A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume I Part 5

TA. Yea, that I can well purvey, As good as ever you put to your nose, For there is a false wench called Rose Distilleth a quart every day.

SEN. By G.o.d! I would a pint of that Were poured even upon thy pate Before all this presence.

TA. Yet I had liever she and I Were both together secretly In some corner in the spence; For, by G.o.d, it is a pretty girl!

It is a world[19] to see her whirl, Dancing in a round; O Lord G.o.d! how she will trip!

She will bounce it, she will whip, Yea, clean above the ground!

HU. Well, let all such matters pa.s.s, I say, And get thee hence, and go thy way About this other matter.

TA. Then I go straight; lo! fare ye well.

SEN. But look yet thou remember every deal That I spake of full ere.

TA. Yes, I warrant you, do not fear.

[_Exit Taverner_.

HU. G.o.d's Lord! seest not who is here now?

What, Studious Desire! what news with you?

STU. Ye shall know, sir, ere I go.

SEN. What, art thou here? I see well, I, The mo knaves the worse company.

STU. Thy lewd conditions thou dost still occupy, As thou art wont to do.

HU. But, I say, who is this here in presence?

STU. Sir, this is the man called Experience, That I spake of before.

HU. Experience! why, is this he?

Sir, ye are right welcome unto me And shall be evermore!

EX. Sir, I thank you thereof heartily, But I a.s.sure you faithfully I have small courage here to tarry, As long as this man is here.

SEN. Why, wh.o.r.eson! what ailest at me?

EX. For thou hast ever so lewd a property, Science to despise, and yet thou art he That nought canst nor nought wilt learn.

SEN. Marry, avaunt, knave! I make G.o.d avow, I think myself as cunning as thou, And that shall I prove shortly!

I shall put thee a question now; come near, Let me see how well thou canst answer: How spellest this word Tom Couper In true orthography?

EX. Tom Couper, quotha? a wise question hardly!

SEN. Yea, I tell thee again yet--Tom Couper, how spellest it?

Lo! he hath forgotten, ye may see, The first word of his _a b c_.

Hark, fool, hark, I will teach thee, P.a--pa.--t.e.r--ter--do together Tom Couper.

Is not this a sore matter?

Lo! here you see him proved a fool!

He had more need to go to school, Than to come hither to clatter.

STU. Certain, this is a solution Meet for such a boy's question.

HU. Sensual Appet.i.te, I pray thee Let pa.s.s all trifles and vanity For a while, it shall not long be, And depart, I thee require; For I would talk a word or two With this man here, ere he hence go, For to satisfy my desire.

SEN. Why, Gog's soul! will ye so shortly Break pointment with yonder company, Where you should come to supper?

I trust you will not break promise so.

HU. I care not greatly, if I do; It is but a tavern matter.

SEN. Then will I go show them what you say.

HU. Spare not, if thou wilt go thy way, For I will here tarry.

SEN. Then adieu for a while, I tell you plain, But I promise you, when I come again, I shall make yonder knaves twain To repent and be sorry!

EX. Now I am full glad that he is gone!

STU. So am I, for good will he do none To no man living.

But this is the man with whom ye shall, I trust, be well content withal, And glad of his coming; For he hath expound cunningly Divers points of cosmography, In few words and short clause.

HU. So I understand he hath good science, And that he hath by plain experience Learned many a strange cause.

STU. Yea, sir, and I say for my part, He is the cunningest man in that art That ever I could find; For ask what question ye will do, How the earth is round, or other mo, He will satisfy your mind.

EX. Why, what doubt have ye therein found?

Think ye the earth should not be round?

Or else how suppose ye?

HU. One way it is round, I must consent, For this man proved it evident; Toward the east and occident It must needs round be.

EX. And likewise from the south to north.

HU. That point to prove were some thank worth.

EX. Yes, that I can well prove,[20]

For this ye know as well as I, Ye see the North Star in the sky, Mark well, ye shall unneth it spy, That ever it doth remove.

But this I a.s.sure you, if you go Northward an hundredth mile or two, Ye shall think it riseth, And how that it is near approached The point over the top of your head, Which is called your zenith.

