Boycotted Part 17

Who scrunched my arm and clawed my side, And would not heed me when I cried, But whispered, "Won't he taste prime fried?"

The she-wolf.

_John_.

Who wouldn't spare two pretty boys, Until they kicked and made a noise?

Who ever thus her time employs?

The she-wolf.

_Wolf_.

Who's not as bad as people say?

Who's going to nurse you night and day, And wash your face and help you play?

The she-wolf?

(_Exeunt dancing_.)

Scene II.

The Same. Six Years Later.

_Enter Romulus and Remus, fighting with boxing-gloves. The wolf knitting and looking on and encouraging_.

_Wolf_.

Your little hands were never made To black each other's eyes, And yet you do it very well For youngsters of your size.

Keep down your guard. Good! Hit out fair, That's one for Remus' nose!

Ha, Romulus, you caught it there (Keep steady with your toes!).

Don't lose your tempers--it's not right.

The author's motive in thus lightly treating the opening scenes of his hero's career is to postpone the gloom of the tragedy to a later period.

Time! Let 'em blow a bit.

My! how I like to see 'em fight!

It sends me, in a fit.

(_Has a fit and suddenly exit_)

_Rom. (discovering her absence_).

Alas, my brother! orphans once again, We're left in this lone world of woe and pain.

Our step-dame's gone, and left us no address.

What's to be done? We're in a pretty mess.

_Rem_.

Let's sit and howl, and howl till some one hears.

You do the howling, and I'll do the tears.

(_They sit and howl for twenty minutes_)

_Enter Faustulus (an old, old policeman_).

_Faust._.

Oh dear, what can the matter be?

Romulus, Remus, _what_ can the matter be?

Remus, Romulus, what _can_ the matter be?

Why do you sit there and howl?

You really do make such a horrible noise, You naughty, bad, dirty-faced blubbering boys!

Why don't you run home to your ma and your toys?

Come, clear out of this, and move on.

_Rom. (s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g his knuckles into his eyes_).

We 'ain't got no home and we 'ain't got no ma, We 'ain't got no notion whose childer we are, And our old nuss has sloped without saying "Ta ta."

Bo-ho and bo-hoo and bo-how!

_Faust, (starts and drops his truncheon_).

Why, these are the lost 'uns! My eyes and my stars!

Wasn't Ilia your ma's name, and your pa's name was Mars?

There's a dollar reward for who finds you, my dears!

Hurra and hurroo and hooray!

(_They all rejoice and sing_.)

It will be perceived that in addressing a policeman Romulus adopts a mode of speech which a person accustomed to deal with the lower orders would more readily understand than cla.s.sical English.

_Chorus_. Oh, what a surprise!

Won't they open their eyes?

To see us two back? Oh, and won't they look black?

Oh, what a surprise!

_Faust_. The fact is, young gents, if you'll excuse me addressing you in prose, which I ain't a heddicated cove myself, but my gal's 'usband's uncle was a schoolmaster, only he caught cold in 'is eyes and went on the pension; very comfortable his place is in the harmsouses, which they do keep them neat and tidy enough to make one afeared to step over the door, and being long steps, 'tain't so easy for an old chap as 'as spent forty-three years come next Michaelmas in the country's service, bar six months for the dropsy and four for a broken leg, all on account of a homblibus slipping to the horf side and ketching me--

_Rem_. Never mind about all that. What is the fact?

_Faust_. Ah, I forgot. The fact is, young gents, if you'll--

_Rom_. Go on, go on, or we'll kick you.

_Faust_. The fact is, young gents, as I was saying when you threatened to kick me, you've been rather shabbily used. There's a chap of the name of Amulius. Know him?

_Rom. and Rem_. What, our uncle? Rather.

_Faust. Well_--[you'll find all about it in Smith's Cla.s.sical Dictionary]--the fact is, it's 'im as done it. It's 'im as chucked yer into the river. I 'elped 'im--no, no, I don't mean that--I was pa.s.sing by and see 'im at it.

_Rom. (kicking him_). You did? Why didn't you get us out?

_Faust, (rubbing his leg_). Don't do that; it hurts. Why, it was this way. When I married my old woman about forty years ago, I said to myself, says I, if ever I grow up to be a man, I shall either go into the force or else take to the sheep-farming. Oh, young gentleman, if you kick me again I shall arrest you for a.s.sault. Really I will.

_Rom. and Rem._. Cut your story short. What about Amulius?

_Faust_. Only he's collared your crowns--that's all. Don't mention it.

Take my advice and go and crack his. _Rom. and Rem_. Certainly.

We'll do it at once.