The Spectator Volume Iii Part 72

[Footnote 1: _Ximena_, or the _Heroic Daughter_, a Tragedy taken from the _Cid_ of Corneille, by Colley Gibber. The play was not published until after Steele's pamphlet, 'The Crisis,' had exposed him to political and (as it necessarily followed in those days) personal detraction. Cibber then dedicated his play to Steele, referring to the custom of his calumniators, since they could not deny his literary services, to transfer all the merit of them to Addison, upon whom he had so generously heaped more than the half of his own fame, and said:

"Your Enemies therefore, thus knowing that your own consent had partly justified their insinuations, saved a great deal of their malice from being ridiculous, and fairly left you to apply to such your singular conduct what Mark Antony says of Octavius in the play:

'Fool that I was! upon my Eagle's wings I bore this Wren, 'till I was tired with soaring, And now, he mounts above me.'"

True-hearted Steele never read his relation to his friend in this fas.h.i.+on. With how fine a disregard of conventional dignity is the latter part of this paper given by Steele to the kind effort to help in setting a fallen man upon his legs again!]

[Footnote 2: See No. 248. To this Mr. Moreton was addressed the letter signed W. S., from Sir William Scawen.]

No. 547. Thursday, November 27, 1712. Addison.

'Si vulnus tibi monstrata radice vel herba Non fieret levius, fugeres radice vel herba Proficiente nihil curarier--'

Hor.

It is very difficult to praise a Man without putting him out of Countenance. My following Correspondent has found out this uncommon Art, and, together with his Friends, has celebrated some of my Speculations after such a concealed but diverting manner, that if any of my Readers think I am to blame in Publis.h.i.+ng my own Commendations, they will allow I should have deserved their Censure as much, had I suppressed the Humour in which they are convey'd to me.

_SIR,_

'I am often in a private a.s.sembly of Wits of both s.e.xes, where we generally descant upon your Speculations, or upon the Subjects on which you have treated. We were last _Tuesday_ talking of those two Volumes which you have lately published. Some were commending one of your Papers, and some another; and there was scarce a single Person in the Company that had not a favourite Speculation. Upon this a Man of Wit and Learning told us, he thought it would not be amiss if we paid the _Spectator_ the same Compliment that is often made in our publick Prints to Sir _William Read_, Dr. _Grant_, Mr. _Moor_ the Apothecary; [1] and other eminent Physicians, where it is usual for the Patients to publish the Cures which have been made upon them, and the several Distempers under which they laboured. The Proposal took, and the Lady where we visited having the two last Volumes in large Paper interleav'd for her own private use, ordered them to be brought down, and laid in the Window, whither every one in the Company retired, and writ down a particular Advertis.e.m.e.nt in the Style and Phrase of the like ingenious Compositions which we frequently meet with at the end of our News-Papers. When we had finish'd our Work, we read them with a great deal of Mirth at the Fire-side, and agreed, _Nemine contradicente_, to get them transcrib'd, and sent to the _Spectator_.

The Gentleman who made the Proposal enter'd the following Advertis.e.m.e.nt before the t.i.tle-Page, after which the rest succeeded in order.

_Remedium efficax et universum_; or, An effectual Remedy adapted to all Capacities; shewing how any Person may Cure himself of Ill-Nature, Pride, Party-Spleen, or any other Distemper incident to the human System, with an easie way to know when the Infection is upon him. This Panacea is as innocent as Bread, agreeable to the Taste, and requires no Confinement. It has not its Equal in the Universe, as Abundance of the n.o.bility and Gentry throughout the Kingdom have experienced.

N. B. 'No Family ought to be without it.

_Over the two_ Spectators _on Jealousy, being the two first in the third Volume._

I _William Crazy_, aged Threescore and seven, having been for several Years afflicted with uneasie Doubts, Fears and Vapours, occasion'd by the Youth and Beauty of _Mary_ my Wife, aged twenty five, do hereby for the Benefit of the Publick give Notice, that I have found great Relief from the two following Doses, having taken them two Mornings together with a Dish of Chocolate. Witness my Hand, &c.

