Mrs. Tree's Will Part 8

"Well, you needn't take my head off!" said Direxia. "I didn't make it.

I'll give it to the parrot; he's rugged."

She vanished, and Mr. Homer's head dropped in his hands again.

"Like locusts!" he murmured. "Like locusts! Oh, Cousin Marcia, how could you?"

CHAPTER VII.

CONCHOLOGY AND OTHER THINGS

The two trustees had had a busy day. They had just begun upon the collection of sh.e.l.ls which for years had lain packed away in boxes in the attic. There were thousands of them, and now as they lay spread out on long tables in the workshop, the gla.s.s-covered room where the Captain used to keep his tools and his turning-lathe, Mr. Homer's mind was divided between admiration of their beauty, and dismay at the clumsiness of the names which Tommy Candy read out--painfully, with finger on the page and frequent moppings of an anxious brow, for the polysyllabic was still something of a nightmare to Tommy, spite of his twenty years and his Academy diploma.

"Look at this, Thomas," said Mr. Homer, carefully polis.h.i.+ng on his sleeve a whorl of rosy pearl. "Observe this marvel of nature, Thomas!

This should have a name of beauty, to match its aspect; a name of--a--poetry; of--divine affluence. 'Aurora's Tear' would, I am of opinion, fitly express this exquisite object. Number 742: how does it stand in the volume, Thomas?"

"Spiral Snork," said Thomas.

Mr. Homer sighed, and laid the sh.e.l.l down. "This is sad, Thomas," he said. "This is--a--painful; this is--a--productive of melancholy. I have never been of the opinion--though it is matter of distress to disagree in any opinion with the immortal Bard of Avon--that 'a rose by any other name'--you are doubtless familiar with the quotation, Thomas. To my mind there is much in a name--much. 'Snork!' The t.i.tle is repellent; is--a--in a manner suggestive of swine. Pork--snort--snork! the connotation is imperative, I am of opinion. How, why, I ask you, Thomas, should such a name be applied to this exquisite object?"

"Named for Simeon Snork, mariner, who first brought it to England," said Tommy, his finger on the paragraph. "Rare: value ten pounds sterling."

The little gentleman sighed again. "We must put the name down, Thomas,"

he said. "We must write it clearly and legibly; duty compels us so to do. But do you think that we should be violating our trust if we suggested--possibly in smaller type--the alternative, 'sometimes known as Aurora's Tear'? There could be no harm in that, I fancy, Thomas? It _is_ known as Aurora's Tear to me. I can never bring myself to think of this delicate production of--nature's loom--as 'Spiral--a--Snork.' My spirit rebels;--a--revolts;--a--"

"Jibs?" suggested Tommy Candy.

"I was about to say 'rises up in opposition,'" said Mr. Homer, gently.

"Your expression is terse, Thomas, but--a--more colloquial than I altogether--but it is terse, and perhaps expressive. You see no objection to writing the alternative, Thomas?"

"None in life!" said Tommy. "Have ten of 'em if you like, Mr. Homer; give folks their choice."

"A--I think not, Thomas," said Mr. Homer. "I am of opinion that that would be unadvisable. We will put the single alternative, if you please.

I thank you. Now to proceed. Here again."

He selected another sh.e.l.l, breathed on it, and rubbed it on his coat-sleeve.

"Here again is an exquisite--a--emanation from nature's loo--I would rather say from nature's workshop. Observe, Thomas, the rich blending of hues, violet and crimson, in this beautiful object. I trust that we shall be more fortunate this time in the matter of nomenclature. Number 743, Thomas. How is it set down in the book?"

"Hopkins's Blob," said Tommy.

"Dear! dear!" said Mr. Homer. "This is sad, Thomas; this is sad, indeed.

Blob! a most unlovely word. And yet"--he paused for a moment--"it rhymes--it rhymes with 'sob.' Do me the favor to pause an instant, Thomas. I have an idea: a--an effluence;--a--an abstraction of the spirit into the realms of poesy."

He was silent, while Tommy Candy watched him with twinkling gray eyes.

At first the little gentleman's face wore a look of intense gravity; but soon it lightened. He pa.s.sed his hand twice or thrice across his brow, and sighed, a long, happy sigh; then he turned a beaming look on his companion.

"I do not know, my young friend," he said, mildly, "whether you have ever given much thought to--a--the Muse; but it may interest you to note the manner in which she occasionally wings her flight. A moment ago, this gracious object"--he waved the sh.e.l.l gently--"was, so far as we are aware, unsung;--a--uncelebrated;--a--lacking its meed of mellifluous expression. Now--but you shall judge, sir. In this brief moment of silence, the following lines crystallized in my brain. Ahem!"

He leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes, and folded his hands meekly; then began to recite in a kind of runic chant:

"The poet-heart doth sigh, The poet-soul doth sob, To see a sight Of beauty bright Oppressed by name of 'blob'!

