Three Plays by Granville-Barker Part 86

AMY. Not to Ireland . . I haven't seen Justin for a year.

TREBELL. All the easier for you not to see him for another year.

AMY. That wasn't what you meant.

TREBELL. It wasn't . . but never mind.

_They are silent for a moment . . miles apart. . Then she speaks dully._

AMY. We do hate each other . . don't we!

TREBELL. Nonsense. Let's think of what matters.

AMY. [_Aimlessly._] I went to a man at Dover . . picked him out of the directory . . didn't give my own name . . pretended I was off abroad. He was a kind old thing . . said it was all most satisfactory. Oh, my G.o.d!

TREBELL. [_He goes to bend over her kindly._] Yes, you've had a torturing month or two. That's been wrong, I'm sorry.

AMY. Even now I have to keep telling myself that it's so . . otherwise I couldn't understand it. Any more than one really believes one will ever die . . one doesn't believe that, you know.

TREBELL. [_On the edge of a sensation that is new to him._] I am told that a man begins to feel unimportant from this moment forward. Perhaps it's true.

AMY. What has it to do with you anyhow? We don't belong to each other.

How long were we together that night? Half an hour! You didn't seem to care a bit until after you'd kissed me and . . this is an absurd consequence.

TREBELL. Nature's a tyrant.

AMY. Oh, it's my punishment . . I see that well enough . . for thinking myself so clever . . forgetting my duty and religion . . not going to confession, I mean. [_Then hysterically._] G.o.d can make you believe in Him when he likes, can't he?

TREBELL. [_With comfortable strength._] My dear girl, this needs your pluck. [_And he sits by her._] All we have to do is to prevent it being found out.

AMY. Yes . . the scandal would smash you, wouldn't it?

TREBELL. There isn't going to be any scandal.

AMY. No . . if we're careful. You'll tell me what to do, won't you? Oh, it's a relief to be able to talk about it.

TREBELL. For one thing, you must take care of yourself and stop worrying.

_It soothes her to feel that he is concerned; but it is not enough to be soothed._

AMY. Yes, I wouldn't like to have been the means of smas.h.i.+ng you, Henry . . especially as you don't care for me.

TREBELL. I intend to care for you.

AMY. Love me, I mean. I wish you did . . a little; then perhaps I shouldn't feel so degraded.

TREBELL. [_A shade impatiently, a shade contemptuously._] I can say I love you if that'll make things easier.

AMY. [_More helpless than ever._] If you'd said it at first I should be taking it for granted . . though it wouldn't be any more true, I daresay, than now . . when I should know you weren't telling the truth.

TREBELL. Then I'd do without so much confusion.

AMY. Don't be so heartless.

TREBELL. [_As he leaves her._] We seem to be attaching importance to such different things.

AMY. [_Shrill even at a momentary desertion._] What do you mean? I want affection now just as I want food. I can't do without it . . I can't reason things out as you can. D'you think I haven't tried? [_Then in sudden rebellion._] Oh, the physical curse of being a woman . . no better than any savage in this condition . . worse off than an animal.

It's unfair.

TREBELL. Never mind . . you're here now to hand me half the responsibility, aren't you?

AMY. As if I could! If I have to lie through the night simply shaking with bodily fear much longer . . I believe I shall go mad.

_This aspect of the matter is meaningless to him. He returns to the practical issue._

TREBELL. There's n.o.body that need be suspecting, is there?

AMY. My maid sees I'm ill and worried and makes remarks . . only to me so far. Don't I look a wreck? I nearly ran away when I saw Dr.

Wedgecroft . . some of these men are so clever.

TREBELL. [_Calculating._] Someone will have to be trusted.

AMY. [_Burrowing into her little tortured self again._] And I ought to feel as if I had done Justin a great wrong . . but I don't. I hate you now; now and then. I was being myself. You've brought me down. I feel worthless.

_The last word strikes him. He stares at her._

TREBELL. Do you?

AMY. [_Pleadingly._] There's only one thing I'd like you to tell me, Henry . . it isn't much. That night we were together . . it was for a moment different to everything that has ever been in your life before, wasn't it?

TREBELL. [_Collecting himself as if to explain to a child._] I must make you understand . . I must get you to realise that for a little time to come you're above the law . . above even the shortcomings and contradictions of a man's affection.

AMY. But let us have one beautiful memory to share.

TREBELL. [_Determined she shall face the cold logic of her position._]

Listen. I look back on that night as one looks back on a fit of drunkenness.

AMY. [_Neither understanding nor wis.h.i.+ng to; only shocked and hurt._]

You beast.

TREBELL. [_With bitter sarcasm._] No, don't say that. Won't it comfort you to think of drunkenness as a beautiful thing? There are precedents enough . . cla.s.sic ones.

AMY. You mean I might have been any other woman.

TREBELL. [_Quite inexorable._] Wouldn't any other woman have served the purpose . . and is it less of a purpose because we didn't know we had it? Does my unworthiness then . . if you like to call it so . . make you unworthy now? I must make you see that it doesn't.

AMY. [_Petulantly hammering at her idee fixe._] But you didn't love me . .

and you don't love me.