Her Own Way Part 6

COAST. Very well. And you, Phil?

PHILIP. I don't want any ring. I want a watch and chain.

COAST. Good! And you, Chris, do you want a ring?

CHRISTOPHER. I want a gun!

COAST. All right. [_Writing._] And Toots?

TOOTS. Nanny goat!

[_They all laugh._ MOLES _and_ FOOTMAN _enter, answering the bell which_ GEORGIANA _has rung._

GEORGIANA. The table, Moles.

MOLES. Yes, ma'am.

[_Takes away small plates, etc.; he then goes out Right, followed by_ FOOTMAN, _who takes everything else from the table, leaving only the cover and a false nose left from the mottoes._

PHILIP. [_Crosses to_ GEORGIANA _at table._] Grandma's been up and said we were all to go and see mamma.

GEORGIANA. Go in your mottoes; that will be great fun!

ALL THE CHILDREN. Oh, yes! Hurrah!

[_Running off Left._

GEORGIANA. Ss.h.!.+ Don't shout so; remember poor mamma's headache!

[_All repeat, "Remember poor mamma's headache" and take hands as they tip-toe out,_ PHILIP _first,_ ELAINE _second_, CHRIS _third_, TOOTS _fourth, repeating "Poor mamma's headache" in a whisper till they are all out._

COAST. I can't get this d.a.m.ned thing on. Too bad Cousin Loo's ill.

GEORGIANA. Oh, she isn't really. Louise is never perfectly well and happy unless she has something the matter with her, especially if she has nothing else to do; she's bored to-day, so she's got a headache!

To-night, when there's a big ball to which she is not invited, she'll be frightfully alarmed about herself for fear of appendicitis, but to-morrow, when we have smart company at luncheon, she'll recover like a shot! It's all right for Louise, but it's hard on my brother, who really adores her.

[_She sits beside the table._

COAST. Adores! Say! That's the word I want to use about you!

[_Follows_ GEORGIANA _to table, moves chair to front, and sits._

GEORGIANA. Nonsense, Sam! Do you know anything about some stocks called United Copper?

COAST. Rotten! Don't touch it!

GEORGIANA. My brother had a tip this morning on United Copper and wanted me to give him some money to put in it.

COAST. Listen! don't you do it.

GEORGIANA. I wish you'd use your influence with Steven to help him.

COAST. How?

GEORGIANA. You must know how mad he is over speculation? But perhaps you don't know that he has gone through all his own money, and, if she'll let him, he'll go through his wife's next. [_Smiling._] Then I suppose it would be my turn!

COAST. Why doesn't he keep out of it?

GEORGIANA. He can't, we must keep it out of him! Out of his blood!

COAST. There's only one way.

GEORGIANA. What?

COAST. Ruin him!

GEORGIANA. That's too anarchistic! You speculate.

COAST. But I always win!

GEORGIANA. Can't you teach him?

COAST. Listen, if I could do that, I'd be the richest man in the world before I got through.

GEORGIANA. Can't you give Steve a tip on some sure things?

COAST. There ain't any sure things.

GEORGIANA. Why, other friends of Steve are always "putting him on to something good."

COAST. And what happens?

GEORGIANA. [_Smiling distressfully._] Well, he does lose, usually.

COAST. I guess so!

GEORGIANA. But you must often have inside information.

COAST. And how much is that worth?

[_Takes up the false nose from table._

GEORGIANA. Well, it usually costs Steve all he has! But I thought you--

COAST. [_Interrupting._] Miss Georgiana, you see this false nose?

GEORGIANA. Yes.

COAST. [_Putting it on._] Well, now what do I look like?