The Life of Trust Part 12

March 26. On the 17th of this month I received the following letter from a brother who several times had been used by the Lord as an instrument in supplying our need, and who also, two months since, sent thirty pounds.

"I have received a little money from ----. Have you any _present_ need for the Inst.i.tution under your care? I know you do not _ask_, except indeed of Him whose work you are doing; but to _answer when asked_ seems another thing, and a right thing. I have a reason for desiring to know the present state of your means towards the objects you are laboring to serve, viz. should you _not have_ need, other departments of the Lord's work, or other people of the Lord, _may have_ need. Kindly then inform me, and to what amount, _i. e._ what amount you at this present time need, or can profitably lay out."

At the time when this letter came we were indeed in need. Nevertheless, I considered that, as I have hitherto acted (_i. e._ telling the Lord alone about our need), I ought to continue to do, as otherwise the princ.i.p.al object of the work, to be a help to the saints generally, by seeking to lead them to increased dependence upon G.o.d _alone_, through this Inst.i.tution, would be frustrated. I answered therefore the letter in substance as follows:--

"Whilst I thank you for your love, and whilst I agree with you, that, in general, there is a difference between _asking for money_ and _answering when asked_, nevertheless in our case I feel not at liberty to speak about the state of our funds, as the primary object of the work in my hands is to lead those who are weak in faith to see that there is _reality_ in dealing with G.o.d _alone_."

After having sent off the answer, I was again and again led to pray to the Lord in this way: "Lord, thou knowest that for thy sake I did not tell this brother about our need. Now, Lord, show afresh that there is _reality_ in speaking to thee _only_ about our need, and speak therefore to this brother, so that he may help us."

To-day, in answer to this my request, this brother sent one hundred pounds. Thus I have means for establis.h.i.+ng the infant school, and for ordering more Bibles. Also the orphans are again supplied for a week; for when the money came in, there was _not one penny_ in hand for them.

April 7. This evening I received information from my little half brother that my dear father died on March 30. During no period did I pray more frequently or more earnestly for the conversion of my dear aged parent than during the last year of his life; but, at all events, it did not please the Lord to let me _see_ the answer to my prayers.

April 9. We are on the point of sending some money to the East Indies for missionary objects. _Whilst I was on my knees_ respecting this object, five pounds was brought for it.

May 2. Nothing having come in for five days, we were to-day again penniless. In answer to prayer five s.h.i.+llings sixpence came in, and some trinkets were sent, the names of which the donor does not wish to be known. Thus we were helped through this day. Observe here how the Lord allowed five days to pa.s.s away without influencing the hearts of any to send us supplies; but the moment there is real need, the stream runs again.

May 3. Last evening a brother was baptized, who on the first Lord's day of this year came with his intended wife to Bethesda Chapel. Both were in an unconverted state. Only since April 1, forty-one persons have come to us to speak about their souls.

May 8. There are four believers staying at my house, and to-day we had only a few s.h.i.+llings of our own money left. I gave myself, therefore, to prayer for means for our own personal expenses. In answer to my request, I received this morning five pounds.

May 10. To-day five of the orphans were baptized. There are now fourteen of them in fellows.h.i.+p.

May 26. Nothing had come in. My engagements kept me from going to the Orphan Houses till seven in the evening, when the laborers met together for prayer. When we met I found that one of them had given seventeen s.h.i.+llings, which had been divided between the three houses. This, with the little which had been left yesterday, had procured all necessary articles. We are now very poor.

May 27. We met for prayer at eleven this morning. No money had come in, but there was enough for dinner in all the houses. This morning the last coals were used in the Infant Orphan House, and in the Boys' Orphan House there were only enough for to-day, and there was no money in hand to buy more. In this our need T. P. C. sent a load of coals. We purpose to meet again at four this afternoon. May the Lord graciously be pleased to send help in the mean time!

_Evening._ The Lord has had mercy! A person bought some days since several articles, which had been given to be sold for the benefit of the orphans, and owed six pounds fifteen s.h.i.+llings. This morning I asked the Lord to incline his heart to bring the money, or a part of it, as we were in such need. Just as I was going to meet for prayer with my fellow-laborers this afternoon, he came and brought four pounds. But our kind Father showed us still further to-day that only for the trial of our faith he had for a season withheld supplies; for there was given this evening, with Eccles. ix. 10, five pounds. There came in also nine s.h.i.+llings for articles which had been put into the hand of a sister, who has taken on her the service of disposing of articles which are given for sale. Thus the day, which had begun with prayer, ended in praise.

