Close to Home Part 2

Tessa had learned a few things in the year since she moved to Sanctuary Island, however. Just like the locals, she knew exactly where to go for the latest in current events-and it wasn't the Sanctuary Island Gazette.

Turning toward Hackley's Hardware, Tessa didn't need to do more than glance up at the two grizzled old men at their never-ending checker game before King Sanderson nodded vigorously in the direction of the town square.

She waved her thanks and darted across the street, heart pounding double time with her steps. The oncoming summer trailed warm fingertips down the back of her neck, making her skin p.r.i.c.kle with heat. It was a relief to reach the shade of the big, old maple trees that dotted the gra.s.s of the town square. Without the bright sun glaring down, she could see better, too. Tessa shaded her eyes and tried to calm her breathing as she searched the small park.

There. A darker shadow inside the white gazebo. And when the shadow moved to lean one broad shoulder against the entrance, Tessa recognized the lethal grace, the predatory smoothness of the movement.

Against her will, a searing thread of long-denied desire coiled around her body and squeezed. Alone in her separate bedroom, Tessa had dreamed of Johnny knocking on her door, bearing her down to the mattress and claiming her in every way a man could claim a woman.

But no one could live on dreams forever. Eventually, you had to get up and live your life.

The reminder that she actually had a life to live now got Tessa's feet moving across the late-spring gra.s.s. He saw her coming, she knew. Those dark eyes of his never missed a thing. He didn't straighten from his casual slouch against the gazebo stair railing, but when she got closer, she could see he was tracking her every step with an intense hooded gaze.

Fighting down a s.h.i.+ver of pure feminine awareness, Tessa lifted her chin and gave him a determined smile. "Let's try that again. Johnny, I'm glad to see you."

The corner of his mouth tightened. Could've been the start of a smile or a scowl. "Are you."

It wasn't a question, and Tessa had to work not to stiffen up at the desert-dry flatness of his tone. "I am, as a matter of fact. I got a few updates on how you were doing from Brad, but it was never enough to keep me from worrying about you."

Eighteen months of the kind of worry that could suck a person down into a vortex of panic, if she let it. But Tessa had lived enough of her life in fear. To survive, she'd had to believe that Johnny would be okay.

Something s.h.i.+fted in the darkness of his heavy-lidded stare. "If you were that concerned, you could have stuck around long enough to see me safely home instead of letting me walk into an empty house."

Tessa flinched a little. "Johnny-"

"You wrote me a Dear John letter," he interrupted harshly, raking a hand through the dark brown waves of hair falling over his glowering brow.

"Your name is John," Tessa pointed out, trying to lighten the mood.

But Johnny wasn't about to see the humor in the situation, apparently. "That's not the point. And you know it. I guess it was too much to expect you to have the guts to deliver the news to my face."

Tessa took it on the chin, knowing she had that one coming, even though the contemptuous curl of his lip made her want to crumble in a heap at his feet. "You're right. I took the coward's way out, and I'm sorry about that. I've been a coward all my life and I'm used to running away. It's hard to break a habit that saved your life when you were a kid."

For the first time, the granite line of Johnny's jaw softened. "d.a.m.n it. I didn't mean ... I'm sorry, Terri."

She held up a hand. "I'm not trying to guilt you with my past, Johnny. And I'm not trying to make excuses, here, but honestly I'm kind of thrown."

Johnny sighed and dropped down to sit on the top step leading up to the gazebo, his mile-long denim-clad legs stretched out in front of him. "Did you seriously think I'd open that letter, shrug, and move on with my life?"

"Yes." Tessa spread her hands helplessly, truly bewildered. "Absolutely. I thought if anything, you'd be grateful."

He turned to stone right in front of her. "Maybe I don't cast aside eight years of marriage as easily as you do."

"For nearly two of those years, we didn't see or speak to each other! And for the first six years..." Tessa paused, overcome by a sudden, vivid memory of the way she'd felt on her wedding day when they signed the papers at the courthouse. Like a death row prisoner granted a reprieve.

But she hadn't taken her pardon and gone out into the wide world. She'd hidden in Johnny's house while Johnny went off to war, and she'd turned her marriage into a different kind of prison.

She'd lived for his brief visits between deployments, always hoping something would have changed or that he'd realize she was growing into a woman who could be a true partner to him. But with every soft good-night kiss pressed to her forehead, Tessa realized she wasn't any kind of partner to Johnny. She was more like a little sister. Or a helpless, adopted puppy.

"I know how loyal you are, Johnny. No one knows it better." Tessa smiled up at him and had to hope it was more sweet than bitter. "But one good deed shouldn't be repaid with a lifetime shackled to a woman you don't love. It's high time I freed us both."

"Come on, Terri-"

"That's not my name anymore," she said firmly. "I always hated the nickname Terri. I go by Tessa now."

