Mr. Sponge's Sporting Tour Part 41

Bragg soon saw he had a greenhorn to deal with, and treated Puff accordingly. If a 'perfect servant' is only to begot out of the establishments of the great, Mr. Bragg might be looked upon as a paragon of perfection, and now combined in his own person all the bad practices of all the places he had been in. Having 'accepted Mr. Puffington's situation,' as the elegant phraseology of servitude goes, he considered that Mr.

Puffington had nothing more to do with the hounds, and that any interference in 'his department' was a piece of impertinence. Puffington felt like a man who has bought a good horse, but which he finds on riding is rather more of a horse than he likes. He had no doubt that Bragg was a good man, but he thought he was rather more of a gentleman than he required. On the other hand, Mr. Bragg's opinion of his master may be gleaned from the following letter which he wrote to his successor, Mr.

Brick, at Lord Reynard's:

'HANBY HOUSE, SWILLINGFORD.

'DEAR BRICK,

'If your old man is done daffling with your draft, I should like to have the pick of it. I'm with one Mr. Puffington, a city gent. His father was a great confectioner in the Poultry, just by the Mansion House, and made his money out of Lord Mares. I shall only stay with him till I can get myself suited in the rank of life in which I have been accustomed to move; but in the meantime I consider it necessary for my own credit to do things as they should be. You know my sort of hound; good shoulders, deep chests, strong loins, straight legs, round feet, with plenty of bone all over. I hate a weedy animal; a small hound, light of bone, is only fit to hunt a kat in a kitchen.

'I shall also want a couple of whips--not fellows like waiters from _Crawley's_ hotel, but light, active _men_, not boys. I'll have nothin' to do with boys; every boy requires a man to look arter him. No; a couple of short, light, active men--say from five-and-twenty to thirty, with bow-legs and good cheery voices, as nearly of the same make as you can find them. I shall not give them large wage, you know; but they will have opportunities of improving themselves under me, and qualifying themselves for high places. But mind, they _must be steady_--I'll keep no unsteady servants; the first act of drunkenness, with me, is the last.

'I shall also want a second horseman; and here I wouldn't mind a mute boy who could keep his elbows down and never touch the curb; but he must be bred in the line; a huntsman's second horseman is a critical article, and the sporting world must not be put in mourning for d.i.c.k Bragg. The lad will have to clean my boots, and wait at table when I have company--yourself, for instance.

'This is only a poor, rough, ungentlemanly sort of s.h.i.+re, as far as I have seen it; and however they got on with the things I found that they called hounds I can't for the life of me imagine. I understand they went stringing over the country like a flock of wild geese. However, I have rectified that in a manner by knocking all the fast 'uns and slow 'uns on the head; and I shall require at least twenty couple before I can take the field. In your official report of what your old file puts back, you'll have the kindness to cobble us up good long pedigrees, and carry half of them at least back to the Beaufort Justice. My man has got a crochet into his head about that hound, and I'm dimmed if he doesn't think half the hounds in England are descended from the Beaufort Justice. These hounds are at present called the Mangeysternes, a very proper t.i.tle, I should say, from all I've seen and heard. That, however, must be changed; and we must have a b.u.t.ton struck, instead of the plain pewter plates the men have been in the habit of hunting in.

'As to horses, I'm sure I don't know what we are to do in that line. Our pastrycook seems to think that a hunter, like one of his pa's pies, can be made and baked in a day. He talks of going over to Rowdedow Fair, and picking some up himself; but I should say a gentleman demeans himself sadly who interferes with the just prerogative of the groom. It has never been allowed I know in any place I have lived; nor do I think servants do justice to themselves or their order who submit to it. Howsomever the crittur has what Mr. Cobden would call the "raw material" for sport--that is to say, plenty of money--and I must see and apply it in such a way as will produce it. I'll do the thing as it should be, or not at all.

'I hope your good lady is well--also all the little Bricks. I purpose making a little tower of some of the best kennels as soon as the drafts are arranged, and will spend a day or two with you, and see how you get on without me. Dear Brick,

'Yours to the far end,

'RICHARD BRAGG.

'To BENJAMIN BRICK, Esq.,

'Huntsman to the Right Hon. the Earl of Reynard,

'Turkeypout Park.

'P.S.--I hope your old man keeps a cleaner tongue in his head than he did when I was premier. I always say there was a good bargeman spoiled when they made him a lord.

'R.B.'

CHAPTER x.x.xIV

THE BEAUFORT JUSTICE

There is nothing more indicative of real fine people than the easy indifferent sort of way they take leave of their friends. They never seem to care a farthing for parting.

Our friend Jawleyford was quite a man of fas.h.i.+on in this respect. He saw Sponge's preparations for departure with an unconcerned air, and a--'sorry you're going,' was all that accompanied an imitation shake, or rather touch of the hand, on leaving. There was no 'I hope we shall see you again soon,'

or 'Pray look in if you are pa.s.sing our way,' or 'Now that you've found your way here we hope you'll not be long in being back,' or any of those blarneyments that fools take for earnest and wise men for nothing.

