The Funny Philosophers Part 28

"And then?"

"One of the little cherubs ran into the room, and bawling out, 'You stop biting my mamma!' struck Dobbs with a stick."

"Horrible!"

"Dobbs saw a servant-maid's grinning face at the door. He s.n.a.t.c.hed up his hat and rushed from the house. The widow seized the little cherub, and laid him over her lap and spanked him."

"What became of Dobbs?"

"He returned next evening. The cherubs were all put to bed. He again presented the question of annexation for the consideration of the widow.

This time it was debated on both sides. The widow told him that she had solemnly vowed never to be the wife of anybody but Simon Rump. She could not break her vow. Dobbs then proposed to change his name to Rump. This proposition was satisfactory. M. T. Pate filed a bill in chancery for Dobbs, and a decree was pa.s.sed changing his name to Rump; and Simon Dobbs is now Simon Rump; and an angel dwells with him, and seven sweet little cherubs run about his domicile with their bare feet."

"Cherubs are always barefooted," said the Professor. "They are painted so on canvas. It couldn't be otherwise."

"Why not?" said Toney.

"Because no shoemaker ever entered the kingdom of heaven."

"I cannot see why the disciples of St. Crispin should be excluded," said Toney.

"They never tell the truth, and liars--you know the text. Did you ever see the picture of an angel with a pair of shoes on his feet?"

"Never!"

"They have no shoemakers among them," said the Professor.

They had now reached the hotel, and, after Toney had directed Hannibal and Caesar to come for his trunks, were approaching his room, when they heard a loud noise, and Tom Seddon's voice furiously shouting "Villain!"

This was followed by the sound of some heavy body falling on the floor.

Toney and the Professor rushed into the room. In the middle of the floor stood Tom Seddon with his clothes covered with blood. A crimson stream spouted from his person and sprinkled the floor. In a corner of the room lay Dr. Bull, having just been knocked down by a blow from Seddon's fist. On the bed was a basin turned upside down. With the ferocity of a tiger Tom was about to spring at Bull again when Toney caught him and held him back.

"Let me at him!" shouted Tom, savagely. "He has had my blood and I want his!"

"Are you not Jones?" groaned Bull, in the corner.

"Jones! who is Jones? You b.l.o.o.d.y old villain!" cried Tom.

"Good heavens!" said Bull, "I fear I have made a mistake! I have bled the wrong man!"

Toney roared with laughter, and the Professor fell on the bed and emitted violent explosions of mirth.

Bull, who had been deprived of his spectacles in his desperate encounter with Bear, was nearly blind, and going into the wrong room had approached the bed. Tom was snoring. Bull felt his pulse. "Symptoms of apoplexy!" exclaimed Bull. "A decided change for the worse! He must be immediately depleted or the attack may be fatal!" Bull got a basin, rolled up Tom's sleeve, took out a lancet and sprung it. The blood spirted, and Tom jumped up and knocked Bull down.

All this was explained after Tom's arm had been bound up by the Professor; Bull being too much disabled by the blow and his fall to render any a.s.sistance.

"The doctor has amply apologized," said Toney.

"By Jove! does such an outrage admit of an apology?" said Tom, looking at Bull with savage ferocity.

"My dear sir, it was a mistake! I thought it was Jones!" said the doctor, making for the door.

"Good-by, doctor!" said Toney. "You have let the bad blood out of him, and he will soon be in a better disposition."

Bull hastily departed with both eyes in a damaged condition.

"He has had my blood and I would like to have his," said Tom.

"Mr. Seddon, you should cultivate a more benign disposition," said the Professor. "Bull practiced phlebotomy on you with the best intentions."

"And now, Tom, I must leave you," said Toney, as Caesar and Hannibal entered the room to carry his trunks to the railway.

"Are you going?" said Tom.

"Must go," said Toney. "I have to prepare for the great case of Simon Rump vs. The Salt-Water Ca.n.a.l Company. I leave Charley with you, who will attend to your wound, and when it has healed you and he come to Mapleton and hear the argument of my distinguished adversary M. T.

Pate."

Both promised to do so; and shaking hands with his two friends, Toney went out and closed the door, but immediately opened it again and said,--

"Tom, when you take another siesta, remember to bolt the door and keep Bull out. Good-by!"

CHAPTER XXIV.

"Simon, my love," said Mrs. Rump, as she handed her affectionate spouse a cup of coffee at breakfast, "what lawyer have you got to speak to the jury in our great case against the Ca.n.a.l Company?"

"Why, my angel," said Simon, "I have got Mr. Pate, the great lawyer in Mapleton."

"Is Mr. Pate the bald-headed man who sometimes reads the prayers in church?" asked the angel.

"He is the man," said Simon.

"He must be a very good man," said the mother of the seven sweet little cherubs.

"He is," said the lord of the mansion; "and he is also a very learned man. He has more than a dozen books in his office as big as the Bible, and he reads in them every day."

"Oh, my!" said Simon's angel. "No wonder he is bald! Reads all those big books! What a heap he must know!"

"Indeed, he does," said Simon. "And he has promised to make a great speech against the Ca.n.a.l Company, and get us a power of damages."

"How much?" inquired the angel.

"Thirty thousand dollars--not a cent less."

"Gracious goodness! thirty thousand dollars! We will be as rich as the Widow Wild almost! Indeed, my love, you must buy a nice new carriage. I don't like to ride to church on horseback and see the Widow Wild coming in her carriage."

"And I want a hobby-horse," said one of the male cherubs.