Uprising: A Collide Novel Part 36

"I don't want you to feel obligated or that I'll fall apart if you leave me."

"I have no doubt you'd survive." He c.o.c.ked his head. "You want me to go?" he asked and looked at me closely.

"No."

"Then I'm staying. Because I want to."

"Ok. Come lie down with me then."

He went let me pull him gladly. We laid down, only our hands touching, facing each other. His watch ticked on and I stopped counting.

Separation Anxiety

Chapter 21- Sherry.

I awoke to the sound of banging. Pots, I thought. Someone was cooking breakfast or lunch maybe. But I did not care. About anything. I felt like the rug had been pulled under me and I landed hard. On concrete. Naked. And at fifty miles per hour. It hurt. I hurt so bad I could barely breath.

I'd never been dumped before. Ever. Let alone by the one person I wanted more than anything. It was sudden, out of nowhere and unfounded. And creepy. Nothing added up and I was so very confused.

And he kissed Piper. The sp.a.w.n of all my insecurities about him. The one person who thought she could take him from me. He kissed her. To retaliate? Revenge? Kicks? Just because he could now? I didn't know any of those answers but it hurt so bad to think abut it. But that's when you can't stop thinking about something right?

I laid there on my blanket for at least half the day. I didn't want to run into Merrick. As mad as I was at him for the Piper thing, I was more upset about his sudden interest in ending what we had. I had no idea what I'd say now if I saw him.

I knew I had to get up. Someone other than Cain was eventually going to come in and wonder what was going on. I wasn't in a big rush to tell anyone myself. So I got up. Pulled up my pallet and put it off to the side. I made a break for the bathroom to freshen up. I looked at myself in the mirror for a long time. Merrick wasn't a liar. He really did think he saw what he says he saw. So what happened?

I looked ugly. Just ugly. My eyes were swollen and red from crying all night and my hair was a disaster. But I couldn't make myself fix it. I pulled it back slackly and peeked out for my husband that no longer wanted me before making a break for the kitchen.

It was empty, thankfully.

The clock said it was almost two in the afternoon already so I made myself a cup of tea and ate some leftover cornbread on the stove. It was dry and there was no b.u.t.ter but it was food. I down the crumbly sweet salty square and tried not to think. I peeked again in the commons room for Merrick and, not seeing him, made my way to Danny's room.

He was there with Celeste. Honestly, I wasn't surprised.

"Hey," he said drowsily and half sat up. "What's up?" He looked at me with squinted eyes. "What's wrong? You look like c.r.a.p."

"Thanks."

"Just saying."

"I'm fine. I...just upset about everything, you know?"

"Yeah. Celeste finally went to sleep this morning. She was up all night with her mom. She still hasn't come down."

"Well, that sucks."

"Yeah. So, what time is it?"

"Almost two."

"Frig. No wonder I'm starving."

"Want me to grab you something?"

"Would you?" He looked at Celeste and back to me. "I don't want to not be here if she wakes up."

"Yes, of course. Very sweet, Danny."

"Yeah, yeah," he said but he was grinning.

"It is sweet," Celeste said, eyes still closed. "I gotta tell you, Sherry. I have the best beauty siestas with your brother here," she said groggily.

Danny and I both laughed silently.

"That's good. Be right back," I whispered.

I did my same secret operative procedure to go and get him some cornbread as I had before. Once I returned with it I sat with while he ate and then when he started yawning I backed out with a wave.

I sat outside his door and tried to think where I could go where I wouldn't b.u.mp into Merrick. I wanted to see Lily, something awful, but her room was right next to ours and she was so perceptive. She'd know something was wrong with me, she always did. Plus, Marissa should already have her for school.

So I went over to the hall, pa.s.sed the stairs and saw Ryan. He was sitting at the bench of the small piano there. Just sitting. I sat beside him.

"Hey, Ryan. How's the leg?"

"Better. It's tough being human and having all these limitations."

"You're preaching to the choir, pal," I joked.

He laughed and shook his head.

"Sorry. It's just...I'm not like the others. I haven't had as much experience and earth time as they have. It's hard adjusting. I feel like I'm missing something."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. I can't put my finger on it. But it's there. Hanging in front of me like cheese to a rat. I chase it but can't reach it."

I was shocked. I'd never heard Ryan talk like this before. So open and forthcoming.

"Well, is there anything I can do? You are human now, Ryan. All humans go through things like that. Where we feel inadequate or without a purpose. Or with purpose but no direction. I know Merric-" I choked on his name. And took a small breath. "Merrick, he has those problems sometimes too. Where he feels a little useless because there's so many of you together and we all just kinda exist together."

"Yes! Yes, that's it. That's how I feel. Stuck and useless."

I inched quietly and slowly into my next question.

"Would you go home? If you could?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "You would think the answer would be easy don't you. Yes. I should want to go home. But...I'm not sure. I'm scared because I'm not sure."