Johnny stared down at the familiar stranger who was his wife. She believed every word she was saying. Truth echoed through every sentence and shone in her clear, hazel eyes.

This wasn't just some self-sacrificing stunt she was pulling. Terri-Tessa-actually wanted a divorce. For his sake, which was nuts, but for her sake, too.

That required some more thought, because Johnny was ready to refute whatever she had to say about how much he deserved to find a woman he loved-who the h.e.l.l needed love? They cared about each other. That was real. To expect more than that was to buy into the fake c.r.a.p Hollywood packaged and sold as happiness.

But he couldn't look at the woman standing at the foot of the gazebo steps and deny that a year and a half on her own had been good for her.

h.e.l.l, until thirty seconds ago, he hadn't even known what name she preferred to be called-because she'd never said a word about it throughout their entire marriage.

Drawing his boots up to rest on the step below his seat, Johnny propped his elbows on his knees and felt a wave of exhaustion sweep over him. He realized he'd been awake and running on adrenaline fumes for about fifty hours straight. Well, for months actually, if he was honest with himself.

Terri-Tessa, d.a.m.n it-sighed and mounted the steps to perch next to him. He didn't look at her, but the soft weight of her seared into his side.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

Johnny rolled his shoulders. "Nothing a good night's sleep-or ten-won't cure."

"Is that what Dr. Reeves would say?"

Johnny could feel his wife's skeptical look. He should never have complained to her about the departmental shrink. "I don't give a d.a.m.n what Reeves thinks."

The hint of growl in his voice would have been enough to make Terri duck her head and back down easily. Tessa, on the other hand, gave him a hard stare and said, "Don't be an idiot. You've been through something intense. It's okay to accept a little help in dealing with it."

I'd accept help from you.

He didn't say it. It wouldn't be fair to put that on her. Johnny knew exactly how to use emotional manipulation to subtly steer other people in the direction he wanted them to go; it was a mainstay of any undercover operation. But he'd slit his own throat before he used tactics like that on his wife.

Instead, he told her the truth. "I'm going to have help, whether I like it or not. Brad sent me down here to some program he's all worked up over. Something to do with horses, maybe? That sounds weird. Can't be right."

But Tessa brightened. "The Windy Corner Therapeutic Riding Center! I volunteer there on weekends. It's a wonderful place, they do great work with all kinds of people and problems, everything from physical rehab to couples therapy. I can't believe you agreed to it."

"It was the best way to get extended paid leave." And it would give Johnny time to a.s.sess the situation with Tessa, to make sure she was okay and figure out if he needed to step in and help-or if she'd be better off without him.

"So ... you're going to be sticking around then."

Tessa's tone was carefully neutral, but Johnny didn't delude himself. His wife wasn't ready to welcome him into her new life with open arms. But he'd made vows to her, and Johnny Alexander kept his promises.

He'd never be like his father, a man who ran out on his family and left them to get by on their own.

"For how long?" Tessa asked into the taut silence. She cleared her throat. "I mean, how long do you think you'll be staying on Sanctuary Island?"

Johnny gave a grim smile. "As long as it takes."

"And ... where are you staying?"

Another small hope flickered and guttered out. "I was hoping I might be able to stay with my wife," he said slowly. "But I take it that's out."

"I can't ask you to stay with me, there's no room. I mean, I only have the one room-I'm renting from Patty, staying in her house while I save up for a place of my own. Sorry."

She didn't sound sorry, she sounded relieved. A muscle clenched behind his jaw. "Don't worry about it. I'll figure something out."

"Okay," Tessa said doubtfully. "There's no inn or B and B here, but there are a couple of summerhouses that might be available for rent. Although with summer around the corner, they might all be booked already. Whatever is available should be listed in the weekly newspaper; I'll see if Patty has her copy."

Johnny nodded his thanks, weary and heartsore at the stiff, formal way they were talking to each other. They'd never been a chatty couple; Terri had been quiet, reserved, and Johnny wasn't exactly a guy who relished long conversations about his feelings or whatever, but there used to be an ease between them. Casual familiarity, a shared understanding.

Now there was only distance and awkwardness.

She was sitting right beside him, close enough to touch, and she'd never felt farther away. He had to find a way to bridge this gap.

Or he was going to lose his wife without ever really knowing her.

"Why are you here?" Tessa asked suddenly.

Johnny blinked. "For the bureau's mandated therapy, like I said."

"You could have gone to a million programs, a million other places." She huffed, wrapping her arms around her raised knees. "I'm trying to do the right thing and let you out of an obligation you never should've had to shoulder. Why are you fighting me on this?"

"I don't want an out." Johnny turned to her without thinking, grabbing her shoulders and savoring the way her soft lips parted in surprise. "I want my wife back."

There it was. Cards on the table. Johnny stared down into her startled face, searching for the light of dawning comprehension. But instead, she shook her head, clearly still confused. It took everything he had not to shake some sense into her.

