Verses and Translations Part 6

Then they laid him with care in his moonlit bed: But first--having thoughtfully fetched some tar - Adorned him with feathers, aware that the weather's Uncertainty brings on at nights catarrh.

They staid in his room till the sun was high: But still did the feathered one give no sign Of opening a peeper--he might be a sleeper Such as rests on the Northern or Midland line.

At last he woke, and with profound Bewilderment he gazed around; Dropped one, then both feet to the ground, But never spake a word:

Then to my WHOLE he made his way; Took one long lingering survey; And softly, as he stole away, Remarked, "By Jove, a bird!"

II.

If you've seen a short man swagger tow'rds the footlights at Sh.o.r.editch, Sing out "Heave aho! my hearties," and perpetually hitch Up, by an ingenious movement, trousers innocent of brace, Briskly flouris.h.i.+ng a cudgel in his pleased companion's face;

If he preluded with hornpipes each successive thing he did, From a sun-browned cheek extracting still an ostentatious quid; And expectorated freely, and occasionally cursed:- Then have you beheld, depicted by a master's hand, MY FIRST.

O my countryman! if ever from thy arm the bolster sped, In thy school-days, with precision at a young companion's head; If 'twas thine to lodge the marble in the centre of the ring, Or with well-directed pebble make the sitting hen take wing:

Then do thou--each fair May morning, when the blue lake is as gla.s.s, And the gossamers are twinkling star-like in the beaded gra.s.s; When the mountain-bee is sipping fragrance from the bluebell's lip, And the bathing-woman tells you, Now's your time to take a dip:

When along the misty valleys fieldward winds the lowing herd, And the early worm is being dropped on by the early bird; And Aurora hangs her jewels from the bending rose's cup, And the myriad voice of Nature calls thee to MY SECOND up:-

Hie thee to the breezy common, where the melancholy goose Stalks, and the astonished donkey finds that he is really loose; There amid green fern and furze-bush shalt thou soon MY WHOLE behold, Rising 'bull-eyed and majestic'--as Olympus queen of old:

Kneel,--at a respectful distance,--as they kneeled to her, and try With judicious hand to put a ball into that ball-less eye: Till a stiffness seize thy elbows, and the general public wake - Then return, and, clear of conscience, walk into thy well-earned steak.

III.

Ere yet "knowledge for the million"

Came out "neatly bound in boards;"

When like Care upon a pillion Matrons rode behind their lords: Rarely, save to hear the Rector, Forth did younger ladies roam; Making pies, and brewing nectar From the gooseberry-trees at home.

They'd not dreamed of Pan or Vevay; Ne'er should into blossom burst At the ball or at the levee; Never come, in fact, MY FIRST: Nor illumine cards by dozens With some labyrinthine text, Nor work smoking-caps for cousins Who were pounding at MY NEXT.

Now have skirts, and minds, grown ampler; Now not all they seek to do Is create upon a sampler Beasts which Buffon never knew: But their venturous muslins rustle O'er the cragstone and the snow, Or at home their biceps muscle Grows by practising the bow.

Worthier they those dames who, fable Says, rode "palfreys" to the war With gigantic Thanes, whose "sable Destriers caracoled" before; Smiled, as--springing from the war-horse As men spring in modern 'cirques' - They plunged, ponderous as a four-horse Coach, among the vanished Turks:-

In the good times when the jester Asked the monarch how he was, And the landlady addrest her Guests as 'gossip' or as 'coz'; When the Templar said, "Gramercy,"

Or, "'Twas shrewdly thrust, i' fegs,"

To Sir Halbert or Sir Percy As they knocked him off his legs:

And, by way of mild reminders That he needed coin, the Knight Day by day extracted grinders From the howling Israelite: And MY WHOLE in merry Sherwood Sent, with preterhuman luck, Missiles--not of steel but firwood - Thro' the two-mile-distant buck.

IV.

Evening threw soberer hue Over the blue sky, and the few Poplars that grew just in the view Of the hall of Sir Hugo de Wynkle: "Answer me true," pleaded Sir Hugh, (Striving to woo no matter who,) "What shall I do, Lady, for you?

'Twill be done, ere your eye may twinkle.

Shall I borrow the wand of a Moorish enchanter, And bid a decanter contain the Levant, or The bra.s.s from the face of a Mormonite ranter?

Shall I go for the mule of the Spanish Infantar - (That _R_, for the sake of the line, we must grant her,) - And race with the foul fiend, and beat in a canter, Like that first of equestrians Tam o' Shanter?

