The Fading Away of Our Youth (So Young) Chapter 19

Chapter 19

 

What is the price of love? And is she truly happy?

Zheng Wei was a little guilty, she thought, she must have delayed A Zheng’s business, because he dropped her off at a really late time, even the dormitory’s big iron door was already locked. Zheng Wei woke up the auntie who took care of all the dormitory matters. The auntie came to the door, dressed in clothes and frowned, when she saw her she said, “Oh, aren’t you 402’s little Zheng Wei?”

Zheng Wei laughed, “Thank you auntie.” She had already run upstairs. When she got to the second floor she saw that he was still standing where he was, very far, and didn’t say anything, looking him, laughing in a silly way. He waved and motioned for her to go and left.

The dormitory’s lights were already off, besides her, all the others were already in place, when they saw her, they were extremely excited, Ruan Ruan said, “You scared me, just now I was worrying that you had disappeared.”

Zhu Xiao Bei sighed and said, “Say it, where did you go? What was that about, ditching us?”

“Yeah.” Li Wei Juan elongagated her sound, “When you left, I couldn’t bear to look at Xu Gong Zi’s sad face.”

Zheng Wei didn’t even listen to their crazy words, she quietly wore her clothes in front of the mirror, and borrowed He Lu Ya’s light from her bed, looking at herself in the mirror, over and over. Her familiar features, where had it changed, was it her rippling eyes, or her mouthwatering lips……she extended her hand and gently used her ring finger to point to her lips in the mirror, she thought, she was really drunk.

That night, she slept with Ruan Ruan and they huddled together, the two people whispered until midnight, and didn’t feel sleepy at all.

Later, she and Chen Xiao Zheng had many more sweet moments under this great canopy, under the initial basketball rack, inside the park’s small forests, and even at the Mao Yi Sheng statue park. They left their loving figures at all of these places. Chen Xiao Zheng wasn’t like He Lu Ya and the majority of the people at the school, leisurely going to the park, or going to the small night market near the school to pa.s.s the nighttime. He had Zheng Wei now, to accompany him everywhere, his dormitory, cla.s.sroom, library; the three locations were still the strict law of his life, he said he hated an idling lifestyle.

Even though Zheng Wei accompanied him tightly, Chen Xiao Zheng’s expression would often be dull to her. Only on those nights where it was just them, would his warm lips make Zheng Wei so hot that she would suspect if this person that she hugged was really the proud alienated teenager? And someone that could make him forget herself, besides him, who else was there?

Zheng Wei liked to see his appearance when he took of his gla.s.ses, his near-sightedness wasn’t deep, and deep below the lens were a beautiful pair of eyes, even in the excitement his face would always be dull, but his eyes never lied, those restless beating flames would betray him, and she had seen those burning moments before, only she had seen them, that was right, only her.

The first time he put his hand into her jacket, when the powerful small flying dragon’s face reddened like an apple, but her heart never forgot, why didn’t she wear her prettiest lace underwear. When he covered her chest’s blooming flowers with his thin hand, the little white dove would always flutter around in excitement. The innocent taste of desire, many people would be stunned, but everytime he was obviously sustaining his excitement and at the most critical point he would stop.

Really, Zheng Wei was also afraid, and she even more didn’t understand. One time, she dejectedly whispered in his arms, “Is it that mine is too small, that you don’t like it?” He was thrown off and thought for a while before he knew her meaning, and thus laughed, “Perhaps they are a little smaller, but I’ve never met bigger ones, so they’re okay……the only thing is, dumba.s.s, I can’t do it, right now I can’t.” After he said the last part of his sentence, his eyes would be sad, but at that time Zheng Wei had never truly understood why such a proud man would have such a fleeting sadness.

Zheng Wei was a happy person, so she would always be willing to remember those happy and sweet moments, remember the moments when he smiled, and forget the moments of pain. At that time, she was just too happy, even when the two people faced the dormitory’s doors that were closed, and didn’t dare call the auntie again and again, and had to take the risk of going over the wall, everything was perfect. G University’s female dormitory had always been unable to stop gentlemen from coming on, so she would use the tree to go over, and only needed Chen Xiao Zheng to lightly set her off. He would always tell her to be careful, and she liked to half sit on the wall and half laugh at him making a funny face. Then, she would wave as she jumped down. During that time, she basically became G University’s great idol of night lovers, sometimes she would succeed in flipping over herself, and wasn’t afraid to take advantage of the opportunity when a sister came by. That old guy with the star shaped balloons, his girlfriend was a fat little girl under Zheng Wei’s dormitory, and under their begging, the soft-hearted small flying dragon would not care for Chen Xiao Zheng’s opposition. One time, she brought the fat little girl to climb the wall, but after Chen Xiao Zheng helped her over, his hand was sore for a whole week, while Chen Xiao Zheng was active helped her and he mercilessly  said that she was looking for trouble.

Of course, it wasn’t that there were no tears. Not long after her birthday night, Kai Yang made an appointment with Zheng Wei again to eat, Zheng Wei thought of that night when she had left, and had always felt regret to Kai Yang. The two people sat across from each other, Zheng Wei focused on finding a happy topic, but didn’t succeed, and in the end she found that their cheerfulness would perhaps never come back.

