The Etiquette of Engagement and Marriage Part 10

The Special Licence

costs about 30, and is given by the archbishop through the Faculty Office under certain conditions. It dispenses with {83} previous residence in the district, and can be used anywhere and at any time, providing satisfactory reasons have been given for its issue.

Witnesses.

No marriage should be performed in any church or chapel unless at least two witnesses are present, who also attest the signing of the parish register. The ordinary fee for the certificate, or "marriage lines," is 2s. 7d., including the stamp, but this charge may vary a little.

The Civil Contract.

This may be done by certificate or licence. If a certificate is required, one of the parties must give formal notice to the superintendent registrar of the district in which both have lived for seven days immediately preceding the notice. If the couple live in separate places, similar notice must be given by each one. A solemn statement that there is no legal obstacle to the marriage must be made, together with notification of their places of residence, and, in the case of a minor, whether the consent of parent or guardian is forthcoming. The certificate may not be issued for twenty-one days after the notice has been entered, and this certificate is only available for three months.

After the expiration of twenty-one days the wedding may take place at the Registry Office, in the presence of the superintendent registrar, a registrar of the district, and two witnesses, within the appointed hours, from 8 A.M. to 3 P.M. The mutual declaration is short and to the point. A ring is usually employed, but I have heard of strange subst.i.tutes being used at a pinch.

If a licence is desired, similar formalities must be observed as when procuring one for use in a church, and one day must elapse between its issue and the wedding.

No minister of religion need be present at a civil contract, even if it take place in a chapel or building certified for marriages. Members of the Society of Friends may, after giving notice as above described, be married in their Meeting House; but to make it legal, the fact must be duly registered {84} by the officer of the district as soon after the ceremony as possible.

The presence of a registrar is not necessary at marriages performed in Nonconformist chapels if they are duly certified and an "authorised person" (that is, one duly appointed by the trustees or governing body of the building) is present during the proceedings. Certain declarations, similar to those made before the registrar, must be included in any form of service. The "authorised person" must register the marriage at his earliest convenience.

Fees for Civil Contract.

A marriage by certificate costs about ten or twelve s.h.i.+llings. With a licence, the expense mounts up to about 2, 15s.

Settlements.

This is a matter of cold unromantic fact, and one which very ardent, impossible lovers regard almost in the light of a desecration. As the prosaic side of life has to be faced, it is very necessary that money matters should find a place in the matrimonial preparations.

An honourable man is always anxious to effect some arrangement by which his wife may be safeguarded from ruin or extreme poverty. If she has money of her own, he will see that it is settled upon her absolutely. Should he raise, or even hint at, an objection to this plan, he will lay himself open to a serious charge of possessing mercenary motives. A man with private means would settle a certain portion upon his wife; but, in the ordinary course of things, she would only have the interest of this amount, and would not have control over the capital during his life. At the same time, it could not be touched by his creditors.

In more legal language: "By marriage settlements the property to be settled by one or both of the parties is conveyed to trustees upon trust as to the lady's property for her separate use during her life, and after her decease for the husband for his life. The husband's property is settled on him for life with remainder to the wife for life. On the death of the survivor the trust is for the children of the marriage in such {85} shares as the husband and wife, or the survivor, appoint, and in default of appointment among the children equally." Clauses as to maintenance and education of the children, and powers of investment of trust funds, are inserted. In settling large estates and sums of money various modes of settlement are adopted to suit the circ.u.mstances, but the above is the outline of an ordinary settlement. Large landed estates are generally settled, after the decease of the settlers, upon the first and other sons in tail male with cross remainders between them, and in default of male issue among the daughters.

The Bride's Dowry,

or marriage portion, is of very ancient origin. Even two centuries before Christ the wealth possessed by a woman brought her an increase of respect from her husband, and lessened the humiliation of her legal and social position. By degrees the rich wife gained the upper hand, and what the law would not give to her s.e.x as a right, she obtained by virtue of her money.

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CHAPTER XV

_The Wedding-Day--What is expected of (1) The Bride; (2) The Bridesmaids; (3) The Bridegroom; (4) The Best Man; (5) The Bride's Parents--At the Bride's House--Dressing--Starting for the Church--The Tying of the Knot--Social Aspect--Reception or Breakfast._

The Wedding-Day.

"Happy is the Bride that the Sun s.h.i.+nes on!" runs the old adage, but we may hope that the lives of all English brides are not as grey as the skies under which they are often married. We can also hope that every bride will have the suns.h.i.+ne of joy in her heart on her wedding-day. Most weddings now take place at 2 o'clock or 2.30, in consequence of the extension of the marriage hours, and this has in a great measure abolished the old "breakfast," which was a rather trying affair for all concerned. Now, a more informal reception takes place on the return from church, with champagne, tea, ices, and all sorts of pretty light refreshments. Those who, from choice or force of circ.u.mstances, decide upon the morning for the ceremony, would naturally give a luncheon, but the smarter section of society has spoken in favour of the reception.

I know of a capricious couple who played their friends a very shabby trick. The invitations had been issued for a Wednesday, and at the last moment they decided to be married on the Tuesday morning. They went quietly to church in the early hours, left the town separately during the day, met in London, and started for the honeymoon. The next afternoon their friends a.s.sembled to find that the objects of their congratulations were away across the Channel. This was a most serious breach of etiquette, as there was no reason for such rudeness.

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What is Expected of the Bride.

