The German Classics of the Nineteenth and Twentieth Centuries Volume Xii Part 20

These good townspeople are delighted with our arrangements. It was a fine idea of yours, Blumenberg, to have this fete.

BLUMENBEEG. Only hurry and get people warmed up! It's a good thing to begin with some music. Vienna waltzes are best on account of the women. Then comes a speech from you, then some solo singing, and, at supper, the introduction of the Colonel, and the toasts. It can't help being a success; the men must have hearts of stone if they don't give their votes in return for such a fete.

SENDEN. The toasts have been apportioned.

BLUMENBERG. But the music?--Why has the music stopped?

SENDEN. I am waiting for the Colonel to arrive.

BLUMENBERG. He must be received with a blare of trumpets. It will flatter him, you know.

SENDEN. That's what I ordered. Directly after, they start up a march and we bring him in procession.

BLUMENBERG. First rate! That will lend solemnity to his entrance. Only think up your speech. Be popular, for today we are among the rabble.

_Enter guests, among them_ HENNING.

SENDEN (_doing the honors with BLUMENBERG_). Delighted to see you here! We knew that you would not fail us. Is this your wife?

GUEST. Yes, Mr. von Senden, this is my wife.

SENDEN. You here, too, Mr. Henning? Welcome, my dear sir!

HENNING. I was invited by my friend and really had the curiosity to come. My presence, I hope, will not be unpleasant to any one?

SENDEN. Quite the contrary. We are most pleased to greet you here.

[_Guests leave through centre door_; SENDEN _goes out in conversation with them._]

BLUMENBERG. He knows how to manage people. It's the good manners of these gentlemen that does it. He is useful--useful to me too. He manages the others, and I manage him. [_Turning, he sees_ SCHMOCK, _who is hovering near the door_.] What are you doing here? Why do you stand there listening? You are not a door-keeper! See that you keep out of my vicinity. Divide yourself up among the company.

SCHMOCK. Whom shall I go to if I know none of these people at all? You are the only person I know.

BLUMENBERG. Why must you tell people that you know me? I consider it no honor to stand next to you.

SCHMOCK. If it is not an honor it's not a disgrace either; But I can stay by myself.

BLUMENBERG. Have you money to get something to eat? Go to the restaurant-keeper and order something charged to me. The committee will pay for it.

SCHMOCK. I don't care to go and eat. I have no need to spend anything.

I have had my supper.

[_Blare of trumpets and march in the distance. Exit_ BLUMENBERG.

SCHMOCK _alone, coming forward, angrily_.]

I hate him! I'll tell him I hate him, that I despise him from the bottom of my heart!

[_Turns to go, comes back._]

But I cannot tell him so, or he will cut out all I send in for the special correspondence I write for his paper! I will try to swallow it down!

_[Exit through centre door_.]

_Enter_ BOLZ, KaMPE, BELLMAUS _by side door_.

BOLZ (_marching in_). Behold us in the house of the Capulets!

[_Pretends to thrust a sword into its scabbard._] Conceal your swords under roses. Blow your little cheeks up, and look as silly and innocent as possible. Above all, don't let me see you get into a row, and if you meet this Tybaldus Senden be so good as to run round the corner.

[_The procession is seen marching through the rear halls_.]

You, Romeo Bellmaus, look out for the little women. I see more fluttering curls and waving kerchiefs there than are good for your peace of mind.

KaMPE. I bet a bottle of champagne that if one of us gets into a row it will be you.

BOLZ. Possibly. But I promise you that you shall surely come in for your share of it. Now listen to my plan of operations. You Kampe--[_Enter_ SCHMOCK.] Stop! Who is that? Thunder! The factotum of the _Coriola.n.u.s_! Our _incognito_ has not lasted long.

SCHMOCK (_even before the last remark, has been seen looking in at the door, coming forward_). I wish you good evening, Mr. Bolz.

BOLZ. I wish you the same and of even better quality, Mr. Schmock.

SCHMOCK. Might I have a couple of words with you?

BOLZ. A couple? Don't ask for too few, n.o.ble armor-bearer of the _Coriola.n.u.s_! A couple of dozen words you shall have, but no more.

SCHMOCK. Could you not employ me on your paper.

BOLZ (_to_ KaMPE _and_ BELLMAUS). Do you hear that? On our paper? H'm!

'Tis much you ask, n.o.ble Roman!

SCHMOCK. I am sick of the _Coriola.n.u.s_. I would do any kind of work you needed done. I want to be with respectable people, where one can earn something and be treated decently.

BOLZ. What are you asking of us, slave of Rome? We to entice you away from your party--never! We do violence to your political convictions?

Make you a renegade? We bear the guilt of your joining our party? No, sir! We have a tender conscience. It rises in arms against your proposition!

SCHMOCK. Why do you let that trouble you? Under Blumenberg I have learned to write whichever way the wind blows. I have written on the left and again on the right. I can write in any direction.

BOLZ. I see you have character. You would be a sure success on our paper. Your offer does us honor, but we cannot accept it now. So momentous an affair as your defection needs deep consideration.

Meanwhile you will have confided in no unfeeling barbarian. (_Aside to the others_.) We may be able to worm something out of him. Bellmaus, you have the tenderest heart of us three; you must devote yourself to him today.

BELLMAUS. But what shall I do with him?

BOLZ. Take him into the restaurant, sit down in a corner with him, pour punch into every hollow of his poor head until his secrets jump out like wet mice. Make him chatter, especially about the elections.

Go, little man, and take good care not to get overheated yourself and babble.

BELLMAUS. In that case I shall not see much of the fete.

BOLZ. That's true, my son! But what does the fete mean to you? Heat, dust, and stale dance-music. Besides, we will tell you all about it in the morning; and then you are a poet, and can imagine the whole affair to be much finer than it really was. So don't take it to heart. You may think you have a thankless role, but it is the most important of all, for it requires coolness and cleverness. Go, mousey, and look out about getting overheated.

BELLMAUS. I'll look out, old tom-cat.--Come along Schmock!