Chicagoland Vampires - Some Girls Bite Part 11

When we were alone, when I'd slowed my breathing, I stood straight again and dared to meet his eyes. I waited for a sarcastic response, but he merely looked back at me, his expression carefully blank.

"It's fine," he said, his tone clipped. "To be expected."

"Not by me."

Ethan pulled at the edges of his s.h.i.+rt collar, then smoothed the lapels of his jacket. Regaining his composure, I thought, maybe because he'd wanted something from me, as well. The silvering of his eyes demonstrated that, however much he protested.

"First Hunger can arise suddenly," Ethan said. "There's no need to apologize."

I arched a brow at him. "I wasn't going to apologize. If it wasn't for you, there'd be no thirst."

"Don't forget your place, Initiate."

"As if you'd let me."

"Someone has to remind you," Ethan said, stepping closer so that the cuffs of his trousers topped my sneakers. "You promised me submission. You agreed that your rebellious behavior was done. You agreed not to challenge me again. And yet you're poised to bring the walls of Cadogan House down around us."

"Master or not," I said, glaring up at him, "take it back, or I'll challenge you again." I'd been betrayed enough times in my life to know the value of honor and honesty, and tried to live by that code. "I have given you no reason to doubt my loyalty, which is a fairly tremendous thing given how you changed me."

His nostrils flared, but he didn't challenge the statement. "Merit, so help me, if you support Tate's office over my House. . . ."

I looked at him blankly. "Tate? Mayor Tate? I don't even know what that means, supporting his office. Why would I be supporting his office?"

"The Ombud is a creation of the Mayor."

I still missed his point. "I understand that. But why would the mayor care what I do? Why would he care if one of his employees brings a grandkid to work?"

Ethan gazed down at me. "Because even if you're estranged from your father, he's still Joshua Merit, and you're still his daughter.

On top of that, you're the granddaughter of one of the most influential men in the city. And, in case we needed additional fuel, you're clearly stronger than average." He flicked a hand in the direction of the kitchen. "Even they recognize that."

Ethan stuffed his hands into his pockets and moved away, turning to look at a row of books on the shelf next to the front door.

"Tate's not trustworthy," he said. "He knows about us-has known about us-and even though his appointment of your grandfather seems well-intentioned, the man's secretive. We understand that he knows about Rogue vampires, but he hasn't released that information to the public. That raises questions-is he trying to avoid more public panic, or is the information a bargaining chip he'll use against us later on? And, he won't speak to the heads of the Houses; instead, he works through the Ombud's office. As helpful as he may be"-he turned back-"as well-intentioned as he may be, your grandfather still works for Tate. Tate controls the purse and the policy direction. That means he pulls the strings."

"My grandfather is his own man." Ethan stepped back from the bookshelf, crossed his arms, and looked at me. A line creased his forehead. "Think about it, Merit: Vampires announced their existence here, in Chicago. We're the first Houses in the U.S. to do so. Tate stands first among Mayors in that regard-first in terms of setting supernatural policy, in terms of making alliances with the Houses, maintaining security. A man can use that power, that position. But whatever he has planned-and rest a.s.sured the man has plans, probably has had them as long as he's known about us-he's not being forthright. I can't afford for you to become part of his plans, or for my House to be caught in the eddies. So until you've learned enough to act appropriately, to use discretion when discussing our concerns, you'll stay away from the Ombud's office."

I wouldn't stay away, and he probably knew that, but there was no sense in belaboring the argument. Instead, I c.o.c.ked my head at him. "How did you know I went to his office?"

"I have my sources."

I didn't doubt it. But while I wondered which source he'd tapped-Catcher, Jeff, the undercover vamp who serviced the Ombud's office, or someone else a.s.signed to watch me-I knew better than to ask. He'd never tell me.

But someone had given him information about my activities, someone who hadn't been close enough to know exactly why I was there. That was worth pa.s.sing along.

"Some free advice," I said. "The person who's giving you information wasn't inside the building. If they had been, they'd have known why I was there, what was discussed. And more important, what wasn't discussed. They made deductions and managed to convince you those deductions were fact. They're playing you, Sullivan, or at least trying to puff up spa.r.s.e information to increase their own cachet."

For a moment, Ethan didn't speak. He just looked at me, like he was seeing me for the first time, had suddenly realized that I was more than his newest rebellious underling, more than the daughter of a financial mogul.

"That's a nice a.n.a.lysis."

I shrugged. "I was in the room. I know what went on. She, or he, doesn't. And back to the point, he's my grandfather. Other than Mallory, he's all I've got. He's my only real family tie. I can't cut that tie. I won't, even if you think it's a challenge. Even if you think it's rebellious and goes against your sovereign authority."

"You have other ties now, Initiate. Cadogan House. Me. You're my vampire now. Don't forget that."

I think he meant it as a compliment, but the tone was still too possessive for my taste. "Whatever happened six days ago, I belong to no one but myself, Sullivan, and least of all you."

"You are what I made you."

"I make myself."

