The Book of Gud Part 18

"Is her mind dead?"

"No, no," retorted the psychologist.

"Then why does she not talk?"

"Because her mind is unconscious and she cannot use it to talk with."

"But, what is she doing with it?"

"Dreaming, most likely," replied the psychologist.

"Why do you not dissect her unconscious mind and see of what her dreams are made?"

"Get out!" cried the psychologist, "I am a married man and I do not want to know of what her dreams are made."

When Gud left the shop of the psychologist it was growing dark in the Market of Knowledge. So he waited until the lights in the houses were being extinguished and the people were falling asleep.

The next morning when Gud entered the shop of his old friend, the prophet, he carried a sack, the contents of which he dumped on the table.

"What are these things?" demanded the prophet.

"They are unconscious minds," said Gud, "and they are full of dreams. I want you to dissect them and a.n.a.lyze them and see how the dreams are made and what are the elements of them. Thus you shall make a science of dreams to sell to the people and get gain."

So saying, Gud left the shop and walked up the side of a gra.s.sy mountain where all the birds were singing and all the ewes were lambing and the little toadstools were pus.h.i.+ng up great rocks with the power of the life that was in them. And Gud lay down upon the new-grown gra.s.s and fell asleep, and slept till winter came. When the snow began to fall upon the feet of Gud, he dreamed a dream.

Upon awakening, Gud wondered what the meaning of the dream might be; and thus he recalled the Market of Knowledge, and went straightway to the shop of the prophet to have his dream interpreted. As he approached the shop he saw a line of people on the sidewalk, and took his place in the line. As the line moved through the door each one handed the doorkeeper a sum of money. But Gud said he was a friend of the prophet and was permitted to enter so that he could hear the dreams being interpreted.

A man said: "I dreamed that I once misspelled a word by omitting the letter 'M.'

"That means," answered the prophet, "that you once knew a girl whose name began with 'M.' Probably her name was Mary."

A young woman said: "I dreamed I was an old maid and yet I was going to h.e.l.l."

"That means," said the prophet, "that virtue is its own reward."

"I dreamed," said a man, "that I was dead and in my grave, and that I could hear the clods dropping on my coffin."

"That means," interpreted the prophet, "that you are a pessimist, and that you have that same infernal tin roofing on your house that I have on mine--I heard it raining last night myself."

"I dreamed," a young girl related, "that I was being run over by a steam roller, and I am anxious to have the dream interpreted because I am sure it is very significant."

"No, you are mistaken," explained the prophet. "And you ought not to be reading those uncensored books on psychoa.n.a.lysis, for they are very suggestive. What your dream really means is that you have something between your teeth and need a toothpick. The a.n.a.lysis is simple. A toothpick was formerly a goose quill--a quill is part of a feather--feathers help birds to fly--airplanes also fly and have engines--so do steam rollers, the reason steam rollers do not fly is because they roll."

Said a man: "I dreamed that the woman I married and whom I love very dearly had eloped with the janitor. Then I woke up and found that she had, and I want to know what it all means."

"It means," replied the prophet who was very strong on professional ethics, "that your dream has come true and doesn't need interpreting; ask the doorkeeper to give you your money back."

"I dreamed," related another man, "that I had been captured by cannibals; the fire was roaring; the pot boiling; I was led forth, my head laid on the chopping block, the battle ax was lifted--and then the cannibal chief's daughter rushed forward with a joyous cry and flung herself upon my neck in place of the ax and so I was saved."

"That means," replied the prophet, "that the s.e.x instinct is stronger than the nutritional instinct."

"I dreamed," stated another man, who was just in front of Gud, "that I was in love with my brother."

"That means nothing indecent," expounded the prophet, "because dreams are the voices of the unconscious mind which we inherited from an earlier period of our evolution. h.o.m.o-s.e.xual dreams merely hark back to the time when we were all as.e.xual creatures, hence they are entirely proper. By similar psychic law we whitewash dreams of incest, murder, torture, rape, arson, cannibalism, and political graft. All such dreams are perfectly respectable and may be told with pride to your wife, your mother, or your pastor, because they indicate that the unconscious mind is perfectly natural. But there is one dream that should not be told to your wife. To wit: a dream of polygamy--it is too d.a.m.ned natural."

Now Gud had supposed that his friend would recognize him. But the prophet was busy with some figures in a small book and he merely called, "Next." So Gud told this dream:

"I dreamed," replied Gud, "that I heard a most wonderful melody. But when I woke up I found that I was sleeping near a strawstack and was listening to the braying of a jacka.s.s."

"That means," replied the prophet, "that you are one too. Five dollars please, and what did you come in here for? When I was dealing in black magic and making prophecies by poking into the steaming entrails of virgin goats, I at least had my self-respect. And now you get out of here before I call the Centurian and have you arrested for stealing the subconscious mind of the President of our Academy of Science."

Ingrat.i.tude is sharper than a woman's tongue; and when Gud heard what the prophet said, he whipped out a ram's horn and blew a withering blast. When the ground trembled with the echo thereof, all the shops in the Market of Knowledge fell down and a great tidal wave swept in from the Sea of Trouble.

Chapter x.x.xVI

After everyone else had drowned, Gud came up for air. He lit a cigarette and blew a smoke ring and tossed it on the water to see if it would float. It did and so Gud climbed upon it and sat there cross-legged to wait for his robe to dry.

Presently he saw a man coming toward him running on the water and carrying a package under one arm and a half-finished ma.n.u.script under the other. The man came up panting and out of breath and cried: "Save me!"

"Perhaps," said Gud. "But what have you in the package?"

At this the man hurled the package at Gud and sank into the depths with bubbling groan.

Gud unwrapped the package and found that it contained three mountains.

These Gud tossed upon the water where they floated equidistant on the surface of the sea. On the first mountain was a man in dire agony of soul. On the second mountain was a beautiful woman about to plunge a dagger into her heart because of her love for the man. On the third mountain was another woman no less beautiful, and she was about to cast herself into the sea because of her hate of the woman who loved the man.

But Gud, who knew all things, was not interested in what would happen next; and, his robe being dry, he arose and walked leisurely away on the water and did not once look back.

Tiring of walking on the water Gud looked about for a conveyance. Just then a deep-sea fish came to the surface and winked at Gud with his gla.s.sy eye.

"I came up to see if I could find out," said the fish, "who that fellow was who came tumbling down into my depths a little while ago."

"Why do you wish to know?" asked Gud.

"Because," replied the fish, "I feel as if I had swallowed a theological discussion and it is giving me indigestion."

"Suppose you turn over and let the sun s.h.i.+ne on your belly," suggested Gud. "Sunlight is very healing."

"Thanks, but my belly is white and I do not wish to have it sunburned--but who do you suppose is coming in yonder boat?"

When the boat came nearer Gud and the fish saw that the boat also contained a man and two women. The man was talking. "Suppose," said he, "that the boat should upset: neither of you can swim, and what would I do? For I could not save you both. I could not let my dear old mother drown and yet how could I let my beautiful wife drown? If I had realized how I was going to worry about it, I should have insisted on going to the mountains for our vacation."

Upon hearing the man's words the two women set up a great weeping.

"I wonder," said Gud, "which one he would save!"