Voces Populi Part 20

CHILD. But which side was _that_? (_The_ Uncle _begins to find that the society of an intelligent Nephew entails too severe a mental strain to be frequently cultivated_.)

Free Speech

SCENE--_An Open s.p.a.ce. Rain falling in torrents. An Indignation Meeting is being held to protest against the Royal Grants. The Chairman presides at a small portable reading-desk, generally alluded to as The "Nostrum"; a ring of more or less Earnest Radicals, under umbrellas, surround him.

Speakers address the Meeting in rapid succession; a Man with a red flag gives it a sinister wave at any particularly vigorous expression. Her Gracious Majesty the Queen is repeatedly described as "this mis-rubble ole bein'," an Archbishop is invariably mentioned as an "Arch-rogue,"

while the orators and the audience appear from their remarks to be the only persons capable of worthily guiding this unhappy Country's destinies. Policemen in couples look on from a distance and smile indulgently._

AN ORATOR (_bitterly_). The weather is against us, Feller Republikins, there's no denyin' that. As we were tramping along 'ere, through the mud and in the rain, wet to the skin, I couldn't 'elp remarking to a friend o' mine, that if it had been a pidging-shootin' match at Urlingham, or a Race-meeting at Hascot, things 'ud ha' been diff'rent! Ther'd ha' bin blue sky and suns.h.i.+ne enough _then_. Well, I 'spose hany weather's considered good enough for the likes of hus! Hany weather'll do for pore downtrod slaves to a.s.sert their man'ood and their hindependence in!

(_Cries of "Shame!"_) Never you mind--hour turn'll come some day! We sha'n't _halways_ be 'eld down, and muzzled, and silenced, and prevented uttering the hindignation we've a right to feel! (_Bellowing._) We shall make our vices 'eard one day! But I'm reminded by my friend as I've got to keep to the pint. Well (_he composes his features into a sneer_) I'm told as 'ow 'Er Most Gracious Madjesty--(_"Booing" from Earnest Radicals_)--'Er Most Gracious Madjesty--'as she calls 'erself--'as put by a little matter of a millum an' a 'arf--since she came to the Throne.

Now, Feller Republikins, that millum an' a 'arf 'as come out of _your_ pockets!

SEVERAL PERSONS (_who do not look as if they paid a heavy income tax_).

'Ear 'ear!

ORATOR. Yes, it belongs to the People--ah! and you've a legal right to demand it back--a legal _right_! And I arsk you--if that millum and a 'arf of money was to be divided among the Toilers of London ter-morrow--'ow many Hunemployed should we see? (_Crowd deeply impressed by this forcible argument._) Yet we're arst to put our 'ands in our pockets to support the Queen's children!

A GENTLEMAN WITH VERY SHORT HAIR. Shame--never! [_Puts his hand in somebody else's pocket by way of emphasising his declaration._]

ORATOR. Feller Republikins, if a Queen don't do the work as she's paid for doin' of, what ought to be done with 'er? I put it to _you_!

A VERY EARNEST RADICAL. The Scaffild!

[_Looks round nervously to see if a Policeman is within hearing._

A FAT LADY (_who has been ejaculating. "Oh, it is a s.h.i.+me, it is!" at every fresh instance of Royal expenditure_). Well, I must say that's _rather_ strong langwidge!

ANOTHER ORATOR. Gentlemen, I regret to say that, on this monstrous fraud and attempted imposition known as "The Royal Grants Bill," Mr. Gladstone voted with the Government. [_Frantic applause._

ORATOR (_puzzled_). Yes, Gentlemen, I am here to state facts, and I am ashamed to say, that on this single occasion Mr. Gladstone--went wrong.

[_Shouts of "No! No!"_

A FERVID GLADSTONIAN (_waving his umbrella_). Three cheers for Mr.

Gladstone, what-_hever_ he does!

[_The_ CROWD _join in heartily_; ORATOR _decides to drop the point, particularly as it does not seem to affect the Meeting's condemnation of the principle of the Bill_.

AN IRISH PATRIOT. I've often harrd tell, Gintlemen, of a certain stra-ange animal they carl a "Conservative Warkin-Man" (_Roars of_ _laughter_). A Warkin-Man a Conservative! Why, bliss me sowl, the thing's absurd! There niver _was_ such a purrson in this Warld. A Conservative Warkin-Man! why--(_takes refuge in profanity_). If there was why don't we iver hear 'um in an a.s.simbly of this sort? Why hasn't he the common manly courage to come forward and defind his opinions?

_We'd_ hear 'um, Gintlemen. It's the proud boast of Radicals and Republikins that they'd give free speech and a fair hearin' to ivery man, no matter hwhat his opinions are, but ye'll niver see 'um stip farward at ahl--and hwhy?

A DECENT MECHANIC. Well, look 'ere, mate, _I'm_ a Conservative Working-Man, if ye'd like to know, and I ain't afraid to defend my opinions. Come now!

