The Funny Philosophers Part 30

"Yonder he goes!" said a boy. "Great golly! ain't he riding!"

"Go fetch him back! Go fetch him back!" cried Rump.

"It would take Flying Childers to catch that old white horse!" said one of Rump's neighbors. "Your lawyer has gone, and you will now have to make a speech yourself."

"My lawyer has run away! I am ruined! I am ruined!" exclaimed Rump.

"Mount my horse, and ride after your attorney," said the sheriff, his sides shaking with laughter. "Make haste, Mr. Rump! The jury are waiting to hear his argument in reply to Mr. Belton."

Simon Rump shook his head in despair. Rendered frantic by the ridicule of his merciless adversary, his attorney had rushed wildly from the scene of his discomfiture, mounted his horse, and galloped away, and poor Rump was left _inops consilii_.

"Mr. Rump," said the sheriff, "the jury have requested me to inform you that they are ready to hear anything which you have to say. You are ent.i.tled to the closing argument."

"I can't make a speech," said Rump; "and my lawyer has run away."

"Then the case is submitted for the decision of the jury without further argument," said the sheriff.

Rump mournfully nodded his head in acquiescence. Whereupon the twelve peers arose from their seats, and walked aside in consultation. They soon returned, and rendered a verdict for the defendant. Rump had to pay the costs, which amounted to one hundred dollars. He pulled out his pocket-book, and handed ninety dollars to the sheriff.

"Ten dollars more," said the sheriff.

"Mr. Pate will pay the other ten dollars," said Simon.

"How so?" asked the sheriff.

"He was to get one-tenth of the money recovered," said Rump.

"Well?"

"As we have lost the case, he should pay one-tenth of the costs."

"That is strictly in accordance with the principles of law applicable to copartners.h.i.+ps,--is it not, Mr. Seddon?" said the Professor.

"Certainly," said Tom; "profits and losses must be in proportion to the interest which each partner has in the firm."

The sheriff thought otherwise, and Rump reluctantly paid the whole amount; saying that he would sue M. T. Pate for the ten dollars paid on his account. A few days afterwards he actually brought suit before Justice Johnson, who rendered a judgment against M. T. Pate for ten dollars and costs.

Simon Rump went home a melancholy man. As he entered his door he was met by the mother of the cherubs, who threw her arms around his neck and embraced him with connubial fondness.

"Oh, Simon, my love, I am so glad you have come back! There is a brand-new carriage in Mapleton now offered for sale. It will just suit us. Have they paid all the money? How much have you got?"

Simon Rump was silent.

"How much money have you brought home with you?" asked Simon's angel.

"Not one cent," said Simon, sadly. "I went away this morning with one hundred dollars in my pocket-book, and now it is empty. I had to pay some money for Mr. Pate."

"But Mr. Pate will pay it back to you out of the three thousand dollars," said the angel.

"No he won't," said Simon.

"Yes he will," said the angel. "Mr. Pate is a good man. He reads the prayers in church."

"I'll sue him," said Simon.

"What?"

"I'll sue M. T. Pate for ten dollars," said Simon, savagely.

"Sue your own lawyer?" exclaimed the mother of the cherubs. "Your own lawyer, who has made a great speech, and gained our case?"

"He didn't gain our case,--he lost it."

"Lost our case?" screamed the angel. "Simon Rump, you don't mean to say that Pate lost our case?"

"That's just what happened," said Simon Rump.

"Did he make a speech?"

"He made a speech, and then he ran away."

"What made him run away?"

"He got scared," said Simon.

"What did he say in his speech?"

"He talked to the jury about you, and me, and the children."

"What did Pate say about me?"

"He called you venerable."

"What?"

"He called you Simon Rump's venerable wife."

"Me? Me?"

"Yes, you," said Simon. "He called you venerable several times."

"Several times?"

"Yes, four or five times."

"Said so to the jury?"

"Yes."