he used. Indeed, madam, I fear what I have done to serve you has by some means come to his knowledge, and injured me in his opinion. I promised him faithfully never to see Sir Benjamin. What confidence can he ever have in me, if he once finds I have broken my word to him?

"_Lady S._ Nay, you are too grave. If he should suspect any thing, it will always be in my power to undeceive him.

"_Mar._ Well, you have involved me in deceit, and I must trust to you to extricate me.

"_Lady S._ Have you answered Sir Benjamin's last letter in the manner I wished?

"_Mar._ I have written exactly as you desired me: but I wish you would give me leave to tell the whole truth to Clerimont at once. There is a coldness in his manner of late, which I can no ways account for.

"_Lady S._ (_aside_.) I'm glad to find I have worked on him so far;--fie, Maria, have you so little regard for me? would you put me to the shame of being known to love a man who disregards me? Had you entrusted me with such a secret, not a husband's power should have forced it from me. But, do as you please. Go, forget the affection I have shown you: forget that I have been as a mother to you, whom I found an orphan. Go, break through all ties of grat.i.tude, and expose me to the world's derision, to avoid one sullen hour from a moody lover.

"_Mar._ Indeed, madam, you wrong me; and you who know the apprehension of love, should make allowance for its weakness. My love for Clerimont is so great--

"_Lady S._ Peace; it cannot exceed mine.

"_Mar._ For Sir Benjamin, perhaps not, ma'am--and, I am sure, Clerimont has as sincere an affection for me.

"_Lady S._ Would to heaven I could say the same!

"_Mar._ Of Sir Benjamin:--I wish so too, ma'am. But I am sure you would be extremely hurt, if, in gaining your wishes, you were to injure me in the opinion of Clerimont.