The Battle of the Bays Part 3

ARTHUR.

Yes, I am, I know, The devil of a Romeo!

JOHN.

Hark! hark! the waits, the precious waits!

Their music beats at Heaven's gates.

MaeCENAS.

What Bodley wight will sing a stave To match their strumming? I would have The manly ba.s.s of Hobbes's voice; But Unwin's house is Hobbes's choice.

George! you've a baritone at need.

GEORGE.

Alas! my famous _Keynotes_ lead To _Discords_.

JOHN.

I've a little thing _Of Resurrection_. Shall I sing?

ARTHUR.

Please do; but _a propos_ of what?

JOHN.

I cannot say, unless _de bottes_.

[_Proceeds to sing a Ballad of Resurrection._

A letter-card from my dear love!

O folded page of blessed blue!

She burst her many-b.u.t.toned glove, And ripped the perforation through.

"My love, to-night, about eleven, With never a priest or pa.s.sing-bell, We die! and meet, with luck, in Heaven, But anyhow at least in h.e.l.l!"

Her courage very nearly failed, In fact she swooned along the floor; But curiosity prevailed, She came again and read some more.

"There is no way but this to choose; My people fain would have us wed; But you and I have later views, And scorn the vulgar marriage-bed.

"Far be it from me to dictate How best to break the mortal bond, But personally I may state That I shall use the village pond.

"Be punctual, love, and let us meet For weal or woe!

This line has lost a pair of feet; The post is now about to go."

Ay, ay, she thought, to meet were well, But if we found each other out?

You, say, in Heaven, I in h.e.l.l, Or else the other way about!

Nay, there be heavy odds, she said, One fate shall save us both or d.a.m.n; We surely shall be bracketed!

She ceased and sent a telegram.

To Guy le Preux de Balthazar-- Here followed his address, and then This pregnant message--"Right you are!"

She wrote it with the office pen.

She flashed the phrase along the wires, Then, pa.s.sing by a dagger-shop, Bought one and wiped it on her sire's Best graduated razor-strop.

On second thoughts, she said, I lean To poison; true, a knife like this Looks pretty, rib and rib between, But people very often miss.

She sought the chemist in his place; He sampled her with searching eye; She looked him frankly in the face, And told a wicked, wicked lie.

"My hen," she said,--"a bantam blend-- Has hatched a poor demented chick; To ease the gentle creature's end I want a pint of a.r.s.enic."

The chemist deemed the order large, But said no thing and drew the drug; She seized and bore the sacred charge Before her in a pewter mug.

At tea she faced her fell intent; Dressing, she lightly laughed at doom; Dined with the family, and spent The evening in the drawing-room.

At ten the early rooster crowed; Ten-thirty struck and she was gone; She crossed alone the naked road; The road had really nothing on.

Her golden braids hung down her back; Within her side she felt a st.i.tch; And once the moon behind the wrack Came out and caught her in a ditch.

Once ere she reached the trysting-pear She broke the slumber of the rooks; She wrung her hands, she tore her hair, And did as people do in books.

From out her cloak she fetched the drug-- "Thy health, my love, in Heaven or h.e.l.l!"

Deep to the dregs she drained the mug And dropped it, feeling far from well.

Upon the punctual stroke her fond True lover kept the oath he swore; Plunged softly in the village pond, But feeling chilly swam ash.o.r.e.

Next morning in the judgment-place Two pallid prisoners were tried; Their guilt was plain; it was a case Of ineffective suicide.

Yestreen a member of the Force Had found a woman deadly sick, Lamenting, with sincere remorse, An overdose of a.r.s.enic.

Another heard upon his beat One darkly muttering, "This is h.e.l.l!"

His weed was wet from head to feet; He put him in a common cell.

The Justice chewed the evidence; His eyes were soft, his lips were bland; It was, he said, a first offence; He merely gave a reprimand.

"Go free, my poppets, keep the laws, And get ye wed at once," said he; The court indulged in rude applause; The usher cleared the gallery.

The prison-warder, deeply stirred, Approached the culprits at the bar; Then haled them forth without a word Towards the nearest Registrar.

RICHARD.

John, you surpa.s.s yourself. Next week Expect a flattering critique!

JOHN.

The waits are whining in the cold With clavicorn and clarigold; They play them like a crumpled horn, The clarigold and clavicorn.