Honeydew: Stories Part 8

"Fibula. A bone. Poor Gabrielle."

"What pain I was in."

"You had every right to be in pain, the nerves in the foot..."

"A different kind of pain," she muttered.

"...you'd be in pain now if it weren't for that lovely drip. You won't be able to walk without a.s.sistance for a while, old girl."

"Minata," she said. Now she turned her head away from him.

"Minata had several drinks afterward with the doctor and the projectionist."

"Minata betrayed the chapter."

"Dear Gabrielle, we surgeons can never confidently predict the outcome of our work. The midwives of Somalia...likewise."

She leaned forward, and some dismayed tubes shook. He slipped a pillow behind her back. She hissed at him. "You can't say mutilation may enhance s.e.x."

"Minata said it for me."

"'Choice,' she said," Gabrielle bitterly remembered.

"'Luck,' she meant," Henry soothed. "Probably rare."

Gabrielle's recovery was awful. One of the little bones failed to heal properly. "We have to go in again," her surgeon admitted. Back to the hospital, back to rehab, back to her apartment at last. Her hairdresser couldn't make a home visit. Her coiffure acquired a wartime negligence. Wherever she parted it a white stripe appeared.

Still: "I have a darling device to get around the house," she told her friends. It was like a child's four-wheeled scooter. Rising from its running board was a post, and atop that post, at knee level, was a soft curved resting place. Gabrielle could bend her affected leg at the knee and lay her plastered s.h.i.+n on that resting place and then grasp the scooter's handles and propel herself by means of her good leg. In this circus manner she went from room to room, from chair to chair, from bed to bathroom. With it as support she could water her flowers, even make an omelet.

She received many get-well cards-from friends and coworkers, from Minata, from her aunt. I wish you a speedy recovery, wrote Selene in penmans.h.i.+p that resembled her samplers. Men and mannish women sent flowers-the white-haired projectionist, Dr. Gouda, Mr. Devlin of course. Henry brought books. "I could go back to work now, my surgeon says," she told Mr. Devlin on the telephone. "With the scooter. Perhaps the guests will be amused..."

"Come back whenever you're equal to it," he said, sounding harried. "Not a minute earlier. But not a minute later."

Another week went by and the surgeon took off her immobilizing plaster and replaced it with a fat walking cast and a crutch. The cast was white fibergla.s.s with wide blue straps. The monstrosity reached almost to her knee. Within its unyielding embrace her bones and tendons would continue to heal. But of course she couldn't bike. And she was to throw her high heels into the trash, the doctor said, and never buy another pair.

Mr. Devlin sent the hotel handyman to pick her up every morning. At the end of the working day sometimes the handyman drove her home, sometimes Mr. Devlin himself, sometimes she took a cab, sometimes even Henry showed up. At least she hadn't gained weight. But her hairdresser had rented a house in Antigua for a month.

"Why don't you just go gray," said thoughtless Henry.

She waited a minute or two, then asked, "What's happening with the chapter?"

"Oh, still high on the list of do-good causes," he told her. "Contributions are up, in fact."

"Minata..."

"Didn't hurt us. May have helped us. People adjust to contradictions, you know. And she's prettier than that horse face."

"She gave the lie to what we believe," said Gabrielle, furious again.

"Anything we believe may be disproven. Think about it, Gabby. The Salem women were possessed by the devil. h.o.m.os.e.xuality was a sickness. Cancer was G.o.d's punishment. False beliefs, every one."

"The earth still circles the sun!"

"Today," he admitted. "Don't count on tomorrow."

VI.

Gabrielle was working late one evening, sitting at her gla.s.s-topped desk, reviewing tomorrow's tasks. She looked up, as was her habit: to see what was going on in the little lobby, to smile at guests in a welcoming but not forward manner. She could not avoid the glimpse of herself in the mirror beside the clerk's desk-head striped like a skunk's fur, leg awkwardly outstretched within the disfiguring cast, crutch waiting against a pillar like a hired escort.

