Double Trouble Part 27

Messrs. Bulliwinkle and c.o.x were absent when the time came for sitting down to supper, and Mr. Simpson, the Master of the Revels, decreed that no one was to be waited for. So the chairs of the absentees were shoved up, and reminded Mr. Slater, who was quite high in spirits, of _The Vacant Chair_, which he sang to the ba.s.s of Judge Blodgett, and a humming accompaniment by Alvord and Edgington. Professor Blatherwick listened with rapt attention and was much affected.

"Dis iss Heidelberg unt stutent tays," said he. "Strong and luffing hearts, ant veak hets ant stomachs! Oh, te svorts ant steins ant songs ant sc.r.a.ps! It iss brotuctife of tears ant schmiles!"

"Especially smiles," said Mr. Simpson; "and right in that connection, these c.o.c.ktails are supposed to go in ahead of the refection.

Gentlemen, a good time to all!"

Now, after some courses of soup and fish and _entrees_, Mr. Alvord noted the c.o.c.ktails and the unconsumed gla.s.ses of wine at the plates of Bulliwinkle and c.o.x, and with a sense of equity truly Anglo-Saxon, he raised the point that it was an injustice to those who had been prompt, to have these two fresh compet.i.tors come in late and entirely sober in the middle of the feast.

"Point seems to be well taken," said Judge Blodgett. "I move, your Honor, that the wet goods apportionable to our absent friends be set aside for them."

"Sustained!" roared Simpson. "Let the booze of Bulliwinkle and c.o.x be filed away for future reference, in the sideboard!"

So their gla.s.ses stood in two rows, lengthening course by course, awaiting the coming of the absentees. And thus it was that when Mr.

Bulliwinkle, fat, bald, and rubicund, made his appearance, the proceedings were suspended until he had imbibed his share, gla.s.s by gla.s.s, beginning with the c.o.c.ktails and ending temporarily with Madeira. Then Mr. Bulliwinkle suddenly became profoundly grave, and was soon detected by Alvord in the act of stealthily endeavoring to place his finger accurately upon certain small round spots in the table-cloth. Whereupon, Mr. Bulliwinkle, to show how entirely he had himself in hand, proposed a toast in verse beginning,

"Now here's to the girl with the auburn hair, And the shoulders whiter than snow,"

and drank it off in a b.u.mper. All seemed to forget Bulliwinkle at this and transferred their attention to Amidon, and pounded on the table and called for a response from him. Blodgett nodded for him to yield, and in order that he might be fully in character, Florian began by saying that they, who knew him so well were quite well aware that he could respond to a toast in honor of the girl with the auburn hair----

"Or any other old color!" shouted Edgington.

"Or all colors at once!" roared a nameless wight at the foot of the table.

At which gaucherie, the nameless wight was the recipient of nudges and scowls in the direction of the professor (who was probably unaware of the color of the hair on his own head, to say nothing of his daughter's) and Edgington filled the gap caused by the unexpected collapse of Amidon's response by charging that c.o.x was absent because of his having recently taken pa.s.sage upon the water-wagon, and was traitorously staying away. Alvord proposed that a messenger be sent for him, and when the A. D. T. boy came, a written summons was penned on a menu card, on which progress to date was checked, and instructions given that the doc.u.ment be presented to c.o.x at his home every twenty minutes until he came--c.o.x to pay the charges; and the messenger to return between trips to report, and to have the menu checked up so that c.o.x might note the forward movement of events, and see how far he was behind.

When Mr. Simpson rose to make a few general observations ushering in that part of the program usually devoted to speech-making, Mr.

Bulliwinkle, whose vision was slightly impaired, took him for the tardy c.o.x and some friend whom c.o.x had brought, and greeted them with a strident "How-de-do!" After this blunder, of course, Mr. Bulliwinkle was logically bound to show that the exclamation was uttered by virtue of a deliberate plan, and so he repeated it from time to time all the evening, until the ordeal of mixed drinks, to which his late arrival had subjected him, proved too much for his endurance and robbed him of speech. But this is antic.i.p.ating.

A dozen matches were burning and a dozen Havanas sending forth their first cloudlets of blue over the sparkling gla.s.ses of champagne, as Mr.