Kai Yang said, “Wei Wei, I hope you won’t get mad, that night……that was my last stand.”

Zheng Wei shook her head, “I’m not mad, I’m not mad, weren’t we great before?”

Kai Yang gave a bitter laugh, “Don’t make me so powerful, you found the person you love, but I have no way to stay by your side and watch you guys laugh.”

“What is the meaning of this, we’re still friends in the future right?” Zheng Wei said this, her eyes wet, they used to be the best of friends, and could even eat from the same bowl during mealtimes.

“Of course we’re still friends, but I probably won’t be eating with you alone from now on, so just take it that I was narrow-minded, at least right now when I see you guys, my heart is at ease.”

When Zheng Wei heard this, her tears were about to fall, before, doing everything she had, she hadn’t thought that when she successfully got something, she would have to lose something else? She still remembered Kai Yang’s hand holding her hand while they played Go, and this person, may never be her friend again.

When Kai Yang saw her cry, he felt sorry, but could only smile, bitterly, “I am obviously the one who is more pitiful, I lost the girl I like, but why does it look like you are more pitiful than me?”

Zheng Wei sniffed, while sobbing, “Kai Yang, you can retreat for some time, after you think it through, let’s play Go again.”

He was afraid that she would continue to cry and only nodded, “There will be that day.”

In truth, they never had that day of playing chess; many people are such that once you pa.s.s over them, they become strangers.

Zheng Wei couldn’t understand this even after some time had pa.s.sed, was it because she was more greedy, so the moment she lost Kai Yang, she was so hurt, every tear flowed out from the heart, but why she have to give up friends.h.i.+p with the coming of love–maybe, in Kai Yang’s eyes, they were no longer friends. And it was from this moment on, that Zheng Wei began to understand that some things must be given up, she loudly cried, painful tears, but didn’t allow her to regret, because everything was her own choice.

She had chosen Chen Xiao Zheng, and by choosing him, he gave her bitterness and sweetness. When they were together, she would always wait for him, wait for him to get out of school, wait for him to go to cla.s.s, wait for him to self-study, wait for his appointments, she was forever earlier than him; she counted the leaves on the trees, counted how many people she loved with her fingers. Sometimes he would be late  by a few minutes, and sometimes it would be 30 minutes, the worst time was when they agreed to meet at 8:30 to go to the book market, but he came at 10:00. He was obviously someone who took up on his obligations in front of the people, for his teachers, his cla.s.smates, his friends, he would never be late, but for her, he would lose track of time. Maybe it was that he was too relaxed, she would definitely wait for him, so he would a.s.suredly do his own things and unhurriedly rush to her appointment. He would always finish everything before thinking of her, because she was always there.

Of course, they had fought over this, she was obviously a person that had the most impatience, after waiting for a long time, it was hard for her to suppress her huge temper, and they had quarreled numerous times. He couldn’t beat her, so he would always be indifferent while she got mad, she would prevail but the one who cried was herself. After the quarrel would come the Cold War, most of the time the moment she turned around she would regret–actually waiting wasn’t as bad as seemed, she said. Thus she would only require a phone call from him and forget all of the unhappiness, and laughingly enter his embrace, many times she could forget the pain from her wounds, is this not a blessing.

Sometimes he would say, sorry, next time I’ll come earlier. But the next time, she would remain waiting.

One time she was under his floor, really impatient, so she couldn’t help but storm up to his dormitory and she actually saw him looking like everything was ready, hugging his books, sitting on the bed, dazed. That was the first time she saw the dazed Chen Xiao Zheng, like a child who had lost his senses, he was such a strong guy, clearly leaning towards one direction, with dogged determination, but many times he had held a perplexed expression.

She shouldn’t think of it, she shouldn’t think of it, every time even though he would be late, he never missed an appointment, as long as she waited for him, the process didn’t matter.

Chen Xiao Zheng told her one time, “Actually, there’s no point in waiting like this.”

Zheng Wei laughed, “I have also thought of being late many times, and make you feel the taste of waiting, but I’m afraid if I’m late you won’t wait for me. So I should still be early, and don’t you always say that I’m idle anyways.”

After she finished, Chen Xiao Zheng looked at her “Introduction to Civil Engineering” homework, she couldn’t see his expression.

After a long time, he said, “Zheng Wei, your homework is very sloppy, this reinforcement with the wrong ratio is really outrageous.”

Her heart wasn’t there, “Really, maybe I calculated wrong.”

He was very unsatisfied, “Do you know that a very small mistake can make a whole building collapse, if you are very sloppy, how will you become a civil engineer?”

“Didn’t I ask you to help me check it? Do you need to fly into a rage?” She muttered.

Chen Xiao Zheng looked at her for a long time and finally sighed, “It’s probably that I am overly fussy over this small question, but Zheng Wei, I am not like you, my life is a building that can only be made once, so I must be extremely accurate, and cannot make a cm of error–so, I was too nervous, I’m afraid that this will make a huge mistake.”

She sat on his lap and hooked her hands around his neck, “Am I your one centimeter of error? A Zheng, didn’t the teacher also say that any error can exist inside a building with reasonable limits, my one centimeter of error doesn’t have enough to make your big building fall down and weaken.”

He put down his homework and tightly hugged her. He was afraid that he had begun to love his one centimeter of error and thus disregard his whole building.