"Don't be." I looped my arm though his to soothe him. "It's your life now. Calvin is safe and here. You can choose who you are now. I'm always here if you want to talk. You know that right?"

"Yes. Thank you. You are the kindest human I've ever had the privilege of meeting."

I laughed a little shocked at his flattery.

"Oh, well, uh. Thanks."

"I didn't meant to embarra.s.s you."

"You didn't I just...I never thought the word human would be attached to a compliment directed my way before."

"I'm sorry."

"Ryan," I said in mock exasperation. "You don't have to be sorry. Humans joke with each other. We laugh, we play, we bicker, we fight, we're sarcastic. We love. We hate. We have good and bad in all of us. We just have to decide what you want to be. You're kinda lucky if you think about it." I turned to look at him full on. "You get a clean slate. A fresh start. No one knows you and there is no past to chase you. You can be whoever you want to be down here."

"But what if I have no idea who I want to be?" he said sadly, his .

"Be you. I've met you and I like you just fine," I crooned.

He smiled and rubbed my arm with his overly warm hand.

"Thanks, Sherry."

"No problem. Now. You want to play something with me?"

I motioned towards the piano keys in front of us.

"I don't know how to play."

"I wasn't under the impression that you did, Ryan," I joked. "I can teach you a little. Here."

I played the first few chords of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and then let him mimic me. He laughed when he got it right the first time.

"Ha! Will you look at that."

"I told you. It's easy once you figure it out."

We did the next chords and he followed. We laughed as we kept playing and finally finished the song. Then we played it again.

"So," Ryan said and looked me right in the eye. "Was this a display of metaphor? You showing me how I can mimic you on the piano just like I should mimic the rest of human behavior? Do you think that would help me to adjust better?"

"Well..." I dragged out. "I hadn't thought of that, Ryan, but it sounds like you worked that all out on your own."

"Well, it's sound advice, I guess," he said seriously.

"I guess," I joked. "See, you didn't need my help after all," I said and b.u.mped his shoulder with mine.

"Sure I did. Thank you, Sherry. I mean it. You have always been good to me."

"You think too little of yourself. You are worthy of my friends.h.i.+p, Ryan. You don't have to thank me every time I do something for you. That's what friends do."

"I've never had a friend before. I have no idea what they even means."

"Well, now you do. We're friends. You can ask me anything, talk to me about anything and I'll always tell you the truth. Ok?" I said and smiled.

"Ok," he said smiling too and it was strange how uneasy it seemed. I realized he didn't smile too much, he had a good smile. "Now. Play something for me. Something more advanced than children's rhymes."

I smirked at him and turned back to the piano to play. It was almost supper time now, as I could hear them banging around in the kitchen. I began to play and had only gotten about twenty seconds into it when I looked around and saw Merrick coming down our hallway to the commons room. I watched him as I played and saw he was still angry and sleepy looking as he gazed at nothing and no one. His face was drawn and tight and his eyes were dark with no sleep.

He found my gaze, like he subconsciously sought it, and we locked gazes. Mine was pleading and his was defiant. My breathing was suddenly erratic and my chest ached anew.

I saw that I wasn't going to get anywhere with him today and it I didn't want him to see me burst into tears so I tore my gaze away and murmured my goodbye to Ryan, spouting something about being tired and made my way back to the laundry room briskly before collapsing on my pallet once more and pulling the blanket over my head. Wanting to see no one, hear from on one, speak to no one. Trying desperately to forget Merrick's kiss with Piper and the way he had been so, so angry at me. Pushed me, looked on me with disgust and rage. I'd actually been afraid of him and I never thought that would ever have been possible.

So I cried, big fat hurtful wretched tears in the dark and prayed no one came looking for me. All the while, wondering what the in the world went wrong.

Breakfast?

Chapter 22- Lillian.

"Breakfast now?" Cain asked as he rubbed my arm soothingly. "You gotta get up sometime. It's morning again. You need to eat something."

"Ok." I let him pull me up and we went.

He grabbed my hand as we walked, easily and casually, swinging our arms slightly. Strangely it felt more friendly than intimate. Like he was trying to show me I still had a friend and he'd be my friend through all this until I was ready to be more. I wondered about Sherry. If he still felt crazy about her.

We entered the kitchen and he sat me down in a chair and got me some coffee, to which I murmured my thanks. It was horrid and lukewarm but I drank it because I needed it.

There were others in the kitchen with us. Piper and Polly, who were eyeing me but I tried to ignore them. Jeff and Marissa were sitting at the table with me. Eating a late breakfast together as well.

Cain set a bowl of oatmeal in front of me and one for him across from me. He sat down and smiled.

"Mmmm. Oatmeal," he said with fake enthusiasm.

I chuckled under my breath and smiled back. Thankful for him at this moment. Otherwise I would have just sulked in my room, alone.

I felt someone behind me and turned to look. It was Piper.

"Good morning, Lillian."