Simpson began his remarks.

"To most of those present," he said, "I don't need to say that this is a sort of annual affair. To our new friends I will explain that this club is an inst.i.tution of Bellevale Lodge, Number 689, of the Ancient Order of Christian Martyrs, of which n.o.ble fraternity we are all devoted members. Present company are members, ex or inc.u.mbent, of the Board of Control, and a system of fines for absence at board meetings acc.u.mulates a fund which has to be spent, and we are now engaged in spending it. Beyond the logic of the situation, which points unerringly to the blowing-in of this fund, the impending happy event in the life of our treasurer, Brother Bra.s.sfield, together with the public honors already and about to be conferred on him, render it fitting that this banquet be in his honor. What the devil is that racket? Oh, the boy----! Let the wandering caitiff enter! What says the recreant invader of our Mystic Circle?"

"He said he'd hev' me 'rested 'f I came there any more, an' the whole bunch pulled," said the boy. "An' he chucked the paper out o' the winder."

"Let another scroll be prepared," roared Simpson, "and go back to him as per schedule."

"But," said the boy, "he said----"

"We hold the police force in the hollow of our hands!" shouted Simpson.

"We will protect you."

"I should say we would!" "You trust us!" "To the death!" chorused the roisterers.

"I'll collect damages from him for your death!" said Judge Blodgett.

"Whom do you want 'em paid to?"

"D'vide the boodle," said the boy, "among my grandchildren--ekally. Do I go back?"

"You do," said Simpson, "as soon as another Exhibit A is prepared."

"It's ready, most n.o.ble Potentate," said Edgington ritualistically.

"Then let the messenger depart. Where's that menu I had? Hang it, you've used it for the kid, and it had my remarks on it. As I was saying, this is Bra.s.sfield's night. Everybody tells a story, sings a song or dances."

Edgington told a story which, he said, was "on Bra.s.sfield," and showed what regular devil that gentleman had been. It seemed that he and "Bra.s.s" were at one time fly-fis.h.i.+ng in the mountains, and Eugene had so wrought on the fancy of the schoolmistress that she had let school out at three, and gone to learn casting of Bra.s.sfield.

"And when they came to the house at suppertime," he went on, "the whole family were laying for them. 'Ketch anything?' said the old lady, 'anythin' more'n a bullhead?' 'I c'n see,' said the hired man, 'that she's been castin' purty hard, by the way her dress is kinder pressed around the waist. It allers fixes mine that way!'"

And so on, to the narration of the outbreak of hostilities with the hired man, and the flight of Bra.s.sfield and Edgington. At every point Amidon winced, as he got views of Bra.s.sfield's character which hypnotism could not yield, and the a.s.sembly roared the louder at his embarra.s.sment.

The messenger boy returned again by this time, still unsuccessful, and was provided with a bunch of cannon fire-crackers to be exploded in c.o.x's front yard so that the invitation to the banquet might not be overlooked. Then Slater told of Mr. Bra.s.sfield's adventures at the Mardi Gras, the story consisting mostly of the account of Eugene's wonderful series of winnings at the race course, where he adopted the system of always finding what horse was given the longest odds, and playing him.

"Our friend," said Slater, "on that last day, was too full of mint-juleps and enthusiasm to tell the field from the judges' stand.

Said he never saw the judges' stand run with the horses before (laughter); thought it was a good idea--judges could always tell whether the riding was fair (cheers); and put his money on Azim at about one hundred to one; and when Azim romped in a winner, they stuffed all his pockets full of money, and the reporters came with cameras to get shots at the northern millionaire who had such a thundering run of luck, and you ought to have seen 'Gene when he saw the papers in the morning! Had to take him to Pa.s.s Christian next day.

It was too strenuous for your humble servant at New Orleans. All the sports knew him by this time, and wanted to run into him so as to touch him for luck, and 'Gene wanted to fight every guy that touched him, and about half the time was getting accommodated and taking second money in every fight!" (Great laughter and applause.)