Yet if ye go the other way, Southward ten or twelve days' journey, Ye shall then think anon It descended, and come more nigh The circle parting the earth and sky, As ye look straight with your eye, Which is called your horizon; But ye may go southward so far, That at the last that same star Will seem so far down right, Clear underneath your horizon, That sight thereof can you have none, The earth will stop your sight.

This proveth of necessity That the earth must needs round be: This conclusion doth it try.

HU. Now that is the properest conclusion That ever I heard, for by reason No man may it deny.

But, sir, if that a man sail far Upon the sea, will then that star Do there as on the ground?

EX. Yea, doubtless, sail northward, rise it will, And sail southward, it falleth still, And that proveth the sea round.

STU. So doth it in mine opinion; But know you any other conclusion To prove it round, save that alone?

EX. Yea, that I know right well, As thus: mark well when the sea is clear, That no storm nor wave thereon doth 'ppear, This mariners can tell; Then if a fire be made on night Upon the sh.o.r.e, that giveth great light, And a s.h.i.+p in the sea far, They in the top the fire see shall, And they on hatch nothing at all, Yet they on hatches be near; Also on the sea, where men be sailing Far from land, they see nothing But the water and the sky; Yet when they draw the land more near, Then the hill-tops begin to appear, Still they near more high and high, As though they were still growing fast Out of the sea till, at last, When they come the sh.o.r.e to, They see the hill, top, foot, and all; Which thing so could not befal, But the sea lay round also.

HU. Methinketh your argument somewhat hard.

EX. Then ye shall have it more plainly declared, If ye have great desire; For here, lo, by mine instruments, I can show the plain experiments.

HU. Thereto I you require.

EX. With all my heart it shall be done; But for the first conclusion, That I speak of the fire, Be this the sea that is so round, And this the fire upon the ground, And this the s.h.i.+p that is here; You know well that a man's sight Can never be but in a line right.

HU. Just you say; that is clear.

EX. Mark well then; may not that man's eye.

[_Eight leaves are here wanting_.]

IGNORANCE. With arguing here their foolish [saws]

That is not worth three straws.

I love not this wh.o.r.eson 'losophers, Nor this great cunning extromers, That tell how far it is to the stars; I hate all manner cunning!

I would ye knew it, I am Ignorance!

A lord I am of greater puissance Than the king of England or France, Yea, the greatest lord living!

I have servants at my retinue, That long to me, I a.s.sure you, Herewith in England, That with me, Ignorance, dwell still, And term of life continue will, Above five hundred thousand.

SEN. Gog's nails, I have paid some of them, I trow.

IGN. Why, man, what aileth thee so to blow?

SEN. For I was at a shrewd fray.

IGN. Hast thou any of them slain, then?

SEN. Yea, I have slain them every man, Save them that ran away.

IGN. Why, is any of them scaped and gone?

SEN. Yea, by Gog's body, every one, All that ever were there.

IGN. Why, then, they be not all slain.

SEN. No, but I have put some to pain, For one wh.o.r.eson there was, that turned again, And straight I cut off his ear.

IGN. Then thou hast made him a cutpurse.

SEN. Yea, but yet I served another worse!

I smote off his leg by the hard a.r.s.e, As soon as I met him there.

IGN. By my troth, that was a mad deed!

Thou shouldst have smit off his head, Then he should never have troubled thee more.

SEN. Tus.h.!.+ then I had been but mad, For there was another man that had Smit off his head before!

IGN. Then thou hast quit thee like a tall knight!

SEN. Yea, that I have, by this light!

But, I say, can you tell me right Where became my master?

IGN. What, he that you call Humanity?

SEN. Yea.

IGN. I wot never, except he be Hid here in some corner.

SEN. Gog's body! and true ye say, For yonder, lo! behold, ye may See where the mad fool doth lie.

IGN. Now, on my faith and truth, It were even great alms To smite his head from his body!

SEN. Nay, G.o.d forbid ye should do so, For he is but an innocent, lo!

In manner of a fool.