But there is one thing more to be recorded respecting this day, as precious or more so than what has been said: I was to-day informed that the Lord has begun to stir up several of the boys to care about their souls.

June 17. For several days past I had been very poor in reference to my own temporal necessities, as well as in reference to the orphans. To-day we were especially poor, in both respects; but our kind Father remembered not merely the need of the dear orphans, but gave me also some money for my own personal expenses. The same sister just referred to, who brought five pounds ten s.h.i.+llings sixpence for the orphans, brought me also seven pounds for myself.

June 22. To-morrow, the Lord willing, I purpose, with my wife, to accompany the three German brethren and the five German sisters to Liverpool, who purpose to sail from thence. Under these circ.u.mstances it is desirable to leave at least a little money behind. This desire of my heart the Lord has granted; for this morning D. C. gave me five pounds, and there came in by sale of articles ten s.h.i.+llings fivepence. In the evening a sister, who has left Bristol to-day, sent me by her mother five pounds.

During the absence of Mr. M. the wants of the orphans were supplied in a wonderful manner. To mention but one instance, at a time when there was extreme need, a poor German missionary, just embarking for a heathen land, gave six pounds ten s.h.i.+llings, being his all.

The following event came to his notice during his journey:--

About October, 1837, I sent some Bibles and forty-six copies of my Narrative to a brother in Upper Canada, who, in dependence upon the Lord for temporal supplies, is laboring as a missionary in that country.

About eighteen months afterwards I heard that this box had not arrived.

I had reason to think that the broker had never sent off the box. My comfort, however, was, that though this poor sinner had acted thus, yet the Lord, in his own place and way, would use the Bibles and my Narratives. Now, almost immediately after my arrival in Liverpool, a brother told me that several persons wished to hear me preach who had read my Narrative; and that he knew a considerable number had been bought by a brother, a bookseller, from p.a.w.nbrokers, and sold again; and that some also had been ordered from London when there were no more to be had otherwise. It was thus evident that the s.h.i.+p-broker p.a.w.ned these Narratives before he absconded; but the Lord used them as I had hoped.

Aug. 1. A few days since a brother was staying with me, on his way to his father, whom he had not seen for above two years, and who was greatly opposed to him, on account of the decided steps which his son had taken for the Lord. Before this brother left, that precious promise of our Lord was brought to my mind: "If two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven." (Matt. xviii. 19.) Accordingly, I went to the brother's room, and having agreed to pray about a kind reception from his father, and the conversion of both parents, we prayed together.

To-day this brother returned. The Lord has answered already one part of the prayer. The brother was most kindly received, contrary to all natural expectation. May the Lord now help us both to look for an answer to the other part of our prayer! There is nothing too hard for the Lord!

Since the publication of the last edition, the father of this brother died. He lived above ten years after Aug. 1, 1840, until he was about eighty-six years of age, and as he continued a life of much sin and opposition to the truth, the prospect with reference to his conversion became darker and darker. But at last the Lord answered prayer. This aged sinner was entirely changed, simply rested on the Lord Jesus for the salvation of his soul, and became as much attached to his believing son as before he had been opposed to him, and wished to have him about him as much as possible, that he might read the Holy Scriptures to him and pray with him.

Aug. 8. Sat.u.r.day. This evening I was meditating on the fourth Psalm. The words in verse three, "But know that the Lord has set apart him that is G.o.dly for himself; the Lord will hear when I call upon him," I was enabled to apply to myself, and they led me to prayer for spiritual blessings. Whilst in prayer, the need of the orphans, there being now again not one penny in hand, was also brought to my mind, and I asked the Lord respecting this likewise. _About five minutes afterwards_ I was informed that a sister wished to see me. She brought one pound ten s.h.i.+llings for the orphans. Thus the Lord has already kindly sent a little to begin the week with. There was also still further given to-day, one s.h.i.+lling elevenpence; and five s.h.i.+llings one penny was taken out of the boxes in the Orphan Houses.