Ethan took a step forward, then another, until I was stepping away to avoid him, until he'd backed me against the living room wall, until I felt the cold slickness of painted plaster behind me.

I was caught.

Ethan braced his hands against the wall, one on each side of my head, boxing me in, and stared down at me. "Do you want disciplining, Initiate?"

I stared at him, a flame igniting in my core. "Not especially." Liar.

His eyes searched mine. "Then why do you persist in taunting me?"

The eye contact felt too intimate, so I turned my head away and tried to swallow down the reluctant arousal, uncomfortably aware that I couldn't blame my actions, my interest, on the vampire lurking inside me. On the genetic change. She and I were one and the same-same mind, same genetics, same unwanted, undeniable, attraction to Ethan Sullivan.

But I reached out for that whisper of denial, wrapped hands around it, and held it like a life preserver. In that second, I dreamed of running away, of beginning again with a new name, in a new city, where I didn't long to clench fingers into his hair and push my mouth against his until he capitulated and took me against the cold white wall, pushed his body into mine to alleviate the need, to warm the chill.

Instead, I said, maybe honestly, "I wasn't taunting you."

He didn't move, not until he lowered his head, his lips even closer to mine than before. "You wanted me a moment ago."

This time, his voice was quiet, his words not the challenge of a Master vampire, but the entreaty of a boy, of a man: I am right, aren't I, Merit? That you wanted me?

I forced myself to be honest, but I couldn't force myself to speak. So I stayed silent, and let the silence stand for words that I couldn't bring myself to say: I want you. Despite myself, I want you. In spite of what you are, I want you.

"Merit."

"I can't."

He dropped his head so that his lips hovered just above mine, his breath on my cheeks. "Give in to it."

I flicked my eyes up to meet his, which were the deep, dark green of primeval forests-ancient, unknowable, and hiding monsters in their wooded depths. "You don't even like me."

He smiled a little evilly. "That doesn't seem to matter." A slap wouldn't have pulled me out of the trance any faster. I twisted beneath his braced arms, then moved away. "I see."

"I'm not happy about this either."

"Yes, I get that you don't want to be attracted to me, that you think I'm beneath you, but thank you for pointing it out anyway. And in case you haven't realized it, I'm not thrilled about it, either. I don't want to like you, and I certainly don't want to be with someone who's appalled by me. I don't want to be . . . desired begrudgingly."

He stepped toward me with the grace of a slinking panther. And just as dangerous.

"Then what do you want me to say?" His voice was low, thick with lambent power. "That I wanted you to taste me? For all that you're stubborn, sarcastic, completely unable to take seriously my authority, and patently disrespectful, that I want you? Do you think this is what I would choose?"

There it was again-the list of flaws. The reasons he shouldn't have been attracted to me. The reasons he hated the chemistry that, against both our wills, flared between us. My voice quiet, the sound oddly far away, I told him, "I don't want anything from you."

"Liar," he accused, and lowered his mouth to mine.

He kissed me, and the circuit closed again.

His lips were soft and warm, and implored a reaction, challenged me to join in, to give in, even if only briefly, to the chemistry. My limbs loosened, my body daring me to sink into it, to revel in it. But I'd come close enough to the fire, when I'd nearly jumped him to pull the blood from his veins. That had been enough. That had been too much. So I kept my lips together and tried to turn my head away.

"Merit," he intoned, "be still." Ethan's fingers slid along my jaw, knotted into my hair, and he used his thumbs to tilt up my chin. He took a small step forward, our bodies aligning, just touching.

He dipped his head and kissed me again, thumbs stroking my cheeks as he moved his lips across mine, caressing, calming, not coercive. Then, when his tongue slipped between my lips and stroked mine, when the electric thrill slid up my spine, I gave in.

Tentative at first-and only responding after promising myself that I'd never, ever touch him again-I kissed him back. I gave back his kiss, sucked on the tongue he offered me, responded to his nips and bites with my own.

I couldn't seem to help it. I couldn't not kiss him. He tasted so good, smelled so good. He was heaven, a golden beacon in the supernatural darkness that spindled around me. But this wasn't something to blame on magic. This was much more elemental, much more powerful. It was want, desire in its most basic form.

But I couldn't afford that, not to want someone who didn't want me. Not really.

So I put my hand on his chest, and felt the thud of his heart beneath the soft cotton of his dress s.h.i.+rt before I pushed him away.

"Stop."

He took two halting steps backward, his chest rising and falling as he pulled in air, and stared down at me.

"That was a mistake," I said. "It shouldn't have happened."

He wet his lips, then ran a hand across his jaw. "No?"

"No."

Silence, then, "I could offer you more."

I blinked, looked up, met his eyes. "What?"

"Power. Access. Rewards. You'd need be available only to me."

My lips parted, words momentarily failing me, the shock of it was so overwhelming. "Are you asking me to be your mistress?"

He paused, and I had the sense that he was deciding if that was, in fact, what he was offering me. Likely weighing the costs and benefits, deciding if easing his erection was worth the trouble I'd cause. A flush crossed his sculpted cheekbones. "Yes."

