Kilo. Part 10

"I didn't call her no kind!" declared the Colonel. "All I say is, I've been married once already, and I know how women are. And I know Skinner.

He's lookin' for to pay for that opery house with Pap Brigg's money that he'll git if he marries Sally. But he won't git it! I'm a-goin' to----"

He was going to say he was going to get it, but he caught himself in time, and subst.i.tuted "I'm a-goin' to see to that."

"I see," said Toole, "and you want to retain me as your attorney in case you have to sue for breach of promise?"

The Colonel scowled.

"I don't want to retain, and I don't want to sue, and I don't want no fees to pay. You get that clear in your mind. If I did, I'd go to a lawyer that had some experience. I jest dropped up----"

"Well, any time you wish, you can just drop down again, Colonel," said Toole, but not ill-naturedly.

"Now, don't git that way," said the Colonel. "I jest dropped up to do you a favor, and you git mad about it! I don't call that friendly. If you was to do me a favor I wouldn't git mad."

"Go ahead with the favor, then," said Toole, leaning back in his chair and putting his feet on his table.

"Miss Sally," said the Colonel, "she told me all about this feller Rossiter, an' what he said, an' what she said, an' how he come to go to her house for board, an' how he skipped off, an' she showed me the note he left on the pin cus.h.i.+on, an' then she come down to business.

'Colonel,' she says, 'have I a right to take an' keep that box? Have I a right to open it? Is it mine by law? If I open it can he come back an'

sue me, or anything?'

"'Can he?' says I. 'That's the question. Can he?'

"'It's a large box,' says Miss Sally.

"'A large box, hey?' says I. 'Of course if it was a small box, Miss Sally--but it is a large box! How large?'

"'Quite large,' she says. 'About medium large. Not too large. Besides anything very large it would be small, but beside anything very small it would be large.'

"I nodded my head to her, to let her see I knew what she was tryin' to say. 'Medium large,' I says, 'yes, I know just about how big you mean, but what I'd like to know is, is it heavy?'

"'Medium,' she says, 'just medium heavy.'

"Well, there she was! A medium heavy, medium-sized box. If it had been a little bit of a light-weight box I'd 'a' told her to open it and keep it, for there couldn't have been much in it; and if it had been a big heavy box I'd have told her she'd better leave it alone; for there wouldn't be any tellin' whether she had any right to open a box like that one might have turned out to be. I didn't know how the law stood on that kind of a box. But it was medium-sized, and I didn't know WHAT to say.

"'Miss Sally,' I says, 'I'd like to help you out on this. Any time I can give you any advice on anything, I'm glad to, but I don't know what to say about a box that is medium size and medium heavy. You'd ought to get the law on that subject before you touch that box. Don't you touch that box. Don't you open it unless there's a law officer standin' by to see you do it.'

"She seen that was good advice," continued the Colonel, "and I sat there right in her parlor and thought it over. 'Miss Sally,' I says, after I had thought all I could about it, 'I believe Attorney Toole would tell you what to do about that box. There ain't nothin' a lawyer needs more than to be popular, and there ain't no way to git popular quicker than by doin' little favors, an' he ought to be glad to do a favor for you, for you're almost an orphan. Your ma's dead, an' Pap Briggs ain't overly strong, an' you're liable to be an orphan almost any minute. I can tell by the looks of Attorney Toole,' I says, 'that he's got a good heart, and if you say the word I'll ask him what he says to do about that box.'

She seemed sort of put out at what I'd said about orphans, but I seen she was willing to have me ask you about that box, and I seen it would be doin' you a favor, too, to tell you about it, so you could sort of exercise your mind on it, so I jest dropped up----"

"Colonel," said Toole, "this is a very serious case." He put his hand over his mouth to hide the smile he could not prevent from coming to his lips.

"You don't mean to tell me!" exclaimed the Colonel. "I was afraid there might be somethin' wrong about it somewheres. But I ain't goin' to go to no expense about it. It ain't my box----"

"I would not take a case like this for money," said the attorney, turning suddenly and facing the Colonel with a seriousness that frightened that cautious soul. "I would not take a case involving a medium-sized, medium-heavy box; a box left for board by a man from parts unknown, now departed to parts unknown; a box that may contain stolen property; I would not take such a case for money, Colonel. But I'll undertake it for friends.h.i.+p. For friends.h.i.+p only. You ARE my friend, aren't you, Colonel?"

"Surely! Surely!" exclaimed the Colonel eagerly.