Aug. 15. There was to-day the greatest poverty in all the three houses; all the stores were very low, as the income throughout the week had been so small. In addition to this it was Sat.u.r.day, when the wants are nearly double in comparison with other days. At least three pounds was needed to help us comfortably through the day; but there was nothing towards this in hand. My only hope was in G.o.d. The very necessity led me to expect help for this day; for if none had come, the Lord's name would have been dishonored. Between twelve and one, two sisters in the Lord called on me; and the one gave me two pounds, and the other seven s.h.i.+llings sixpence for the orphans. With this I went to the Boys' Orphan House about one o'clock, where I found the children at dinner. Brother B. put the following note into my hand, which he was just going to send off:--

"DEAR BROTHER,--With potatoes from the children's garden, and with apples from the tree in the playground (which apples were used for apple-dumplings), and four s.h.i.+llings sixpence, the price of some articles given by one of the laborers, we have a dinner. There is much needed. But the Lord has provided and will provide."

August 23. Lord's day. As we have often found it to be the case, so it is again now. After the Lord has tried our faith, he, in the love of his heart, gives us an abundance, to show that not in anger, but for the glory of his name, and for the trial of our faith, he has allowed us to be poor. The Lord has kindly given to-day twelve pounds seventeen s.h.i.+llings.

August 29. For many weeks past very little has come in for the other funds. The chief supply has been by the sale of Bibles. Last Sat.u.r.day I was not able to pay the whole of the weekly salaries of the teachers in the day schools, which, however, does not make me a debtor to them, as it is _an understood thing_ that they have not to look to me for payment, but to the Lord. To-day again only two s.h.i.+llings was in hand, whilst several pounds were needed to pay the salaries. It appeared now plainly to be the will of the Lord that, as all the laborers in the Orphan Houses know about the state of the funds, so the brethren and sisters who labor in the day schools should share the trial of faith and the joy of faith with us. Accordingly we all met, and after I had laid on their hearts the importance of keeping to themselves, for the Lord's sake, the state of the funds, we prayed together.

September 5. Sat.u.r.day. Because there had come in so little during the last days, at least three pounds was requisite to supply the need of to-day. There was, however, not one penny in hand when the day commenced. Last evening, the laborers in the Orphan Houses, together with the teachers of the day schools, met for prayer. This morning, one of the teachers, who had a little money of his own, brought one pound five s.h.i.+llings sixpence. Thus we were enabled to provide for the dinner.

In the afternoon all of us met again for prayer. Another teacher of the day schools gave two s.h.i.+llings sixpence, and one s.h.i.+lling came in besides. But all this was not enough. There was no dinner provided for to-morrow, nor was there any money to take in milk to-morrow, and besides this a number of other little things were to be purchased, that there might be no real want of anything. Now observe how our kind Father helped us! Between seven and eight this evening, a sister, whose heart the Lord has made willing to take on her the service of disposing of the articles which are sent for sale, brought two pounds ten s.h.i.+llings sixpence, for some of the things which came a fortnight ago from Worcester, and last Wednesday from Leeds. The sister stated, that though she did not feel at all well, she had come because she had it so laid on her heart that she could not stay away.

September 8. How kindly has the Lord so ordered it that for some time past the income for the school fund should have been so little, in order that thus we might be constrained to let the laborers in the day schools share our joys and our trials of faith, which had been before kept from them! But as above two years ago the Lord ordered it so that it became needful to communicate to the laborers in the Orphan Houses the state of the funds, and made it a blessing to them, so that I am now able to leave Bristol, and yet the work goes on, so, I doubt not, the brethren and sisters who are teachers in the day schools will be greatly blessed by being thus partakers of our precious secret respecting the state of the funds. Our prayer meetings have been already a blessing to us, and united us more than ever in the work. We have them now every morning at seven, and we shall continue them, the Lord helping us, till we see his hand stretched forth, not merely in giving us means for the teachers, but also for other purposes; for we need a stove in one of the school-rooms, a fresh supply of several kinds of Bibles and New Testaments, and it is desirable to have means to help missionary brethren who labor in dependence upon the Lord for the supply of their temporal necessities.