THE CHAIRMAN (_somewhat taken aback_). Well, Friends, while I conduct this chair, I can promise this man a puffickly fair 'earin', and I'm sure you will listen to him patiently, whatever you may think of his arguments. (_Cries of 'Ear--'ear! "Fair play hall the world hover!"

"We'll listen to him quiet enough!"_) First of all, I must be satisfied that our Friend is what he professes to be. We want no Sham Workin'-men _'ere_. [_Brandishes a foot-rule in evidence of the genuineness of his own claims._

THE D. M. Am I a workin'-man? Well, I've made ladies' boots at sixpence an hour for three years--d'ye call that bein' a Workin' Man? I've soled and 'eeled while you wait in a stall near Southwark Bridge seven years an' a arf! Praps you'll call _that_ a Workin'-Man? (_Cries of "Keep to the Point!"_) Oh, I'll keep to the point right enough. There's this Irishman here been a tellin' of you 'ow wrong it is to turn his countrymen out of their 'ouses when they don't pay their rent. Ain't _we_ turned out of our 'ouses, if we don't pay ourn? 'Oo snivels over _hus_?

THE I. P. No personalities now! It's my belief ye're a Landlord yerself!

[_Uproar._

THE D. M. I _told_ yer ye wouldn't 'ear me now!

A SOCIALIST (_in a stentorian voice_). Feller Demmercrats, as an ex-Fenian and an ex-Convict, I implore you--give this man a hearin'!

THE D. M. Then about this Royal Grant. (_Cries of "Shut up!" "Go 'ome!"

"Don't tork nonsense!"_) If you're going to 'ave a King and Queen at all--(_Cries of "We ain't! Down with 'em!"_) Ah, then I s'pose you're going to put up fellers like 'im (_pointing to the Socialist_), and 'im (_pointing to Chairman_), and 'im! [_Uproar._

[Ill.u.s.tration: "SHOW IT NOW, BY PUTTING MONEY IN THIS 'AT!"]

THE SOCIALIST. Fellow-Citizens, I appeal to you, give this man rope--he's doing our work splendidly!

THE D. M. Well, all I've got to say is----(_Shouts of "Get down!" Yells and booing_). Oh, you won't tire me out that way. All _I_ can say is, I'd a precious sight rather----

THE CHAIRMAN (_excitedly_). Fellow citizens, we've listened to this man long enough--these sentiments are an insult to the meeting!

[_Yells as before._

THE SOCIALIST (_extending a billyc.o.c.k hat with a pa.s.sionate gesture_).

Feller Demmercrats, if you are earnest, if you are sincere in the indignation, the just hindignation, this man provokes--show it now, by putting money in this 'at for the Plan o' Campaign! [_The storm lulls._

THE D. M. (_resuming_). I arsk every honest man here whether----

_Chairman_ (_interposing_). I think, as our friend here don't seem able to keep to his point, we won't call upon him for any further remarks.

[THE D. M. _is hustled down, amidst derisive cheers and groans; the_ SOCIALIST _ascends the Platform_.

THE SOCIALIST. I don't mind tellin' yer, friends and feller citizens, that in the late election in Heast Marylebone, I used all my influence--(_cheers_)--all _my_ influence to deter men from voting for your Radical candidate. (_Sensation, and a cry of "More shame for yer!"_) Ah, I _did_, though, and I'd do it agin, and I'll tell yer for why. I 'ate yer Tories, but if I'm to be 'it a blow in the face, I don't like it done behind my back. (_Cheers_). And your precious Liberals and Radicals, they're worse nor hany Tories, and for this reason--(_with a penetrating glance_)--they're more hinvidious! Ah, that's it, they're more _hinvidious_! Traitors, hevery man jack of 'em!

[_And so on, concluding with denunciations of all "sending round the 'at," and appeals for contributions to the Plan of Campaign. Meeting dissolves with three cheers for the coming Republic from the victims of a Tyrannous System of Repression of Opinion._

The Riding-Cla.s.s.

SCENE--_A Riding-school, on a raw chilly afternoon. The gas is lighted, but does not lend much cheerfulness to the interior, which is bare and bleak, and pervaded by a bluish haze. Members of the Cla.s.s discovered standing about on the tan, waiting for their horses to be brought in. At the further end is an alcove, with a small balcony, in which_ MRS. BILBOW-KAY, _the Mother of one of the Equestrians, is seated with a young female Friend_.

MRS. BILBOW-KAY. Oh, Robert used to ride very nicely indeed when he was a boy; but he has been out of practice lately, and so, as the Doctor ordered him horse-exercise, I thought it would be wiser for him to take a few lessons. Such an excellent change for any one with sedentary pursuits!

THE FRIEND. But isn't riding a sedentary pursuit, too?

MRS. B.-K. Robert says _he_ doesn't find it so.

[_Enter the_ RIDING MASTER.