I can't be the guy who abandons his wife and his responsibilities. Please don't make me be that guy.

"We're married," he ground out, feeling desperation burn a hole in his gut. "I want it to stay that way. Nothing has to change."

"Things have already changed," she cried, wrenching away from his touch and standing up. "I've changed."

Clenching his fists against the chill emptiness, Johnny got to his feet and stepped down a few stairs to put him eye to eye with Tessa. "That's not what I mean. I can see you're different, believe me."

Unable to resist, he reached out to brush his fingers through the short, feathered locks of bright blond hair framing her face. "I like it."

He heard her breath catch as he traced the sensitive rim of her ear, exposed by the new haircut. Satisfaction ripped through him, dark and rich as chocolate. She could say whatever she wanted about ending the marriage, but Johnny could make her want it. He could make her want him.

Now, there was an idea. He'd held himself back from taking advantage of Terri's vulnerability and innocence for years. Maybe it was time he took her at her word and started treating her like a woman with the right to make up her own mind.

Just so long as she knew everything she'd be giving up if she went ahead with this divorce.

"There's more to the new me than some highlights and a trim," Tessa said, her voice gone throaty. "I'm not the meek, mousy weakling you married."

Frowning, Johnny slid his hand down to cup her tense jaw. "I never thought of you that way."

Her eyes darkened. She turned her head away from his hand. "You would never have said that, because you're too kind. But I'm not an idiot, Johnny. You've always seen me as a child."

"I see the woman you are now," he rasped, already missing the silken texture of her skin under his fingertips. "And I like what I see."

She swallowed audibly, her brow crinkling in confusion. "I don't understand why you're talking like this. Why are you making this so difficult? It wasn't even a real marriage."

The words were a body blow, knocking the wind out of Johnny. But he'd never been good at going down easy. "It was real to me."

"I swear, Johnny, you should have just adopted me and made yourself my guardian officially. That would have been more accurate than calling yourself my husband."

Registering the disgruntled shake of Tessa's head, Johnny realized he'd been worrying for nothing. Tessa didn't know. She had no idea how much he'd ached to touch her, since the moment three years into their marriage when he came home from Afghanistan on leave and saw a woman smiling back at him instead of the young girl he'd left behind.

"I know I'm no one's idea of a fantasy woman," Tessa continued, mouth turned down. "But that doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life with a man who doesn't want me."

Oh, he'd covered his desires well. Too well.

"Believe me, sweetheart." Johnny took her hand and lifted it to his mouth, brus.h.i.+ng a kiss over her knuckles. "You're every fantasy I've had for years. Give me a chance to prove what kind of husband I can be."

Tessa's head came up, her eyes searching his face. "What? What do you mean?"

She was right to sound wary. Johnny had gotten his second, or maybe third, wind. And with it, an idea.

"Give us a month," he said impulsively, guided by the same gut instinct that had kept him from blowing his cover. "We spend four weeks together, and I'll court you, the way I would have done if we'd met some other way."

He could see the rapid flutter of the pulse in the base of her slim throat. "Johnny, this is crazy. I don't understand at all. And four weeks ... why four weeks?"

"Well, that's how long I have to be here anyway," Johnny pointed out. "For the stupid horse therapy thing Brad is making me do."

Tessa stared up at the sky, blinking furiously as she thought it over. Johnny held his breath for her response, but when it came, it was nothing he could have predicted.

"Okay, Johnny. You're on. Four weeks. But instead of dating like we're not married, we use the time to face reality. We are married. So let's turn your therapy sessions into couples counseling."

h.e.l.l, no, was Johnny's knee-jerk response, but when he saw the clear challenge in the tilt of her dark brows, he swallowed it down.

Tessa expected him to bail. She expected to scare him off with this, but Johnny had dealt with worse things than a stupid shrink. He could handle it.

"You're on," he told her. The shock on her face made up for the way his stomach sank at the prospect of committing himself to deal with a therapist.

"You understand that's going to mean talking. Openly." Tessa raised her brows significantly. "About our feelings."

More sure than ever that he was on the right track, Johnny crossed his arms over his chest. "I've faced down a warehouse full of illegally armed gunrunners. You're not going to scare me off with feelings."

Tessa blew out a breath. "Fine. Then I guess we have a deal. Four weeks. I owe you that much, at least."

She thought she owed him. The idea settled uneasily in Johnny's stomach, but he refused to argue the point since it was getting her to agree.

Save it for our first session, he told himself ironically, allowing a feeling of optimism to creep in.

"Four weeks of couples counseling," he said. "And at the end of it, if you still want out ... I'll sign the papers. But I'm telling you right now. Terri, Tessa, no matter what you call yourself or who you become. I'm not letting you go without a fight. I want our marriage to work. And this time, I'm not talking about a marriage in name only."