Volpone Or the Fox Part 20

PER: As how?

SIR P: With certain projects that I have; Which I may not discover.

PER [ASIDE.]: If I had But one to wager with, I would lay odds now, He tells me instantly.

SIR P: One is, and that I care not greatly who knows, to serve the state Of Venice with red herrings for three years, And at a certain rate, from Rotterdam, Where I have correspendence. There's a letter, Sent me from one of the states, and to that purpose: He cannot write his name, but that's his mark.

PER: He's a chandler?

SIR P: No, a cheesemonger.

There are some others too with whom I treat About the same negociation; And I will undertake it: for, 'tis thus.

I'll do't with ease, I have cast it all: Your hoy Carries but three men in her, and a boy; And she shall make me three returns a year: So, if there come but one of three, I save, If two, I can defalk:-but this is now, If my main project fail.

PER: Then you have others?

SIR P: I should be loth to draw the subtle air Of such a place, without my thousand aims.

I'll not dissemble, sir: where'er I come, I love to be considerative; and 'tis true, I have at my free hours thought upon Some certain goods unto the state of Venice, Which I do call "my Cautions;" and, sir, which I mean, in hope of pension, to propound To the Great Council, then unto the Forty, So to the Ten. My means are made already-

PER: By whom?

SIR P: Sir, one that, though his place be obscure, Yet he can sway, and they will hear him. He's A commandador.

PER: What! a common serjeant?

SIR P: Sir, such as they are, put it in their mouths, What they should say, sometimes; as well as greater: I think I have my notes to shew you- [SEARCHING HIS POCKETS.]

PER: Good sir.

SIR P: But you shall swear unto me, on your gentry, Not to antic.i.p.ate-

PER: I, sir!

SIR P: Nor reveal A circ.u.mstance-My paper is not with me.

PER: O, but you can remember, sir.

SIR P: My first is Concerning tinder-boxes. You must know, No family is here, without its box.

Now, sir, it being so portable a thing, Put case, that you or I were ill affected Unto the state, sir; with it in our pockets, Might not I go into the a.r.s.enal, Or you, come out again, and none the wiser?

PER: Except yourself, sir.

SIR P: Go to, then. I therefore Advertise to the state, how fit it were, That none but such as were known patriots, Sound lovers of their country, should be suffer'd To enjoy them in their houses; and even those Seal'd at some office, and at such a bigness As might not lurk in pockets.

PER: Admirable!

SIR P: My next is, how to enquire, and be resolv'd, By present demonstration, whether a s.h.i.+p, Newly arrived from Soria, or from Any suspected part of all the Levant, Be guilty of the plague: and where they use To lie out forty, fifty days, sometimes, About the Lazaretto, for their trial; I'll save that charge and loss unto the merchant, And in an hour clear the doubt.

PER: Indeed, sir!

SIR P: Or-I will lose my labour.

PER: 'My faith, that's much.

SIR P: Nay, sir, conceive me. It will cost me in onions, Some thirty livres-

PER: Which is one pound sterling.

SIR P: Beside my water-works: for this I do, sir.

First, I bring in your s.h.i.+p 'twixt two brick walls; But those the state shall venture: On the one I strain me a fair tarpauling, and in that I stick my onions, cut in halves: the other Is full of loop-holes, out at which I thrust The noses of my bellows; and those bellows I keep, with water-works, in perpetual motion, Which is the easiest matter of a hundred.

Now, sir, your onion, which doth naturally Attract the infection, and your bellows blowing The air upon him, will show, instantly, By his changed colour, if there be contagion; Or else remain as fair as at the first.

-Now it is known, 'tis nothing.

PER: You are right, sir.

SIR P: I would I had my note.

PER: 'Faith, so would I: But you have done well for once, sir.

SIR P: Were I false, Or would be made so, I could shew you reasons How I could sell this state now, to the Turk; Spite of their galleys, or their- [EXAMINING HIS PAPERS.]

PER: Pray you, sir Pol.

SIR P: I have them not about me.

PER: That I fear'd.

They are there, sir.

SIR P: No. This is my diary, Wherein I note my actions of the day.

PER: Pray you let's see, sir. What is here?

[READS.]

"Notandum, A rat had gnawn my spur-leathers; notwithstanding, I put on new, and did go forth: but first I threw three beans over the threshold. Item, I went and bought two tooth-picks, whereof one I burst immediatly, in a discourse With a Dutch merchant, 'bout ragion del stato.

From him I went and paid a moccinigo, For piecing my silk stockings; by the way I cheapen'd sprats; and at St. Mark's I urined."

'Faith, these are politic notes!

SIR P: Sir, I do slip No action of my life, but thus I quote it.

PER: Believe me, it is wise!

SIR P: Nay, sir, read forth.

[ENTER, AT A DISTANCE, LADY POLITICK-WOULD BE, NANO, AND TWO WAITING-WOMEN.]

LADY P: Where should this loose knight be, trow?

sure he's housed.

NAN: Why, then he's fast.