A woman stood at the elevator, her back to Gabrielle. Though she was wearing an orange jacket, not a green raincoat, and though her hair was flicked sideways into a toothed barrette, not hanging loose, Gabrielle knew who it was. The hatbox was a sort of hint. But beauty like Minata's once seen is recognizable even from the rear-beauty originating in a place where skin is brown and teeth white and nymphectomies the local sport. Gabrielle identified also the white-pompadoured man pus.h.i.+ng the elevator's b.u.t.ton.

This is not a love hotel...She kept staring until Minata turned. Minata flashed a happy grin, and Gabrielle gave her the professional grimace with the gap where a tooth once resided.

Minata walked across the lobby toward Gabrielle. Her eyes traveled downward and stopped at the boot. Her smile collapsed. "You must wear that thing? For healing? They tell you that?"

"Yes. I can hobble now. When they remove it I'll be able to walk."

"Do not wait. Go to Selene."

Gabrielle felt her face redden. Shame? No, desire: desire that had eluded her for fifty-two years until Selene, maimed Selene...

"Hobble to her from the train station," Minata suggested. "Or take a cab," she added, revealing a practical streak, perhaps the very quality that enabled her to make the best of things.

Gabrielle frowned at her own enlarged and stiffened leg.

"Ugly but only a nuisance," Minata said. "'The tortoise knows how to embrace its mate.'"

The Golden Swan The Golden Swan is the grandchild of the Normandie," said Dr. Hartmann in his frail but grating voice.

What on earth was he talking about now. His slight accent was German, she guessed.

"I mean, Bella, that cruise s.h.i.+ps descend from the great transatlantic liners. There was a time, before airplanes, when if you wanted to cross the ocean you boarded a steams.h.i.+p."

His student-for Bella felt like his student, though she and Dr. Hartmann were in fact fellow pa.s.sengers-fingered her limp hair. Dr. Hartmann was what you called professorial-yesterday he had delivered himself of a brief impromptu lecture on semiotics. She wished she'd understood it.

"And there was a time before steams.h.i.+ps when, if you wanted to cross the ocean, or even if you didn't, you sailed on a three-masted schooner."

"'Even if you didn't'?" Bella echoed.

"If you happened to be a slave."

Their small library-not theirs alone, but they were the sole occupants-was in the innermost portion of the lowest deck available to pa.s.sengers. It was entirely devoid of natural light. It had a patterned rug, leather chairs, lamps with parchment shades, and four walls of shelves entirely filled with books...some stern hardbacks, some lively paperbacks.

"And now," Dr. Hartmann wound up, "these s.h.i.+ps are constructed solely for the joys of the cruise." How joyless his voice was. "For swimming, dancing, sunbathing, eating, gambling. The ports of call, you will see for yourself, are incidental. And I have heard of s.h.i.+ps which make no stops, giving up all pretense of purpose." And he produced an inadvertent shudder, and then affected to twinkle.

This cruise was a gift to Bella and Robin from Grandpa, a gift to his dear girls, sweet as candy, pretty as pictures. He liked a little flesh on a female, yes sir! And so, last June, when they were both about to graduate college, he offered them a trip. Anywhere within reason, he said. He didn't mean Paris.

They didn't want Paris. They didn't want Europe at all; they didn't want to exhaust themselves tramping from site to important site. They wanted bright places and good food, and they knew that a Caribbean cruise promised both. An off-season one would strain Grandpa less-and so, though they could have claimed their gift along with their diplomas, they decided to wait almost a year, until the low rates of March. Meanwhile they got themselves jobs, found apartments.

"And now they'd better lose weight," Bella's mother had told Robin's mother over the telephone.

"They'll do that in their own good time," replied comfortable Aunt Dee.