"Oh, my G.o.d." I dropped my gaze, put a hand at my abdomen, wondering how this night had suddenly become so bizarre. "Oh, my G.o.d."

"Is that a yes?"

I looked up at him again, saw the flash of panic on his face. "No, Ethan, Jesus. Definitely not."

His eyes flashed, and I wondered if he'd ever been turned down before, if any woman in his nearly four hundred years of existence had rejected the opportunity to service him. "Do you understand what I'm offering you?"

"Do you understand that it's not 1815?"

"It's not unusual for Masters to have Consorts."

"Yes," I said, "and your current Consort's in my kitchen right now. If you need . . . relieving, talk to her." The shock-the sheer shock of his offer-was beginning to wear off, replaced by a little bit of hurt, a little bit of insult that he didn't like me enough to offer me something else, and that he thought I'd be flattered by the little he did offer.

"As much as it pains me to say it, Amber isn't you."

I stared at him. "I don't even know what that means. Should I-What? Be flattered that while you don't like me, you're willing to sacrifice just to get into my pants?"

His nostrils flared, a tiny line appearing between his eyebrows. "You're crude."

"I'm crude?" My voice, the whisper that came out, was fierce. "You just offered to make me your wh.o.r.e." He took a step closer, his jaw clenched, the muscle trembling. "To be the Consort of a Master vampire is an honor, Initiate, not an insult."

"It's an insult to me. I'm not going to be your-anyone's-s.e.xual outlet. When that . . . happens for me, when I meet him, I want partners.h.i.+p. Love. You don't trust me enough for the former, and I'm not even sure you're capable of the latter."

He flinched, and I immediately regretted the words.

I took a breath and took some s.p.a.ce, moving to the couch.

It was a long moment before I could stand myself enough to meet his eyes again. "I'm sorry. That was a really horrible thing to say.

It's just-I live in a different time," I told him, "with different expectations. I wasn't born to serve someone indiscriminately, without thoughts of my own. Whatever else my father may have done, he raised me to be independent. To find my own way." He just didn't believe my own way was the correct one most of the time.

"I'm trying to be myself, Ethan. To keep some sense of myself in the middle of all this"-I raised a hand, made an abstract gesture with my fingers-"chaos. I can't be that kind of girl." There was more to that statement, I thought, than just my response to his offer, than a response to being his mistress. I wasn't sure I could ever be what he wanted-the acquiescent vampire, the perfect little soldier in his Cadogan army.

Ethan's expression, already shuttered, completely blanked, his green eyes going flat. "Then we're done here. I've explained the situation to you. Whether you like it or not, we're not human. You're not human. Not any longer. Our rules are different than those you're used to, but they are the rules. You can decry them, deny them, but they are the rules." His eyes shone with power. "And if you disobey them, if you balk, you defy me."

"I'm not rebelling," I said, as calmly as I could, realizing how many lines I'd already crossed, we'd already crossed, in the span of the evening. "Nor am I trying to usurp your authority. I'm just trying to"-I searched for words-"avoid it."

Ethan straightened the cuffs of his s.h.i.+rt. "We have rules for a reason, Merit. We have Houses for a reason-for a mult.i.tude of reasons, regardless of your opinion, regardless of whether you find . . . merit in the idea. Like it or not, you are my subject. If you deny your House, there will be repercussions. You'll be deemed an outcast. A Rogue. You'll be rejected by all vampires-ignored and ridiculed because you chose not to trust me. You'll have no access to the Houses, to the members, or to me."

I looked up at him. "There has to be something between anarchy and subjection."

Ethan glanced up at the ceiling, then closed his eyes. "Why do you think of it as subjection? You saw the vampires at my House.

You saw the House. Was it a dungeon? Did they look miserable? When you challenged me, was I unfair to you? Did I treat you cruelly or give you a fair chance to prove yourself? You're smarter than this."

He was right, of course. The vampires in the House clearly respected him and looked, at least to my eyes, to be happy in their acquiescence to his leaders.h.i.+p. But that didn't mean I was able, blindly, to put my trust in him, or any of them. I didn't have a cache of faith big enough for that.

We stood silently until Ethan made a final, frustrated sound and called for Amber and Luc. As they moved through the living room, Amber skewered me with a look that was both knowing and victorious. She somehow knew, had probably heard, what he'd offered me, and that I'd turned it down. But I hadn't just taken myself out of the running; I'd secured her position. She winked jauntily, and I felt a sudden, unwelcome stab of jealousy. I didn't want his hands on her. I didn't want her touching him. But I'd had my chance to take her place, and I'd refused. The decision had been made, so I ignored the irritation and looked away.

"Let's go," Ethan said.

Luc nodded at me. "There's blood on the counter. It's warm and ready to drink."

Ethan didn't look at me as he turned for the door, and I felt the weight of his disappointment. However illogical, I wanted him proud of me, proud of my fight and my strength, not disappointed that I'd failed to meet the basic criteria for vampire behavior. On the other hand, I shouldn't have to apologize for not crawling into bed with the head of my House.