"O cacophonic crowd!

O unmellifluous mob!

The poet's lip Would nectar sip, But scorns to browse on 'blob'!

The expression is condensed," said Mr. Homer, with modest pride; "but I am of opinion that condensation often lends strength;--a--are you also of that opinion, Thomas?"

"Every time!" said Tommy Candy.

Mr. Homer looked bewildered, but bowed gently, accepting the commendation expressed in Tommy's voice. "I am glad that my little effusion meets with your approval, Thomas," he said. "It is the first effort I have been able to make since the death of my lamented relative. A--a simple movement, sir, of the Muse's wing; a--a--"

"Flap?" suggested Tommy Candy.

Mr. Homer looked still more bewildered, but bowed again, waving his hands with a gesture of mingled protest and deprecation.

"I am of opinion, Thomas," he said, "that prose is the vehicle in which your thoughts are most apt to find expression. The wings of the Muse do not, in my opinion,--a--a--flap. But it is a matter--a--scarcely germane to the occasion. We will pursue our researches, if you please."

The next names were more fortunate. The Golden Gem was followed by the Mermaid's Comb, and Mr. Homer glowed with poetic joy as he placed the pretty things on the shelves of the cabinet that awaited them.

"I foresee, Thomas," he exclaimed, joyfully, "a resuscitation of the poetic faculty. I feel that, surrounded by these shapes of beauty, and not oppressed by such inappropriate cacophonies as Blork and Sn.o.b--I would say Snork and Blob--I shall often joyfully, as well as strictly, meditate the--I find myself unable to characterize the Muse as 'thankless,' in spite of my profound admiration for the immortal Milton.

My spirit will, I feel it, once more sing, and--wing, sir! 'Mermaid's Comb!' In gazing on this symmetrical shape, my young friend, may we not in our mind's eye, Horatio--I would say Thomas--the remark is Hamlet's, as you are without doubt aware--behold it in the hand of some fair nymph, or siren, or--or person of that description--and behold her 'sleeking her soft alluring locks,' in Milton's immortal phrase?

A--candor compels me to state, Thomas, that on the few--the very few--occasions when--when I have seen the locks of the fair s.e.x in a state of--a--dampness;--of--humidity;--a--of--moisture, I have not thought" (Mr. Homer blushed very red) "that the condition was one which enhanced; which--a--added to, the charms with which that s.e.x is--in a large number of cases--endowed."

"That's so!" said Tommy. "Take 'em after a shampoo, and they're a sight, even the good-lookin' ones."

Mr. Homer blushed still redder, and took out his handkerchief. "I have never,--" he began, and then coughed, and waved the subject delicately away.

"It is probable," he said, "that if--a--such semi-celestial individuals as those described by the poet existed--a--possessed a corporal envelope--a--were endowed with a local habitation and a name--Shakespeare--they would not be subject to conditions which--which tend to the--a--obscuration of beauty; but we will proceed, if you please, Thomas. Hark! was that a knock at the door?"

They listened. There was a silence; then, beyond question, came a knock on the outer door; a loud, imperative rap, with a suggestion of rhythm, almost of flourish, in its repet.i.tion. "Rat-ta-tat, rat-ta-tat, rat-ta-tat!" Then silence again.

"Direxia is in bed," said Tommy Candy. "I'll go."

"Wait; wait a moment, Thomas!" said Mr. Homer, nervously. "Do you think--it is near nine o'clock--do you think that courtesy absolutely demands our opening the door?"

Tommy looked at him in amazement.

"It--it is probably a lady!" said Mr. Homer, piteously. "She is without doubt bringing me--a--food;--a--bodily pabulum;--a--refreshment for the inner man. Thomas, I--I do not feel as if I _could_ receive another dish at present. I have received four--have I not?--a.s.saults--a--I would say, gifts, to-day, all tending to--overtax the digestive powers, even if Direxia's friendly ministrations did not invite--or more properly demand--all the powers of that description which I possess."

"Pineapple cream, Miss Wax," replied Tommy Candy, briefly. "That was good; I ate it myself. Lobster salad, Miss Goby; claws round it; might have boiled her own for a garnish; calf's-foot jelly, Widder Ketchum; plum cake, Mis' Pottle. Seth Weaver says that when Doctor Pottle is short of patients, the old lady always bakes a batch of fruit-cake and sends it round. It's sure to fetch somebody; you could ballast a schooner with it, Seth says. Yes, that makes four, sir. But maybe this isn't a woman, Mr. Homer. I don't think it sounds like one, and anyhow, I wouldn't let one in, noways. You'd better let me go, sir."

The knock sounded again, still more imperative; and now a voice was heard, a man's voice, thin and high, crying, impatiently: "Within there!

house! what ho! within!"