Bella, listening in on the extension, stared bleakly into the receiver. Appet.i.te had plagued her since childhood. In her teens she'd developed an awning of a bosom, though her waist remained relatively slender. Her abdomen bulged. Her large legs were shapely, though, and her ankles were narrow-again, relatively.

Bella was sallow. Robin was pale but blushed easily. She had the ready smile of a child and eyes as green as a cake of scented soap. Her body sloped downward from narrow shoulders past jutting little b.r.e.a.s.t.s; it didn't thicken until the tree-trunk waist; then came very wide hips.

The cousins had been close in high school and had gone to similar large universities. Robin studied child development and became a child-life specialist. Her manner with the hospitalized children she worked with was casual and rea.s.suring. Bella majored in business. She was already the valued office manager of a busy real estate firm whose customers craved vistas, and whirlpool baths, and kitchens with granite counters.

Robin had never had a serious boyfriend and Bella had never had a boyfriend at all. Both liked to read-Robin favored whatever was popular; Bella read newspapers and a business weekly and biographies and, somewhat surrept.i.tiously, novels written for middle-schoolers.

On the Golden Swan were two big dining rooms for evening meals. There were two small restaurants as well, one French and one Italian; but how spendthrift to patronize them when the rest of the food on the s.h.i.+p was free. All you could eat! There were four ports of call, one every other day in the middle of the twelve-day voyage. And swimming pools and a gym and a beauty parlor and a gift shop, and the library like a den in an old mansion. You could play shuffleboard and badminton. From a platform on the pelican deck you could drive golf b.a.l.l.s into the sea. A party swirled every night; some had themes like Costume Ball and Talent Show. At the first party, Meet the Captain, a gray-haired Scandinavian with limited English tirelessly shook everybody's hand and posed for small group photographs displayed for sale later in the central reception room. Robin bought one, and Bella, after some hesitation, also bought one, though she told Robin that the uniformed man must be an impersonator. Shouldn't a captain be standing on the bridge, his eye out for whales and wars.h.i.+ps?

But to Robin and Bella the most extraordinary feature of the Golden Swan was the twenty-four-hour buffet. This occupied the entire aft section of the promenade deck. While eating you could watch the golf b.a.l.l.s from the deck below soar into the sky and fall into a sea that was Wedgwood here and navy there and, late in the day, the purple of clematis. If you chose to face the buffet tables you saw colors more various. Pancakes were golden disks. Buckets of chowder sent up silvery steam. There were jeweled salads; hams as rosy as happy cheeks; mountains of tropical fruits. Mauve veal tongues lay on beds of lettuce. And ocher breads-there were glazed breads; grained breads; breads made with berries; breads made with olives; and the most delicious bread of all, a dense hard oblong cut into thin slices, tasting as if its flour had been ground from magic nuts and baked by gnomes in a forest hut. Two hollow-cheeked men spent all day carving roast beef. Another man continually dished out foamy scrambled eggs augmented with mushrooms, or tomatoes, or asparagus. There were cheeses of all varieties...runny, slippery, chewy, blue. Souffles, one kiwi-colored, the other pale orange.

Their interior stateroom was just big enough for two narrow beds and two night tables. Cupboards and closets were built into the wall. The bathroom was a clever little wedge. Their beds got made and their bathroom cleaned the minute they left for breakfast, or so it seemed; at any rate, whenever they returned, the beds were taut and the bathroom polished. A small person took care of their rooms and other rooms on the corridor. At first they had only fleeting glimpses of this genderless figure-a flash of mustard-colored trouser; a dark elbow reflected in the mirror of someone's open room.

But on the third morning Bella was gripped in the bowels as they were on their way to tap dancing. All those pancakes! She puffed back to their room, and saw that the tiny bathroom was occupied, so to speak. The yellow uniform, its back to her, knelt before the toilet. Dense hair was wound into a thick bun-a woman, then. Her feet protruded into the room.

"I'm sorry," Bella said, but the devoted scrubber didn't pause. "I'm sorry," Bella repeated in a louder voice, and touched the yellow back. The woman sprang up. "I'm sorry," Bella said for the third time. "I have to..."

