The Complete Bachelor Part 11

At the gates of each small town in France the _octroi_, or impost, levies on articles of food brought in, and the customhouse in England seizes all American reprints of English books. There, as well as in France, spirits and tobacco are dutiable.

It is only civil to bow when pa.s.sing the Prince of Wales or members of the royal family. In Paris every hat is removed when a hea.r.s.e pa.s.ses, as also in Italy. In Germany the hat is removed when the emperor pa.s.ses.

Pa.s.sports are necessary for Russian and Eastern travel.

All large functions on the Continent, no matter what time of the day they occur, demand evening dress. In Paris the bridegroom at a wedding in the afternoon wears evening dress, as well as the chief male mourner at a funeral, but the others present do not. This does not apply to groomsmen and honorary pallbearers, who are in evening dress. In Germany, Austria, and Italy, wherever royalty appears, evening dress is necessary. At the audiences granted by the Pope all men must be in evening dress, and the women in dark gowns and veils.

The Queen of England, the Princess of Wales, and all other female members of the royal family are addressed as "Ma'am"; the Prince of Wales and the male members as "Sir," and never, except by tradesmen, as "Your Royal Highness."

The English dukes are addressed simply as "Duke" and not as "Your Grace"; a marquis is "Lord" and a marchioness "Lady." Younger sons of dukes should be spoken of as lord. A French duke and d.u.c.h.ess are addressed as "Monsieur" and "Madame." In Germany one drops the Von when addressing a n.o.bleman who has that t.i.tle, but when you write to him you must give him his full credentials.

A foreign bishop is always addressed as "My Lord" and a cardinal as "Your Eminence."

The etiquette at a house where the Prince of Wales or a member of the royal family in England visits is rigorous, and on the Continent, when royalty is present, it is even more severe. The prince is never addressed unless he speaks to you. He alone has the privilege of changing the subject of conversation, and all plans for the day's recreation are submitted to him.

These observations are, of course, very general, but the average American to-day is at home in Europe. He should only remember the old adage to do in Rome as the Romans do, and he will not be much embarra.s.sed by foreign customs and habits.

CHAPTER XVIII.

THE ENGAGED BACHELOR.

The etiquette of engagements is simple. There are no rules as to how a man should ask a woman to be his wife.

A man is not at liberty to announce his engagement until his _fiancee_ gives him permission to do so. It is her family who have the right to know first of the existence of an engagement. Very few engagements are entered into so hurriedly as not to be antic.i.p.ated in a way by the members of the young woman's household. However, the first step to be taken is the announcement by the _fiancee_ to her mother, her father, or her proper guardian of the existing circ.u.mstances. Sometimes this is done in a most informal way by both parties. The day after the engagement has thus been announced it is good form for the man to have a private talk with the young woman's parents or guardian. In America we are supposed to be above the discussion of marriage settlements. A man should never ask a woman to marry him unless he has the wherewithal to support her in the manner in which she has been accustomed to live. An inquiry into the state of the proposed son-in-law's finances is perfectly proper and should not be taken amiss. Engagements are announced to other members of the family than those of the household by informal notes when it is decided it should be made public. Relatives and intimate friends should be apprised of it before one's general acquaintances. In these days of "society news" the general announcement is frequently made through the medium of the newspapers. It can also be made verbally.

During the engagement it is expected that a man's relatives and friends should pay the prospective bride as much attention as possible. They should call on her and felicitate her as soon as they have been informed of the affair. A pretty compliment for a male member of the man's family or one of his intimates is to send flowers to the new _fiancee_.

Engagements should never be announced unless the wedding day is fixed approximately. Avoid long engagements.

The engagement ring is a solitaire diamond, but one with two smaller diamonds is appropriate. This will depend upon the income of the swain.

Rings with colored stones, however, are not in vogue for engagements.