September 21. To-day a brother from the neighborhood of London gave me ten pounds, to be laid out as it might be most needed. As we have been praying many days for the school, Bible, and missionary funds, I took it all for them. This brother knew nothing about our work, when he came three days since to Bristol. Thus the Lord, to show his continual care over us, raises up new helpers. They that trust in the Lord shall never be confounded. Some who helped for a while may fall asleep in Jesus; others may grow cold in the service of the Lord; others may be as desirous as ever to help, but have no longer the means; others may have both a willing heart to help, and have also the means, but may see it the Lord's will to lay them out in another way;--and thus, from one cause or another, were we to lean upon man, we should surely be confounded; but, in leaning upon the living G.o.d alone, we are BEYOND _disappointment_, and BEYOND _being forsaken because of death_, or _want of means_, or _want of love_, or _because of the claims of other work_.

October 7. It is now five weeks since we have daily met for prayer. Not indeed merely to ask for means, but for grace and wisdom for ourselves in reference to the work, for the conversion of the children under our care, for grace for those children who stand already on the Lord's side, for a blessing upon the circulation of the Scriptures, for a blessing upon the work with reference to the church at large, etc. But whilst we thus, as the Spirit led us, prayed for various things, nevertheless, the lack of means was that which had brought us day after day together. We asked the Lord to give us the means which are needed for carrying on the day schools, for buying Bibles, as several sorts are needed, and to enable us to a.s.sist missionary work in foreign countries. Never at any previous time, since first the work commenced on March 5, 1834, have we had to continue so long a time in prayer for these funds, without obtaining the answer. The Lord, however, gave us grace to "continue in prayer," and kept our hearts in the a.s.surance that he would help. Now, though he delayed long, before he sent us the answer, in his own time he made it manifest that he had not only not shut his ear against our prayers in anger, but that he had answered them _even before we called_; for there was sent to-day, from the East Indies, a bank order for one hundred pounds, which had been sent off two months since, therefore several days _before we even began_ to pray. It was left to me to apply this money as it might be needed. As we had so long and so particularly prayed for these funds, I took the whole of it for them, and not for the orphan fund.

October 26. Yesterday morning, when I took my hat from the rail, I found in one of my gloves a note containing a five-pound note, and the following words: "Two pounds for the orphans, the rest for dear brother and sister Muller." There came in still further yesterday two pounds twelve s.h.i.+llings sixpence. Thus we are again supplied for about three days.

In reference to the note which was put into my hat, containing five pounds, I just add, that I had repeatedly asked the Lord for means for our own personal expenses, previous to the reception of it, as we had but very little money for ourselves. Indeed, the very moment before I took my hat from the rail, I had risen from my knees, having again asked the Lord for means for ourselves and for the orphans.

November 8. I purposed to have gone to Trowbridge yesterday, and had settled it so on Friday evening with brother ----. But no sooner had I decided to do so, than I felt no peace in the prospect of going. After having prayed about it on Friday evening and yesterday morning, I determined not to go, and I felt sure the Lord had some reason for not allowing me to feel happy in the prospect of going. I began now to look out for blessings for this day, considering that the Lord had kept me here for good to some souls. This evening I was especially led to press the truth on the consciences of the unconverted, entreating and beseeching them, and telling them also that I felt sure the Lord had, in mercy to some of them, kept me from going to Trowbridge. I spoke on Genesis vi. 1-5. Immediately after, I saw fruit of the word. An individual fully opened his heart to me. I walked about with him till about ten o'clock, even as long as I had any strength left. [About ten days afterwards, a brother told me of a poor drunkard who heard me that evening, and who since then had stayed up till about twelve o'clock every night to read the Scriptures, and who had not been intoxicated since.]

At the close of these details, with reference to the year from December 9, 1839, to December 9, 1840, I make a few remarks.

1. Though our trials of faith during this year also have been many, and recurring more frequently than during any previous year, and though we have been often reduced to the greatest extremity, _yet the orphans have lacked nothing_; for they always have had good nouris.h.i.+ng food, and the necessary articles of clothing, etc.