The maid, standing now, bowed without smiling. She was square-faced and plain, of an indeterminate age-sixty? She slid out of the compact john, and Bella squeezed into it and relieved herself of a pungent stool. She washed her hands, and left without looking again at the small woman. A half hour later, studying her feet in the mirror as she practiced the shuffle, she suddenly recalled that she had failed to flush the toilet. Well, that could happen to anyone, couldn't it, she said to the abdomen above the legs, the bosom...but her shame persisted, as if she had treated the servant like a robot.

This first port was the capital of a newly independent island nation. Its city hall had once been a governor's palace, and public gardens exploded with hibiscus and jasmine. Citizens hissed in Spanish. Robin had more or less kept up her college Spanish because so many of her patients spoke it. She exchanged some sentences with the proprietor of a hammock store, who praised her mastery of the polite form. Guides and souvenir sellers were fluent in English.

But there was a third language, Bella noticed, probably some indigenous Indian dialect. The darker the person and the more menial his task, the more likely he was to use this tongue with coworkers. Some form of the same vernacular was common in other ports too-all of which, by their fourth debarkation, had merged in their minds. The ports were not only incidental, as Dr. Hartmann had warned; they were interchangeable. Oh, there were some differences-the first was reminiscent of the conquistadores; the second had one cathedral and one thousand shops; the third, reputedly narco-friendly, featured trips into the jungle to listen to monkeys; the fourth was a South American coastal city famous for its university, its school for the deaf, its pre-Columbian fort. But they were all colorful, noisy, polyglot, and-Bella said, and Robin agreed-falsely welcoming. They were places you would never want to live in and were rather glad to leave, to walk up a road leading to a brief gangplank leading to a man who checked you in. Home! The Golden Swan had become their town-a town with few laws and a loose cordiality. In the dining rooms people sat with other people at tables for ten; urged by the headwaiter, you joined a table with empty seats remaining, or began a new table which was quickly filled. n.o.body dressed up. Children-there weren't many, March not being school-vacation month-couldn't roam free; one of the blond officers who did roam free would take an unattended child by the hand and find its parents. Pa.s.sengers were not allowed in the area where the staff and crew slept. But nothing else was prohibited.

Some people began to seem like neighbors. There was a family from Maine with a r.e.t.a.r.ded ten-year-old son and a clever daughter of twelve who could convert knots to miles per hour and had read up on all the ports. Melinda was staying out of school in order to make this trip, to do her share of diverting her brother. There was a short, freckled pharmacology graduate student who had brought along the research paper he was working on. He explained it at boring length to Bella's silence and Robin's occasional "Fascinating, Luke!" There were three women in their fifties, happy to be together, as if celebrating a reunion. They weren't from the same city, they weren't cousins, they weren't cla.s.smates-"Not exactly," the one who was a lawyer laughed. "Something like," said the one who was a social worker. The one who seemed to be a pampered housewife merely smiled.

Some of the staff became recognizable-the thin-faced men serving at the buffet, the dance instructor, the lifeguards, and their corridor's silent maid. They met another maid too-or at least saw her closely. They had taken a wrong turn after a fitness workout; wandering down a corridor, they came to a door labeled INFIRMARY. A long-haired girl with Indian cheekbones was sweeping the floor nearby.

"h.e.l.lo," Bella said. "How do we get to the swimming pool?"

No answer but a smile.

Robin repeated the question in Spanish.

The young woman leaned her broom against the wall and disappeared into the infirmary. A starched redhead came out. "Yes?" she inquired, and then gave brisk directions while the maid resumed sweeping. How beautiful she was.

Elderly Dr. Hartmann with his scrupulous goatee liked his own company. Bella had once spied him entering one of the restaurants; there, for the price of a dinner, he could sit at a table by himself. But he didn't seem to mind her joining him in the library. In his cultivated presence she was ashamed to read her usual undemanding fare, so she was laboring through the stories of Thomas Mann, twenty pages or so every afternoon.

