A Will and No Will or A Bone for the Lawyers Part 22

_Heart._ Not at all, my Lady! There is no great Demand for Plot in a Farce, but to please the Criticks we'll have a little. The main Business must be the exposing an envious Author, and the Plot must be to provoke his Envy to neglect his Mistress and to quarrel with your Ladys.h.i.+p, the Poetical Justice of which must be your breaking off the intended Match, and giving me his Mistress, who am to be his Rival; and as the Piece is to be a temporary thing, I dare say the Audience will make reasonable Allowances.

_Lady._ I vow I like the Contrivance mightily, and I think there's something very Singular and very Novel.

_Trif._ And pray, Heartly, what part shall I have in it?

_Heart._ You shall be the Jack Maggot of the Farce, which shall be so trifling that you may be either kept in or left out.

_Sir Pat._ And what part shall I have in your Play, Mr. Heartly?

_Heart._ Really, Sir Patrick, I know no Business you can have in it, unless it be to make the Audience laugh.

_Sir Pat._ Faith then I have a good Hand at that--for I am so very witty that I always make Company laugh wherever I come.

_Nib._ Mr. Heartly, give me leave to tell you your Farce will never succeed, for your Characters will be too high for that Species of the Drama, and not half ridiculous enough.

_Heart._ To remedy that, Sir, we will bring in your Character at the End of the Farce as a Satyr upon all Criticks who find fault with Trifles.

_Trif._ Ha, ha, admirable! That will be delightful! Quite tip top or may I perish, ha.

_Lady._ Pray what shall we call our little Piece, Mr. Heartly?

_Heart._ Why really, Madam, I can't think of any t.i.tle better at present than the New Play Criticized, or the Plague of Envy.

(_Enter_ FOOTMAN)

_Foot._ Sir Charles Stanza and another Gentleman are come to wait on your Ladys.h.i.+p.

_Lady._ Come Gentlemen, let us go and tell Sir Charles and the Author of our Design; so if you please, Mr. Canker, you may go along with us and be by at the Planning of our little Piece--No, I know his Envy won't suffer him to hear us compliment the Author. That would be out of Character, so we will leave him to consider of an Epilogue for our Farce.

Rough Draft of an EPILOGUE

(_Enter a_ POET _shabbily dressed_)

Hissed, catcalled, and exploded to a man By those who cannot write, and those who can, How shall a recreant bard in nature's spight Save one poor piece, and live a second night?

What--shall he try the arts of low grimace, Rant like old Bayes, and with a begging face Implore the patient monarchs of the Pit To let dull farce pa.s.s off for sterling Wit?

No faith--his brother critics most he fears, And wisely waves the privilege of Peers-- Nor disapproves he less the threadbare plea Of wit in rags, and learned Poverty-- If, like a son of those bright nymphs, the Nine He e'er pr[o]fer a prayer at Phoebus' shrine, Ask him to dart one genial beam on Earth To hatch the Nothing of his Brain to birth, That prayer or never comes, or comes too late; The Nine still hold him illegitimate.-- In this Distress where next his application?

Where, but to thee thou darling G.o.ddess, Fas.h.i.+on!

Fas.h.i.+on, the reigning Genius of today Whose verdict speaks the fate of each new play, Whose _mandate_ gives the power to save or kill, Lends Amoret her eyes and Ward his pill; If Fas.h.i.+on, mighty arbiter of merit, Allows it, right or wrong, some wit and spirit, Then shall this farce like other farces too Run eighteen nights or more and still be new; Each different night, a different audience meet, And Hawkers cry it up in evr'y Street.

NB. This will d.a.m.n the piece![8]

NOTES TO THE PLAYS

1. Larpent ms 58 is dated April, 1746, in another hand and bears the following note to the Licenser: "April 15th, 1746. Sir, I have given Mrs. Macklin leave to act this farce for her Benefit provided it meets with the Approbation of my Lord Chamberlain. Your humble Servant. J.

Lacy."

2. Smart is addressed as d.i.c.k in this speech in the ms. Three speeches later Rattle is addressed as Jack. Elsewhere in the ms. it is Jack Smart and d.i.c.k Rattle.

3. The following line, "You may feel it if you please." is crossed out in the ms.

4. The following phrase, "and most liable to be hurt" is crossed out in the ms.

5. Larpent ms 64 is dated "March 17th, 1746/7" and bears the following note to the Licenser: "Sir--I have given Mr. Macklin leave to perform this Piece at His Benefit at my Theatre, provided it meets with the Approbation of my Lord Chamberlain, from your most obedient Humble Servant, J. Lacy."

6. A "Prologue to the Plague of Envy" addressed in another hand to "Mr. Macklin in Bow Street, Covent Garden," is included with Larpent ms. 64. The Prologue is preceded by the following note: "The following is taken from the t.i.tle of the Farce; the Writer for the Subject on the Stage; and hopes his Ignorance of the Manner in which you treat it, will excuse any Want of Approbation that may be in it."

7. Spelled _Tom_ in the ms. Elsewhere Trifle is addressed as _Tim_ Trifle.

8. The Epilogue, in a different hand than that of the play's scribe, appears similar to the handwriting of the Prologue. Cf. n.6

9. Larpent ms 96 is dated 1752 and bears the following note to the Licenser: "Sir, This piece called Covent Garden Theatre or Pasquin turned Drawcansir Mr. Macklin designs to have performed at his Benefit Night with the permission of his Grace the Duke of Grafton. I am Sir your humble Servant, Jno. C. Rich. To William Chetwyne Esq."

10. This character, spelled "Romp" in the ms, is probably meant to be the Prompter who does not appear in the Dramatis Personae but speaks twice offstage in this act.

11. Although Hic and Haec Scriblerus appear in the Dramatis Personae, this is his only speech and his entrance on stage is never indicated.