_For the Benefit of the Poor._

'In charity to such as are troubled with the Disease of Levee- Haunting, and are forced to seek their Bread every Morning at the Chamber Doors of great Men, I _A. B._ do testifie, that for many Years past I laboured under this fas.h.i.+onable Distemper, but was cured of it by a Remedy which I bought of Mrs. _Baldwin_, contain'd in an Half-Sheet of Paper, marked No. 193. where any one may be provided with the same Remedy at the price of a single Penny.

An infallible Cure for _Hypocondriack Melancholys_.

No. 173. 184. 191. 203. 209. 221. 233. 235. 239. 245. 247. 251.

Probatum est. _Charles Easy_.

'I _Christopher Query_ having been troubled with a certain Distemper in my Tongue, which shewed it self in impertinent and superfluous Interrogatories, have not asked one unnecessary Question since my Perusal of the Prescription marked No. 228.

'The _Britannick Beautifyer_, being an Essay on Modesty, No. 231.

which gives such a delightful Blus.h.i.+ng Colour to the Cheeks of those that are White or Pale, that it is not to be distinguished from a natural fine Complection, nor perceived to be artificial by the nearest Friend: Is nothing of Paint, or in the least hurtful. It renders the Face delightfully handsome; is not subject to be rubbed off, and cannot be parallelled by either Wash, Powder, Cosmetick, &c. It is certainly the best Beautifier in the World.

_Martha Gloworm._

'I _Samuel Self_, of the Parish of _St. James's_, having a Const.i.tution which naturally abounds with Acids, made use of a Paper of Directions marked No. 177. recommending a healthful Exercise called _Good-Nature_, and have found it a most excellent Sweetner of the Blood.

'Whereas I, _Elizabeth Rainbow_, was troubled with that Distemper in my Head, which about a Year ago was pretty Epidemical among the Ladies, and discover'd it self in the Colour of their Hoods, having made use of the Doctor's Cephalick Tincture, which he exhibited to the Publick in one of his last Year's Papers, I recover'd in a very few Days.

'I _George Gloom_ have for a long time been troubled with the Spleen, and being advis'd by my Friends to put my self into a Course of Steele, did for that end make use of Remedies convey'd to me several Mornings, in short Letters, from the Hands of the invisible Doctor. They were marked at the bottom _Nathaniel Henroost, Alice Threadneedle, Rebecca Nettletop, Tom. Loveless, Mary Meanwell, Thomas Smoaky, Anthony Freeman, Tom Meggot, Rustick Sprightly,_ &c.

which have had so good an Effect upon me, that I now find my self chearful, lightsome and easie; and therefore do recommend them to all such as labour under the same Distemper.

Not having room to insert all the Advertis.e.m.e.nts which were sent me, I have only picked out some few from the Third Volume, reserving the Fourth for another Opportunity.

O.

[Footnote 1: Sir William Read, a doctor who could hardly read, was one of the most pertinacious advertisers of his time. He advertised in the _Tatler_ that he had been 35 years in the practice of

'couching cataracts, taking off all sorts of wens, curing wry necks and _hair_ lips without blemish, though never so deformed.'

His wife a.s.sisted him, and after his death carried on his business, advertising that,

'The Lady Read, in Durham Yard, in the Strand, having obtained a peculiar method of couching cataracts and curing all diseases of the eyes, by Sir William Read's method and medicines, and having had above 15 years' experience ... Note. Sir William Read has left only with his lady the true receipt of his Styptich Water,' &c., &c.

Dr. Grant was another advertising oculist, illiterate and celebrated, originally a tinker or cobbler, afterwards a Baptist preacher in Southwark.

Mr. Moore sold a powder which, according to his advertis.e.m.e.nts, brought off worms of incredible length.]