I talk not mere banter--say not that I can't, or By this MY FIRST--(a Virginia planter Sold it me to kill rats)--I will die instanter."

The Lady bended her ivory neck, and Whispered mournfully, "Go for--MY SECOND."

She said, and the red from Sir Hugh's cheek fled, And "Nay," did he say, as he stalked away The fiercest of injured men: "Twice have I humbled my haughty soul, And on bended knee I have pressed MY WHOLE - But I never will press it again!"

V.

On pinnacled St. Mary's Lingers the setting sun; Into the street the blackguards Are skulking one by one: Butcher and Boots and Bargeman Lay pipe and pewter down; And with wild shout come tumbling out To join the Town and Gown.

And now the undergraduates Come forth by twos and threes, From the broad tower of Trinity, From the green gate of Caius: The wily bargeman marks them, And swears to do his worst; To turn to impotence their strength, And their beauty to MY FIRST.

But before Corpus gateway MY SECOND first arose, When Barnacles the freshman Was pinned upon the nose: Pinned on the nose by Boxer, Who brought a hobnailed herd From Barnwell, where he kept a van, Being indeed a dogsmeat man, Vendor of terriers, blue or tan, And dealer in MY THIRD.

'Twere long to tell how Boxer Was 'countered' on the cheek, And knocked into the middle Of the ensuing week: How Barnacles the Freshman Was asked his name and college; And how he did the fatal facts Reluctantly acknowledge.

He called upon the Proctor Next day at half-past ten; Men whispered that the Freshman cut A different figure then:- That the bra.s.s forsook his forehead, The iron fled his soul, As with blanched lip and visage wan Before the stony-hearted Don He kneeled upon MY WHOLE.

VI.

Sikes, housebreaker, of Houndsditch, Habitually swore; But so surpa.s.singly profane He never was before, As on a night in winter, When--softly as he stole In the dim light from stair to stair, Noiseless as boys who in her lair Seek to surprise a fat old hare - He barked his s.h.i.+nbone, unaware Encountering MY WHOLE.

As pours the Anio plainward, When rains have swollen the d.y.k.es, So, with such noise, poured down MY FIRST, Stirred by the s.h.i.+ns of Sikes.

The Butler Bibulus heard it; And straightway ceased to snore, And sat up, like an egg on end, While men might count a score: Then spake he to Tigerius, A b.u.t.tons bold was he: "b.u.t.tons, I think there's thieves about; Just strike a light and tumble out; If you can't find one, go without, And see what you may see."

But now was all the household, Almost, upon its legs, Each treading carefully about As if they trod on eggs.

With robe far-streaming issued Paterfamilias forth; And close behind him,--stout and true And tender as the North, - Came Mrs. P., supporting On her broad arm her fourth.

Betsy the nurse, who never From largest beetle ran, And--conscious p'raps of pleasing caps - The housemaids, formed the van: And Bibulus the Butler, His calm brows slightly arched; (No mortal wight had ere that night Seen him with s.h.i.+rt unstarched;) And Bob, the shockhaired knifeboy, Wielding two Sheffield blades, And James Plush of the sinewy legs, The love of lady's maids: And charwoman and chaplain Stood mingled in a ma.s.s, And "Things," thought he of Houndsditch, "Is come to a pretty pa.s.s."

Beyond all things a Baby Is to the schoolgirl dear; Next to herself the nursemaid loves Her das.h.i.+ng grenadier; Only with life the sailor Parts from the British flag; While one hope lingers, the cracksman's fingers Drop not his hard-earned 'swag.'

But, as hares do MY SECOND Thro' green Calabria's copses, As females vanish at the sight Of short-horns and of wopses; So, dropping forks and teaspoons, The pride of Houndsditch fled, Dumbfoundered by the hue and cry He'd raised up overhead.

They gave him--did the Judges - As much as was his due.

And, Saxon, should'st thou e'er be led To deem this tale untrue; Then--any night in winter, When the cold north wind blows, And bairns are told to keep out cold By tallowing the nose: When round the fire the elders Are gathered in a bunch, And the girls are doing crochet, And the boys are reading Punch:- Go thou and look in Leech's book; There haply shalt thou spy A stout man on a staircase stand, With aspect anything but bland, And rub his right s.h.i.+n with his hand, To witness if I lie.

PROVERBIAL PHILOSOPHY.