Every afternoon...For, unlike Robin, Bella needed to withdraw from the stimulation of the s.h.i.+p. So much noise-splas.h.i.+ng, laughter, piped music, the clang of coins in the little casino. Luke's talk, full of Latinate polysyllables. And worse: the outdoor buffet, the only place to have breakfast and lunch, had begun to sicken her soon after her first sight of its art-gallery brilliance. If only it were merely a picture it would have continued to please. But it was actual, tangible; it did not signify, it was. Real people with real stomachs jostled one another, and piled food onto their plates, and consumed the stuff, and returned for more-Robin did it; young Melinda too; the three ill-a.s.sorted women. The underweight Luke listened to Robin's a.s.sessment of various pastries and followed her advice and then had seconds of his own choosing. Dr. Hartmann inserted forkfuls of omelet into his old mouth. Perhaps he needed the moisture. Perhaps he was determined to get his money's worth. Meanwhile Bella grew helplessly abstemious. Dry toast for breakfast became all she could manage, a piece of fruit for lunch. A bit of main-dish chicken at night.

"Bella!" said Robin one dinnertime. "Are you okay? This veal is scrumptious! Try some."

"I'm fine." Obediently she speared a cube of repellent meat from Robin's plate. "Yummy," she lied.

One night a figure crept into her dream-familiar, but uncharacteristically placating. "Eat, darling!" her mother cried. "You're supposed to diet, not starve."

The next morning Bella created an edifice of waffles on her breakfast plate, and topped it with strawberries and whipped cream. But she couldn't swallow more than a bite. "I have to..." she said, and left Robin and Melinda and Luke and managed to get to her room.

And there was the tiny woman, tightening the linen, smoothing the pillows. In another ten hours, during dinner, she or one of her mates would drop foiled candies onto these same pillows. Now she extended a hand toward the bathroom as if to say it was clean and ready.

"No," Bella said. "I just want to lie down." She did lie down. The woman stood still, perhaps puzzled. They looked at each other, one horizontal, the other vertical. One oversize, the other diminutive. One running a real estate office in preparation for operating a complicated enterprise, maybe a cruise line...the other skilled at cleaning people's bathrooms. The maid was younger than she had seemed that first day. Her dulled face gave an initial impression of age, but she was no more than twenty. At last she resumed her work. She polished the k.n.o.bs on the built-in drawers while Bella watched. She hung the cloth on a wheeled device that carried all her utensils and pushed the thing out of the room. At the door she again looked impa.s.sively at Bella. She did not say anything: not good-bye, or adios, or the Swedish ahyur, as some of the s.h.i.+p's higher staff liked to do, imitating the yellow-haired officers and the rarely seen crew. Her language, whenever she did use it, would be one of those Indian ones, Chibchan, maybe, or Kuna. Yesterday afternoon in the library Dr. Hartmann had spoken of the languages. He said that certain ones were making a comeback and others were extinct, like the dodo.

"Dodo," Bella giddily called; but the maid was gone.

After the library Bella usually went to the spa.r.s.ely attended casino and played roulette and surrendered, as slowly as possible, the ten dollars she had allotted to this daily indulgence. But on the final afternoon of the cruise she skipped the library in favor of the beauty shop, where she endured an overenthusiastic shearing that exposed her long neck. Her earlobes looked huge; she covered them with turquoise clips she'd bought for her mother in the colonial port. Then she went to the casino. There she won four hundred dollars. It was a gradual process, this change of luck-win a little, lose a little less, win a little more-and she realized after a while that she was being helped, now and again, by nearly invisible signs from the croupier: a frown, a nod, a tiny shake of the head.

She found Robin and Melinda and Melinda's family at poolside. "Look!" And she showed the roll of bills.

Robin raised a merry face. "Did you rob somebody?"