Jawleyford had been bit once, and he was not going to give Mr. Sponge a second chance. Amelia too, we are sorry to say, did not seem particularly distressed, though she gave him just as much of a sweet look as he squeezed her hand, as said, 'Now, if you _should_ be a man of money, and my Lord Scamperdale does not make me my lady, you may,' &c.

There is an old saying, that it is well to be 'off with the old love before one is on with the new,' and Amelia thought it was well to be on with the new love before she was off with the old. Sponge, therefore, was to be in abeyance.

We mentioned the delight infused into Jawleyford Court by the receipt of Lord Scamperdale's letter, volunteering a visit, nor was his lords.h.i.+p less gratified at hearing in reply that Mr. Sponge was on the eve of departure, leaving the coast clear for his reception. His lords.h.i.+p was not only delighted at getting rid of his horror, but at proving the superiority of his judgement over that of Jack, who had always stoutly maintained that the only way to get rid of Mr. Sponge was by buying his horses.

'Well, that's _good_,' said his lords.h.i.+p, as he read the letter; 'that's _good_,' repeated he, with a hearty slap of his thigh. 'Jaw's not such a bad chap after all; worse chaps in the world than Jaw.' And his lords.h.i.+p worked away at the point till he very nearly got him up to be a good chap.

They say it never rains but it pours, and letters seldom come singly; at least, if they do they are quickly followed by others.

As Jack and his lords.h.i.+p were discussing their gin, after a repast of cow-heel and batter-pudding, Baggs entered with the old brown weather-bleached letter-bag, containing a county paper, the second-hand copy of _Bell's Life_, that his lords.h.i.+p and Frostyface took in between them, and a very natty 'thick cream-laid' paper note.

'That must be from a woman,' observed Jack, squinting ardently at the writing, as his lords.h.i.+p inspected the fine seal.

'Not far wrong,' replied his lords.h.i.+p. 'From a b.i.t.c.h of a fellow, at all events,' said he, reading the words 'Hanby House' in the wax.

'What can old Puffey be wanting now?' inquired Jack.

'Some bother about hounds, most likely,' replied his lords.h.i.+p, breaking the seal, adding, 'the thing's always amusing itself with playing at sportsman.

Hang his impudence!' exclaimed his lords.h.i.+p, as he opened the note.

'What's happened now?' asked Jack.

'How d'ye think he begins?' asked his lords.h.i.+p, looking at his friend.

'Can't tell, I'm sure,' said Jack, squinting his eyes inside out.

'Dear Scamp!' exclaimed his lords.h.i.+p, throwing out his arms.

'Dear Scamp!' repeated Jack in astonishment. 'It must be a mistake. It must be dear Frost, not dear Scamp.'

'Dear Scamp is the word,' replied his lords.h.i.+p, again applying himself to the letter. 'Dear Scamp,' repeated he, with a snort, adding, 'the impudent b.u.t.ton-maker! I'll dear Scamp him! "Dear Scamp, our friend Sponge!" Bo-o-y the powers, just fancy that! 'exclaimed his lords.h.i.+p, throwing himself back in his chair, as if thoroughly overcome with disgust. '_Our friend Sponge!_ the man who nearly knocked me into the middle of the week after next--the man who, first and last, has broken every bone in my skin--the man who I hate the sight of, and detest afresh every time I see--the 'bomination of all 'bominations; and then to call him our friend Sponge! "Our friend Sponge,"' continued his lords.h.i.+p, reading, '"is coming on a visit of inspection to my hounds, and I should be glad if you would meet him."'

'Shouldn't wonder!' exclaimed Jack.

'_Meet him!_' snapped his lords.h.i.+p; 'I'd go ten miles to avoid him.'

'"Glad if you would meet him,"' repeated his lords.h.i.+p, returning to the letter, and reading as follows: '"If you bring a couple of nags or so we can put them up, and you may get a wrinkle or two from Bragg." A wrinkle or two from Bragg! 'exclaimed his lords.h.i.+p, dropping the letter and rolling in his chair with laughter. 'A wrinkle or two from Bragg!--he--he--he--he! The idea of a wrinkle or two from Bragg!--haw--haw--haw--haw!

'That beats c.o.c.kfightin',' observed Jack, squinting frightfully.

'Doesn't it?' replied his lords.h.i.+p. 'The man who's so brimful of science that he doesn't kill above three brace of foxes in a season.'

'Which Puff calls thirty,' observed Jack.

'Th-i-r-ty!' exclaimed his lords.h.i.+p, adding, 'I'll lay he'll not kill thirty in ten years.'

His lords.h.i.+p then picked the letter from the floor, and resumed where he had left off.

'"I expect you will meet Tom Washball, Lumpleg, and Charley Slapp."'

'A very pretty party,' observed Jack, adding, 'Wouldn't be seen goin' to a bull-bait with any on 'em.'