2. Should it be supposed by any one, in reading the plain details of our trials of faith during this year, that on account of them we have been disappointed in our expectations, or are discouraged in the work, my answer is, that the very reverse is the fact. Such days were expected from the commencement of the work; nay, more than this, the chief end for which the Inst.i.tution was established is, that the church of Christ at large might be benefited by seeing manifestly the hand of G.o.d stretched out on our behalf in the hour of need, in answer to prayer.

Our desire, therefore, is, not that we may be without trials of faith, but that the Lord graciously would be pleased to support us in the trial, that we may not dishonor him by distrust.

3. This way of living brings the Lord remarkably near. He is, as it were, morning by morning inspecting our stores, that accordingly he may send help. Greater and more manifest nearness of the Lord's presence I have never had than when after breakfast there were no means for dinner, and then the Lord provided the dinner for more than one hundred persons; or when, after dinner, there were no means for the tea, and yet the Lord provided the tea; and all this without one single human being having been informed about our need. This moreover I add, that although we who have been eyewitnesses of these gracious interpositions of our Father, have not been so benefited by them as we might and ought to have been, yet we have in some measure derived blessings from them. One thing is certain, that we are not tired of doing the Lord's work in this way.

4. It has been more than once observed, that such a way of living must lead the mind continually to think whence food, clothes, etc., are to come, and so unfit for spiritual exercises. Now, in the first place, I answer that our minds are very little tried about the necessaries of life, just because the care respecting them is laid upon our Father, who, because we are his children, _not only allows_ us to do so, _but will have_ us to do so. Secondly, it must be remembered, that, even if our minds were much tried about the supplies for the children, and the means for the other work, yet, because we look to the Lord _alone_ for these things, we should only be brought, by our sense of need, into the presence of our Father for the supply of it; and that is a blessing, and no injury to the soul. Thirdly, our souls realize that for the glory of G.o.d, and for the benefit of the church at large it is that we have these trials of faith, and that leads again to G.o.d, to ask him for fresh supplies of grace, to be enabled to be faithful in this service.

5. My heart's desire and prayer to G.o.d is, that all believers who read this may by these many answers to prayer be encouraged to pray, particularly as it regards the conversion of their friends and relations, their own state of heart, the state of the church at large, and the success of the preaching of the gospel. Do not think, dear reader, that these things are peculiar to us, and cannot be enjoyed by all the saints. Although every child of G.o.d is not called by the Lord to establish schools and orphan houses, and to trust in the Lord for means for them; yet there is nothing on the part of the Lord to hinder, why you may not know, by experience, far more abundantly than we do now, his willingness to answer the prayers of his children. Do but prove the faithfulness of G.o.d. Do but carry your every want to him. Only maintain an _upright_ heart. But if you live in sin; if you wilfully and habitually do things respecting which you know that they are contrary to the will of G.o.d, then you cannot expect to be heard by him. "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me; but verily G.o.d hath heard me; he hath attended to the voice of my prayer."

Psalm lxvi. 18, 19.

6. As it regards the children of G.o.d, who by the labor of their hands, or in any business or profession, earn their bread, particularly the poorer cla.s.ses of them, I give my affectionate yet solemn advice to carry into practice the principles on which this Inst.i.tution is conducted as it regards not going into debt. Are you in debt? then make confession of sin respecting it. Sincerely confess to the Lord that you have sinned against Rom. xiii. 8. And if you are resolved no more to contract debt, whatever may be the result, and you are waiting on the Lord and truly trust in him, your present debts will soon be paid. Are you out of debt? then, whatever your future want may be, be resolved, in the strength of Jesus, rather to suffer the greatest privation, whilst waiting upon G.o.d for help, than to use unscriptural means, such as borrowing, taking goods on credit, etc., to deliver yourselves. This way needs but to be tried, in order that its excellency may be enjoyed.

There are a few points more which may be of interest to the believing reader, which I shall now add.

1. There have been, during this year, six day schools for poor children _entirely_ supported by the funds of our Inst.i.tution, all of which have been established by us.

The number of all the children that have had schooling in the day schools through the medium of the Inst.i.tution, since its formation, amounts to 2,216; the number of those at present in the six day schools is 303.

These day schools have defrayed, by the payments of the children, about the sixth part of their own expenses.

2. There is one Sunday school entirely supported by the funds of the Inst.i.tution.