During the engagement the betrothed couple should be seen as much as possible in each other's society. Neither should appear at large entertainments to which the other has not been asked. Little attentions are expected. A man should send from time to time, according to the state of his finances, flowers, sweets, or other tokens. A sensible girl will not approve of costly gifts if you can not afford them. A very acceptable token would be a bunch of violets or American beauty roses sent from a fas.h.i.+onable florist.

CHAPTER XIX.

THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING.

When a bachelor marries the arrangement of the details of the ceremony and reception are left to the bride's family, and there is really very little about which to instruct him. Many men wish to know how these matters should be conducted, and a short review is here given under the penalty of its being not within the scope of the Complete Bachelor.

Weddings in society are celebrated either at church or at the home of the bride. The church wedding is the most popular, and in large cities the most fas.h.i.+onable, as it admits of the presence of a large number of people and lends much solemnity to the occasion.

The fas.h.i.+onable hour for a wedding is from high noon--midday--until five o'clock. Evening weddings have within the past five years not been as much in vogue as formerly.

The invitations are issued within a fortnight of the ceremony. The formula is an announcement engraved on a sheet of heavy cream paper folded in two. It is issued in the name of the bride's parents or guardian, and it requests the pleasure of the guest's presence at the marriage of their daughter or ward at such a church or such a number, at such an hour of the day, month, and year. A separate card, inclosed, with the announcement and invitation to the church, states the hours of the reception. The invitations are very simple, engraved in plain English script, and the paper and cards are of a standard quality known to stationers for this purpose. The inner one is addressed only with the name of the person invited, the outer one has this and the street, the street number, and full directions for mailing. Gilt-edged or fancy stationery is vulgar.

I herewith append some examples. The English invariably insist on the R. S. V. P., or "answer if you please," on even church invitations. This is not the regular New York custom.

The reason for this is that in England those asked to the church are always expected also at the reception. Only the bridal party sit down to an elaborate breakfast, the other guests being given the very lightest of refreshments.

American form:

_Mr. and Mrs._ ---- _request your presence_ _at the marriage of their daughter_ _Katherine_ _to_ _Mr._ ----, _Thursday, February the twenty-eighth,_ _at twelve o'clock._ _Grace Church,_ _Broadway and Tenth Street._

Also:

_Mr. and Mrs._ ---- _request the honor of your presence_ _at the marriage of their daughter_ _Annie_ _to_ _Mr._ ---- _on_ (etc.).

_Mr. and Mrs._ ---- _request your presence_ _at the marriage of their daughter_ _Myra Raymond_ _to_ _Mr._ ----, _Thursday, February the twenty-eighth,_ _at twelve o'clock._ _Grace Church,_ _Broadway and Tenth Street._

_Mr. and Mrs._ ---- _request the honor of your presence_ _at the marriage of their daughter_ _Annie_ _to_ _Mr._ ---- _on Tuesday morning, November twenty-seventh,_ _at half past eleven o'clock._ _St. Leo's Church,_ _East Twenty-eighth Street._ ------ _Please present this card at_ _St. Leo's Church,_ _November twenty-seventh._

English form:

_Mr. and Mrs._ ---- _request the pleasure of_ _Lord and Lady ----'s_ _company at_ _St. Peter's, Eaton Square,_ _on Sat.u.r.day, November 4th, at two o'clock,_ _on the occasion of the marriage of their daughter_ _Margaret and_ ---- ----, _and afterward at 1 Grosvenor Square._ _R. S. V. P._ ------ _Admit bearer_ _to_ _St. Peter's Church, Eaton Square,_ _on November 4th, 1895, at two o'clock._

If the bride whom a bachelor is marrying is a widow and lives in her own house, the invitations to the church and the reception, or to either or both, would read simply, "The pleasure of your company is requested at the wedding," etc., with a separate card bearing the word reception and stating the hour and address.

