Fontainbleau Part 7

_Tall._ So I am, ha! ha! ha!

_Lack._ Ha! ha! ha! Oh, I have you, ha! ha! ha!

_Tall._ No, you han't, ha! ha! ha! Nor you won't have me, ha! ha! ha!

I'm not to be had--know a thing or two--up to all--if you're flint, I'm steel.

_Lack._ Well, but don't strike fire to me--reserve your flashes of wit or----

_Tall._ You will catch them, as your coat is a kind of tinder, ha! ha!

ha!

_Lack._ Sir, I desire you will find some other subject for your jokes.

_Tall._ True, your coat is rather a thread-bare subject, ha! ha!

ha!--touching the cash makes a body so comical, ha! ha! ha!

_Lack._ Cash; ay, your wit is sterling to-day, Tallyho, and as you carry your brains in your pocket, I wish you'd change me a twenty pound joke.

_Tall._ Ha! ha! ha! Ah, well, Lackland, you're so full of jokes, that you even laugh at the elbows, ha! ha! ha! that is the best humoured suit of clothes--

_Lack._ [_Calmly._] Sir, if you were any body else, upon my honour, I'd knock you down!

_Tall._ Hold, if you raise your arm, you'll increase the laugh--Come, don't be angry, [_Looks out._] and I'll help you to a graver sort o'coat, that's not quite so much upon the broad grin, ha! ha! ha! Hus.h.!.+

I'll introduce you to Colonel Epaulette yonder.

_Lack._ [_Looking._] That, ay, a right Frenchman; one might guess by his mirth that he has lost to day.

_Tall._ True; but I keep up the old saying, ha! ha! ha! they may laugh that win.

_Lack._ I've heard the most unaccountable stories of his attempt at our style of doing things.

_Tall._ Yes, I'm his tutor; I teach him all our polite accomplishments.

_Lack._ Polite! then I suppose he can drink, swear, play at cricket, and smoke tobacco.

_Tall._ Yes, he comes on, but I'll give him up to you--or you to him, to get rid of you.

[_Aside._

_Lack._ Yet, I am told this French gentleman has a most benevolent heart--a man of much worth.

_Tall._ Yes, he is worth twenty thousand a year.

_Lack._ I like a man of twenty thousand a year--hem! tell him who I am.

[_With great Consequence._

_Tall._ I'll tell him, you're a wrangling mastiff, pointer-made--he thinks so highly of our courage, with him, the boldest bully, is the bravest Briton, ha! ha! ha!--he's so fond of our English customs, ha!

ha! ha! why, he'd introduce himself to a d.u.c.h.ess, with a zounds; and thinks if he can come out with a dozen dammes or so, he speaks very good English.

_Enter COLONEL EPAULETTE, singing._

Colonel E. _Rule Britannia, Britannia rule de vay._ Ah, my victorious squire--[_Sings._] _If you should like, De Yorks.h.i.+re tyke, an honest lad behold me._

_Both._ Tol lol de rol, &c.

_Colonel E._ I lose five tousand to you on dis match--Dere is one tousand on de Paris bank, two de bank of England, von Drummond, and von Child.

[_Gives Notes._

_Lack._ Tallyho, as I have none of my own, I'll adopt that child.

_Colonel E._ [_Looks at LACKLAND with Admiration._] Ha! ha! ha! Le drole!

_Tall._ Oh yes, it's a very good joke. [_Puts up Notes._] Colonel, this here is Squire What d'ye call him--Squire, that there is Colonel Thing-o-me, and now you know one another, shake fists.

_Lack._ Sir, your most obedient.

_Tall._ Colonel, this is an honest fellow, and a finished gentleman; a jig or allemande--Robin Gray or Mallbrook--he'll whip you through with a small sword, or break your head with a cudgel.

_Colonel E._ I'm much oblig'd to him, but is he fond of play?

_Tall._ Play! He'll pull the longest straw for a twenty pound joke, or run with you in a sack for a ginger-bread hat.

_Lack._ Sir, my friend Tallyho is rather lavish in his recommendations--I have the honour to be known, and, indeed, live with some persons, not of the lowest order, in this, and--every country.

_Tall._ Yes, he has so many great acquaintances, and so polite himself--look at his hat--he has almost saluted away the front c.o.c.k.

_Lack._ I hate ceremony, but one must be civil, you know.

_Tall._ Says so many good things too!--A capital bon motter.

_Lack._ Hang it!--no, Tallyho, my wit is rather o' the--sometimes, indeed, comes out with a little sally, that----

_Colonel E._ Sir, I should be proud to be introduced to your little Sally.

_Lack._ Ha! ha! ha! You shall, Colonel--my little Molly, and my little Jenny, and--ha! ha! ha! you see what I am, Colonel--rather an ordinary fellow, [_Conceitedly._] but the ladies do squint at me, now and then, ha! ha! ha!--overheard a most diverting confab amongst that group of ladies yonder, as I pa.s.sed them--Oh, dear! look at him, says one--at who? says another--that smart gentleman, says a third--I vow, a monstrous pretty fellow, says a fourth--but who is he? perhaps he's the English amba.s.sador--oh, madam, not he, oh, not him, no, no--but at last they all concluded, from a certain something in my air, that I can be no other than--the Emperor, incog.--ha! ha! ha!

_All._ Ha! ha! ha!

_Tall._ Well said, Master Emperor! ha! ha! ha! but I will new robe your Imperial Majesty. [_Apart to LACKLAND._] I'll touch him for a coat for you--A man of high taste in our modes. [_Apart to the COLONEL._] I'll try and get him to change a suit with you.

_Lack._ Why, I must say, I'm somewhat partial to the Newmarket style.

_Colonel E._ I tink his coat look de Oldmarket style.

_Tall._ Yes, but from your coat, and your feathered head, he took you for a drummer.