Shakespeare Jest-Books Part 14

-- _Of the prest that killed his horse called modicus._ lx.x.xviii.

-- _A certayne Bysshoppe_ appoynted to go on visytacion to a preeste's; _and, bycause he_ would haue the preest do but lyttel coste vpon him, he told him to prepare but lytell meate saying thus: Preparas * * * * *

_modicus_. This preest whyche understode hym nat halfe well, had _some desire_,[136] wherfore he thoughte to obtayne the bysshoppes fauour; _and therfore againste_ the bysshoppes comynge kylled his horse that was _called Modicus_, whereof the bysshoppe and his seruauntes ete parte; whiche, _whan the byss_hoppe knewe afterwarde, was greatly displeased.

By this ye may se, that many a fole dothe moche coste in makyng _good chere_ at dyners, whiche bathe but lytell thanke for his laboure.

FOOTNOTES:

[136] Wanting in orig. and left blank by Singer. I have supplied them from conjecture.

-- _Of the Welcheman that stale the Englysshmans c.o.c.ke._ lx.x.xix.

-- A Welcheman dwellynge in Englande fortuned to stele an Englysshemans c.o.c.ke, and set it on the fyre to sethe; wherefore thys Englysheman, suspecting the Welcheman, came to his house, and sawe the c.o.c.ke sethyng on the fyre and said to the Welcheman thus: syr, this is my c.o.c.ke. Mary, quod the Welcheman; and if it be thyne, thou shalte haue thy parte of it. Nay, quod the Englyssheman, that is nat ynoughe. By cottes blut and her nayle! quod the Welcheman, if her be nat ynoughe nowe, her will be ynoughe anone: for her hath a good fyre under her.

-- _Of hym that brought a botell to a preste._ xc.

-- Certayne vycars[137] of Poules, disposed to be mery on a Sonday at hye ma.s.se tyme, sente another madde felowe of theyr acquointance unto a folysshe dronken preest to gyue hym a bottell, whiche man met with the preest upon the toppe of the stayres by the chauncell dore, and spake to him and sayd thus: syr, my mayster hath sente you a bottell to put your drynke in, because he can kepe none in your braynes. This preest, therwith beynge very angry, all sodenly toke the bottell, and with his fote f.l.a.n.g.e it downe into the body of the churche upon the gentylmans hede.[138]

FOOTNOTES:

[137] Priests.

-- _Of the endytement of Jesu of Nazareth._ xci.

-- A certayne Jury in the countye of Myddels.e.x was enpaneled for the kynge to enquere of all endytements, murders, and felonyes. The persones of this panell were folyshe, couetous and unlerned: for who so euer wolde gyue them a grote, they wolde affyne and verifye his byll, whether it were true or fals, withoute any profe or euydence; wherefore one that was * * * *

_Some lines wanting._

_the Jury loking_ on the grote and nothing on the byll as was their _costome_, which byll whan it was presented into the courte, _the judge_ said openly before all the people: lo! syrs, here is the _straungest byll euer_ presented by an enquest: for here they haue indyted _Jesu of Nazareth_ for stelyng of an a.s.se. Which whan the people harde it, it _made them all to laughe_, and to wonder at the folysshenes and shamefull periury _of the Jury_.

By this ye may se, it is great parell[139] to enpanell _men upon an_ enquest, whiche be folysshe and haue but small _witte or honesty_.

FOOTNOTES:

[138] Orig. reads _gentylmens_.

-- _Of the frere that preched agaynst them that rode on the Sonday._ xcii.

-- In a certayne parryshe, a frere preched and _said moche_ againt them, that rode on the Sonday euer lokyng upon _one that was there_, spurred redy to ryde. This man, perceuyng that _the frere loked at_ hym, sodenly halfe in angre answered the frere thus: _I meruayle that ye say so_ moche agaynste them that ryde on the Sonday: for Christe _rode into Jerusalem_ on Palme Sonday, as thou knowest well it is wrytten * * *

_To_ whome the frere sodenly answered and sayd thus: _but knowe ye not also what came_ thereof? Was he nat hanged on the Fryday after! Whiche hearing _all them that were_ in the churche fell on laughynge.

FOOTNOTES:

[139] Peril.

-- _Of the one broder that founde a purs._ xciii.

-- There was a certayne man that had two sonnes unl_yke eche other_. For the eldyst was l.u.s.tye and quycke, and vsed moch_e betimes to_ walke into the fyldes. Than was the yonger slowe, and vsed _moche_ to lye in his bed as long as he myght. So on a day the elder, as _he was vsed_, rose erly and walked into the fyldes; and there by fortune he founde a purse of money, and brought it home to his father. His father, whan he had it, wente strayght to hys other sonne yet lyenge than in his bed and sayd to him: o thou slogarde, quod he, seyst thou nat thyne eldest brother, howe he by hys erly rysyng had founde a purse with money whereby we shall be greatly holpen all our lyfe, whyle thou sluggynge in thy bedde dost no[140] good but slepe? He than wyst nat what to say, but answered shortly and said: father, quod he, if he that hathe loste the purse and money had lyne in hys bedde that same tyme that he loste it, as I do nowe, my brother had founde no purse nor money to day.

By this ye may se, that they that be accustomed in vyce and synne will alwaye fynde one excuse or other to cloke therewyth theyr vyce and vnthryftynes.

FOOTNOTES:

[140] Orig. reads _thou sluggynge in thy bedde dost thou no good_, which repet.i.tion of _thou_ seems unnecessary.

-- _Of the answere of the mastres to the mayde._ xciv.

-- A certayne wyfe there was, whiche was somwhat fayre, and, as all women be that be fayre, was somwhat proude of her beautye; and as she and her mayde satte together, she, as one that was desyrous to be praysed, sayd to her thus: I, faythe, Jone, howe thynkest thou? am I nat a fayre wyfe?

Yes, by my trouth, maistres, quod she, ye be the fayrest that euer was excepte * * *

_The end is wanting._

-- _Of the northern man that was all harte._ xcv.

_Of this tale but a small fragment remains._

-- _Of the burnynge of olde John._ xcvi.