Should there be no guests at the wedding, and should it be conducted very quietly or privately, it is necessary that announcement cards be sent out after the event has taken place. These are issued in the name of the bride's parent, parents, or guardian, who simply announce "the marriage of their daughter [or ward] Elizabeth to Mr. Henry Smith Walcott, Thursday, June the twentieth, eighteen hundred and ninety-six."

In the left-hand corner is placed the address of those sending out the cards. A card is also inclosed with the names of the newly married couple, their address, and their reception day. Should there be neither parents nor guardians, the parties to the contract can announce it themselves with one card thus: "Mr. William Benham Thorne and Miss Eleanore Taylor, married on Thursday, November the seventh, eighteen hundred and ----, New York." Another card can also be inclosed, on which is the new address of the married couple, as well as their day at home. If it is a church wedding, and there are neither guardians nor parents, you can use the form, "You are invited to be present at the wedding of ----," etc.

A too rigid economy should not be observed in the sending of wedding invitations, and the prospective bridegroom should see that this is carried out. In case there are several members of a family, it is good form to inclose an invitation to each; thus, Mr. and Mrs. Algernon Smith, the Misses Smith, and Messrs. Smith making three smaller envelopes inclosed in the larger one addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Algernon Smith.

As I have advised in the chapter on Cards, your pasteboard should be left at the house of those in whose name the invitations are issued, even if you are asked only to the church. If to the reception, you owe two visits of "digestion"--one to the bride's parents and one to the happy pair.

All the expenses pertaining to a wedding are borne by the bride's parents. The bridegroom, however, pays the clergyman's fee and provides his own carriage, cab, or hansom from his rooms to the church. This vehicle is also sent to the house of the best man.

All expenses after the marriage are, of course, defrayed by the bridegroom. It has been strict etiquette for the bride and bridegroom not to use the family carriage, which usually takes them from the church, to fetch them to the railroad station, but one provided by the bridegroom. It is frequently a matter of courtesy for the bride's parents to offer this for the occasion.

_The bridegroom_ should, as soon as the wedding day is appointed, choose his best man and his ushers. The vogue is to ask his nearest unmarried male relative or his most intimate bachelor friend to serve in the capacity of best man. More recently a number of very fas.h.i.+onable New Yorkers have had married men take that position, and thus the innovation has sanction through the action of the "smart set." A married best man is said to be an English fad, but I find that it could be more correctly termed an Anglo-Indian mode, as this new idea is much more popular in Calcutta and Bombay than in London.

In the selection of ushers, a man asks usually some few of his intimates or club friends, and through courtesy to his prospective bride a male member of her family, frequently her brother. Six ushers are the usual number, although four are quite sufficient. Some few men have been known to dispense with the services of the best man and have only ushers, but this is not exactly correct at a fas.h.i.+onable church wedding. The ushers can be very easily omitted if the ceremony is to take place at the house.

_The bridegroom_ presents his best man and his ushers with their ties, their gloves, and tie pin, which is a souvenir of the occasion, as well as their _boutonnieres_, or "b.u.t.tonholes," to accept the last English expression, to be worn at the ceremony.

The tie, gloves, and tie pin are given to the best man and the ushers at the farewell bachelor dinner; the _boutonnieres_ are ordered at the florist's and sent to them on the morning of the wedding. Lilies of the valley are the favorite wedding flowers, but the floral arrangements are regulated by the bride's family, who possibly have a certain color or flower scheme for the church decorations, and the "b.u.t.tonholes" must be in keeping.

_The bridegroom_ generally provides hansoms or _coupes_ to drive his ushers to the church from their respective residences. As the bride's family provides the carriages for the _cortege_, these other vehicles may be dismissed at the church.

_The bridegroom_ himself drives to the church in a hansom with his best man.

If it is a house wedding these carriages need not be provided. In this country the _bridegroom_ does not give the bridesmaids any token or present. In England he presents them with brooches or bracelets. In New York the bride presents her maid of honor and bridesmaids with souvenirs in the shape of lace pins, brooches, or bracelets.