Departmental Ditties and Barrack Room Ballads Part 5

"Simple Rule of Two will prove it," lilted back the tonga-bar.

It was under Khyraghaut I mused. "Suppose the maid be haughty-- (There are lovers rich--and rotty)--wait some wealthy Avatar?

Answer monitor untiring, 'twixt the ponies twain perspiring!"

"Faint heart never won fair lady," creaked the straining tonga-bar.

"Can I tell you ere you ask Her?" pounded slow the tonga-bar.

Last, the Tara Devi turning showed the lights of Simla burning, Lit my little lazy yearning to a fiercer flame by far.

As below the Mall we jingled, through my very heart it tingled-- Did the iterated order of the thres.h.i.+ng tonga-bar--

"Try your luck--you can't do better!" tw.a.n.ged the loosened tonga-bar.

AN OLD SONG

So long as 'neath the Kalka hills The tonga-horn shall ring, So long as down the Solon dip The hard-held ponies swing, So long as Tara Devi sees The lights of Simla town, So long as Pleasure calls us up, Or Duty drives us down, If you love me as I love you What pair so happy as we two?

So long as Aces take the King, Or backers take the bet, So long as debt leads men to wed, Or marriage leads to debt, So long as little luncheons, Love, And scandal hold their vogue, While there is sport at Annandale Or whisky at Jutogh, If you love me as I love you What knife can cut our love in two?

So long as down the rocking floor The raving polka spins, So long as Kitchen Lancers spur The maddened violins, So long as through the whirling smoke We hear the oft-told tale-- "Twelve hundred in the Lotteries,"

And Whatshername for sale?

If you love me as I love you We'll play the game and win it too.

So long as l.u.s.t or Lucre tempt Straight riders from the course, So long as with each drink we pour Black brewage of Remorse, So long as those unloaded guns We keep beside the bed, Blow off, by obvious accident, The lucky owner's head, If you love me as I love you What can Life kill or Death undo?

So long as Death 'twixt dance and dance Chills best and bravest blood, And drops the reckless rider down The rotten, rain-soaked khud, So long as rumours from the North Make loving wives afraid, So long as Burma takes the boy Or typhoid kills the maid, If you love me as I love you What knife can cut our love in two?

By all that lights our daily life Or works our lifelong woe, From Boileaugunge to Simla Downs And those grim glades below, Where, heedless of the flying hoof And clamour overhead, Sleep, with the grey langur for guard Our very scornful Dead, If you love me as I love you All Earth is servant to us two!

By Docket, Billetdoux, and File, By Mountain, Cliff, and Fir, By Fan and Sword and Office-box, By Corset, Plume, and Spur By Riot, Revel, Waltz, and War, By Women, Work, and Bills, By all the life that fizzes in The everlasting Hills, If you love me as I love you What pair so happy as we two?

CERTAIN MAXIMS OF HAFIZ

I.

If It be pleasant to look on, stalled in the packed serai, Does not the Young Man try Its temper and pace ere he buy?

If She be pleasant to look on, what does the Young Man say?

"Lo! She is pleasant to look on, give Her to me today!"

II.

Yea, though a Kafir die, to him is remitted Jehannum If he borrowed in life from a native at sixty per cent. per annum.

III.

Blister we not for bursati? So when the heart is vexed, The pain of one maiden's refusal is drowned in the pain of the next.

IV.

The temper of chums, the love of your wife, and a new piano's tune-- Which of the three will you trust at the end of an Indian June?

V.

Who are the rulers of Ind--to whom shall we bow the knee?

Make your peace with the women, and men will make you L. G.

VI.

Does the woodp.e.c.k.e.r flit round the young ferash?

Does gra.s.s clothe a new-built wall?

Is she under thirty, the woman who holds a boy in her thrall?

VII.

If She grow suddenly gracious--reflect. Is it all for thee?

The black-buck is stalked through the bullock, and Man through jealousy.

VIII.

Seek not for favor of women. So shall you find it indeed.

Does not the boar break cover just when you're lighting a weed?

IX.

If He play, being young and unskilful, for shekels of silver and gold, Take his money, my son, praising Allah. The kid was ordained to be sold.

X.

With a "weed" among men or horses verily this is the best, That you work him in office or dog-cart lightly--but give him no rest.

XI.

Pleasant the snaffle of Courts.h.i.+p, improving the manners and carriage; But the colt who is wise will abstain from the terrible thorn-bit of Marriage.

XII.

As the thriftless gold of the babul, so is the gold that we spend On a derby Sweep, or our neighbor's wife, or the horse that we buy from a friend.

XIII.

The ways of man with a maid be strange, yet simple and tame To the ways of a man with a horse, when selling or racing that same.

XIV.

In public Her face turneth to thee, and pleasant Her smile when ye meet.

It is ill. The cold rocks of El-Gidar smile thus on the waves at their feet.

In public Her face is averted, with anger. She nameth thy name.

It is well. Was there ever a loser content with the loss of the game?

XV.

If She have spoken a word, remember thy lips are sealed, And the Brand of the Dog is upon him by whom is the secret revealed.

If She have written a letter, delay not an instant, but burn it.

Tear it to pieces, O Fool, and the wind to her mate shall return it!