However long and frequent the visits of the _fiance_ may have been to his sweetheart's home, tradition decrees that he must not sleep under the same roof with her the night before the wedding, nor is he supposed to see her on the day, till he meets her in all her bridal beauty. She is supposed to keep in retirement even from the members of her own household during the early part of the day; but this is a matter of opinion, and all old ideas are giving way to more modern views.

On her wedding-day, at least if it is to be a smart affair, the bride is handicapped as well as adorned by her clothes, as seems to be the general lot of women on all important occasions. Let us hope that every care has been taken to minimise the minor anxieties as to the fit of her frock, the set of her veil, the comfort of shoes and gloves. She must feel something like a _debutante_ dressing for her presentation at court; but while the latter is only making her entry into society, the bride is entering upon a condition that will affect her eternally, and one that ought to have the blessing of G.o.d upon it.

One would therefore like the bride to be free from such inconveniences as will drag her down mentally. Let her be free to respond to the high inspirations and holy desires that best become a woman on this great day of her life. She will probably be nervous, and small wonder, but she will be none the less attractive for a little maidenly diffidence.

The bride who marches triumphantly through her wedding does not show the best taste. In the rush and excitement of the wedding morning some one must make a point of seeing that the bride has proper food to sustain her through her part in the day's proceedings. Her appearance will not be improved by the look of strained weariness that combined fatigue and exhaustion will bring even into the youngest face. She is expected to look her best and to have her emotions under control nowadays. The weeping bride is out of date. She is expected to look happy, for is she not completing the choice which she freely made? If her shoes pinch, or she is faint from hunger, those expectations cannot be fulfilled.

The Bridesmaids.

These attendant maidens must be at the church awaiting the bride, ready to follow her up the aisle, and the chief one {88} takes her place so as to be prepared to receive the gloves and bouquet from the bride before the putting on of the ring. One or more of them will help the bride, later in the day, to change into her travelling costume, and they can be of a.s.sistance in countless ways, both to the hostess and her guests. Sometimes, however, a bridesmaid is too occupied preparing for another wedding, in which she will play the chief part, to have much time for any one else.

The Bridegroom.

Though of the highest and most vital importance, the bridegroom never seems quite so much to the fore as the bride. It is probably a mere matter of clothes. He is expected to have the ring in readiness, to provide a conveyance to take himself and the best man to the scene of the ceremony, and, above all, to be in good time, waiting in proud antic.i.p.ation for the bride's arrival. He does not always look happy or quite at his ease with the eyes of the curious congregation upon him, but that is only his modesty. He has to give the bridesmaids a present (generally some trinket is chosen), and the bride receives her bouquet from him. Sometimes the best man gives the bridesmaids their bouquets, but it is generally the bridegroom, unless they are all related together.

The Best Man.

I have heard it said that the office of the Best Man is to see that the bridegroom does not run away at the last moment. We will hope he does not often have hard work in that case. He certainly has to see that love does not make the bridegroom oblivious to the practical details of life. He escorts him to church and supports him through the service. He pays the fees of clerk and clergyman and calls the carriages when the register is signed. He is a very busy and useful person, if he does his duty, and much of the success from a social point of view may lie in his hands.

The Bride's Parents.

The heaviest burden of responsibility falls upon the shoulders of the bride's mother. She has to arrange with a caterer for the refreshments, unless she prefers to have all the trouble of {89} preparing them at home; she must order the carriages, arrange the meals for guests staying in the house, and settle the order in which the wedding party is to go to church. She has to see about floral decorations wherever they are wanted, and now flowers play such an all-important part in every festivity. She will be the one to whom every one will go for instructions, and it may be her own heart will be very sore at the thought of parting with her daughter. Where there are other grown-up girls they would naturally take some portion of the work off her hands, but she is nominal head of affairs in most households.

The _father_ has to escort his daughter to church and bestow her upon her husband. In the event of his being prevented from doing this, her mother would drive with her, and the relation or friend who was acting as her father's deputy would meet her at the church door. The bride's father pays all the expenses of music or decoration in the church in addition to those of entertainment at home and conveyances. He will find the bill a large one in these days of lavish display and increased luxury. The idea that a reception is much cheaper than a luncheon is balanced by the facts that a far larger number of people can be included in the former and that champagne cannot be dispensed with.

At the Bride's House.

Before the appointed hour, bustle and possible confusion will reign in the bride's home. The young people will take a pride in decking the reception-rooms with flowers. The presents will be in a room by themselves, and will probably have been arranged the day before, but there are always a hundred little finis.h.i.+ng touches to be put to everything. The caterer will, if required, supply all needful gla.s.s, china, tables, and attendance for the reception or breakfast. Everyone should be dressed in good time. There will be belated presents, telegrams of congratulation, and all sorts of minor distractions.

Dressing the Bride.

In many cases the dressmaker who has _created_ the wedding gown comes to see it put on, but where such skilled help is not required the loving hands of mother, sister, or friend would deck the bride. One thing I would suggest. It is a risk {90} to dress the hair to suit the veil rather than the face. I remember seeing a bride quite spoiled by having her pretty hair dragged up under her veil, when as a rule she wore it in soft, natural waves round her face and ears. The less jewellery a bride wears the better, and some recent leaders of fas.h.i.+on have exchanged the bridal bouquet for a prayer-book, which they carried in ungloved hands. A bride who is married in the veil of a happy wife is supposed to be lucky. It is a pretty idea for a girl to wear her mother's bridal veil.