Amidon was unable to tell as to the absolute truth of these tales, but they had such verisimilitude that they impressed and shocked him. He was doubly astounded at the evident enjoyment with which they were received by his friends, and especially at the fact of the hearty and unrestrained manner in which Blodgett and even Blatherwick joined in the applause. Every shot from the quiver of horse-play (except those aimed at the luckless c.o.x) seemed directed at him, Amidon the dignified. Here, it seemed, he was known to have been guilty of gambling, drunkenness and libertinism--the three vices that he most detested. His face burned with shame. How had Elizabeth ever cared for such a man as that villain Bra.s.sfield? Where was the Sir Galahad, or Lancelot either, in this life? He must somehow, some time, find a way to tell her that it was Bra.s.sfield, not Amidon, who had done these things, and that he, Amidon, reared by a doting mother and cared for by a solicitous sister, and all his life the model of the moral town of Hazelhurst, was as innocent of these things as she was.

These thoughts so filled his mind that he heard very little of Judge Blodgett's dialect story. Professor Blatherwick began a German song full of trilled r's, achs and hochs; but became offended at Bulliwinkle's strident "How-de-do!" at the end of the first stanza, and quit. Whereupon Bulliwinkle, for the first time sensing the fact that something was wrong, in the goodness of his heart began singing, _Dot's How Poor Yacob Found It Oudt_, in seeming compliment to the nationality of the professor; but, owing to the subtlety of the reasoning, the professor failed to take it as such. He took mortal umbrage instead, and hurled his card down on the table with a bang, at which Bulliwinkle slipped under the mahogany,

"Gently as a skylark settles down Upon the cl.u.s.tered treasures of her nest."

Meantime, Mr. Simpson had called on Mr. Knaggs to do a dance, as he alleged himself unable to do anything else. Mr. Knaggs responded, and did pretty well considering the lateness of the hour, but insisted that he ought to have a better surface than the carpet. Amidon dimly resented as an impropriety Mr. Knaggs' brilliant proof of the correctness of his position regarding the carpet, by a tumultuously successful clog-dance on the table.

By this time, it being past the hour for retiring, according to the habit of most, several of the guests were asleep, and most of the rest were indulging in monologues under the impression that they were conversing with their neighbors. Edgington was on his feet proposing a series of interrogatories in strictly legal form requiring Amidon to say how he got the support of Barney Conlon, what there was in his labor record to win the support of Sheehan and Zalinsky, and various other matters. At Alvord's request, Judge Blodgett was moving that these be "struck out," while Slater insisted that it ought to be a "base on b.a.l.l.s." It was a new experience for Amidon. He was surprised to find a something in it which he enjoyed. The very hubbub was interesting.

No wonder, such being the conditions, that the A. D. T. boy rapped long and was not heard. No wonder that the ultimate opening of the door was unnoted by those present, or that no one observed the tall man with whisker extensions to a mustache naturally too large, who came in after the messenger. Observed or not, however, he entered and walked heavily down the banqueting-hall.

"Bra.s.sfield, a summons for you," said he fiercely. "Here's the copy; this is the 'rig'nal. Waive the readin', I s'pose? Sorry to interrupt. So long."

Amidon looked at the stiff doc.u.ment as if it had been a Gila monster on toast. He saw such words as "State of Pennsylvania, County of Rockoil, ss," and "Default will be taken against you, and judgment rendered thereon," and sundry dates and figures. Instinctively he turned to Judge Blodgett, saying:

"What's this, Blodgett?"

A tremor of panic seized on Amidon, and a wave of sobriety pa.s.sed over the guests. Much the same thing must have marked the breaking up of the feast of Belshazzar. The roisterers gazed at the paper, or began their preparations for departure.

"What is it?" asked Amidon.

"I don't know enough about the practice here," said the judge slowly, "to be able to say whether it's good or not--seems to have been hastily and rather slovenly gotten up----"

"But what is the d.a.m.ned thing?" shouted Alvord; "cut it short and tell us."

"Seems perfectly regular, though," went on the judge deliberately.

"It's a summons in the case of Daisy Scarlett versus Eugene Bra.s.sfield in a suit for twenty-five thousand dollars for breach of promise of marriage."

Amidon sank back in a collapse which was almost a faint. The little nervous Alvord rose to command.