"She made a killing," Melinda corrected. Then, because her brother was fretful, she joined him on his chaise.

"Oh, Bella!" Robin said. "Get yourself something wonderful. In the gift shop Luke bought a darling mahogany box..."

"No...I'll pay myself back the amounts I lost. But the rest of this is the house's money-the s.h.i.+p's. Let the Golden Swan buy us a farewell dinner. At the French restaurant, or the Italian. Which do you prefer?"

"French!"

They wore their best clothing, which had until now hung in their tiny closet. Robin's outfit was a bright blue s.h.i.+ft ending at midthigh. Its shoulder straps had little bows. She looked silly and very sweet, Bella thought. Bella's outfit was a gauzy black skirt, long but not so long as to conceal her ankles, and a black jacket. She wore high heels, and again the turquoise earrings-they seemed to be hers now. She looked fantastic, Robin told her.

Certainly Dr. Hartmann seemed to think something similar-he stood up when they entered Les Deux Fleurs, and gave Bella an intent look. "This afternoon the library was bereft," he informed her.

Bella noted his tuxedo and wondered if he had expected something different from this cruise-something other than his usual solitude. She wondered too if her malnourished state was making her fanciful, or maybe even acute. She had already guessed that the s.h.i.+p had taken on cocaine in the narco port. There had been some quick feverish activity on the dock, and the person wearing the captain's uniform was not the same man who had shaken her hand at the party.

There were familiar faces in the French restaurant. And while the cousins were sipping c.o.c.ktails, the three women friends came in, the lawyer glamorously got up in red, the social worker in a silk pantsuit. The housewife, in sequins, looked game, looked brave...looked done for. Bella saw that the poor woman was ill-ill again-and she knew all at once that what the three women shared was disease, the same disease probably, a rare and desperate one. They had met in a hospital for some bold treatment, in a special hospital, maybe in a city strange to all of them. "Cla.s.smates? Not exactly," the lawyer had said. Bella confided this intuition to Robin, who said, admiringly, "Of course!"

Bella finished her onion soup. She left most of her lapin. She gave all of her creme brlee to Robin. Afterward-after Bella had paid and tipped with the lovely chance money-they walked out of the restaurant only slightly tipsy, pa.s.sing the three women taking the last dinner of their last annual reunion, pa.s.sing Dr. Hartmann's empty chair.

"What a wonderful trip," Robin sighed. She wanted to go to the final party. Bella would read in their room for a while-she'd finish that story about the magician-and then join her cousin.

Tagged suitcases stood in the corridor. All of the luggage would be collected at 2:00 a.m. Bella and Robin would put out their own suitcases at bedtime. Now she entered the stateroom, took off her shoes, removed the candy from her pillow and tossed it onto Robin's, and lay down. She didn't read, though. She thought instead about the three afflicted friends, about Dr. Hartmann, about the double life of the Golden Swan. She awarded a moment of compa.s.sion to the graceless Luke. She considered Melinda, experienced in solicitude at an early age, destined to enter one of the helping professions.

She had neglected to close the door. The maid pa.s.sed, carrying an empty basket-it must have contained the candies. Bella leaped up, and from the doorway watched the narrow form slip along the corridor, avoiding the suitcases. At the end of the corridor were service stairs. The maid opened the door leading to those stairs. It swung closed behind her.

Curiosity...it was a new form of hunger. Bella, shoeless, closed her own door and ran to the service one, and paused-uno, dos, tres-and opened it.

The stairs were spiral, winding around a central post, enclosed within a rough yellow cylinder that matched the color of the maid's uniform. There was a groove at shoulder level for the hand to grasp. The dark head was one revolution below. Bella paused on the top stair as if it were a plank. Then, fingers within the groove, she plunged after the maid. The funnel of stairs drew them silently downward. The maid ignored doors indicating new levels. All at once, she disappeared. Bella saw that the stairs had ended. Then she herself was at the bottom, looking into a...place.