The German Classics of the Nineteenth and Twentieth Centuries Volume Xii Part 38

Oh please, don't trouble yourself on my account.

ADELAIDE.

Can we help you with anything else?

SCHMOCK.

What should you be able to help me with? [_Examining his boots and clothes_.] I have everything in order now. My trouble is only that I have got into the wrong occupation. I must try to get out of literature.

ADELAIDE (_sympathetically_.)

It is very hard, I suppose, to feel at home in literature?

SCHMOCK.

That depends. My editor is an unfair man. He cuts out too much and pays too little. "Attend to your style first of all," says he; "a good style is the chief thing." "Write impressively, Schmock," says he; "write profoundly; it is required of a newspaper today that it be profound." Good! I write profoundly, I make my style logical! But when I bring him what I have done he hurls it away from him and shrieks: "What is that? That is heavy, that is pedantic!" says he. "You must write das.h.i.+ngly; it's brilliant you must be, Schmock. It is now the fas.h.i.+on to make everything pleasant for the reader." What am I to do?

I write das.h.i.+ngly again; I put a great deal of brilliant stuff in the article; and when I bring it he takes his red pencil and strikes out all that is commonplace and leaves me only the brilliant stuff remaining.

COLONEL.

Are such things possible?

SCHMOCK.

How can I exist under such treatment? How can I write him only brilliant stuff at less than a penny a line. I can't exist under it!

And that is why I'm going to try to get out of the business. If only I could earn twenty-five to thirty dollars, I would never in my life write again for a newspaper; I would then set up for myself in business--a little business that could support me.

ADELAIDE.

Wait a moment! [_Looks into her purse_.]

COLONEL (_hastily coming forward_).

Leave that to me, dear Adelaide. The young man wants to cease being a journalist. That appeals to me. Here, here is money such as you desire if you will promise me from this day on not to touch a pen again for a newspaper. Here, take it.

SCHMOCK.

A Prussian bank note--twenty-five thalers in currency? On my honor, I promise you, on my honor and salvation, I go this very day to a cousin of mine who has a paying business. Would you like an I.O.U., Colonel, or shall I make out a long-term promissory note?

COLONEL.

Get out with your promissory note!

SCHMOCK.

Then I will write out a regular I.O.U. I prefer it to be only an I.O.U.

COLONEL (_impatiently_).

I don't want your I.O.U. either. Sir, for G.o.d's sake get out of the house!

SCHMOCK.

And how about the interest? If I can have it at five per cent. I should like it.

ADELAIDE.

The gentleman makes you a present of the money.

SCHMOCK.

He makes me a present of the money? It's a miracle! I tell you what, Colonel, if I don't succeed with the money it remains a gift, but if I work my way up with it I return it. I hope I will work my way up.

COLONEL. Do just as you like about that.

SCHMOCK.

I like to have it that way, Colonel.--Meanwhile I thank you, and may some other joy come to make it up to you. Good day, Sir and Madam.

ADELAIDE.

We must not forget the lunch. [_Rings,_ KORB _enters_.] Dear Korb!

[_Talks in a low tone to him_.]

SCHMOCK.

O please, do not go to that trouble!

[_Exeunt_ SCHMOCK _and_ KORB.]

COLONEL.

And now, dear lady, explain this whole conversation; it concerns me intimately enough.

ADELAIDE.

Senden spoke tactlessly to outsiders about his relations with you and your household. This young man had overheard some of it, and also had notes written by Senden in his possession, which contained unsuitable expressions. I thought it best to get these notes out of his hands.

COLONEL.

I want you to let me have those letters, Adelaide.

ADELAIDE (_entreating_).

Why, Colonel?

COLONEL.

I won't get angry, girl.