"A medium-sized box," said Toole, turning his head to hide his smile, "should be opened only in the presence of an attorney-at-law. That is legal advice and worth five dollars, but I charge you nothing for it, you being my friend. Consider it a gift from me to you."

"I'm much obliged," said the Colonel gruffly.

"And now," said the attorney briskly, "for the MODUS OPERANDI, as we lawyers say. Has the client, the lady in the case, a hatchet?"

The Colonel thought.

"I ain't right sure," he said at length, after he had searched his brain; "seems like she ought to have, but I've got one, an' I'll loan it to her."

"Good!" exclaimed Toole briskly. "That is better yet. A medium-sized box left by a transient in payment of default of a board bill should always be opened, if possible, with a hatchet not the property of the plaintiff. Chitty says that. It was so ruled in the case of MUGGINS vs.

MUGGINS."

He took from his desk a bulky volume, and ran over the pages rapidly.

"Box," he said, "small box-medium box. Here it is. Humph!"

The Colonel leaned over the book, but the attorney closed it quickly.

"Bring an ax," he said. "A hatchet would do, but an ax is more legal.

Hatchets for small boxes, axes for medium boxes. There is a later case than MUGGINS vs. MUGGINS."

"I'll fetch the ax," agreed the Colonel.

"Can you be at the house in half an hour?" asked the attorney.

The Colonel could.

"You're right sure there ain't goin' to be no charges to this?" he asked anxiously, and when the attorney had once more a.s.sured him there would be none, he picked his hat from the floor and shuffled into the hall and down the stairs.

CHAPTER IX. The Witness

When Eliph' Hewlitt reached the Briggs house, he did not hesitate, but walked right up to the front door and rang the bell. A minute later he saw the red silk that obstructed the pane of beveled gla.s.s in the upper part of the door drawn ever so slightly to one side and then quickly replaced. He caught the glisten of an eye, as the red silk was held aside, but the door did not open. Miss Sally, after the brief glance, tiptoed back through the hall. She did not want to meet the book agent.

Eliph' waited a respectable minute and then rang the bell again, although he had little belief that this would bring Miss Sally to the door. It is good form to ring the bell of the front door several times, before going to the back door, for it may be that the lady of the house is dressing, or is hastily taking the folded paper "curlers" out of her front hair, or slipping on her "other skirt" before admitting the visitor. Few indeed are the front doors in Iowa that open promptly to a knock or a ring. Primping time must be allowed, ad if this, followed by a second ring or knock, does not open the door, nothing but business permits the visitor to go to the back door. Having waited, Eliph' went to the back door. It closed almost as he reached it, and it would not open to his most vigorous knocking.

To know a person is in a house, and not to be able to reach that person, is annoying, and Eliph' had often had this happen to him. The usual course was to go away and return again; returning a third or fourth time, or until the door at last opened; but Eliph' was not merely trying to sell a copy of Jarby's Encyclopedia of Knowledge and Compendium of Literature, Science and Art this time. He had no time to waste in the usual manner. If he could not get into one house to sell a book, he could enter another house and sell a book, but when a man is after a certain heart he does not care to go to another house and take another heart. Some men do it, but they are usually sorry afterwards. Eliph'

walked to the front of the house again, and looked at the front door.

He felt there should be some way to get into the house and have five minutes' conversation with Miss Sally. If this Colonel and this Skinner had already had months or years of opportunity for pressing their suits, there was not time to be lost, and the sooner he began the sooner he would win. But none of his ordinary methods of entering unwilling houses would serve his purpose this time. It would not do to begin by making Miss Sally unfriendly. So Eliph' tucked his book more snugly under his left arm and looked at the house. He walked to the gate and looked up at the roof; walked across the street and viewed the house in perspective; but nothing useful came of it, so he crossed the street again and tried ringing the doorbell once more. He rang it sharply and waited. Then he knocked and waited. He was willing to wait until the door opened, and he leaned against the porch railing and waited, ringing the doorbell insinuatingly, or commandingly, or coaxingly, from time to time.

Meanwhile, the attorney waited until the half hour he had a.s.signed was up, and then walked toward Miss Briggs' house with briskly business-like steps.

"Now, some folks," he said to himself, as he walked, "wouldn't get any fun at all out of a case like this, but I do. That's the way to keep young. It's why I don't grow stale in this town. It is a small puddle for a toad of my size, but I hop around and keep things stirred up."

As he neared the house, he saw the Colonel approaching from the opposite direction, and he waved his hand to him, and the Colonel hurried to meet him. They turned into the yard together, and saw Eliph' Hewlitt resting easily against the porch railing.

"n.o.body's at home?" asked the attorney.